It's been said that dreams are the plague of our unconsciousness messing with our heads.

It's also been said that dreams are really reality, while life as we know it is the real dream.

Which ever it is, dreams are just about some of the most interesting things we have in this life. In them we can fly, love, or whatever. Mine aren't usually that cut and dry (as I suspect most of us are). There are numerous books out there to help us interpret our dreams into cognitive thoughts dealing with the future - a whole slew of them (even own one myself - 'twas an impulse thing).

What I'm going to do here is catalogue some of my more interesting dreams, as I remember them - not for any philosophical reference, but as pure entertainment - which is mostly what I equate my dreams to being.

Enjoy the one part of my life that I can truly say is stranger than the rest of me...

I heard tonight (this morning) that Newt Gingrich was retiring from politics. Other than the obvious reasons for my celebration of this fact, this one stands out in my mind the most...

I was wandering around Wal-Mart (a Southern born K-Mart) when, for no known reason (to my knowledge) Mr. Gingrich - dressed up in a pink tutu and wielding a magic wand started chasing me around the electronics department. I don't know why - all I know is that he was trying his damnedest to smite me with that wand...

Later, in the same dream, I was actually a cinematic hero trying to save the world from a coven of warlocks, led by Leslie Nealson (yes, the actor). I don't remember if I succeeded or not, but I suspect that if I did I wouldn't really have all that much to brag about...

I swore off microwave pizza before bedtime for months after that as a result.

That does it - m'swearing off just about anything edible before sleepy-time again...

Earlier this week, after listening to some absolutly vivid descriptions of homosexual relationships from a friend of mine (mayhaps I should swear talking to him off beofre bedtime too) I had one of the most horrible dreams I've had in quite the time.

I can't recall may of the details (and the ones I do recall are rather indescribable), so all I can say about it is that I was a participant/voyeur of some sort of gay bondage fetish movie. I do remember some of the details of this, but due to the content thereof, I won't go into anything here (there's fuckin' kids here!).

But nothing so 'mundane ' could survive in the mind of the Lemon Merchant without becoming further tainted with absolute strangeness, so before long the entire thing degenreated into a cannabalistic zombie bloodbath. I think it was me that kept his eyes shut through the entire thing (yet was somehow able to see everything). Fortunatly, before anything else could happen, I did indeed wake up.

Not that stuff ended there - for the next couple of hours, I could swear that something was watching me. Damndest creepy thing I've ever experienced (including my pseudo-psychic grocery store encounter). Oh well - at least there were no wand-wielding politicians this time...

I really had this dream earlier this week (or sometime last week), but am only getting around to putting it down here now - ya'see, I've been pretty lazy this week.

I really can't remember most of this one either, but it cumulated with one of my best friend's girlfriend (who, for the purpose of the dream, was an actress) and this other girl (who was also an actress of some sort) having a tug of war over who was the better actress of the two.

Of course, that would be too easy... instead of using their hands and arms, they used their eyes (you can see the wackiest things in your dreams...).

So here are these two gorgeous women, rope attached to their eyes, reenacting scenes from commercials they had done in the past. I don't remember who won, but I have to admit, it was pretty interesting...