Men Are Like....



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Men are like.....Coffee.
 The best ones are rich, warm, full-bodied, and can keep you up all night long.
  

Men are like.....Blenders.
You need one, but you're not sure why.

   Men are like...Coolers.
 Load them up with beer and you can take them anywhere.   

Men are like.....Copiers.
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.   

Men are like.....Curling Irons.
They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.   

Men are like.....Government Bonds.
They take so long to mature.

   Men are like.....High Heels.
They're easy to walk on once you get used to them.   

Men are like.....Horoscopes.
 they always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.   

Men are like.....Lawn Mowers.
 If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding him.   

Men are like.....Lava Lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.   

Men are like.....Laxatives.
They irritate the shit out of you.

   Men are like.....Mascara.
 they usually run at the first sign of emotion.

   Men are like.....Mini Skirts.
 If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs.   

Men are like.....Noodles.
  They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.   

Men are like.....Plungers.
They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.

Men are like.....Popcorn.
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

   Men are like.....Placemats.
 they only show up when there's food on the table.   

Men are like.....Snowstorms.
You never know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get or how long he will last.

   Men are like.....Used Cars.
 Both are easy-to-get, cheap, and unreliable.  

Men are like.....Vacations.
They never seem to be long enough.

   Men are like.....Weather.
Nothing can be done to change either one of them.





Before and after you "fall in love!"

BEFORE - You take my breath away.
AFTER - I feel like I'm suffocating.

BEFORE - Twice a night.
AFTER - Twice a month.

BEFORE - She says she loves the way I take control of a situation.
AFTER - She called me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac.

BEFORE - Saturday Night Fever.
AFTER - Monday Night Football.

BEFORE - Don't stop.
AFTER - Don't start.

BEFORE - Is that all you're having?
AFTER - Maybe you should have just a salad, honey.

BEFORE - It's like I'm living in a dream.
AFTER - It's like he lives in a dorm.

BEFORE - $60/doz.
AFTER - $1.50/stem.

BEFORE - Turbocharged.
AFTER - Jumpstart.

BEFORE - We agree on everything.
AFTER - Doesn't she have a mind of her own?

BEFORE - Victoria's Secret.
AFTER - Fruit-of-the-Loom.

BEFORE - Charming and Noble.
AFTER - Chernobyl.

BEFORE - Feathers and handcuffs.
AFTER - Ball and chain.

BEFORE - Idol.
AFTER - Idle.

BEFORE - I love a woman with curves.
AFTER - I never said you were fat.

BEFORE - He's completely lost without me.
AFTER - Why won't he ever ask for directions?.

BEFORE - Time stood still.
AFTER - This relationship is going nowhere.

BEFORE - Croissant and cappuccino.
AFTER - Bagel and instant.

BEFORE - You look so seductive in black.
AFTER - Your clothes are so depressing.

BEFORE - Oysters.
AFTER - Fishsticks.

BEFORE - I can hardly believe we found each other.
AFTER - I can't believe I ended up with someone like you.

BEFORE - Passion.
AFTER - Ration.

BEFORE - Once upon a time.
AFTER - The end.


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