I walk alone.
No one can keep up with me.
Whether outside for a power walk, in a mall for a power shop, even on a mountain for a power hike, I am so far ahead of the pack that I need a cell phone to speak to them.
It's not like I don't take time to stop and smell the roses, although daisies are my favorite flower, but I see and smell with the same breakneck speed with which I motor.
I'll try to get to my point here with the same speed.
I spent last night in the mall, laden with a megaload of packages in each arm, bags dangling from each hand. I've been known to do same while simultaneously kicking a box as I walked towards my car. I've honed the fine art of supershopping, but the hardest faction of this foray is hampered by 'THEM'...
You know who I mean, and you may be one.
Aisles in stores, in malls, in museums, in zoos, whatever, are normally wide enough to accomodate several people abreast. This allows for freedom of movement for those who don't wish to stop and be spit on by llamas to move ahead and view the buffalo.
But if you're wide, if you've been in the twinkie box too many times, then you are taking up more than your fair share of my space. Being large may or may not be your choice, but you have a choice not to walk down the middle of the thruway. Or if you're in a group of four, do you really have to walk side by side like a rolling roadblock on the interstate? Moreso, if you're slow, why do you choose to create traffic jams behind your behind??
You know who you are...you have a shopping cart in one half of the aisle and you're standing in the open space looking at the shelves in front of you. I stand there with my cart, patiently, looking down at my body to be absolutely sure I've not suddenly become invisible, cough a few times, and finally have to ask you to move.
Mall security should hand out strap on brake lights to you when you enter. It's required by law on our autos so that the person behind us knows when we are about to stop. In the mall, when you suddenly spy that sweater to die for and stop abruptly, someone gets a mouthful of your hair.
Highways have passing lanes for a reason, and you can be ticketed for going too slow in them. Drivers may be ticketed for blocking traffic, for stopping too suddenly, crossing lanes, for hauling wide loads without a red flag attached. This is an idea whose time has possibly come to pass for stores.
I'll gladly take my chances on a speeding ticket!
'Road Rage in the Local Maul'...film at 11!