God be in my head, and in my understanding;
God be in my eyes, and in my looking;
God be in my mouth, and in my speaking;
God be in my heart, and in my thinking;
God be at my end, and at my departing.
(Prayer from the Sarum Printer)
Father, it's me again. I'm back to sit at Your feet, to
share the burdens of
my heart, the uncertainties of my spirit. Jeshua, I'm
here to learn from
You. Teach me please Your ways, Father, that I might
be pleasing to You.
Come my child. Even though I know the burdens you carry,
give voice to them.
Not for my benefit my child, but for yours. You see,
when you speak it is
your ear that hears first. It is your voice heard
by your heart. Now child,
what is it today? With what can I help?
Sweet Savior, that prayer from the Sarum Printer. The
one I've said for
decades and find myself praying more and more these days.
After thousands of
repititions, I think I'm finally beginning to understand.
Candidly, I'm
frightened. It's not at all a prayer about senses is
it? It has little to do
physically with eye, mouth, or heart. It's not even about
individual actions
of understanding, looking, speaking, or thinking is it?
Sweet Jeshua, I've
prayed this prayer hundreds and thousands of times and
I'm beginning to
realize it's a prayer for integrity, isn't it?
My dear and simple child, yes. Wisdom comes slowly,
but to the patient it
eventually comes. This prayer, like so many others
you say is a prayer for
Christian integrity. It's a prayer for agreement among
your senses and your
actions. But, my child why does this frighten you?
Child, you realize you are quoting My Holy Word to
Me? Do you recognize the
words of the Psalmist? It is not by chance child that
the prayer is for the
meditations of your heart AND the words of your mouth.
Even your children
recognize the hollowness in being told to do as their
parents say, and not
as they do. There is never a time when it is my desire
that your actions and
your words are dischordant. My child, I teach gentleness,
love and
compassion. If you saw in Me harshness, hatred and
hardness of heart could
you follow my teaching?
No my Lord, I could not. Even I, as broken as I am, would
recognize the
hollowness of such a situation.
My child, you ask Me daily to deal with you in Holiness
of integrity.
Remember the prayer I taught you my child. Every time
you say to Me,
"Forgive me my trespasses as I forgive those who trespass
against me", you
are asking that I deal with you in the same merciful
manner you deal with
others. My child, you are asking not only to be accountable
in that
petition, you are also asking that integrity be reflected
in My actions and
your actions. Integrity within self is the first step.
Integrity between us
is another.
Sweet Jeshua, thank you for lifting these scales from
my eyes, this hardness
from my heart. Grant, I pray, that I will be able to
walk in integrity all
the days of my life.
Child, again you quote My scripture to me. From the
book of Proverbs, "The
just man walks in his integrity, his children are
blessed after him." It
will be done, even as you ask. And your children will
be blessed.
Abba thank you for this time. Thank you for always having
time for me. Bless
me now Father, and then send me into the world to do
you the work you have
given me.
Go in My peace child. And know you always have My blessing.
That blessing of
the Father who has made you, the Son who has redeemed
you, and the Holy
Spirit who sanctifies you day by day.
nota bene: This is a meditation in the style of the early
catechists. These
meditations are intended not only to instruct but, as
their name suggests,
to invite meditation on a particular topic. This meditation
is not among
those which has been published, and I claim no copyright
nor intellectual
property right to it. Indeed, I dedicate it to those
special souls at
ChurchUSA who have called me to an ever higher level
of integrity among
thought, word and deed. I post it here to the glory of
God and in loving
thanksgiving for their ministry to me. Should you find
this meditation or
any portion of it useful, I praise God.
The Rev. Fr. John C. Wagner
Upon the Feast of Charles Simeon, Priest
In the Year of our Lord 1998
Thanks...
God bless and be with you always and in all ways...
Love, Z
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İphotographs by Sue-Z Gantzer, 1998
If you'd like to use these photos, I would be honored, however, please be sure to include the copyright info. Thanks.