Disclaimer - Unfortunately, Paramount own them. Even at Christmas.
Rated R, to be on the safe side.
Tuvok The Vulcan
To the tune of 'Frosty The Snowman'.
*
Tuvok the Vulcan
Was a very stolid soul
With a raised eyebrow and a flared nostril
All the feeling he would show
Tuvok the Vulcan
Is so logical they say
He would barely show but the crew all know
How he came to life one day
There must have been
A chemical imbalance in his brain
When he arrived at the holodeck
He danced without restrain
O Tuvok the Vulcan
Was alive as he could be
And the crew all say he could laugh
And play just the same as you and me
Humpety hump hump
Humpety hump hump
Look at Tuvok go
Humpety hump hump
Humpety hump hump
Shagging the girls we know
Tuvok the Vulcan
Knew his mind had gone astray
But he said "Let's run and
we'll have some fun now before I'm beamed away."
Out of the doorway
with his doo-dah in his hand
Running fast and quick all around the ship
Saying "Catch me if you can."
He led them down the corridor
Right to the Holodoc
He only stopped when he felt a hiss
And a yell of "Shit, Tuvok!"
For Tuvok the Vulcan
Had to be stretchered away
But he waved goodbye saying "Don't you cry
I'll be back again some day - seven years, in fact."
Humpety hump hump
Humpety hump hump
Look at Tuvok go
Humpety hump hump
Humpety hump hump
Shagging the girls we know!
~FINIS
We Three Girls From Voyager Are
To the tune - I hope obviously - of 'We Three Kings...'
*
GIRLS:
We three girls from Voyager are
One in a bun and one in a bra
One with a hammer, then with a spanner
Damaging Helmboy's car
BOYS:
O girls of wonder, girls of might
Girls with still no cellulite
Homeward leading, still proceeding
Please can we shag you tonight?
JANEWAY:
Chakotay's drive is quite a big pain
Warrior tale was all in vain
Swore forever, ceasing never
Keeping his rod maintained
CHAKOTAY:
O girl of wonder, girl of might
Girl with still no cellulite
Homeward leading, still proceeding
Please can I shag you tonight?
SEVEN:
Push-up bras to offer have I
Gravity, my breasts can defy
Pleading and praising all men *raising*
Worship them, nipples high
HARRY:
O girl of wonder, girl of might
Girl with still no cellulite
Homeward leading, still proceeding
Please can I shag you tonight?
B'ELANNA:
Tom is mine: travels with a voom
Unaware of impending doom
Bat'leth swinging, Klingon singing
Soon be in a vacuum
TOM:
O girl of wonder, girl of might
Girl with still no cellulite
Homeward leading, still proceeding
Please can I shag you tonight?
GIRLS:
Glorious now behold them all rise
Watch them growing between their thighs
Alleluia, alleluia!
They are a thankful size
BOYS:
O girls of wonder, girls of might
Girls with still no cellulite
Homeward leading, still proceeding
We're going to finally shag you tonight!
~FINIS