I got plenty of popcorn left, anyone want a handful?...Oh, well, I'll just keep silently munching away then...
why is it that everyone gets sick at the same time, and i don't get anything, but a month later i get the flu from hell and no one else is home sick to talk to? we need to coordinate these things better. (Shilorider)
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this game is fun. (Shilorider)
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does anyone else get that little rush of adrenaline when they see their names in here. yeah, so? shut up! (Shilorider)
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i'm gonna bake christmas cookies soon...and make chex mix. then i have to shop. maybe i'll just give cookies this year. (Shilorider)
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no, what am i thinking? the cookies are mine! (Shilorider)
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if anyone doesn't want their tokens, i'll take them. i never get sick of eating them. (Shilorider)
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Totsie! (Lt RJ)
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you know you said not to press the or key but i pressed it a lot and it didn't do anything. (Spookie607)
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i like the way you work it no diggety (Spookie607)
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Where's mah toast, dammit? (Lt RJ)
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I am Magog and this is Random Come. (Lt RJ)
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You know that SOB in a Porche that cuts you off on the freeway? My supreme goal in life is to become that SOB. (Lt RJ)
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I think they may be on to something with this "X-Men - Star Trek" crossover deal. Don King could make big bucks off of this, but then, Don King could make big bucks off of anything. (Lt RJ)
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If the Six-Million Dollar Man fought the Bionic Woman, wo would win? (Kumantes)
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Say, anyone know another word for polystyrone? (Tocadisco)
--
FIRST ROUND MATCHUPS, COLUMN ONE
Galactus vs. Q
Banshee vs. Scotty
Enterprise vs. Blackbird
Starfleet vs. Shi'Ar Empire (Lt RJ)
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Pointless facts: You can feed 24 people with one ostrich egg.The
word "girl" shows up in the Bible only once. Turtles don't have
any teeth. 39% of all Americans think the best way to get rich
is win the lottery. The common housefly's average lifespan is
only 2 weeks. Just thought I'd mention all that. (Kumantes)
--
FIRST ROUND MATCHUPS, SECOND COLUMN
Professor Xavier-Captain Picard (battle of the bald guys!)
Nightcrawler-Transporter
Cyclops-Geordi LaForge
Klingon Warbird-Magneto (Lt RJ)
--
FIRST ROUND OUTCOMES, COLUMN ONE
Q-Galactus: Q points his finger at Lactaid-er, Galactus- and he
shrinks to Tom Thumb size. Q steps on him.
Banshee-Scotty: Banshee kicks the crap out of the drunken Scotty.
Enterprise-Blackbird: With Iceman at the helm, the Blackbird puts
up a valiant fight but, since it has no weapons, it goes bye bye.
Starfleet-Shi'Ar Empire: The Shi'Ar are involved in several
rebellions in their empire so they are easily crushed by
Starfleet, even though the Shi'Ar have them cool bird dudes. (Lt RJ)
--
FIRST ROUND OUTCOMES, COLUMN TWO
Xavier-Picard: Picard's cranium shine blinds Xavier for a moment, long enough for Picard to whip out his phaser...
Nightcrawler-Transporter: Initially meant to be a teleportation race, it turned into a fight as Nightcrawler smashed the control panel, got electric shock, recovered and smashed the unit with a crowbar.
Cyclops-LaForge: Optic blast to the groin- and that's the end of it.
Klingon Warbird-Magneto: Mags pries off the wings, and goom-bye Charlie. (Lt RJ)
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Oi, this is getting tiring. Q wins the whole thing, kills everyone. G'night. (Lt RJ)
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One day, two lepers and a mentally ill person were at a party. The ill man mistook the lepers for chip dip and ate every ounce of them. (GSmak1)
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SPAM is good SPAM is great SPAM is full of crabohydrate.
So it wasn't that funny, it doesn't mean you have to make fun of me.
SHUT UP! LEAVE ME ALONE! (Big Derka)
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Three workers were discussing just how smart there dogs were. To demonstrate the non-union guy called to Sliderule, his dog, to go and get a half dozen cookies out of the cupboard. Sliderule went and did exactly as told. The Union worker called to his dog, Striker, to fetch some milk and pour seven onces into a ten ounce glass. Sure enough...Striker performed as advertised. That's when the Government worker called upon to his dog, CoffeeBreak,
to perform. Well CoffeeBreak drank the milk, ate the cookies, screwed the other two dogs, howled about his bad back, filed for worker's compensation, and went home on sick leave. (Groovedog2)
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He said, "Mither, Mither! Where is Fadir, Fadir?" (MooGeneric)
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Everyone else is getting sick so why can't I? (MooGeneric)
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This last Halloween I just didn't get into the spirit of things. I left my lights off so that no trick-or-treaters would come to my house. About nine 0'clock there is this loud banging at the door. I open the door to find this eight year old standing there in front of me. He has blue-jeans, t-shirt, and an earring on.
I figure that he decided to dress up as a juvenile delinquent for Halloween. Well, when I opened the door and looked at this little rug-rat he opens his paper grocery bag and says, "Hey mister, you have any candy left?" No trick-or-treat for this kid...he just wants the goods. Well; like I said before...I wasn't really into the spirit this year so I, in fact, didn't have any candy. So I gave him one of my cigarettes. Now before you all get all upset and all; I'll have you know that the kid's response was "Gee, thanks, mister!!" I really made that little
boy's Halloween and I feel good now because that's what it's all about. (Groovedog2)
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So I'm cruising along the beach of Corpus Christi at 2500' in my trusty T-34C Turbomentor. I can barely make out all of the people sunbathing at the beach on a wednesday morning...while I'm at work!!! Then I wish I was in the Peruvian Navy cuz then I'd have a machine gun and bombs on the plane. (Groovedog2)
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Why are people always watching me?! (CENTAURI3)
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I wish there was a swash-buckling school. (Groovedog2)
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My boss is currently in with the HO Mafia.....How do I know? (Insert really lame HO joke here) (Niancul)
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You guys have an I.Q. lower than a large hippopotamus with a lobotomy, my dead cat has deeper thoughts in her little finger than all of you combined into one person and multiplied by infinity (anything times 0 is still 0 since I knew you would never figure it out). Wait, is this heckle feedback? (Rit12345)
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My computer will now randomly generate a sentence: Oh look what do you know it picked: "Helcklers Online is the coolest place on the internet and I should get a lot of tokens for this entry." (SIM Being)
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you can hit return now, look
It's incredible, I hit return, I hit return!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So post a message, everyone isn't as quick as me!!!!! (Rit12345)
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ha, ha, I just made you read a bunch of code which you should be able to break, I'm boycotting if I don't win something, I've never won any tokens or free hours, just because I've paid you a grand total of $9.95 over 3 1/2 months and given out my address and password to 2 friends still having 30 hours left so I can play the random game for 1hr. and a half is no reason for me to get squat, my entries yesterday were pure genius, so why won't you post them? :) : -8== (Rit12345)
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There is an unfortunate person/ Who did messily spew/ Right in
the middle of algebra class/ And when he was finally through/ He
was left with a giant messy ooze/ Congealing on the floor/
Regretting the moment, promising that/ Hell never spew anymore/
(Murksras)
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So there were these two guys standing around the fire. The first
guy had a monkey and the second had peanut butter. Suddenly a
rock fell on the first guys head. In the confusion he dumped his
monkey in the second guys peanut butter. The first guy yells
"HEY YOU GOT PEANUT BUTTER ON MY MONKEY" and the second guy yells
"NO YOU GOT MONKEY ON MY PEANUT BUTTER!" So that's how Reeces
monkey cups were invented. (KnobbyNogg)
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I always wondered why people became proctologists. Are there
sick little kids out there that say I wanna be a butt doctor when
I grow up! (KnobbyNogg)
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Get ready......set.........Go!!
Iwasonceaguyfromdeluthwhoboughtafatbagofpebblesandtookthemonatrai
ntoSt.PeteresburgbutthetraingotderailedsoIhadtoditchtherocksinthe
lakesonoonewhouldfindthem. (The minutes of the wicked quick
liars contest) (KnobbyNogg)
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I'm gonna type as many of these stupid things as I like!!! Ahhh HA HA HA HA-------- Evil laughter (KnobbyNogg)
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Sick of me yet? (KnobbyNogg)
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TOO BAD! (KnobbyNogg)
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So I was walking down the street and I met this guy with a finger in his ear. He said "I can't hear what your saying". I told him that it was because he didn't have his glasses on. (KnobbyNogg)
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If you put a shell up to your ear you hear the ocean but you doing hear shells when you get water in there. Why is that? (KnobbyNogg)
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Once upon a time there was this guy named Mr. peanut but his friends called him phil. Now Phil was a good peanut he was not too salty and not too crunchy he was considered one of the best Peanuts in the world and one day he decided to go no an adventure so he did, he went hunting and had a lot of fun he shot about 20 or 30 elephants and 4 people then one day he met a bear it was a very large bear his name was fred phil tried to shoot fred but
his hyper-kinetic electron gun misfired and he accidently turned himself into a large pencil he thought he might be saved but fred ate him anyway (Capn Zing)
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Government made me do it. By Mr. Pickle.
There I was alone in a tree when I saw Lee Harvy walking peacfully below me. He had a smile on his face like he had just done something wicked. So I hit him in the head with a brick. Later on during my trial I blamed the whole torrid afair on.......We inturrupt this program to bring this verry important
message. We know where you live. You cannot hide any longer. Now back to our show. So that is how meatloaf can be a critical part of America's education system. (KnobbyNogg)
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Listen to this one. The Gubment wants to teach us morality by pressuring music companies to only produce un offensive song titles. Now do we need the Gubment to babysit our kids? Well...yup That because we all have to work to pay our taxes so that the gubment can watch our kids so that we can work to pay our taxes so that the Gubment can watch our kids. Get it stupid!
(KnobbyNogg)
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the meaning of life belongs in the bottom of a beer bottle
(Beaker16)
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I Liiiiiike this game (KnobbyNogg)
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You never need to be without a friend as long as you have the
pocket weasle. Buy one today (KnobbyNogg)
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Spam will one day unite the earth! (Beaker16)
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Tell me I was on a bus moving south at fourty miles an hour and another bus with Mrs. Clinton on board was headed in the opposite direction at 60 miles an hour, how long would it take to talk the bus driver into becoming kamakazi pilot? (KnobbyNogg)
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I like socks. Socks are great. I wear socks all the time. (Smiley6288)
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It's a little know fact that Lima beans grow best when tucked neatly inside Martha Stewart's belly button (KnobbyNogg)
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Studies show that lab rats can cause cancer in some scientists (KnobbyNogg)
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If you talk spanish to a martian he will not understand you so don't try it (KnobbyNogg)
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Bring me you tired your poor? what kind of nation are we trying to build here? (KnobbyNogg)
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Space the final frontier unless of course you count New Jersy nobody goes there anymore (KnobbyNogg)
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I used to be a loser but now I'm drinking milk and now I have this cool mustach! Bring on the ladies (KnobbyNogg)
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Would you like to buy some solar powered flashlights? (TTudor1020)
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Hey, Chico, get off your ass and post these entries. What the
fu...a mosquito!?! Nevermind, where was I? Oh yeah, get off
your ass and post the entries, now. (ChrisIzzo)
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Thump, thump,........."Is this thing on?"...........WHHWHHHHHWHIRRRRRRRR ..."Can you hear me back there? Harold, turn up the mike!" (MJRay3)
--
Aaah...the summer of 96, when anarchy was our cry and we showed no mercy. Those were the days. I remember back when I was merely IZZO and not the spiffy new ChrisIzzo. Wait, it's that damn mosquito again, it landed on the keyboard, stay there just one second you little bastard...jhtnlk! Got the little SOB! Now, where was I? Oh yeah, ~~Memories...~~ (ChrisIzzo)
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How come I don't get tokens? I never even got my damn hour for my first post! What's wrong with these people? (ChrisIzzo)
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Hey, remember the girl on the bus? (ChrisIzzo)
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I struck out with her. (ChrisIzzo)
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A friend of mine quit smoking and the next day he got run over by a Marlborro truck. I guess either way you look at it, cigarettes are bad for you. (MJRay3)
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She ended up going out with this real asshole, not a fake one, mind you, but a real one. Anyhow, I just sat back with my friends and watched it all. I gave it two weeks tops, predicted that they would break up, reunite for a few days and end up hating each other. (ChrisIzzo)
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And you know what? (ChrisIzzo)
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I was right! (ChrisIzzo)
--
Antidisestablishmentarianism said backwards is: OH DEAR LORD MAKE
THE PAIN STOP!!!!!!! (Fig Mage 2)
--
Let me now share with you some words of wisdom that have long inspired me. (ChrisIzzo)
--
Young man, there's no need to feel down
I said, young man, pick yourself off the ground
I said, young man, 'cause your in a new town
There's no need to be unhappy
Young man, there's a place you can go
I said, young man, when you're short on your dough
You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find
Many ways to have a good time.
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.
They have everything for young men to enjoy
You can hang out with all the boys.
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.
You can get yourself clean
You can have a good meal
You can do whatever you feel.
Young man, are you listening to me
I said, young man, what do you want to be
I said, young man, you can make real your dreams
But you've got to know this one thing.
No man, does it all by himself
I said, young man, put your pride on the shelf
And just go there, to the Y.M.C.A.
I'm sure they can help you today.
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.
They have everything for young men to enjoy
You can hang out with all the boys.
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.
You can get yourself clean
You can have a good meal
You can do whatever you feel.
Young man, I was once in your shoes
I said, I was down and out with the blues
I felt, no man cared if I was alive
I felt the whole world was so jive.
That's when someone came up to me
And said, young man, take a walk up the street
There's a place there called the Y.M.C.A.
They can start you back on your way.
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.
They have everything for young men to enjoy
You can hang out with all the boys.
Y.M.C.A.
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.
Young man, young man, there's no need to feel down
Young man, young man, pick yourself off the ground.
Y.M.C.A.
Just go to the Y.M.C.A.
Young man, young man, I was once in your shoes
Young man, young man, I was out with the blues. (ChrisIzzo)
--
Oh, well, back to visit my gold old friend Jack Daniels and his morning after band. Goodnight and God Bless. (ChrisIzzo)
--
In the fiberoptic weave of ideals being freely exchanged, a unanimous vote from the skewed paradigms of an individual person resonates semi-clearly that, yea, I have gotten my pizza in thirty words or less. I see, so you intone to my radiant circle of light now, my dear friendly non-aquantance. I wonder, how much apocrypha will you need before you realize that you should
not be reading this? It's all bunk, you realize that, don't you? Alas, such is not the way. I wish I could, but I can't. So long, earl. (Devian C)
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I am the Antibuddha. My name's Bubba. "Yo, Bart, hand me a can of True Enlightenment, Twenty Proof!" (Devian C)
--
We are going to rigorously evaluate your subconscious desires and wishes and punish you accordingly. (VioletPrsn)
--
LATE NIGHT CINEMAX
Need I say more?? (Forty9erss)
--
I am happy that I have now been heard. It's cool to be me sometimes. Like I'm on the top of the world I am. It's cold up here. (TroubWLW)
--
After 20 years of paranoia-driven research, and endless hours checking and rechecking his calculations, Robert had finally come to the conclusion that the sun would not exhaust its fuel and go super-nova for another 6 billion years. "I can finally stop worrying", he thought, moments before the frozen bag of human excrement, inadvertantly released from 30,000 feet by a passing
airliner, crashed through the roof of his home, killing him instantly. (JS2426)
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I find myself just scrolling through the entries and if I recognize a screen name thats been in the game a while, I pause and read their entry. It saves a lot of time. (Croaker34)
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By the way, I still haven't received an hour or tokens from the final batch of Law and Order winners. (Croaker34)
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I find Dante303's anger with Dante101 having a similar screen name to be quite comical. I wouldn't be surprised if there are over a 1000 screen names using the name Dante. It's not like it is very original. (Croaker34)
--
If you can't find the "Tickle me Elmo" for Christmas, please consider the following alternatives: Finger me Ernie, Blow me Bert, or even Spank Me Snoopy. (Yeah, yeah, I sent this into the Top Ten list also, but damnit this is for Tokens!!!!!!) (VonHeIsing)
--
twisted news for you twisted people....
Lucky Dog
October, 1993--Europa Times
"We will not have him put down. Lucky is basically a damn good guide dog," Ernst Gerber, a dog trainer from Wuppertal told reporters. "He just needs a little brush-up on some elementary skills, that's all."
Gerber admitted to the press conference that Lucky, a German shepherd guide-dog for the blind, had so far been responsible for the deaths of all four of his previous owners. "I admit it's not an impressive record on paper. He led his first owner in front of a bus, and the second off the end of a pier. He actually pushed his third owner off a railway platform just as the Cologne to Frankfurt Express was approaching and he walked his fourth owner into heavy traffic, before abandoning him and running away to safety. But, apart from epileptic fits, he has a lovely temperament. And guide dogs are difficult to train these days."
Asked if Lucky's fifth owner would be told about his previous record, Gerber replied: "No. It would make them nervous, and would make Lucky nervous. And when Lucky gets nervous he's liable to do something silly."
Thought you'd all appreciate that little tidbit of Europa news! (Pretti 0ne)
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Have you ever just sat and thought...why am I here? Who am I? What's the purpose of all this? I do it alot..then I get really depressed and go get a beer or something... (Pretti 0ne)
--
I woke up christmas morning,
My boyriend was dead,
Reindeer came down the chimney,
And steped on his head. (Storm0293)
--
I often wonder how they get that little ship into that little
glass bottle. Somebody out there must be a genius. (SMAC48)