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It’s a crime to threaten or hit another person. If you are the victim of domestic violence, you have the right to protect yourself and to expect help from others.
- DON’T stay in your home. Doing nothing solves nothing. Go to a friend, neighbour, or relative. Call a local agency, they usually have lists of shelters for abused women. If you are considering leaving, come to our office and go through our “Blue Book”. It is a book of all the agencies in the City of Toronto. Temporary shelter is available for battered persons and their children. The important thing is to get to a safe place as quickly as possible!
- CALL THE POLICE!
- If you are in a battering relationship, you cannot control the situation, therefore it is important to report any assault or battery to the police department by calling 911 immediately. This is an emergency.
- FOLLOW THROUGH!
- Get the name and the phone number of the officer investigating your case. If there is enough evidence against your assailant, an arrest will be made. You may need other information from him as well or he may call you for more information.
- DON’T BELIEVE… “I’LL NEVER HIT AGAIN!
- Often the batterer is unable to admit there is a problem. Counseling is only helpful if both partners want help and are motivated to work together. If the abuse is habitual or extremely violent, the batterer may need long term therapy.
- CONSIDER YOUR FUTURE SAFETY
- If the batterer refuses to seek help, it is unlikely the beatings will stop. Statistics show the beatings will become more and more severe. Protect yourself!
- LOOK FOR HELP!
- You’re not alone. There are many places where a battered person may seek help. Social Services (welfare) can give financial assistance to persons with minor children who cannot support themselves. You must be in a separate residence form the batterer though. If you are planning to set up a separate residence, do some planning in advance and locate resources to support you in the first few weeks. Check with social service agencies, churches or the battered women’s shelters. You could even ask your family doctor. He probably knows of shelters and agencies you can utilize.
- DON’T BE ASHAMED TO ASK FOR HELP!
- PROVIDE FOR THE FUTURE! Even if you’ve never worked before, you can become self-supporting. Community education classes are open to those who would like to complete high school or who want to learn job related
Skills. George Brown College is one place you may go to look into what classes they have to offer. Assistance such as helping with registration, academic counseling, support groups, and child care is also available for men and women returning to school for further education. Contact a counselor at your community college. Or, contact the Toronto Board of Education and inquire about evening adult classes.
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Are you irritated? Frustrated? Angry? Ready to explode?
You are not alone. Whether it’s an argument with a friend, irritation because a driver cuts in front of you, a disagreement about the best way to do a job – conflict is a part of everyday life. Conflict produces stress, hurts friendships, and causes injury and even death. We can’t always avoid conflict, but we can learn to manage it. That way, we use conflict to improve our lives and to learn from past mistakes.
Understanding your own feeling about conflict: This means recognizing your “triggers,” words or actions that immediately provoke an emotional response like anger. It could be a facial expression, a tone of voice, a pointing finger, a certain phrase. Once you know your “triggers,” you can better control your emotions.
Active listening: Go beyond hearing just words and try to understand what the other person is saying. Listen carefully instead of thinking about what you are going to say next. Active listening requires concentration and body language that says you are paying attention.
Generating options for resolving a conflict: Many people can think of only two ways to manage conflict- fighting or avoiding the problem. Take a step back. Get the facts straight, brainstorm all ideas that might help resolve the argument, and discuss the pros, cons and consequences. See if you can compromise.
Moving away from confrontation and toward agreement: Look at your response to conflict. If your style isn’t working – you’re left with raging emotions which lead to more problems – try to change.
State your needs and define the problem. Talk about the issues without insulting or blaming the other person. Don’t state your position; that’s simply the solution to the problem. Compare what is said (position) and what is really meant (needs). Together, discuss various ways of meeting needs or solving the problem. Be flexible and open-minded. Decide who will be responsible for specific actions after reaching agreement on the plan.
Try arbitration: In arbitration, a neutral third party acts as a judge. Disputing parties agree on an arbitrator who then hears evidence from all sides, asks questions, and hand down a decision. Usually, the arbitrator’s decision is final. This has to be someone you both trust but that is not directly involved in the situation.
Choose a convenient time but don’t avoid the issue.
Plan ahead.
Talk directly (don’t yell).
Don’t blame or name call.
Give information.
Listen !!!!!
Show that you are listening.
Talk it through.
Work on a solution.
Follow through.
If all else fails and you find you cannot cope or find a solution to your anger or the management of it, get counseling. Come to our office, we have the “Blue Book” with most of the agencies in Toronto listed in it.
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Sign Our Guestbook
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