MulGrum RedBeard
If There are any spelling mistakes, most of them will be from my poor imitation of a dwarf's acsent.
Part I
Slayer Oath
"Ahh, krud.... Me poor nephew had to get himself killed. Blast that dammned demon spawned contraption of his... I thought helping him would get it finished faster, but instead it got the poor lass killed...." sighed MulGrum to his wife. "Well, you might as well take out all o' your pain on the mine. you might actually get some mitheral out of there this time, and it might help shoothe your sorrow." simpathized his wife, NalGrum. "Aye, Mighten it will...." replied MulGrum.
As soon as he could pick up his trusty pick and shovel he was off to the mines. After hours and hours of toiling in his mine, without even digging up a copper ore, never mind mitheral ore, he thought to himself, "I can't even mine properly, and i got my nephew killed...sigh.... I am a sorry excuse for a dwarf...." Then he realized what he must do. MulGrum ran off to the forest and stripped off all his clothes execpt for a loin cloth, and took the slayer oaths. What he didn't realize before is how hard it would be to shave his beloved beard! He sat in the forest for hours going mad at the thought of cutting his precious beard. Finally he got so mad he started yanking on his hair. He pulled so hard he bled all over the place. His blood dyed his hair, instead of the traditional slayer dye. So much blood came out that if stiffend his hair into the mohawk-slayer-style hair. Then he fainted form blood loss.
When he awoke there was somthing stading over him. He instintivly reached up and punched it square in the groin. It collapsed and MulGrum got up and took it's axe and sliced it's neck. He heard the cackle of magic as the axe crunched through it's neck. The thing, he now realized was a troll, the biggest one he had ever seen!! The troll started to catch on fire then a mighty lightning blot arced from the axe into the troll just as MulGrum was wrencing the axe from the troll's splattered burning neck. "Blood and bloody flammin ashes!" MulGrum cursed, "What in the name of Griminir?!?" He thew the axe down in fear of it. He stood cowering from it fore a while, then he gathered up his courage and examined it. "Ayuh! tis of dwarven make!" he mumbled to himself, "it says: Green Skin Slayer.... hmm..." He looked over at the troll's crispy fried body and realized that the troll was actually a half breed troll/orc. "Nasty!! what could have possesed an orc to have sex with a troll?!? Bloody Flamming Hell!!"
Part II
RedBeard
MulGrum walked over to the troll and pulled off it's leg and started eating it. "I mighten as well get me belly full for breakfast. Oh well if this stuff is poisonous it wont matter, It will just help me fulfill my slayer oath...." said MulGrum to himself, "wooo.. This stuff tastes better'n me wife's cookin'!! Almost like roast gobblins!!" MulGrum sat there eating away at his new favorite food (next to ale and beer), for most of the morning. He found 10 Gold shillings in one of the troll's pouches, and a gourd of beer. He washed the roast troll flesh down with the beer. "ahhh... mighten this be the best breakfast I've ever tasted!!"
After MulGrum finished picking his teeth with troll bones, he got up and streched. "Oh krud! I've forgotten to tell me wife of me becomming a slayer...Oh well she won't miss me, I've been a failiure all my life..." MulGrum Thought to himself, "mighten as well forget me ol' life, I am a slayer now." MulGrum started to walk south, while he walk he sang a dwarven folk song "there are 1000 kegs of beer on the wall 1000 kegs of beer, chug 1 down get all drunk, 999 kegs of beer on the wall. 999 kegs of beer on the wall 999 kegs of beer, chug 1 down, get all drunk, 998 kegs of beer on the wall......."
When he finnally finished his song, hours
later, he was in sight of a small gobblin village. "Damn
Greenskins..." MulGrum thought as he started charging into
the village. His visage went red with rage and hatered as he
chopped through greenskins, magical fire igniting every one of
them, then bolts of lightning slamming into the already flamming
gobbos, that were running around like demented monkeys. When he
finally calmed down the whole village was leveled and not a
single gobbo was left unscathed. He just stood there, his blood
red beard shimmering in the sunlight. A half dead gobbo croaked
"RedBeard!!" then fell dead.
Part III
Spikes
Amazed at the sheer power of his new axe, Mulgrum stood in the burning wreakage, admiring his handy work. "Ahh, too bad me friends weren't here to see this," sighed MulGrum, "O-well..." He started to take a look at all the gobbos' belonings, not that they were worth anything, but it was worth a shot. Sometimes gobbos steal expensive things and dont get caught.... sometimes. Just as he was about to give up, the glint of mitheral caught his eye. A very large and very dead gobblin was wearing a dwarven crafted suit of armour, compleate with little spikes and a helmet with on very long spike on it. "Well, me slayer oath sayes I can't wear armour.... but this is not armour it could be considered a weapon, with all those nasty looking spikes on 'em..." He donned the suit of armour, and it fit perfectally. Well almost perfectallly, the belly part of the armour was abit too big. "O-well, I'might as well get fatter, then I can fit into this thing..." Then he noticed a liitle shack in the far end of the little burnt down (ex)gobbo village. There was a few kegs of Bugman's XXX beer!!! "ahh, I think i've avenged Bugman's brewery!!"
MulGrum sat for untill night fall drinking the good beer, than fell into drunken unconsiouness.....
....Mulgrum got up from his little beer-shack, then he noticed something strange. "Hey, I am suppoesed to have a gigantic hang over now... Haha! I am a super dwarf now! I can drink as much beer as I want now!! haha....??" he started floating away from the little clearing where the gobbo village was. " What kind of blashpomy is this?? Bloody hell!! It is demon magic!! Aaahhh....." He floated over to a mountain, cursing all the way. The "demon magic" let him down on a ledge on the mountain, next to a little cave. "about bloody time!" snifffed Mulgrum. He turned around and was staring diectly at a gigantic demon! It let out a loud roar that sent Mulgrum tumbling down the mountain, on fire. "aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh........"Then he was back at the gobo village, wide-eyed, with a gigantic hangover... Mulgrum let out a loud groan and fell back asleep.
Part IV
Avernus
Hours later, Mulgrum was entering a quaint human village, Avenus, near the beginning of the river Aver. Of course he had to pocket all the gobbos' belonings before he left. All the stuff was making his pockets buldge like a kender's! (if you don't know what a kender is read DragonLance). His bulging pockets were attracting the attention of the locals, not to mention that he was the only non-human to enter the village, and that he was also one of the vicious slayers. Human childen were told stories of slayers just to scare them from wandering too far into the World's Edge Mountains. The stories were about slayers eating little kids who wander too far into their mountains. And after generations of this, people begin to think it is true. So when Mulgrum Redbeard stalks into their town, red mohawk and beard wavering in the wind, they all freak out and draw old rusty swords and pitch forks and rush him. Mulgrum turns to flee(though it is hopeless because dwarfs can't run very fast) and a little trinket falls from his bulging pockets. "Hey, it's me lucky ring!!" a man with scrubby brown hair screams, "e's the one who's bein' stealing all our stuff!" Now all the people were really pissed off, some going red in the face with rage. "Die, ulgy dwarven scum! you've stolen enough of our food and jewerly!" Another man yelled, and he leapt on to the dwarf, pinning him and then said, "We've being starving here for months because of you! And look you gotten all fat from all OUR food! die dwarf! Die!" and swiftly he stabbed at mulgrum, with his large pitchfork....
...........To Be Continued...........
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