1998 Verde/NYPD Death Pool:
Participants lists plus consensus list
Participant/list:
Mike Allen * (paid up halfway through 2000) -
Robert Downey Jr. (this guy is long due)
-
Dan Quisenberry (maybe Strat will finally
pay off with some cash)
-
The Pope (I not even sure his name,
but you know who I mean)
-
John Popper (Blues Traveler lead singer,
heart attack victim)
-
Tommy Morrison (I need his AIDS
to advance quickly)
-
Ronald Reagan (won't be worth many points)
-
Jan Micheal Vincent (accident waiting to happen)
-
Saddam Hussein (with that many bullseyes
on him, you never know)
-
Christian Slater (Quit beating women
and just do the drugs)
-
Sacramento Kings baskeball team.
(we haven't had a team plane go down for a while;
will I get partial credit if one player goes?)
Belen Alonso * -
Boris Yeltsin
-
Pope John Paul II
-
Frank Sinatra
-
Ronald Reagan
-
Strom Thurmond
-
Elizabeth Taylor
-
Larry King
-
Bob Dole
-
Ted Kennedy
-
Bob Hope
Tom Baier * -
His Holiness Pope John Paul II
-
Frank Sinatra
-
Katharine Hepburn
-
Larry King
-
Jeff Gordon
-
Ed McMahon
-
Benjamin Netanyahu
-
Todd Bridges
-
Puff Daddy
-
Robert Downey Jr.
Tiebreaker: Florence Henderson dies of a heart attack after the trauma of
being caught at a Wesson Oil sex party involving several of her TV children.
Jessica Bewsee * -
Robert Redford: skiing accident
-
Tom Arnold: water skiing accident
-
Hansons: Plane crash into ski resort
-
Strom Thurmond: trips over skis
-
Jerry Springer: hit with skiis
-
Larry King: freezes to death waiting
to interview Alberto Tomba
-
Robert Downey, Jr.: snorting fiberglas
-
Tommy Lee and...
-
...Pamela Anderson Lee: rough sex on skis
-
Joan Rivers: shopping for skis
Walt Bostian * -
Axl Rose
-
Jason Robards
-
Joe Williams
-
Marlon Brando
-
Joe DiMaggio
-
Mike Ditka
-
Richard Pryor
-
Hunter S. Thompson
-
Norman Mailer
-
Walter Cronkite
Andrew Bowers * -
Bob Hope, who recently began singing
"Thanks for the... for the... " and died.
-
Delta Burke, the Chris Farley of '98
-
Abigail Van Buren, who will be lovingly eulogized
by her sister... NOT!
-
Charlton Heston: when my cousin Ben hears of
this, we'll be at the zoo looking at primates and he'll
get sick to his stomach over the news and I'll say,
"Holy Moses, you stinking apes, Ben Hurled!"
-
Socks the Cat: dragged down by tuna-flavored
pet treat addiction and severely depressed over
expanding press coverage of Buddy the dog, Socks will
finally throw himself in front of Newt Gingrich's limo
and be permanently downsized
-
The Queen Mother, once described by
Ambassador Joeseph Kennedy as "one cute trick"
-
Ed McMahan will get into a "Herrre's Johnny"
match with Jack Nicholson and have a stroke
(Hell, even Dick Clark's beginning to look old)
-
Bob Dylan: outraged at the attention given
John Denver, Bob will purposely run out of gas
on an L.A. freeway, step out of his car, and be hit
and killed by the only other born-again Christian jew
on the west coast.
-
Doris Day: Que sera, sera...
-
Leonardo DiCaptrio (if there is a God) will die
in a James Dean-esque accident involving a skateboard
and a '73 Chevy Impala
Dire Prediction for 1998: Late in July, the parents of JonBenet Ramsey
will NOT appear on the cover of a national tabloid.
Ed Coates *
Actually, the surest path to victory in this thing is to find Claudine Longet,
set her up with a loaded piece and a one-way ticket to Aspen, then let her do
her thing. In any case, here are my selections:
-
Bob Hope - do we get bonus for the golf course
as well? If so, I want O.J.
-
Katherine Hepburn - another perrenial pick,
I'm sure.
-
Ronald Reagan - if his illness makes him
ineligible, I'll take Nancy. [Jack's note: Ronnie's good to go.]
-
Boris Yeltsin - Maybe he's already dead
and Moscow put Fred Travelena in his place without telling us.
-
Frank Gifford - One, he's been caught in a hotel
room with another woman (the cause for an untimely end for many a married man),
and two, he's actually related to the Kennedys!
-
Sean "Puff Daddy" Combs - I don't know much
about rap, but I know a trend when I see one:
the last two rap stars to get coverage in the mainstream press
(Tupac, Notorius B.I.G.) have since met the reaper.
-
Charlie Sheen - Maybe Downey and Slater have
been more public in their hedonism, but Charlie's been at it longer,
and with more hookers - a good prescription for incurable disease.
-
Peyton Manning - The first snap he takes behind
that phantom offensive line in Indianapolis will vault him to
to the head of the death class. Meet Mr. White, Mr. Randle, Mr. Smith, Mr. Lloyd . . .
-
Yanni - I don't really want him to die, I just want
him to please go away. My mother-in-law was once offered
a Yanni video tape by a dental assistant to take her mind off the procedure.
I'll leave it up to you which was the more painful experience.
-
Frank Sinatra - This one hurts, but let's face it,
the Chairman is about to face that final curtain.
He'd be happy to know he beat out Rodney King (isn't he due to be pulled over
again soon?) for the coveted final spot on the roster.
As for the catastrophic event for '98, I think Michael Jackson fathering
another child while Dr. Seed in Chicago is creating one in a petri dish is
proof positive that God is about to whistle us all out of the pool.
Dan Davis #1 * -
Bob Hope
-
Frank Sinatra
-
Robert Downey, Jr.
-
Sly Stone
-
Scott Weiland
-
Snoop Doggy Dogg
-
Ratko Mladic
-
Ted Kaczynski
-
Yasser Arafat
-
Mike Tyson
Catastrophe: violent revolution in Africa
Dan Davis #2 * -
Ronald Reagan
-
Michael Zaslow (actor on Guiding Light)
-
Dan Quisenberry
-
Milton Berle
-
James Earl Ray
-
Pol Pot
-
Strom Thurmond
-
Julia Child
-
Rev. Billy Graham
-
Frank Sinatra
Theresa Hitchens *-
Robert Downey Jr., via what else?
-
Jack Lemmon, and we'll miss him.
-
Walter Mathau, pining for Jack.
-
Barbra Streisand, via bizarre liposuction accident.
-
Kit Culkin, McCauley's dad, via murder for hire
(but McCauley will escape the death penalty)
-
Richard Gere, plane crash in Tibet.
- Ted Kennedy, however he goes it'll involve alcohol.
-
Christian Slater (see number 1)
-
Donald Trump, in an arson plot on Trump Tower
that got out of control.
-
And, in a freak bus accident in Japan
(suspected of involving glue sniffing and older
women of ill-repute), at least one, if not all three, Hansons.
Notable Horrific Event for 1998: Madeleine Albright weds Jesse Helms.
Lorraine Johnson #1: * -
Pope John Paul II
-
Boris Yeltsin
-
Anthony Quinn
-
John Wooden
-
Mikhail Gorbachev
-
Willie Nelson
-
Fidel Castro
-
The Queen Mother
-
Tony Randall
-
Strom Thurmond
(now THAT'S a dinner party!)
Tiebreaker: Don King does not go bald.
Lorraine Johnson #2: * -
Jack Kevorkian
-
Leona Helmsley
-
Louis Farrakhan
-
Prince Ranier of Monaco
-
Mike Ditka
-
Postmaster General Marvin Runyon
-
Doris Day
-
Saddam Hussein
-
Betty Friedan
-
Claus Von Bulow
Tiebreaker: Tony Randall's sperm count goes up.
Lorraine Johnson #3: * -
Bob Hope
-
Billy Graham
-
Elizabeth Taylor
-
Doris Day
-
Gerald Ford
-
Marion Barry
-
Norman Mailer
-
Larry King
-
Frank Sinatra
-
Kirk Douglas
Tiebreaker: The Pope Pulls a Pee Wee
Tom Kenney * -
Ronald W. Reagan - his autonomic brain
functions just got tired; after all his higher brain
functions have been inactive since, oh, about 1982.
-
Boris Yeltsin - one binge too many.
-
Pope John Paul II - his life finally caught up
with him; he's been propped up for the last year
by a Polish cabal in the Vatican.
-
Siegfried, as in Siegfried and Roy -
one of his tigers was just a little
bit more hungry than he anticipated.
-
Frank Sinatra - his family ties
weren't sufficient to cheat death.
-
Strom Thurmond - after several hours on the
Senate floor during debate, someone tries to wake him for a vote
and they realize he passed to the great legislature in the sky.
-
Fidel Castro - time does what the CIA could not,
and with him communism, except of course for the
some odd billion communists in the Peoples Republic of China.
-
Pol Pot - I know, I know, but this time
it's for real.
-
Diego Maradona - again, one drug binge too many,
after his latest comeback.
-
JonBenet Ramsey's mother(I don't know her
first name) - she just couldn't live with the guilt.
Bonus pick: The Chicago Bulls - after several unsuccessful attempts, the two
Jerrys finally kill Da Bulls.
Anne Kern * -
Nancy Kerrigan slips on a patch of ice while
shoveling her father's driveway, cracks open her pretty little skull.
-
Charles, Prince of Wales follows his wife to
the grave by plummeting off a rowdy-- or randy?--
horse during a polo match with the Sultan of Brunei.
-
Jane Fonda languishes from a horrible infection
caused by an implosion of her silicone breast implants.
-
Madonna perishes after being shot on the streets
of New York by enraged Hasidim.
-
Barney dies catastrophically when his fat purple
self collides with an immense meteor which causes so
much dust to enter the atmosphere that another ice age ensues.
-
Yanni is struck by lightning while performing
his "electrifying" music at the Acropolis.
-
Clarence Thomas chokes on a pubic hair in his
can of coke during a Supreme Court luncheon.
-
Woody Allen masturbates himself to death.
-
Nancy Reagan wastes away from complications
due to extreme anorexia.
-
Dan Rather develops an allergy to hairspray
and dies of anaphylactic shock (on the air?).
SMK *-
Walter Cronkite
-
Mr. Rogers (sob)
-
Drew Barrymore
-
Joe Namath (in skiing accident)
-
The Queen Mother
-
Mary, of Peter Paul and Mary
-
Alan Greenspan
-
Macauley Culkin
-
Sally Jesse Raphael
-
Frank Sinatra
Debra LaJoie * -
Mo Vaughn
-
Doug Flutie
-
Richard Branson
-
James "Whitey" Bulger
-
Ted Kaczynski
-
John Travolta
-
Frank Sinatra
-
Richard Pimental, a.k.a. "Captain Good"
-
Janet Reno
-
Picabo Street
Olympia Lambert *-
Boris Yeltsin
-
Pope John Paul II
-
Bob Hope
-
Dustin Diamond
-
Kelsey Grammer
-
Tommy Lee
-
Bobby Brown
-
Brett Butler (the actress)
-
Bob Dylan
-
Puff Daddy
SHPOD *
Here's my random list -- your basic mix of dictators, mass murderers, child
stars (just to bring the average age down), entertainment moguls, and a royal.
-
Saddam Hussein
-
Fidel Castro
-
Ted Kaczynski
-
Timothy McVeigh
-
Baby Spice (I have no idea what her real name is)
-
Tiffany (ditto)
-
Michael Eisner
-
Ted Turner
-
Sumner Redstone (though that would probably
kill what's left of my Viacom stock's value and won't get me many points due to his age)
-
Queen Elizabeth (just so Charles can stop
moping around)
Horrific Prediction for 1998: Alphonse D'Amato is re-elected.
Peggy Loftus * -
Michael Jackson, through a cosmetic surgery
accident, or during an attempt to remove sperm.
-
Bill Clinton, clogged arteries
after a Big Mac attack.
-
Zsa Zsa Gabor, the judge handling her divorce
gets his wires crossed and issues the death penalty instead.
-
Cher, in mourning over Sonny, she buys
a ski outfit and suffocates in it.
-
Elton John, gets confused and does a tribute album
for himself and then takes matters into his own hands
when he decides sales would be greater if he were dead.
-
Camilla Parker Bowles, in a horse riding
accident; they later find the driver of the horse was under the influence,
but the exact nature of the influence is unclear.
-
Fergie, seems the cancer scare wasn't fake after
all, or weight watchers diet works so well she simply disappears.
-
and 9. and 10. The Three Mir Cosmonauts. It's just a load
of old space junk, and when power fails for the last time
the poor Russkies on board are destined for an orbital fade-out.
Event: The Millennium Dome is constructed, but the organisers get so
carried away they cover the entire city of London..
Event3: Castro renounces Communism and converts to Catholicism, then
overthrows the Pope!
Lisa Nihan *-
George Clooney
-
Cindy Crawford
-
Boris Yeltsin
-
Eddie O'Brien
-
Al Sharpton
-
Willie Nelson
-
Tom Snyder
-
Jerry Williams
-
Robert Downey, Jr.
-
Doris Kearns Goodwin
Shayna Ponim *-
Strom Thurmond
-
Jessie Helms
-
Katharine Hepburn
-
Howard Stern
-
Tori Spelling
-
Boris Yeltsin
-
Dr. Richard Seed
-
David Duke
-
Christopher Lyden
-
Quentin Tarantino
Jill Provost * -
Steve Fossett
-
Jackie Chan
-
Larry Flynt
-
Morton Downey, Jr.
-
Robert Downey, Jr.
-
Luciano Pavarotti
-
Boris Yeltsin
-
Dr. Ruth Westheimer
-
Ted Kaczynski
-
Liz Taylor
Adam Spellman * -
Muhammad Ali
-
Jackie Chan
-
Shannon Doherty
-
Robert Downey, Jr.
-
Crispin Glover
-
Bob Hope
-
J.D. Salinger
-
Christian Slater
-
Eddie Vedder
-
Boris Yeltsin
Catastrophic event: California earthquake
Jack Spellman * -
Yasser Arafat
-
Ana Cordero (wife of Wil)
-
Dom DeLuise
-
Joe Piscopo
-
Bob Probert
-
William Rehnquist
-
Phil Rizzuto
-
Avery Schreiber
-
Larry Storch
-
Dick Van Patten
Horrific Event: Space station Mir, knocked off its orbit by space debris, falls to earth,
lands on DeForest Kelly, whose last words are "Damn it, Jim..."
Mike Sullivan * -
Louie Anderson
-
John Goodman
-
Bob Hope
-
Frank Sinatra
-
Dan Rostenkowski
-
Rosemary Clooney
-
Goldie Hawn
-
Pope John Paul II
-
Antonin Scalia
-
Macauley Caulkin
Horrific event: Mudslides in California bury homes, obliterate roadways, negatively affect
property values, spawn three tv movies of the week.
Alfonso Villanueva *
1-7: The septuplets McCaughey.
8. Mick Jagger
9. Jeff Gordon
10. Boris Yeltsin
I do not include in the actual list, but he could very well be
in the "I wish it would happen" list, Pauly Shore.
Bess Whitesel *-
Pope John Paul II
-
Ronald Reagan
-
Captain Kangaroo
-
Bob Hope
-
Richard Pryor
-
Penn or Teller
-
Boris Yeltsin
-
Marilyn Manson
-
Placido Domingo
-
Jackie Chan
FY: Hollywood Bad Boys/Girls *-
Drew Barrymore
-
Shannon Doherty
-
Luke Perry
-
Tori Spelling
-
Robert Downey Jr.
-
Christian Slater
-
Jack Nicholson
-
Charlie Sheen
-
Emilio Estevez
-
Danny Bonaduce
My horrific event is the assassination of Gerry Adams (of Sinn Fein and
IRA fame). I almost put him on my list and went for an all Irish/Peace
Talks theme, but I don't know all the players. Oh, well.
John Kerr's ten individuals who will not die in 1998:-
Kermit the Frog
-
San Diego Chicken
-
Don Rickles
-
Henry Winkler
-
Abe Vigoda
-
Frank Sinatra (he's an android)
-
William Shatner
-
Buddy
-
any member of the Monkees
THE CONSENSUS LIST:
(Number of lists on which the celeb appears is in parentheses following name)-
Yeltsin, Boris (11)
-
Sinatra, Frank (10)
-
Downey, Robert Jr. and Hope, Bob (9)
5. John Paul II, Pope (8)
6. Reagan, Ronald and Thurmond, Strom (6)
8. King, Larry, Slater, Christian, and Kaczynski, Ted (4)
* This participant has paid the entry fee.
Yikes! Get me out of here!