Aquarius (Jan 23-Feb 22) You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.

Pisces (Feb 21-Mar 22) You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient and full of advice. You do nothing but piss-off everyone you come in contact with. You are a prick.

Aries (Mar 21-April 22) You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit.

Taurus (April 21-May 22) You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamned communist.

Gemini (May 21-June 22) You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.

Cancer (June 21-July 22) You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.

Leo (July 21-Aug 22) You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving motherfuckers and enjoy masturbation more than sex.

Virgo (Aug 21-Sept 22) You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your shit-picking attitude is sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

Libra (Sept 21-Oct 22) You are the artistic type and have a difficult time dealing with reality. If you are a male you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.

Scorpio (Oct 21-Nov 22) You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are the perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.

Sagittarius (Nov 21-Dec 22) You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on your luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks. You are a worthless piece of shit.

Capricorn (Dec 21-Jan 22) You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.

My Joke Page

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One day a frog came in to the bank to get a loan. He walked right up to someone and said, "Hi. My name is Kermit McJagger. I was wondering if it would be possible if I could get a loan." The man said, "McJagger, like the Rollings Stones??" "Sure," the frog said. "Well, my name's Paddywhack. Ed Paddywhack. Nice to meet you." The frog smiled. "Well Kermit," Ed replied "in order for you to receive a loan, I'm going to need some colateral." "I already thought of that," Kermit said. "Here, I have this purple ceremic elephant I can give you. I assure you it's a treasure. It's a family heirloom passed down for many generations." "Well," Paddywhack hesitated,"I'll have to check with my boss on this." Paddywhack left the room to go talk to his boss. He told him the frog's name and the situation at hand. Paddywhack's boss threw back his head and laughed. He said, "It's a knick-nack, Paddywhack! Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone!!"

~both submitted by Spankinmangogirl@excite.com~

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"The only thing that separates us from the animals is we're not scared of the vacuum cleaner." --Anonymous

"Whatever you do, take care of your shoes." --Phish

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it may be neccesary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye." --Miss Piggy

"Always borrow money from a pessimist; they don't expect to be paid back." --Anonymous

Question: "If you could live forever, would you and why?" Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever." --Miss Alabama, in the 1994 Miss Universe contest

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign

~All quotes were gathered by Joni. For more quotes, check out her Quote Page~

Joni's Quote Page

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Nothing to see here.
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One day, I might have something interesting here.  If you send me a 
picture of your ugly mug, it could go right........................
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here________________

Until then, there's really nothing to see here.
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For all of you on the left side of the plane, you can look out and see
 a beautiful list of horoscopes....