No, really.

Just a few minutes ago, a family or two came to my house and caroled. Talk about intimidating! I just stood there with this really dumb look on my face as they sung some song for a few minutes. After the culmination of this dreadful ritual, they blessed me and gave me a little retard version of the New Testement.

Now, don't get me wrong - it was kinda nice. And one or two of the chicks were really hot to boot. But it did make me remember the true meaning of Christmas - capitalism.

To start with, Christmas is a pagan holiday. Of course, I'm sure that most people know that. But for those who don't, here's the story, as I remember it.

Some Roman emperor (who's name I couldn't remember to save my life)had kinda recently become a Christian. To this end, as well as take a strike at one of the pagan religions (I think it was Minerva), he proclaimed December 25 as the birth of Christ. Of course, the fact that that day was already being used for some fertility day from the religion he took it from was of little consequence.

Of course, I'm probably wrong about some of the particulars, but that's what I heard.

In either case, it really does shoot holes on the whole day of Christ's birth thing. T'was all politics - go figure.

Of course, to most people Christmas isn't the birth of Christ or the politics of the whole thing - it's the loot.

I don't know what started that whole thing, but peace and brotherly love fit in there someplace. Right between isle 28 and 29 (ask a convieniently placed store representitive for directions). No really, it's a good idea. Since we can't get along any other part of the year, maybe, just maybe we can be generally decent to one another for just one day. No... that's just wishful thinking.

And besides, who can really think about peace on Earth and goodwill blah blah blah when they're fighting tooth and nail to get that action figure for little Johnny? I swear, I just barrackade myself indoors after Thanksgiving - it's the only safe place ot be.

I suppose what I hate most about the season is the fakeness of it all. If we all were really good people we'd be like this all year, all friendly and considerate. I mean, folks don't give me retard Bibles in July. No one even looks at me until mid-November or so. It's like they grudgingly make places in their hearts for a month or so just to prove what good people they are. Makes me want to puke.

This season is probably summed up nicely by a Clavin and Hobbes strip I read years back. Something like how lovely it was to have such an endearing message brought to you by Budweiser and professional Boxing.

I mean, it's all like 'Love your brother, goodwill towards man, and while you're thinking about it max out all your credit cards'. People are so spoiled and petty. They've even got a mascot who'll let kids sit on his lap (doesn't THAT sound pleasant) and let them rattle off that list they've been making since last year to him. Hope mom's listening...

So what do I want for Christmas?

My fucking sense of dignity back.