Snipeless In Seattle

OK, so HO is in Alabama, but you should see how hard it is to make my name fit in to the title of an age. HO Myrrh was hit by a large truck, beaten by 14 LAPD cops, and blown across the street by a landmine yesterday. When the police got to the scene, she was thrown in jail for jaywalking. Hopefully she'll be out by next week. Until then, you
guys have to deal with me. BWAHAHAHAHA.

First up this week are the 10-token winners,
because, well, because I said so!

Subject: Begat THIS!
Date: Fri, Feb 27, 1998 20:38 EST
From: ChiaDork

And Michael begat Simon who begat Mark who begat Peter who begat Joshua who begat Adam who begat David who begat that guy whom AOL recorded "Welcome!" from.
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Subject: Re: Chlamydia
Date: Sat, Feb 28, 1998 23:54 EST
From: Krissy Lin

You'd think every Tom, Dick, and Harry would be named Bob.. but you know, they're not.>>

Thats cause they're named Tom, Dick, and Harry respectively.
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Subject: Blunderwear
Date: Fri, Feb 27, 1998 01:47 EST
From: MitchRK
Message-id: <19980227064701.BAA15804@ladder03.news.aol.com>

People used to think I often don't wear underwear because I think it's sexy or something. Truth is, most mornings I just can't get the underwear drawer open.

Well, as you can see, it's looking mighty promising this week, huh? OK, maybe not, but here's some more 10-token winners anyway.
Subject: wha?
Date: Thu, Feb 26, 1998 15:55 EST
From: Puterweeny

Just an observation.......shouldn't lisp be spelled L-i-t-h-p ?
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Subject: Warning
Date: Sun, Mar 1, 1998 18:50 EST
From: PsykoFish

Just a few words of caution before everyone REALLY overreacts to this Clinton-sex scandal: President Gore.
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Subject: Re: Have the ABWoG people lost their minds?
Date: Sun, Mar 1, 1998 22:13 EST
From: IGiveIn

>>My stepbrother did that for a while. Now he's on a fishing boat in Alaska. I dunno what he's discovering up there.>>

Crabs.

Whew! All this excitement is getting to me. Speaking of excitement, there are two 15 token winners this week. The first is DrSalina for her post on The Back of the Random Game Box, which is far too long to post here. The second is USAmen who came back for an extremely short thread, but it was enough to notch himself some tokens.
Subject: Excerpts from "Fatherhood" by USAmen
Date: Tue, Mar 3, 1998 03:25 EST
From: USAmen

Chapter 1, p. 5

.....It all started when the doctor who delivered my son said to me, "No sex for a month!" I looked at him in confusion at first, before I realized what he really meant to say to me was "No sex with her for a month." I can live with that -- I was running out of excuses anyway. So off I went to the tobacco store to pick up a supply of "It's a boy" cigars, and then to my dart match at the bar. I didn't buy the cigars because I had any great
desire to give all those freeloaders a free smoke. I bought them for one reason and one reason only: I knew that when I was handing them out to the guys at the bar, more than one unsuspecting woman would make the mistake of saying to me, "What do I get?" Much to my disappointment, the first taker was Patty the skank. Without hesitation, I answered her query by reaching into my pocket and whipping out a Macanudo and saying, "Here, have a cigar."

Alrighty, now we're getting to the really big winners this week. There's only three more left, so if you're not one of them you need to read no further. First up is Atani, who, if you get through all of the crap in his thread actually said a couple funny things this week. 20 tokens to him/her/it.
Subject: Re: My Purty Thread
Date: Thu, Feb 26, 1998 00:31 EST
From: Atani7

Tips on Computer Usage:
When the thunder makes you fling your mouse across the room, it's time to sign off until the storm passes...
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Subject: Re: ::screams::
Date: Sun, Mar 1, 1998 23:03 EST
From: Atani7

>>All the cool people are dead.>>

I guess this explains why I'm still alive after the 28 gunshot wounds to the face...

Some people might be worried that I'm planning to give a lot of tokens away to members of my posse. Just to prove I'm not showing any favoritism (this isn't even a word, is it?) here's 25 tokens to Brian.
Subject: Re: Brian's attempt at a thread
Date: Sat, Feb 28, 1998 17:16 EST
From: BrianJ718

If I was Steve Case, I would be worried about getting bombed seeing as American Online's rate increase now makes it cheaper to rent a U-Haul than it does to keep Aol membership.
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Subject: Re: Brian's attempt at a thread
Date: Sun, Mar 1, 1998 23:20 EST
From: BrianJ718

I'm the popotanus of love. But everyone just calls me "hippo."

The BIG prize of 30 tokens goes this week to.....
:::::drumroll:::::
GOO! Congrats Goo on a week of posting well done.
Subject: Re: Newstyle, Freestyle, Random Jamdom!!!
Date: Thu, Feb 26, 1998 23:57 EST
From: SGood42

I think Casper just used that ol "Friendly Ghost" routine to get the ladies. in fact..behind closed doors i bet he was more like Casper The Bitch Slapping Ghost kind anyways....
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Subject: Re: Newstyle, Freestyle, Random Jamdom!!!
Date: Thu, Feb 26, 1998 23:58 EST
From: SGood42

You know I really hate it when the power goes of when your in the shower. Cause for that one brief second the though goes through my mind," Ok did the power just go out or did i slip and hit my head on the tub and now i'm dead...cause if I am I think i'll stop scrubbing"
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Subject: Re: Newstyle, Freestyle, Random Jamdom!!!
Date: Mon, Mar 2, 1998 22:44 EST
From: SGood42

>>I don't know how long balloons have been around, but I think condoms were around longer. Usually made out of sheep intestines or eel skins. In Virginia City, Nevada, they have a Red Light District museum where they show things from the old west days. Condom packages, what an abortion was like back then, etc. It's really gross.>>

Wow....your birthday parties when you were a kid must have reallllly sucked.

Well, that's it for the week. Not very many winners, but that's because there wasn't very much that was funny this week. As for the name of the age, this will probably be my last week here. I've enjoyed my stay here at the Random Game, and I'll remember it always. Remember to stay original, stay funny, and most important of all: STAY RANDOM.

This is Petey Snipes signing off. (BTW....someone really needs to go to Jersey to help Myrrh with the bail.)