Original air date: ??/??/89

This episode has Malkill in it. It doesn't have any other major video game characters in it though.

Synopsis

Lana eats an apple with a deep sleep potion on it and goes into a warp zone. Mother Brain tells Kevin that she's in Castle Ironspire. After arriving, it's discovered that it was all a lie and the princess is really in the Nightmare Zone with the other N-Team members. Kevin, Simon, and Duke go into it and escape, only to use the apples on Mother Brain and her servants.

Character difference

Malkill: In Wizards and Warriors, Malkill has a beard and is much older. In the show, he's short, and his right foot is that of some animal.

Intro commercial

Kevin: (Cut a bit on tape)


Narrator: In her secret lair, within the frightful world of Metroid, the evil villainess Mother Brain asks a burning question of her all-knowing computer mind mirror...

Mother Brain: Metroid Mirror, on the wall, am I the cutest of them all?

[The mirror turns on and shows Mother Brain on it]

Metroid Mirror: Princess Lana is the cutest chick, you're so ugly you make me sick.

Mother Brain: What do you know, twerp?

[The image sticks it's tongue out, Mother Brain zaps it and it screams and breaks]

Mother Brain: I will be the most beautiful woman in Videoland! [Her servants look up, terrified] And you, Eggplant Wizard, are going to help me do it.

[He blinks and looks around]

Eggplant Wizard: Me?

Mother Brain: Yes, you. You can start by making me an apple!

Eggplant Wizard: Uh, whatever you say, Mother Brain. [Makes his staff appear and chants] Magic words with which I grapple, make this brain a big, juicy apple. [He makes a beam that turns Mother Brain into an apple]

Mother Brain: You idiot! I don't want to be an apple, I want to have an apple!

Eggplant Wizard: Cool off, Mother Brain, or you'll become a baked apple. I can turn a princess into a pumpkin, a prince to a ham on rye, turning you back to normal is as easy as apple pie. [He makes another beam turn Mother Brain into a piece of apple pie. Mother Brain picks him up and shakes him around a bit in the air]

King Hippo: Hey, you look pretty tasty, Mother Brain. Can I have a slice?

Mother Brain: Shut up and change me back!

Eggplant Wizard: If you don't turn back to normal in the spell of this magical chant, I'm turning in my wizard's branch because I'm one bad eggplant. [The beam changes Mother Brain back] Phew. [An apple appears and bounces off his head and Mother Brain catches it]

Mother Brain: That's better. Now Dr. Wily, I want you to make me a deep sleep potion.

Dr. Wily: Hmm...

Mother Brain: I've got a little surprise for that cute princess Lana. [Tosses the apple to Wily and laughs]

Narrator: Later, at the Palace of Power...

[In a kitchen]

Kevin: I learned this recipe from my uncle Lenny back in New York. Trust me princess, this is gonna be the coolest thing you ever tasted.

Lana: What exactly, is a pizza?

Kevin: Oh, this is no ordinary pizza, [He spins the dough and puts it on the wood] it's a Captain N Special. N for nuts, [puts nuts on] N for nectarines, [Puts some on, Duke looks excited] N for nachos. [Duke grabs it] And N for "No!" [Duke runs and Kevin chases him]

Lana: [laughs] I think you better rename it the Duke Special.

Kevin: Duke, you come back here with that or I'll make a pizza out of you! Whoa! [He trips and ends up all messy on the ground]

[The doorbell rings]

Lana: There's someone at the door. [walks out]

[Lana opens the door. Eggplant Wizard is disguised as a poor person]

Lana: Yes?

Eggplant Wizard: Uh, buy an apple for the pool soul? Only twenty-five cents.

Lana: I don't think so. I'm having, um, pizza for lunch.

[By a table]

Kevin: Go ahead you four-legged little thief! I dare ya' to eat that. [Duke does and burps]

Lana: On second thought, that apple is beginning to sound pret-ty good. [Pays Eggplant Wizard and closes the door. Eggplant Wizard trips as he walks away]

Kevin: Sorry about that, princess.

Lana: Don't worry about the pizza, Kevin. I just bought my lunch. [Eats part of the apple. Looks scared] Kevin! [It blurs and she falls over]

[The apple bounces and a warp opens, sending Lana in and disappears]

Kevin: Princess! [Mother Brain's image appears] What have you done to the princess?

Mother Brain: What's the matter? Don't you like fairy tales? You remember this one: The beautiful princess eats the poisoned apple and falls into a deep sleep, [Points at Kevin] and the handsome prince, ha, I suppose that's you, has to wake her out of the spell.

Kevin: It's also the one where the prince destroys the ugly witch, isn't it?

Eggplant Wizard: That's the one.

Mother Brain: Shut up, you mental midget! You'd better hurry, Captain N. The princess is in Castle Ironspire. And if she isn't awakened before midnight, she'll sleep forever! [laughs and disappears. Kevin zaps at the fading image, but nothing happens]

[In a picture gallery]

Kid Icarus: Simonius, what're you doin'?

[Simon hands a portrait with a cover]

Simon: I'm adding another painting to the royal portraits. They obviously forgot the most important one. [He unveils it. It's of him] Beautiful, isn't it?

Mega Man: I think it's slightly crooked.

Simon: Really? [He moves in to adjust it, but the stepladder slips and he falls off with the picture in hand] Oh! Ow! [His head is through the portrait] I've been framed!

[Kevin runs in]

Kid Icarus: What's the matter, Kevinicus?

Kevin: Mother Brain put a sleeping spell on the princess. She's been warped to Castle Ironspire.

Mega Man: Ironspire? That's on Excalibur, the land of Wizards and Warriors.

Kevin: I know. It's a tough world, but we've gotta get her out of there.

Simon: Did you say sleeping spell? Like the kind where the beautiful princess has to be kissed by a handsome prince to wake her up?

Kevin: Yeah, so?

Simon: I don't know how to break this to you Captain N, but the fairy tale rule book is quite clear on these matters. I am the handsomest, so I must find the princess and kiss her.

Kevin: There's no time to argue. I can use all the help I can get. You two stay here and guard the palace.

Kid Icarus: Yes siracus. [salutes]

Kevin: [whistles] Duke, here boy.

[Duke walks in slowly and hiccups]

Kevin: Serves you right for eating the whole thing. Come on, we're goin' to Excalibur. [Kevin jump in the warp. Duke follows]

Simon: Wait for me. [Runs and jumps into the warp]

Narrator: Across the vastness of Videoland, on the mystical world of Excalibur...

[In a forest, Kevin and Duke are on a high branch. Simon appears]

Simon: Get this off! [Kevin gets the portrait and drops it] Whoa.

Kevin: It's been a while since I've played this game. I think that's the way to Castle Ironspire. Come on, Duke. [Duke jumps into Kevin's arms. Kevin uses the power pad to jump down the branches of the tree] Get the lead out Simon!

[Simon is climbing down slowly]

Simon: Show off. Simon Belmont can climb trees as well as any teenager with a power pad. [Slips and bounces on the branches] Ouch! [Lands flat in a mud puddle. He lifts his head up] If you're a good boy, I may teach you that trick someday.

Kevin: Hah, I look forward to it.

[Simon falls back down]

[Kevin jumps on stumps; Duke follows. Simon swings by with his whip]

Simon: So long, Captain N. [Stops on a branch] Looks like I'll be seeing her loveliness before you. And when I do, I'll give her a great, [A werewolf drops in next to him] big [makes kissing motions. The werewolf howls. Simon grabs it and kisses it. He then opens his eyes and the wolf howls angrily] Ahh! [The wolf claws at him. Simon ducks, but the claw hits his backpack and objects drop from it. Kevin sees the objects]

Kevin: Simon, what's going on up there?

[Simon drops upside down, but hangs]

Simon: Nothing to worry about. Just a werewolf!

[The werewolf prepares to claw Simon. Kevin zaps it and it becomes a gem and falls]

Kevin: It was just an illusion, [examines the gem] like most everything in this crazy world. Probably whipped up by the evil wizard Malkill.

Simon: It might have been an illusion... [thinks] But it kissed like a werewolf.

Kevin: We'll need as many of these gems that we can get our hands on.

[Simon unties the whip and falls in the water]

Simon: Ah! [Comes out] Ha. I should've known you were in this for the money.

Kevin: Don't be an airhead. We have to have something valuable if we're going to bribe the guard to Castle Ironspire.

Simon: The only thing Simon Belmont needs is brains, and I've plenty of those right here.

Kevin: Amazing they can fit inside that sly old head of yours. Come on! We're losing time. [Jumps off]

Simon: If I'm going to get to the princess first, I'll need to make sure Captain N is unavoidably detained.

Narrator: As Simon Belmont plots an advantage for himself, the evil sorcerer Malkill makes plans of his own...

Malkill: Yes. This one will do. I won't have any trouble manipulating his feeble mind. [Walks over to get a skull. He goes over to another table and opens the skull] Powder frog brain, a jelly rat corpse, hurry now, to the deadly Dwarf Warp. [laughs as a frog jump out. The frog goes into a warp]

[Back in the forest, the frog hops out in front of them]

Simon: Stand back. Simon Belmont will take care of this deadly beast. [Gets a golf club out]

Kevin: Wait a minute. Don't you think that's the wrong weapon for the job?

Simon: You're absolutely right. [He throws the club, gets a bazooka out, and aims]

Kevin: Get real, will ya' Simon? [He pushes Simon away from aiming]

[Duke sniffs at the frog. It changes into a green key]

Kevin: It's a magic key. It looks just like the one that opens the door to the next level, but there's something weird about it.

Simon: That's nothing for you to be concerned about. [grabs the key and pushes Kevin back]

Kevin: Huh? [A door appears and opens behind him in the path he's going. He falls in] Simon! No! [Duke runs up. Kevin drops down and grabs a root. He sees it's a deep pit]

Simon: I'm doing this for your own good, Captain N. Rescuing princesses is a man's job. [Duke growls as he fixes his hair] Shut up. [Walks away]

[Duke looks back in]

Kevin: Simon, wait! It's a trap! I just remembered, there are no green keys on Excalibur.

Simon: Ah ha. [Sees a house with a green door] That's what I've been looking for. A green door, a green key. [Puts the key in the door. It opens] Only a mental dwarf wouldn't be able to figure out this is the door to the next level. [Enters] Yoo-hoo. Anyone home?

Slimey: Nobody but us mental dwarves. [Warps in from the floor] Slip me five, dude. [He does to Simon and it leaves slime on his hands]

Simon: Eww! Slime!

Slimey: That's me. I'm Slimey. [A snake-man jumps on Simon] And this is Snakey.

Simon: Yeow!

[A bunch of smoke forms a smoke-man]

Slimey: And that's Smokey.

[Smokey runs around Simon, letting off smoke causing Simon to cough]

[A skeleton enters]

Slimey: And Boney...

[A guy with a giant pair of smiling teeth jumps out of a wood bucket]

Slimey: And Toothy...

[Toothy bites Simon's leg]

Simon: Yeow!

[A big bee-man comes out and aims for Simon]

Slimey: And Stingy...

[Simon gets stung in the neck]

Simon: Ooh!

[The wall breaks as a big guy enters]

Slimey: And last, but definitely not least, is Tiny.

[Tiny grabs Simon. Simon looks scared]

Slimey: We're the seven Warp Dwarves, and you must be lunch!

[They all cheer. Tiny puts Simon on a table and holds him there. The rest gather around]

{Commercial break}

Narrator: As Captain N and Simon Belmont face untold dangers back on Excalibur, Mega Man and Kid Icarus stand guard at the Palace of Power...

Kid Icarus: Do you think Kevinicus and Simonius have found her highnicus yet?

Mega Man: I hope so. I've got a feeling something mega bad is about to happen.

[The TV is all fuzzy for a bit, then "attention" shows. Eggplant Wizard is then shown with "News" next to him]

Eggplant Wizard: We interrupt this program to bring you a special eggplant bulletin. The Palace of Power is under attack.

Kid Icarus: What's he talking about? There's no one here but usicus.

Eggplant Wizard: That's what you think. [He and King Hippo jump out of the TV]

Kid Icarus: How did you do that?

Eggplant Wizard: With Dr. Wily's newest invention: The TV warp zone remote control. [Holds it up]

[King Hippo walks forward]

Mega Man: Let me at him. [King Hippo stops him with his glove] I'll mega punch him, and mega kick him, and mega chop him! [He tries to do all that while being held in place]

King Hippo: Yeah, and I'm gonna give ya' a mega belly bump! [He does and it sends Mega Man over the table, far back]

Kid Icarus: All right you rotten eggplanticus, you're gonna serve time in the palace jail.

Eggplant Wizard: I'm gonna serve you first. [Makes his staff a tennis racket and hits Kid Icarus over the table. He hits Mega Man] And now, for my Mackintosh backhand. [Gets out two apples. Mega Man and Kid Icarus stand. Eggplant Wizard hits the apples at them]

Mega Man and Kid Icarus: Hey! [They bite them and fall. The warp opens under them and they go in]

Eggplant Wizard: [Makes a banana phone] This is Eggplant Wizard calling big Mama Brain. Mission accomplished.

[Back at the door, Duke whimpers]

Kevin: Eh, eww, the only thing I hate more than spiders are giant spiders! [Two spiders descend, he kicks at the spiders. He tries to reach his belt but can't] Think, Kevin. Think. What would you do if you were sitting at your TV now playing Wizards and Warriors? Oh, you'd probably lose. [He swings around and manages to jump high past the spiders] You! [He gras the big web and climbs. The spiders follow. He reaches for the door, but can't quite reach it. He jumps to the right to dodge the spiders. Duke pulls him out. He closes the door] Thanks, Duke. Man, I've never pulled a stunt like that on the old tube. Not bad, huh? [Duke licks him]

Lana: Kevin! It's horrible. Please, come quickly! [Disappears]

Kevin: Lana! The princess is in trouble, Duke.

Simon: Help!

Kevin: And so is Simon. [Runs to the voice]

[At the house, Simon is tied up and the dwarves go at him. Toothy bites Simon's leg, Tiny sucks in the rope. Kevin kicks the door open]

Kevin: Freeze! [They look up at him]

Slimey: Hey guys, it's a showdown. We love showdowns. [They all move to face Kevin]

Kevin: It's only fair that I tell you, I'm the fastest zapper this side of my TV screen.

Slimey: Oh yeah? Well it's only fair that we tell you, [They all flash and now have cowboy clothes on] we're the magnificent seven. Warp dwarves, that is.

[Simon falls off the table. The dwarves encircle Kevin. Kevin moves right with the pad to dodge a blast. Boney gets hit and turns into a gem. Tiny zaps at Kevin. Kevin jumps over it and it hits Smokey who becomes a gem. Slimey zaps at Kevin. Kevin jumps it with the pad and it hits Stingy and Tiny who become coins. Kevin lands by Simon]

Kevin: Simon, don't just sit there like a Thanksgiving turkey. Give me a hand.

Simon: Yes. Well, I'd love to, but I'm tied up at the moment. [Kevin zaps the ropes and Simon gets up]

[Simon walks over to Toothy and Snakey. Toothy walks behind Simon. Simon gets his whip and wraps it around the beam and the two zap each other and become valuables. Simon lands and blows on his whip. Slimey walks out behind Kevin]

Slimey: Ha! I got you now, tall person.

Kevin: [puts his hands up] We know when we're licked, don't we Duke?

[Duke licks his lips and barks. He walks over to Slimey and licks him]

Slimey: No! Ooh! Hey! Careful with my slime! [He melts and becomes a pile of valuables]

Kevin: Way to slurp, Duke.

[Kevin and Simon look at and admire the valuables]

{Commercial break}

Narrator: After a long and treacherous journey, Captain N and Simon reach the sinister Castle Ironspire.

Guard: Halt! No one enters Castle Ironspire and lives.

Kevin: But we're prepared to pay.

Guard: I don't accept credit cards.

Kevin: How about gold and jewels? [He and Simon get them out]

Guard: [Takes off his helmet] Well, why didn't ya' say so? Go right in and make yourselves at home. [He stands aside with his payment. They walk in]

Kevin: There isn't much time left, come on. [They run up the stairs.] Princess!

[They arrive in the room with Lana sleep. Lightning strikes outside. Kevin looks at the clock]

Kevin: It's almost midnight, I've got to kiss her quick. [Does. Nothing happens]

Simon: Ha. You couldn't wake up a frog with a kiss like that. [Combs his hair] Let a real man show you how it's done.

Kevin: You look great. Now kiss her already, will ya'?

[Simon does. Nothing happens]

Kevin: I don't get it. It's not working.

Simon: Maybe it's my breath.

[Duke whimpers and licks Lana]

Kevin: Oh, it's no use. She's just not waking up. [Looks at the clock] It's too late.

[Duke looks sad. Mother Brain's image appears]

Mother Brain: You cannot wake up the princess, you fools.

Kevin: Mother Brain. But you said all we had to do is kiss her.

Mother Brain: Yes. Wasn't that romantic? I lied of course.

[Malkill's image appears]

Kevin: Malkill. I shoulda known you were part of this.

Malkill: You're lovely princess is in the Nightmare Zone. And all you have to do to rescue her is have a bite. [laughs] But be careful, because in the Nightmare Zone your worst nightmares will come to haunt you. [laughs]

Mother Brain: And the price for failure is never waking up. [she and Malkill fade]

[Simon gets an apple. A worm pops out]

Simon: No way am I eating one of these things.

Kevin: Do what you want. I'm going after the princess. [Takes a bite and gets warped out]

[Duke bites one and gets warped out]

Simon: I can't let Captain N rescue the princess. It'll ruin my reputation. [Looks at the apple] Oh well, maybe just a little bite. [The worm pops out and bites his nose] Yeow! [Gets warped out]

[Mother Brain and Malkill watch]

Mother Brain: The fools. Don't they know an apple a day keeps the N-Team away? [laughs]

[In the Nightmare Zone, Kevin and Duke are walking]

Kevin: Hello?

Lana: No. Stay away Kevin.

Kevin: Princess.

[She turns around and has Mother Brain's face. Kevin gasps]

Lana: I turned into a monster. I'm too horrible to look at. [Puts her hands over her face]

Kevin: No. It's just a bad dream. [Lana is normal]

Lana: Oh, Kevin. [Hugs him]

Kevin: Don't worry, princess. There must be a warp zone around here somewhere. [Sees a door with brightness] There's a light over there. [They run to it]

Lana: Where are we?

[They look around. It's a bedroom]

Kevin: It's my bedroom. I'm home.

Kevin's Mother: Kevin. I thought I told you to clean up your room.

[Kevin shrugs and gets some shirts on the floor. He opens his closet door. A lot of stuff falls out on him]

Kevin: Ow! I don't remember putting this much junk in my closet.

[Duke puts some shoes under the bed. The shoes and other footwear walk out and laugh. Kevin opens his dresser doors. Clothes fly out]

Kevin: Not the dresser, too!

Lana: I don't get it, Kevin. How could someone so organized in the Videoworld be so disorganized in his own bedroom? [Drops a can into the trash bin. The can jumps out along with other things]

Kevin: Wait a minute. That's it. Maybe I can zap my junk away. [He zaps at some of the things, but nothing happens. They fly around] This dream is nuts. Let's get out of here. [All the junk's formed a monster. They leave] Whoa. That was too gross.

Lana: We've got to find a warp zone out of this world.

Kevin: I second the notion.

[At a stage, Simon walks by]

Simon: Ha. I knew there was nothing to worry about. This isn't such a nightmarish place. [A spotlight shines on him]

Announcer: And here he is, ladies and gentlemen. There's our next contestant in the Mr. Videoland Universe: Simon, the body, Belmont. [Simon's upper clothes fly off. His backpack remains]

Simon: [flexes] Nightmare nothing. This is one terrific dream. Hmm... Sounds like something's leaking. Huh? [His arms lose the muscle] Yipe! Not my beautiful teeth! [His teeth fly out] What? Look at me! Simon Belmont's never had a pimple! [He does now. His hairs fly out] No! Get back where you belong you stupid hair! [The crowd laughs at him. He looks in the mirror] Oh my. Look at me. I'm... I'm... Disgusting! Yah! [Runs away. He trips over Mega Man, who's covered in ice, and Kid Icarus with an arrow in him] What a horrible dream I had.

Kid Icarus: Me tooicus. I dreamt my bow attacked me.

Mega Man: And I dreamt Ice Man gave me a m-m-m-mega dose of his f-f-freeze ray.

Kevin: There you are.

Kid Icarus: You found her highnicus.

Mega Man: Now we can leave this mega nightmare.

Lana: We've checked everywhere. There isn't a warp zone in this world.

Kevin: Mother Brain may be right. I think we may be stuck here forever.

Simon: This is all your fault. If you hadn't made me eat that rotten apple, I never would've entered this sleepless nightmare.

Kevin: Wait a minute. There may be a warp zone into and out of this world. We woke up in this world by going to sleep in the real world.

Lana: So, if we go to sleep in this world, we might wake up back in the real world.

Kevin: Then again, if I'm wrong, we could wind up in a worse nightmare.

Simon: I don't care. I'll do anything to get my looks back. [He lies down and gets a teddy bear out]

Narrator: Later, at the Palace of Power, Mother Brain and her evil comrades celebrate their ill-gotten victory.

Malkill: To queen Mother Brain.

Eggplant Wizard, King Hippo, and Dr. Wily: Hip hip, hooray!

[The doorbell rings]

Eggplant Wizard: Uh, someone at the door. [Walks over to the door] Uh, who's there? [Sees a short man]

Man: I bring a gift to the new ruler of Videoland.

[Eggplant Wizard opens the door. The man walks in, pulling a wagon with apples in it]

Eggplant Wizard: Hey, look everybody. A gift from our humble subjects.

[Kevin and the others jump out]

Kevin: Guess again, vegetable brain.

Mother Brain: The N-Team!

Kevin: A plus, Mother Brain.

[Kid Icarus fires an apple. King Hippo eats it and falls onto Wily]

Malkill: Foolish humans. I've got to teach you a lesson.

Lana: And I've got an apple for the teacher. [Throws one at Malkill. He eats it and sleeps and snores]

[Kevin juggles apples in front of Mother Brain]

Mother Brain: Ha. I'm surrounded with protective glass. Your apples can't hurt me. [Kevin throws them at the glass]

Kevin: Not apples, Mother Brain. Apple juice!

[The water turns white]

Mother Brain: No! [sleeps]

[All the evil ones fly into a warp. The N-Team cheers]

Kevin: That should give them nightmares for a while.

Lana: Videoland owes you another debt of gratitude.

Kevin: That won't be necessary, princess. But there is one thing.

Lana: What is it?

Kevin: Well, I was kind of disappointed when I didn't get to wake you up with a kiss.

Lana: Well, I'm glad you never got the chance, Kevin. [Kisses him] Because I'd much rather get kissed while I'm awake.

Simon: That's not fair. I came to your rescue too. Where's my kiss? [Duke barks and jumps and starts to lick him. The others laugh] Poison!

End