Wishing Howard Stern would have been in "Twister"...thinks he would look good in Dorothy's red slippers...."Don't think we're in Radio Land anymore Howie...." (MagicLovr1)
--
URAQT (E Thomp 13)
--
cow cow cow cow cow cow cow cow cow cow cow cow cow cow cow cow cow cow cow
cow cow cow cow cow cow cow cow cow cow cow cow cow cow cow cow cow cow cow
cow cow cow cow (BovineBob)
--
I don't have anything funny to send in, unless you'd like to laugh at the fact that I am sitting here pretending to do my homework while my parents are in the living room singing along with Sonny & Cher on the 8-track player we found up in the attic yesterday. If you'd like to buy an 8-track player and collection, very cheap (or for that matter, two parents in working condition), let me know. (JaimeMacM)
--
I eat pudding on tuesdays. (SMAC48)
--
Poem: by SMAC48
I like to eat beef
only on tuesdays
when the pudding is ripe
so there.
ha ha ha ha
tomatos are rainy
I have an ulcer
the CD is dead
so there.
ha ha ha ha
the arrow is up
Food is bad
but only in June
so there.
ha ha ha ha
I like wood
the adress is gone
sour chicken
so there.
ha ha ha ha (SMAC48)
--
Kayak backwards is Kayak
Civic backwards is Civic
Racecar backwards is Racecar
Madam backwards is Madam
Was it a rat I saw? backwards is Was it a rat I saw.
Tide backwards is Edit
Flow backwards is Wolf
Radar backwards is Radar
good bye...or eyb doog as the case may be. (SMAC48)
--
i just had to ask my cousin to explain a joke from lame jokes of the day!
pretty pitiful, i'd say (SGordon561)
--
When my son was in kindegarten, he wrote me a poem: I was walking through
the woods one day when I thought I heard footsteps, but it was only
raindrops. (Jilleth)
--
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:-o:-o:-o:-o:-o:-o:-o:-o:-o:-o:-o:-o:-o:-o:-o:-o:-o:-opick
me pick me pick me pick me pick pick me pick me pick me pick me pick me pick
me...............................................................you'll have
to excuse me I'm new and will get better! (ARLINTHRA)
--
OK (SwissMissH)
--
Why do i have nothing better to do than watch those pigs fly by my window
while i sit here watching my dog's aunt look under the can for the pencil
that holly lost in Matt's pants yesterday after he got pied in the face by
seniors tonight? (JeniBeni16)
--
Did you that female iguanas have to dig a hole six feet deep to lay their eggs? (Joan98)
--
I want to play dammit! (RickyDenn)
--
If I knew what the hell to write, That would mean I had a brain, if I had a brain, I wouldnt be wasting my time in here (GaryY88551)
--
sequins (Ahcheevers)
--
I am Liz and I rock the world. (Liz 648)
--
I took this girl down town when I saw the most coolest thing, politics on broadway. When I went in there was Ross Perott, tring to sell me his new
perfume, De El A Ross. I quickly went to our seats waiting for the show. The curtain raised and there was no one there, on the stage and in the seats.
We tried to leave but were staped to our seats. We were forced to watch a party with Ross in a speado, Clinton shoving his face full of McDonalds food,
Hiliary and Michal Jackson making out, and Newt Gingrich in shorts dancing to Twist and Shout. We have not been the same since doc. Put down that gun...........(Dtjqued) (Dtjqued)
--
Hi? (CHKNCTLT)
--
h h oooooo
h h o o
h h o o
hhhhh o o
h h o o
h h oooooo (CHKNCTLT)
--
moo goo gai kitty (CHUCKIE917)
--
Remember to vote for me for Jackass of the week. (Motrhead66)
--
The guy came up to me and said "What butter." (RMS1043)
--
Is this all the better you guys can come up with??????????????????????????? (Why yo)
--
If I may suggest a new game........
How about "Couples Game"
Totally obnoxious couples example
Rose Ann & Howard Stern
or Totally beautiful couples like Antonio Banderez & Pamela Lee
Also how about naming a star or famous person and having people come up with
a name of a current or made up soap opera
title for them. (Why yo)
--
Does anyone like have a ham sandwich? (Laurenne14)
--
I wish I didn't know today what I didn't know 20 years ago. But if I did, I
wouldn't have done what I did then to get me to where I am now. But at least
now I know, so actually I'm glad. (Gardenia)
--
Have you seen the new Eagle car customer line? The number is
1-800-...-TestE! I swear! (SPoinde)
--
Right now, I am more confused than I have been in a long time, but that could
be the Valium. --SHoneywell (SHoneywell)
--
Where does lint come from....and could I go there on vacation? (CivilWar49)
--
I want to be a shepard....where can I apply? (CivilWar49)
--
If gravity is so cool, why do trees grow up? (CivilWar49)
--
zuchinni really sucks (CivilWar49)
--
I find it very ironic that good women always say the good men are taken.
When in fact it is that the good men are with the average women because the
good women complain too much about the fact that there are no good men left!
(RoniNicole)
--
Random: done or made or taken, etc. at random, a random choice (RMata89645)
--
ok (TopGun8389)
--
WAAAAAH! (EnsRJ20000)
--
Why should I be doing this? (DanielRapp)
--
There are monkey people living under my waterbed...
--
One day as I was driving down the free way,the implant the aliens gave me
acted up so I had to pull into the exxon station and complete submerge my
head in Eggnog or I would die soon.Problem was It was july.I was forced to
kill the manager and the cash register guy.Then I suddenly realized there was
no Implant and I was criminally insane.Too bad. (BsO ProX)
--
If 8% of all people are stupid, then you might be in trouble. that means, in
a room with 100 people, there might be 10 or 11. (NjInDaHoWs)
--
These numbers will win in a state lottery this Wednesday, I can feel it, you
must play them, trust me, here they are:
1 18 23 24 43 49 (DLettermen)
--
i love garth brooks (Imagfg)
--
**ATTENTION** HO is been found to harm peoples sanity... STAY AWAY AT ALL
COSTS! (Carnick)
--
Happy Mother's Day (Croaker34)
--
@@@@@:-) = Marge Simpson. Arent u happy 4 me? (KASWAA)
--
Bite Me, please? (FShbtski)
--
My friend is a new AOL user. He once asked me, "Who is this Online Host
loser?" I told him he lives in Boston and eats Crisco. This is my life.
(EnsRJ20000)
--
last night we all played a game of strip rock-paper-scissors. i won! (GelbJ27)
--
If you pour salt on slugs, they will shrivel up.
Banana slugs work best. (CivilWar49)
--
I don't think I have ever used the "F12" key on my keyboard. Seems like a
waste. (CivilWar49)
--
The random game is random, really (Bonkers458)
--
War! War! wonderfull war! death comes everywhere when war is there!!!!(think of this as a song but i cant think of a tune because the T.V. is on realy
loud in the other room.) War! war! its everywhere so why not put it in your screenname? (WAR2099)
--
Hi i don't realy have anything to say beacause i just want to increase my chances of winning by typing this message and there are no rules so I can
keep writing these messages all day long and no one can stop me so you just wasted your big fat money on a computer scuming kid like myself!!! (WAR2099)
--
Well it looks like i've won wheres those or that free hour(s)?? Ah mthere
they are thank you!! (WAR2099)
I eat pudding on thursdays.
(SMAC48)
--
Two cows are standing in a field. One says to the other, "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?" The other says, "No, why should I? I'm a duck."
(Jecubelli)
--
:-)<-- (MMitch1995)
--
i think this is the weirdest contest i have ever heard of, but hey i can use some free time. i think aol is the greatest invention since the computer. but
hey what do i know? i think having prizez for stuff like this is a good idea. so keep up the good work. i thank you for the opportunity to win free time. (Stacytiger)
--
And, our Random Winner:
Remember, you can't spell "Ubiquitious" without I.O.U. (EnsRJ20000)
"Blue...no, wait...Red...Aieeeeeee!" (ScubaRev)
--
Lather, rinse, lather, rinse, lather,rinse, Can I stop now? lather, rinse, lather, rinse Please let me stop! lather, rinse, lather, rinse... (MrMystery2)
--
Pick me or I'll post naked pictures of your mother.
(Any dog)
--
Parents say students are paid in education, well then we should have to pay taxes, but to pay taxes we would need a taxable income, knowledge is not taxable, therefore, students should be paid, have paid vacation, get overtime for homework and free lunch. Just an idea. (Nike696969)
--
Prickly mopy thoughts and I really drunkenly ogle the pecan pie.
My computer comes on and starts to talk to me.
"Your naked telephone will be disgruntled," it says.
"Yes, but can the gallant bug that grows wobble?" I asked.
"Any barn heard their cerebrums with some dung fear my werewolf." it retorted.
"You jest. Our girls explode drunkenly."
"Don't worry. Your balloons are not senile." the computer said.
"And yet, your lobster under you totally psychotically have flipped you." it added.
"However, morons that sneeze, swallow." I quoted.
I decided to lay off the pecan pie and get a life. (Dante209)
--
A camel's hump is actually stored fat. There are two kinds of camels: Dromidaries, which have one hump, and um..... some other kind, which have two humps. Camels spit at you if you get to close and they don't like you. They cough up part of their throught, fill it with air, and blow it at you if they *really* don't like you. Really, they do! I saw it on a nature show i was watching on TV because i had nothing else to do. (LexyPerson)
--
Did you know that they have to import sand to Saudi Arabia? they do it because the main ingredient to glass is sand, and the kind of sand they have in Saudi Arabia is too corse or something. (LexyPerson)
--
Squirrels eat all the food in our birdfeeders. That must mean that they're insane squirrels because they think that they're birds. (LexyPerson)
--
A man worked as an undertaker. One day a really sexy woman came in. "Kill me, please. You are the one I want to be buried by." He thought she was crazy and called the police, who came to pick her up. She then kissed them, and punched the undertaker. (COOLCAT318)
--
A preist is asked to give a lecture on sex at a local womens club. He's embarrased to tell his wife what about so he says its about "sailing". After the lecture, a woman from the club spots the priests wife in a store. "That was a very insighful lecture your husband gave" she said and his wife replied...... "I don't know why, he's only done it twice. The first time he threw up and the second time his hat blew off." (The Ace 11)
--
You know, I really enjoy reading the many amusing things that are posted here in Hecklers Online, but my last AOL bill was over $80 and the majority of the time was here...(ok, I DO spend a bit too much time in the chat rooms). I consider myself a fairly amusing guy and I have a pretty good sense of humor, but out of the hundreds of things I post, I only see one or two of my entries posted. I think the people (and I use that term loosely) that choose the winners and the ones who get posted have their favorites. I mean Smashed Rat gets at least three or four of his STUPID responses posted in the "IF" game each time and War(something or other) has lots of them here. I guess its like they say, it's not what you know...It's who you blow.........(I'm sure this one one be posted either, but I felt I had to let off some steam...who else would listen to my complaints....) (JediJunky)
--
SOMEONE ONCE TOLD ME THAT THE VEINS IN MY LEGS LOOKED LIKE CRUSHED INSECTS. (ABorman)
--
If the I.R.S. takes OJ's house, will he have to move in with Kato? (CivilWar49)
--
833, 753, 611 is a very large number. (CivilWar49)
--
"Have you seen them since they moved?"
"Who?"
"Your bowels." (CivilWar49)
--
Books are just page after page of potential paper cuts. (CivilWar49)
--
Live every day as if it's your last.
I wake up in the morning, make funeral arrangements, then just wait around the rest of the day for it to happen. (CivilWar49)
A RANDOM entry from SHoneywell:
"Enjoy with relish and sport peppers"
Did you ever notice that duct tape is like the Force from "Star Wars"? It has a light side and a dark side and it hold the entire universe together. (Squisheeee)
--
has anyone ever told you that i look like the prince of wales? (Bolus57)
--
You know why dogs lick their balls ? Because they CAN ! (BobbyGertz) (BobbyGertz)
--
have you ever gone to a musical, its such a nice idea, a bunch of people who have something happen to them, but everyonce in a while they all burst out in song, wouldn't that be great if someone's feeling blue, and the people around them just started singing, "put on a happy face" all choreographed, that would be so happy, i've tryed it once or twice, but people just stared, I'm sure other people have tried this before, but these attempts were shattered, because if musicals happened in real life, who would go to musical???? (RdvarkQuen)
--
To save the world another day or three of pointless ponderance, I give to you the meaning of life: The property or quality distinguishing living organisms from dead organisms and inanimate matter, manifested in functions such as growth, metabolism, response to stimuli ane reproduction. I hope this gives you that extra hour of sleep tonight (RdvarkQuen)
--
oh and just FYI, this game kicks! (RdvarkQuen)
--
lived backwards, devil LIVED|DEVIL (RdvarkQuen)
--
live|evil (RdvarkQuen)
--
did you ever notice how noone ever blesses gravity, I mean when was the last time you got out of bed and said, "god, I'm sure glad when I jump up i don't fly into the sun in a horrible firey death" think about it... (RdvarkQuen)
--
Golf (Iceman X2)
--
Yet another MENTOS commercial. Please I beg of you PLEASE. Stop me before I kill again. (BorisSpida)
--
gimme free time, I need it! You're wonderful. Here's a chocolate cookie. (SSAdams17)
--
When the creator of the broom invented it, he was so tired, he went to sweep. (Bink96)
--
PICK ME PICK ME PICK ME (Laurenne14)
--
Pheasant . . . Deer (PltDownGuy)
--
Why do we clean up but scrub down? Why are we all being stalked by cookie selling girl scouts? (J DAWN79)
--
If you were me, then I sure as hell wouldn't be you. (EVIPER)
--
The smoking midget and her faithful sidekick grease boy! (SMAC48)
--
Hi. I am a nazi lesbian hooker. I was abducted by a space ship, and the forced me on a weight loss program! Just thought I'd share that. (VivalaJohn)
--
Dammit can`t you see it`s a pencil! Oh! that`s what`s in your pocket. (MMFEAR)
--
well get out of here (Foxier)
--
Random Factoid: Those little things on the ends of your shoelaces are called aglets. How would you like to work in a factory that makes aglets?? You could walk down the street, point at people's shoelaces and say: Hey I did that. (SMAC48)
--
Imagine you're rowing upstream in a canoe without any oars and your wheels fall off, and how many pancakes does it take to cover a dog house...seven because ice cream has no bones. (Tethys)
--
Homey. (Miellee)
--
Who else thinks that it's cool that
e^(pi*i)= -1 ? (Tacobung)
--
it's not funny, don't make fun of yogurt (Tacobung)
--
When, when, when dammit will Hungary invade Turkey? (CivilWar49)
--
Today's mathematical equation
, > . (CivilWar49)
It's blue, no, green....dumbass. (EVIPER)
--
The other day, my couch fell off the light and gave the frog a concussion. Ironically, 3 spoons were missing from the kitchen sink. This was all due to the blowout of my flux capacitor when I used the toaster to make eggs. My dog fishes for music in the toilet bowl. I have trained him so well, he listens to everything I hear. Have a good day, I have to travel to Idaho to see myself water my plants. (EVIPER)
--
I WAS FIFTEEN YEARS OLD BEFORE I REALIZED THAT ALL THE HAMMERS AND SAWS THE THREE STOOGES USED TO HIT THEMSELVES IN THE HEAD WERE FAKE. MAY MY KID BROTHER REST IN PEACE. (ABorman)
--
Coolest movie quote in creation: (from Val Kilmer's Real genius)
Mitch: Something strange happened to me this morning.
Chris: Was it a dream where you see yourself standing in sort of sun god robes on a pyramid with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you?
Mitch: No....NO
Chris: Why am I the only person that has that dream? (Terpman)
--
killty killty killty killty killty killty killty killty (EnsRJ20000)
--
Dog spelled backwards is g-d. G-d spelled backwards is d-g. I am now worshipping a dog. (EnsRJ20000)
--
Kayak spelled backwards is Kayak. Who cares?
Sucks spelled backwards is Skcus. (EnsRJ20000)
--
why am i here?????? (Usertaz1)
--
a nosering can be a painful thing (Kaiscat)
--
does anyone know how many licks it actually takes to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop?and does anyone else get really annoyed with that stupid mr.owl who bites in at lick 3? does he really think he's fooling anyone? he's not even fooling that little moron in the commercial who came up with the stupid question. how does he expect to fool us? and one more question, why doesn't that kid who asks the question just do it for himself, i think if he has that much time on his hands, the he could devote a little bit to doing that? sorry, these are just the questions that keep me up at night, and i had to get them off my chest. (Caromiln)
--
Loam, its a soil consisting of mixed particles, much like glacial till. (HaulBack)
--
This was an essay turned in by one of my best friends, D.J. Murphy to an English teacher. (PKokinos)
--
This is an essay written my one of my best friends, D.J. Murphy, to his English teacher.
It is probablly very clear that I did not read this book, and to be more honest than I would like to be, it is all my fault. I would like to say that it is because I am a natrual apithetic, or or because i am prtesting the emotional, semi-autobiographical nature of this book, or that I feel some deep eternal need to rebel against the tyrannical authoritarian wall of the "American Public School System". But this is not the case, i'm just lazy and I purposely avoided putting myself to work. some people are born doers, some are born thinkers, some are born sayers, and others are just born. I am glad that i am a born sayer (I would like to be a doer), it is much better than just being born. I can enjoy life because i have a purpose, a goal. That purpose may be a lazy and unaccepted one but i still enjoy the wonderment of realityin my slacker-like presence. This mourning on my way to school I saw a man with his wife and baby. I thought to myself," D.J., that man looks happy, he looks so happy that he appears to be ignoring everthing around himself besides his wife and kid." And i also thought about the man's role in life. Was he a doer, sayer, thinker, lier, lover,ect.?and than I thought it really doesn't matter what his role in life is. That man is HAPPY. That man was happy and thats all that mattes. he was capable of feeling a emotion so strongly that I could see it in his eyes. It didn't matter if he had read JANE EYRE in the tenth grade or not. In 15 years i will probablly not remember the JANE EYRE test, much less feel regret about it. But I feel regret now. I have been persecuted by my mother, my sister, my peers, and my girlfriendand i do feel regret. I feel sorrow. I feel the solidilty of remorse surrounding my soul. Not because I'll get a bad grade, no, grades of trivial trinkets created by a disillusioned society to help us wallow in the imeasurable amount of ignorance we teenagers produce. All things come to an end, and all days are forgotten. This is why I regret not reading this book. I am not an antagonizing, naked, bloody-toothed, mad-child, running through the hayfields of my mind screaming,"Oh defiance, oh defiance, how thy comfort me!" No, i am a lazy, Irish-Itallian, brown haired, blue eyed, unorthidox, semi-hypocrit, that likes for things to be alive. It is the end of the year and I feel the cumbersome presense of the social orders' catalougued downfall. The degregation and persecution and oppression and surpression and unmitigation of bright, powerful minds of authority have once again forced me to appear dim-witted, half-hearted, cold malicious, and apithetic. But actually i just messed up badly by not reading a book and it has depressed me. This experience instead of upping my grade about 90 points, has forced me to dwelve in the twisted uncertainty of what the future will bring. I am weak and scared. I am not sure what the next years of my life will unfold. Yet, i am happy. I am HAPPY! I am HAPPy without defiance!!!
Please dom't hold the auther of this the mis-spelled words and many typos and errors im sur you will find. His I.Q. is about 120 points higher than mine. But I hpoe the jury at HO who decideds if this will win or not will keep in mind that this a 15 year old boy who cant understand why people don't think like him? Sometimes I don't understand it myself. (PKokinos)
--
Two overies are talking to eachother and the first one says to the second one "Did you order some furniture?" The second thinks for a minute and replies "No, why?". The first one says "Because there ae a couple of nuts outside trying to bring in an organ." Yuk yuk yuk! (MCUL CUI)
--
Can AOL be a legitimate reason for taking out a loan?....damn.. [LaytexChik] (LaytexChik)
--
my mom got mad at me when i dyed my hair blue and she said that i would never get a job. (GelbJ27)
A man walks into a bar.....OUCH (Cassy246)
--
Some words go here but I forgot them 'caus I smoked too much pot (JoeTalon2)
--
This space intentionally left blank (JoeTalon2)
--
Just pick me, dammit - I am worth it! And when the heck are you judging the firing range topics? I am interested in the smokers theme! Shelly2369 (Shelly2369)
--
So I said, that IS my foot. (EnsRJ20000)
--
(}===========The pie of death will get you!HaHaHaHaHaHa!!!!!!! It is acid!! HaHaHaHaHaHaha!!!!!!!!!! (The Virus)
--
What are the gators in the florida everglades saying? Hmmm... This air plane food is not all bad. MI090236 (MI090236)
--
Why is there no sex in Cuba? Cause they are all fucking here. MI090236 (MI090236)
--
Two guys are talking in a bar. One says, "You know, my wife is an angel." The other says, "you're lucky, my wife is still alive." (Earpluggs)
--
What one cannot see is the one that he should watch out for. (P338942)
--
I got a mule and her name is Sal. (CivilWar49)
--
Chitty bang-bang, Chitty chitty bang-bang, Chitty bang-bang, Chitty chiity bang-bang, Chitty bang-bang, Chitty chitty bang-bang
Oh, you Chitty chitty bang-bang, Chitty-chitty bang-bang we love you! (CivilWar49)
I was playing basketball earlier today, and I made a basket. (Remmy L)
--
I can't get onto the Internet. Do you want to know why? Good, well, my Dad had a MacII, (he still does) and he bought my brother a Quadra for college and he got AOL for the Quadra, and then I had Internet access, but now my brother has his computer up at his apartment at school. So my dad broke down and got another computer with more memory(a MacIIcx). See, his Mac has enough RAM but isn't fast enough. So he got a faster computer(This one) with more Meg of regular mem(80). But it only has 4 Megs RAM. So I tried to download the browser from AOL and the computer can't handle it because it doesn't have a system 7. But You can't get a system 7 without 6 or 8 Megs RAM(I can't remember which). So we need the extra RAM to get the system we need to use the browser. My dad got the RAM for his birthday from his long time freind from when we lived in Geneva. But he doesn't seem to be motivated enough to put the RAM in. What an ass, right? (Remmy L)
--
Banana. Kiwi. Grapefruit. (LexaH)
--
you guys play favorites obviously! it just cant be random because all the same people win. over, and over and over and over and over...................................... you never know how people are going to take the news that you randomly pick the same winners over and over. (ONYX1976)
--
If it takes half a chicken half a day to lay half an egg, how many seeds can a monkey with a wooden leg squeeze out of a pickle? Blue, because snakes have no armpits. (Lab monkee)
--
What did one alligator say to the other alligator
" Cheap flight, but the food was great" (Squeak5301)
--
Why do you park on a driveway and drive on a parkway? (MAlbano 5)
--
It's a smile! ! (MacsterJr)
--
OH WHY OH WHY CAN'T MY MY BE PIE (Laurenne14)
--
This game should be renamed. Something more along the lines of 'Spontaneous stupidity' would be better. (KenTheLuza)
"What the hell is this?" is a very apt title for this game. I was just now sitting here reading the entries and thinking, "What the hell is this?" So I figured why not give it a try. All these people seem to be just rambling about whatever's on their minds. I've got I mind (or so I'd have you believe), why not ramble? So here I am rambling. Okay, well, the topics of my mind have been exhausted so I suppose I'll copy down a poem that I wrote in response to a teacher when I walked into class late and he had the audacity to ask where I was.
Explanation of Tardiness
Where have I been?
Where have I been?
Wouldn't you like to know.
To many a wonderful
And beautiful place
I just now did go.
I romped through violet fields
With little green men.
I lived all my dreams
And then had a chat with my friends.
I flew to the moon
Aback a winged Pegasus.
I bought some bad shrimp
From a large man named Gus.
I saw tye-dye stretching
To the ends of the universe.
I convinced myself that I lived
In the back of a hearse.
But you,
You seem like a simple bloke,
So I'll give you the short answer:
I stepped out
For a smoke.
You can decide for yourself what I was on when I wrote that. Tah-tah! (Splatgrl13)
--
Anybody who reads this is under my command. I am sending you out on a quest. I command you to go out into the forest and chop down the largest tree you can find with a herring. Yes, a herring (it's a fish dumbass!) (THADRL)
I think the guy across the street is dead. (CivilWar49)
my cat just had a seizure (Caromiln)
I WROTE THIS POEM IN SECOND GRADE
I thoght i saw a dinosour just the other day
I could be mistaken it was a mile away
it all started when i went outside -a game i was about to play
when i spied the dinosour that was a mile away.
(PKokinos)
--
WHY? (Stereohead)
--
iv got a huge bio semester test tomorow --im running out of aol time ---my friend just died --my father is crazy--- im only 15 and im a junior--- i cant get a car until im in college--- i have no boyfriend---my best friend just got a job and a car-- my life is coming to an end-- the walls are closeing in-- iv got to get out-!!!!!SOMEONE ANYONE PLEASE HELP ME OR AT LEAST LET ME WIN SO I CAN GET SOME TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!PLEASE!!!!!!!!!PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!P. S. even to make matters worse I LIVE IN ARKANSAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (PKokinos)
--
For those who are hard up, you are guarenteed to get laid in Hawaii. (JMHabel)
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Well here goes. I'm now playing the random game. please feel sorry for me, it took me 2hours to write this much. Now could you give me some free hours? HUH?HUH?HUH?HUH?HUH?HUH?HUH?Thnx! Buh-bye now. buh-bye. good-bye now.bye. see ya later. byenow. Oh yeah, one more thing. La vaca dice muuuuuuuu! :) (Skrimp1)
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TROUBLE-->sheep sheep sheep sheep sheep sheep sheep wolf sheep sheep sheep sheep sheep sheep sheep sheep (KenTheLuza)
THE 3 MAIN TYPES OF ALIENS AMONG US: THE SCIENTIFIC WORDING & THE LAYMAN'S INTERPRETATION~
THE GRAYS:
The most common aliens, also known as Zeta Reticulans. According to contactees, they're a military society whose motivation is universal conquest. Standing about four and a half feet tall with large heads and wraparound eyes, a slit mouth and no visible nose, they claim to have evolved beyond a need for reproductive or digestive systems and to have been subtly altering human genetics for thousands of years in order to be able to produce a "mixed race" of themselves and humans. These grays gave their primary bases in New Mexico and Nevada but are also based in many other countries.
Layman's Interpretation:
The sloppiest in hiding themselves, these guys fight a lot and have delusions of grandeur. About the size of your average grade-schooler, they have huge heads and eyes. They have evolved beyond the need for sex, which must make them a very boring race indeed. This is why they have been mixing our DNA with theirs: they haven't been horny for ages. They live around Nevada and New Mexico, but they also travel to Europe.
THE REPTILIANS:
Genetically akin to reptiles, These aliens are of an advanced culture who view humans as a totally inferior race. They think of us as cattle and are reputed to consider some human organs as delicacies. Supposedly, they have a powered asteroid due to arrive in our system in the mid 1990's if all goes according to plan. They believe Earth is their own ancient outpost and expect to have complete control when they arrive after deserting their own dying planet.
Layman's Interpretation:
A lot like reptiles (which means they have that same dry, moistureless skin and corner the market on Vaseline), and they think we're dumb. Apparently taking revenge on all the times those cowboys ate an iguana, they also think we taste good. They have an asteroid due to arrive in mid-1990's, not accounting for restroom stops and flat warp drives.
HUMAN-TYPE:
Scandinavian in appearance, they are called Pleiadians. Unlike the others, this type is highly evolved in a spiritual sense. They have benevolent feeling towards humans and are the only aliens we should trust. They once offered their assistance to human governments but were refused, so they're now making overtures to individuals instead. They claim to be the forefathers of the human race, but don't spend much time on Earth due to problems at home.
Layman's Interpretation:
Good skiiers, the Pleiadians are very spiritual and are trusting. They were not allowed to help us by way of governments (must have been the Carter administration), so now they talk to people via Geraldo and Rikki Lake. They claim to be the forefathers of the human race (busy little minks!) but have domestic problems on their home world and don't hang around Earth as a result. (Dante209)
Why does that fat lady next door always end up bending over when I pass the window? Ewwww - Cringe! (Jimbo 9899)
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duck duck duck duck duck duck duck duck duck duck duck duck duck duck duck duck duck duck duck duck duck duck duck duck duck duck duck duck (LexyPerson)
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Why don't Heckler's On-Line employees like square dancing? It's because they hear the word hoedown and think one of their co-workers has been shot. (CivilWar49)
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I only submit things so I can see that warming message, "Your mail has been sent."
It's another small reminder that I am alive. (CivilWar49)
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I beg to differ. (SMAC48)
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The ingredients of my shampoo lists both ammonium laureth sulfate & ammonium lauryl sulfate. Is there that much of a difference? (Skidmo1)
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History is boring. I mean--what is the significance of a class about things that already happened? (AlexS 81)
I personally believe that Bill and Hillary's announcement that they are trying to have another child is the lowest form of political maneuvering I've ever heard! They "blew" it in every aspect possible - Billy boy has ruined this country far more so than Nixon every could have - no one respects him - everyone hates Hillary - to come up with this "scheme" is the lowest upon lows simply because no one can imagine Hillary spreading her legs to no man - especially Bill!
Nice Try!! (DebFlem)
Hugo. Man of a Thousand Faces. (DelAguila)
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pink pants (LemonPi)
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I believe if not for the hundreds of jokes against them, chickens would rule
to world, and crush roads, instead of crossing them. just a thought
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I've always wanted to be in a circus family. No wait, that's the Family Circus. Duh! Isn't Billy cute though? (WLW Troub) (WLW Troub)
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My mother is so stupid.... How stupid is she? She's so stupid yesterday she tripped over the cordless phone!!!! (RON5)
Do you realize that over 63% of nearly two million is 1,260,000? This is obvious evidence of a shadow organization made up of everyone you hate and responsible for every societal problem for the past 100 years. If you send lots of money to us, we'll make everything happy again. (Empath1646)
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E=mc2 (Tiger Spot)
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How do you tell a male chromosome from a female chromosome?
Pull down their genes! HA! HA! (SHoneywell)
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i really DO love macauly culkin, why do my friends laugh when i say that? (GelbJ27)
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I heard this cool story: There were these forest fires in California, and when they were over, the firefighters found this dead guy with a wetsuit and a snorkel lying on the ground. They figured out that he had been swimming off the coast, and the planes had scooped him up and dumped him on the fire! (ELYN42)
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its a good thing they picked blue for the newest m+m color or else i would have mistaken any other color for a skittle (GelbJ27)
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All this backwards spelling stuff is screwing me up. I'm a dyslexic agnostic. I don't believe in Dog. (CivilWar49)
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There will never be a colorful post as succintly powerful as "Blue...no wait...Red!" I bow my head in awe. Let us not lessen it's omniscience by allowing copycats to diminish it's shining beauty in this wasteland. (CivilWar49)
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Every time I get irate at some idiot on the road, and stay funing long enough to remember the moron when I get home, I call in utter disgust, but to my frustration, no one ever answers at 1-800-EAT-S***. (CivilWar49)
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I was sitting in my survey of Biological Sciences class and my instructor was discussing the theory of cohesivness. He then spontaneously launched into an autobiographical story of when he was a young boy visiting his neighbor's rabbit hutch. See, the rabbits had just produced a litter of baby rabbits and he wanted to see them. "Be careful," his neighbor said. "Keep our mouth closed! If the caterpillers can count your teeth, you'll die!" ....God, I hope that isn't on the test! (Devan82689)
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"I ain't gonna bump wit no big, fat woman!" (Devan82689)
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In Ren and Stimpy, they play a board game called Don't Whiz On The Electric Fence. (EnsRJ20000)
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Excuse me, sir...
Bite me. (EnsRJ20000)
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Here is an example of how pathetic I am:
My band is called "International House of the Compulsive What Squardon In A Blender". (EnsRJ20000)
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This reminds me of my first marraige. We got married in the am so if it didnt work, we wouldnt waste the whole day (RETAILMNGT)
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I was on a plane today and wondered as the flight attendant talked about the seat cushion being used as a flotation device "How does that help me if we crash in the Sierra Nevadas?" and "Did the passengers on that that ValueJet flight think that they might be able to use their seat cushions?"
I suppose that I'd rather the airlines keep their flotation devices and invest in maintenance and maintainees. That's it. Did I win anything? No?
Ok, I'll have some peanuts then. Have a nice day, wherever your final destination may be. (ENH2O)
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Shoes can make great bee hives.
Trees can make good dog houses.
I am the player,
you are confused. (WEIRDALRLZ)
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"Here comes your big, black, shiny rubber love yam!" LaytexChik (LaytexChik)
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There once was a girl named Gwentholyn
My how she could make mashed potatoes
She fell in love with a buggy whip
Come, let us lean on the river.
(Betiboop51) (BetiBoop51)
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Help, I've tripped and I can't come down (Cassy246)
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i think the random game is the best game in HO. really. it is. (LexyPerson)
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Why do you people torment me?? (SMAC48)
Once, upon the refridgerator, the lowly weasel men were goaded into a frenzy. The Tybaltian cocineros had bitten their thumbs at the righteous quadrupeds. A battle, unmatched forevermore, ensued. The carnage spilled out onto the floor, into the vegetable bin, and upon the infuriated green parrot. He, known as Budinsky of the Orange Eyes, devoured all the warriors in a fit of rage. Then he performed the ceremonial Stevie Wonder Neck Dance and ate a candle.
And then there was darkness (ELYN42)
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If all the world's a stage, and we are mearly players... then i want to talk to someone about the raise that's due to me!! (GAughey)
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Hubba, Hubba, Mooooooooooooo!!!!! (SPOrca)
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Damned to a madman's Hell!! I'm not under the alfluence of inkohol, but some popels say I are. By the way, I hope that some day I can laugh at you all to the face, as you finish flipping the second burger, as I write the history of aluminum on the sidewalk. Mooooooooooooooooooooooo!?!?!?!?!?!?! (SPOrca)
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you lied to me I LIVE!!!!!!!! (TSCarrot)
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okay (Tyger99)
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How can you tell a blonde has been at the computer?
There's whiteout marks all over the screen! (BrhSnow)
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The day was a gentle cool as the brillant sun shined gently upon the windswept sand. Ocean waves crashing over the bleached sand thundered through the air while gulls scurried over the.............AHHHHHHH, ALIENS ARE ATTACKING MY BRAIN! (Skidmo1)
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At the eye doctor's clinic there is a sign that says: If you can't read this your in the right place (I is CAB)
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Wonder how often people get "reamed" by their paper suppliers........ (CivilWar49)
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So, if YOU submit a winning entry, do YOU get the free time or is it sent to another random AOL member? Just wondering. Can you win a random amount of time too? Like 'pi' hours (3.141459....) or the square root of two hours? It is totally random, right? If I ask a lot of stupid questions, can I get more free time? Can I opt for another prize like a HO hat instead? And who the heck am I typing all of this to? Is it even being read by anyone? Is it just cut and pasted to some dead collection file somewhere and then posted so everyone else can ignore it too? I think I've wasted enough of my time on this entry (and yours, if you were dumb enough to read the whole thing). Anyone who does read this should get a prize for putting up with this nonsense. This foolish game is beginning to tick me off now anyway. Later, (KenTheLuza)
The GOOD news is that we finally have some RANDOM winners! They were chosen, of course, randomly, by a judge picked at random from the street. We have FOUR Random Winners, and they ARE:
Number 1:
*****
Skidmo1 for "Aliens Are Eating My Brain" (We know how you feel, Skid)
Award: ONE hour.
Number 2, a special Multimedia award:
*****
Mister T01 for "O.J. Multitrack"
Award: THREE hours.
Number 3:
*****
Splatgrl13 for "An Explanation of Tardiness"
Award: 120 Minutes.
And Number 4:
*****
Dante209 for "The Three Types of Aliens Among Us" (Thanks, Dante, although we already knew all this)
Award: TWO hours
The BAD news is that the Random Game is actually a sting operation of the F.B.I., implemented to find those of you out there in the online world that are REALLY sick. Sorry to betray you, but, they offered us our very own badges and Ray-Bans. We couldn't refuse.
So congratulations to the winners, and sorry about the prison terms!