This web page was written on 2-11-2001 at 11:15pm whilst gasping for more caffeine and waiting for Cartman and his friends.

WHY I THINK TV IS FUCKING EVIL INCARNATE

Sorry for the profanity, if you're offended by that kind of thing, but I have been writing another rant for about six hours and can't get past a single paragraph. It's frustrating in the extreme and it was either this or put something hard and heavy (like my head) through the TV Screen.

You see I have an addictive personality; I thank my lucky stars I never had enough money to get deep into drugs at Uni and I wussed out of learning to smoke cigarettes at school, because I can't give things up. Like Television. 

I have tried to write, but the Simpson's, Robot Wars, The News, more news style programmes and a plethora of sit-coms have had me distracted and unthinking for best part of the day. How can I possibly be able to concentrate with the mindless gibber-box running it's mouth off behind me? 

Okay. Clever people, "turn it off" you say; but that is more difficult than you realise. Every time I hear that quick faded in and out of canned laughter, I feel like I'm missing something deeply worthwhile. If I turn the TV right off I start to get withdrawal symptoms, for real! All of a sudden the volume on everything in a ten mile area is cranked up to eleven. Dogs, cars, car alarms, creaking house noises and even the bloody wind (Not to mention the said canned laughter filtering up through the floor boards from my mother's TV, below).

I am beset with noise of all forms and natures and I must go back to the demonic, tubed beast to escape these irritations. I wish I could ignore it. I can ignore people, some boring swine sits next to me and I tune out and keep typing, only listening to the voices in my head. But TV is a form of evil mental snare, it cannot be ignored or exorcised. It has feelers that run directly into my brain and suck out my passion and drive, my lust for life and creative expression. TV is sedation for the masses, and I am no more immune than the rest of the mob.

I found myself sitting, jaw slack and drool gathering as I watched sit-coms and chuckled along with each burst of canned laughter. The more intense they made it, the more noise I made. I can't remember the jokes, if there were any, so I can't tell you if they were funny or not. I was sedated.

What scares me most is that I acknowledge the fact, yet continue to watch. I know that everything on there is at least twenty points below my IQ level. I know I could and should be doing far more constructive things with my time. That each half hour I spend slouched snickering through a drool soaked beard is another half hour of my life which I have wasted doing nothing.

And yet... Well. I could go on. But if I did, I'd miss the start of South Park. So I'll leave it, and you, there. If you wish to help drag me away and do something more constructive, Mail me at FakeID@Cyberdude.com and maybe you can tear me from the clutches of the beast.