Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of

crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a search

is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing

a huge one . He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims

"71st and *again* barefeet!"

Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower

when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower. Sardarji

says "Yes". "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."

The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours

the Sardarji figured he was taken. On the next day the Sardarji is again

walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock.

"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."

The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool. This time,

you wait and I'll go get a ladder."

Sardarji is buying a TV.

"Do you have color TVs?"

"Sure."

"Give me a green one, please."

Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to the outer space.

The ground control issues commands

"Rubi!"

"Woof!"

"Press the red button."

"Woof! Woof!"

"Moti!"

"Woof!"

"Press the white button."

"Woof! Woof!"

"Sardarji!"

"Woof."

"Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!"

Sardarji is sitting on a tree branch and sawing it. A passerby warns him

"Sardarji, you're gonna fall down!"

"Hardly," says he and falls. Then he looks after the passer-by andmumbles

"Must have been a wizard."

Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate

"Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese."

"How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are Sikh?"

"Aah, Sardarji read a newspaper, it says that every 4th person born on the

Earth now is a Chinese."

Two Sardarjis are in a railway station.

"Can I take this train to Ludhiana?" asks the first.

"No," answers the RR man.

"Can I?" asks the second Sardarji.

A passer by notices a Sardarji by the side of a lake, throwing

bricks into the water. So he asks the Sardarji

"Why are you throwing bricks in to the water?"

The Sardarji takes a brick and again throws it into the water

and says thoughtfully

"See, I've been trying to solve the mystery: why are the bricks rectangular

and the waves circular?"

-one sardar went to US & stepped in for the first time in a pickup bar.

while he was

enjoying the scene aroound, a babe came & placed her self provocatively

on sardar's lap.

She said "hi. i'm suzan,'suzi' to u. sardar was all excited & said "hi,

i'm balwinder,

balls to u"

A catholic, a morman and an arab were playing golf and bragging about their

family.

The catholic boasted that he had 4 kids, his wife was pregnant and soon he

would have his own basketball team.

The morman replied; "that's nothing, we have 10 kids. One more and I'll have a

football team!!!

"You guys have no vision" declared the arab. "I have 17 wives, one more and

I'll have my own 18-hole golf course!!!!"

A hippie gets onto a bus and proceeds to sit next to a Nun in the front seat.

The Hippie looks over and asks the Nun if she would have sex with him. The Nun,

surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop.

When the bus starts on its way again, the bus driver says to the Hippie, "If

you want, I can tell you how to get that Nun to have sex with you."

The Hippie, of course, says that he would love to know, so that bus driver

tells him that every Tuesday at midnight, the Nun goes to the cemetery to pray

to the Lord.

"If you dress up in robes and use some glowing powder," the bus driver said,

"You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you!"

The Hippie agrees that this is a great idea, so he decides to try it out.

That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the Nun. And right on

schedule, the Nun shows up.

When she is in the middle of praying, the Hippie walks out from hiding, in robes

and glowing with a mask of God.

"I am God. I have heard your prayers and I will answer them, but you must have

sex with me first."

The Nun agrees but asks for anal sex so that she might keep her virginity.

The Hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about to go to work on the Nun.

After he finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts, "Ha, Ha! I'm not God,

I'm a Hippie!"

The Nun replies by ripping off her mask and shouting, "Ha, Ha! I'm not the Nun,

I'm the bus driver!!!

A man comes home to find his wife admiring herself naked in the mirror. "Do you

know what the doctor told me today?" she asks. "He said I had the most perfectly

formed woman's body he's ever seen. "Did he say anything about that big fat ass

of yours?" ask the man. "No, your name didn't even come up."

A young girl sees her father in the shower and asks what his testicles are.

"Those are the Apples of the Tree of Life," he tells her, by way of poetic

concealment. She tells this to her mother, who replies, "Did he say anything

about that dead branch they're hanging on?"

A woman tells her husband that she dreamed they were having an auction of pricks.

Big ones were ten dollars, little ones were fifty cents. "And how much did they

get for ones like mine?" asks the husband. "Oh, those they gave away for

nothing."

"I had a dream too." he rejoins; "I dreamt they were auctioning cunts. Big ones

were ten dollars. Little ones were a hundred dollars." "And how much did they

get for ones like mine?"

"That's where they held the auction!"

"Miss Jones, we can't employ you as a model", the editor from the men's magazine

explained. "It's too obvious that your blonde hair isn't natural, since the

hair between your legs is black".

The model picked up a paperweight and slammed it down on the editor's fingers.

"What the hell did you do that for!", he exploded. She smiled sweetly and said

"Look at your fingers. They're turning black,right? And they've only been

banged once."

In a biology class, the prof was discussing the high glucose levels found in

semen. A young female {FRESHMAN} raised her hand and asked "If I understand,

you're saying there is a lot of glucose, as in sugar, in male semen?" "That's

correct", responded the prof, going on to add statistical info. Raising

her hand again, the girl asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?" After a

stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girls face

turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said

( or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked out of

class...and never returned. However, as she was going out the door, the Profs

reply was classic... Totally straight-faced he answered her question, he

stated "It doesn't taste sweet, because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the

tip of your tongue".

A man was boasting to his friend, "You know, I am a well known collector of

antiques." His friend replied," Yes I know, I have seen your wife."

Tom: I went out fishing with my wife this morning.

Sam: You're lucky, I'm still using worms.

"Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd be home

that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in another man's arms.

Why Dad? Tell me why!" Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, "

Maybe, Son, she didn't get the fax."

A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and

said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every

time they meet. Why don't you do that?" "I would love to," replied the husband,

"but I don't know her well enough."

The wife phoned her husband in the office and said, "Darling, come home early,

we are going to have mother for dinner." "Good," replied the husband, "make

sure she's well done."

Then there was this ten-year old child who shot both his parents and pleaded

with the judge for mercy because he was an orphan.

Dad: Son, what do you want for your birthday?

Son: Just a radio, dad, with a sports car around it.

The girl asked her lover, "Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?"

"Sure, " replied her lover "What's your phone number?"

Young Man: Would you like to dance with me?

Young Woman: Do you expect me to dance with a baby!

Young Man: I'm so sorry. I didn't know you were pregnant.

Have you heard about this boy who could think of nothing but girls, girls and

more girls? However, he has outgrown it. Now all he thinks of is women.

If a man is bald at the front, he is a thinker. If he is bald at the back, he is sexy.

If he is bald from front to back - he thinks he is sexy.

A young woman went into a bank to withdraw some money. "Can you identify

yourself?" asked the bank clerk. The young woman opened her handbag, took

out a mirror, looked into it and said, "Yes, it's me alright."

"Do you know I own a bank now?"

"Oh really, what is the name of your bank?"

"Piggy."

A psychiatrist met a friend and exclaimed, "I heard you died."

"But you see I'm alive ," smiled the friend.

"Impossible," said the psychiatrist. "The man who told me is much more reliable

than you."

Doctor: We operated on your eyes and we've managed to save one of them.

Patient: Oh, thank you very much.

Doctor: Yes, we'll give it to you on your way out.

A doctor sent a bill to his patient. Underneath the bill he wrote: "This bill is now

one year old."

Back came the reply: "Happy Birthday!"

A man went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked, "Doctor, will

I be able to read after wearing glasses?" "Yes, of course," said the doctor,

"why not!" "Oh! How nice it would be ," said the patient with joy, "I have been

illiterate for so long."

"I have a bad headache. I'll visit the doctor."

"Nonsense, yesterday I had a headache, I dashed home, gave a big kiss to my

wife and the pain disappeared. Why don't you try it?" "Good idea, call up your

wife and tell her I'll be right over."

A guy about to be electrocuted phoned his lawyer from the death chamber.

"They are about to make me sit in the electric chair. You are my lawyer, tell me

what do I do now?"

The lawyer thought for a moment and then said,"Don't sit down."

A visitor in a town asked a passerby: "Do you have a criminal lawyer in town?"

The old man replied, "Well, we think so, but we can't prove it."

Judge: I've decided to award your wife $500.00 a month.

Husband: That's very generous of you, your honour, I'll give her $20.00 myself,

too!

1st Lawyer: You're a fool

2nd Lawyer: And you're a damn fool.

Judge: As the learned lawyers have now identified each other, can we now

proceed with the case.

The boss came early in the morning one day and found his manager kissing his

secretary. He shouted at him, "Is this what I pay you for?"

The manager replied: "No, sir, this I do free of charge."

Many years from now, former President Clinton goes to the gates of

Heaven."You Can't get in, " says the angel. "You cheated on your taxes, and

other problems". "What will it take to let me in," asked Clinton. The angel

produced the ugliest lady Clinton had ever seen. "You'll have to spend eternity

with this lady." Clinton agreed, if it was to be the only way to get into Heaven.

He wandered off with the ugly woman on his arm and soon ran into Bob Dole,

with an even uglier looking woman on his arm."Guess you had trouble getting

into Heaven," Clinton said."Yep, Tax problems mainly,". Replied Dole.

They were still conversing when along came Ross Perot. He had a fantastic

looking blonde on one arm and a buxom redhead on the other."Did you have a

problem getting into Heaven, Ross?" asked Clinton, admiring the beauty of the

women. "Nope," replied Ross Perot"......but these ladies had real bad tax

problems back on earth!"

On the first day of college, the dean/principal addresses the students pointing

out some of the rules. "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male

students, so too the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught

breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this

rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a

hefty fine of $180. ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS?". A male student

bashfully moves forward and asks: "How much for a seasonal pass?"

I'm tired. For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of

vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. But now I found out it ain't that.

I'm tired because I'm overworked.

The population of USA is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133

million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school, which leave 48 million to do the work. Of this

there are 29 million employed by the federal government. This leaves 19 million

to do the work. Four million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 million

to do the work. Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for

State and City Government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work. There are

188,000 in hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do the work. Now, there are

11,998 people in Prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You

and me. Boy Oh Boy.. And you're sitting there reading this. No wonder I'm

tired; I'm the only one working.

 Enjoy these conversation between Ajit and his chelas.

AJIT: Raabert, isko Great Wall of China le

jaakar phansi mein laga do, great 'wall

hanging' ban jayegi

------------------------------------------------

AJIT:Robert, Dayna (Diana) ko thoda khatta

khila do, yeh dayna se daynasour bhi ho jayegi,

phir extinct bhi...

------------------------------------------------

AJIT:Robert, isey peekak paisan pila do, yeh

more sey no-more ho jayegaa...

------------------------------------------------

Robert: Boss , Sona kahan hai ? ( Where is the

Gold ? )

AJIT: Kahin par bhi so jao Robert !!

------------------------------------------------

(Scene - Robert gets a sidey to Ajit.)

Robert: Boss, humne sidey ko pakad liya

AJIT:Ise maar ke pulees station ke saamne rakh

do. Aur iske badan par ek sui chubha do.

Robert: Par sui kyon, baass!

AJIT:Bewakoof! Pulees yeh samjhegi ki sui-cide

hua hai!

------------------------------------------------

AJIT:Robert, in kutton ke saamne yeh Compooter

laga do aur

debugger istarrt kar do.

Robert: Lekin kyoon, baas?

AJIT:Saale Checkpoint mein atak jayenge.

------------------------------------------------

AJIT:Robert, Test Match mein kyaa ho raha hai ?

Robert: Boss, Vivian Richards chhakke pe

chhakke maar raha hai.

Ajit: Saaleh ko sabak sikhana padega.

Lunch break mein usse phone milana.

Robert: Yes Boss.

AJIT: (on phone, to Richards): Veeveeyun

Reechards,

tumhari Maa hamare kabze mein hai .......

------------------------------------------------

(Scene - Giving a decision as to how the hero

should be killed.)

AJIT:Peter, time bomb le aao aur is kutte ko

usse bandh do.

Timer ko theek das baje set kar do.

Nahin nahin, yeh saala to sub cheez hamesha

late karta hai.

Iski maut bhi late honi chahiye. Timer ko panch

minute late rakh do.

Arre, Robert, Raabert, bevkoof, silly fellow,

time bomb ko yahan peh

mat rakho, yeh to 'no-smoking' area hai. Ha haa

ha.

Time bomb 'tic tic tic tic' karke bajega.

Aur iska dil 'tup tup tup' karke dhadkega.

Tum agar paas me khade hoge to tumko 'tic tup

tic tup tic tup'

suanaai dega ..."

------------------------------------------------

(Scene - Ajit ordering his chela to kill the

enemy.)

AJIT: "Robert, Ise varnish mein daal do,

saala mar bhi jaayega aur finish bhi ho

jaayega.

------------------------------------------------

Bob: Boss, mission par kaise jaaoon, mujhe

headek ho raha hai.

AJIT: Abe head ek ho ya do, kaam to karna hi

padegak.!

------------------------------------------------

(Scene - Ajit get's hold of his favourite hero

& then directs his chela.)

AJIT: Maikal, Is saale ke ek haath mein laal

aur doosre haath mein hara rang laga do.

Maikal: Lekin kyon baas?

AJIT:Bewakoof, itnaa bhi nahin jaanta? Jab

pulice yehaan aayegi to ise range haathon pakad

legi. he he he....

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