Here She Comes…Miss Amphipolis

Salmoneus summons Xena and Gabrielle to come to his aid;

telling them it's hugely important and their help is needed to stop a war. As they walk along a beach, they discover a group of beauties in skimpy costumes being attacked by some thugs. Xena sees off the thugs with some spirited use of seashells. Somewhat to their annoyance they discover that what Salmoneus is referring to is a beauty pageant he's involved in organising which is being sabotaged, bringing three local chieftains to the point of war. Each is certain that the girl he is sponsoring is the most beautiful and will win, and blames the others for the attacks. Seeking a cover story, Xena posses as a contestant, Miss Amphipolis, while

Gabrielle becomes "The Marquesa", her sponsor. The confusing aspect however is that all of the chieftains appear to be almost equally as outraged as each other, and as each progressive attack happens threaten a more extreme response. Meantime, Xena discovers an unexpected ally amongst the ranks of the competitors and starts to understand each of the girl’s reasons for taking part.

No ribbons were harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, several experienced severe motion sickness.

Destiny

This is part one of a two part story..

Xena decides to face some of her internal demons by visiting the ruins of the city where fire took hold during the attack of her army. Leaving Gabrielle on the hillside, she rides down into the town and sees visions of the past including a blonde teenager asking why which we can only assume is Callisto. Returning to the hillside, Xena discovers that Gabrielle is gone, and since her staff is still lying there assumes she's been captured. Xena duly finds Gabrielle and some other women and children who are captives of a tribe of cannibals and proceeds to free them. After escaping they are ambushed again and a trap fatally wounds Xena. She tells Gabrielle that her only hope lies with a healer who lives on Mount Nestus. As Gabrielle struggles to get Xena to the healer, we see the story of Xena's encounter with Julius Caesar and the effect it had on her life. Unfortunately the healer is unable to help and Xena dies...

Julius Caesar was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, the producers deny any responsibility for any unfortunate acts of betrayal causing some discomfort.

The Quest

Part two of two part story

Having promised Xena to return her body to her home village of Amphipolis should she die, Gabrielle sets off to do her bidding. Along the way, she is attacked by a gang of thugs who want to claim a ransom for Xena's dead

body, and she fights them off, latterly aided by Iolaus.

After telling him the sad news, she continues on her way until once again stopped, this time by the more friendly Amazons who wish to salute Xena and offer a traditional Amazonian funeral pyre. Meantime, the King of Thieves is stealing the danger of Helios, and discovers that the spirit of Xena is exerting influence over his actions.

Gabrielle discovers that she's officially the new Amazon Queen, a title she's unwilling to take until Ephiny explains that the current acting Queen (Velasca) is very warlike and plans to start a battle with the Centaurs. Caught up in trying to stop the war, Gabrielle decides to become Queen and to accept the Amazons offer of a Funeral Pyre. Meantime Autolycus arrives and has to steal Xena's body before it gets burnt. He succeeds and Gabrielle joins him in the quest to find Ambrosia to restore Xena's spirit and body into a single whole; unfortunately the Amazon Queen is on their trail and realises that they know how to obtain the Ambrosia. Soon Gabrielle and Velasca are locked in a to the death struggle to obtain the Ambrosia...

Xena's body was not harmed during the production of this picture. However, it took weeks for Autolycus to get his swagger back.

A Necessary Evil

The Amazons prepare to crown a new queen who by custom should be Gabrielle but Gabrielle decides that Ephiny should be queen in her place. Ephiny agrees but only on the condition that she is regent for Gabrielle. Suddenly a desperately injured Velasca appears and in front of the assembled Amazons eats a piece of ambrosia and becomes a god. When the Amazons turn against her following Ephiny's orders, she starts striking out with explosive flames from her finger tips. After a few short minutes of fighting, they all flee leaving Velasca in the burning ruins of the Amazon village. With Velasca now a god, Xena reasons that she needs an immortal to fight an immortal and much to Gabrielle's horror decides that Callisto is the only choice. Callisto has been trapped by Hercules in the ruins of a ransacked temple. Having persuaded Callisto to help them in exchange for giving her ambrosia, the three of them prepare to face Velasca, but not before Callisto forces Xena to make a public confession about her crimes. Coming face to face with Velasca in a canyon where her lightning bolts won't do too much damage, they start a fight with her. Callisto true to form attempts to change sides and form an alliance with Velasca, who merely tries to kill her. Mildly offended by this Callisto decides to attack Velasca as per the original plan, and she is trapped under a rockslide. This however is not enough to hold her for long and Xena plans to face her a second time in a ruined temple near a lava pit, in which she hopes to trap Velasca, and with luck Callisto as well.

The reputation of the Amazon Nation was not harmed

despite Velasca's overly radical adherence to an otherwise valid belief system.

A Day in the Life

A diary of an ordinary day with the Warrior Princess. The day starts with a dawn attack from the army of a local warlord, during which time their frying pan becomes rather damaged, a fact that Gabrielle is deeply annoyed

about. In the process they discover that the warlord is planning to sack a nearby village and decide to stop him, however en route they meet a villager who asks them for help protecting his village from a giant. They decide to help the village under attack from the giant instead although Xena has high hopes of being able to stop both.

While he's showing them the way, the villager, Hower, falls instantly in love with Xena. Xena sends him off on an errand to deliver a cryptic message to the warlord.

Arriving at the village they meet another villager, Minya, who is also Hower's girlfriend and decide to distract her enthusiasm by asking her to fill a

bathtub for them. Pretty soon both the warlord and the giant are converging on the village and Xena is trying to get a homemade kite to fly...

No Slippery Eels were harmed during the production of this motion picture despite their reputation as a fine delicacy in select cultures of the known world.