The Bridge to Next Week

I think we can sum up this week in the Random Game in three short phrases: Shut Up!, You're a Real Freakin' Nipple!, and Bite Me! (Okay, so this may sum up the last month--real big difference.) But, I'm gonna go a different way and sum up the winners in one phrase: Not funny ha-ha, not funny strange, maybe not even funny.
So, let's begin!

First up, some 10-token winners. That's right 10 tokens to LKiller007.
It's about time.

Subject: Re: Miss Aimee's Refrigerator
From: LKiller007
>> Why didn't anyone tell me that yesterday was national procrastination day?!?! I've been practicing all year for that day and I MISSED IT!!!!! All that procrastination and for what? Nothing, that's what! >>

Don't worry Aimee, they decided to change it to a later date.
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Subject: Re: STPrat is high.....AGAIN
From: STPrat2
Ya know.......I was a thinkin' again....what is life? And what's heaven and hell...and religion in general......I wanna know the answers......oh...hey, I guess I'm in the wrong place for that......damn, I gotta quit thinking so much.....
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Subject: Re: Dreams of falling..
From: XFoTwenny
>>>Sometimes when I wake up from one of those falling dreams...
I wonder...
What would happen if I actually hit the ground before I woke up...>>>

That actually happened to me once...The class thought it was pretty funny. So did the teacher, but he threw me out anyway.
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Subject: Re: FUR BALL
From: The Kat 4u
when idiots puts darwin's theory to the test, this is the basis to to most of fox's TV shows...

FOX may be a good target, but did you know ABC actually finished behind FOX in the ratings last week? I don't think we really need to worry about America until FOX finishes second. Maybe it wouldn't be time to really worry then either, just time to buy stock. At any rate, 25 tokens to Goo.
Subject: Re: Newstyle, Freestyle, Random Jamdom!!!
From: SGood42
I think the people at FOX should just go ahead and buy the Jerry Springer show and just air a new episode each week as a special series called, "When White Trash Attacks"
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Subject: Re: Newstyle, Freestyle, Random Jamdom!!!
From: SGood42
i finally realized that the "M" in "ATM" actually stands for "Mmm Mmm Mmm your credit card tastes so good i think I'm going to eat it!".......I hate my bank.
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Subject: Re: Newstyle, Freestyle, Random Jamdom!!!
From: SGood42
I wonder if up in heaven that when the angels get bored do they lay on the ground and look down at the earth and go.."Hey look that land mass kinda looks like a bunny!" " Oh!! If you turn your head to the side that one over there kinad looks like a horse!"
Then of course you get that one imaginative angel that would go,' Where is it?? All I can see is land masses!"

ChiaDork and Atani's mini-winning streaks continue. 15 tokens to both.
Subject: Happiness is submission to God
From: ChiaDork
There's this church by my house that has a huge sign that says "Happiness is submission to God". Tomorrow night, we're gonna add "zilla" at the end. Much more appropriate.
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Subject: literate.
From: ChiaDork
You know, before I learned how to read, I would drive down the street see little kids being helped across the street by a crossing guard holding up a big stop sign and I would think "Cool! He's holding up a target for me!" and aim for the kid he seemed to be pointing to.

Life was a lot more fun when I was illiterate.
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Subject: Re: Loser Makes Good
From: Atani7
Eat
Drink
Be Mary
Then deny all knowledge of cross-dressing.
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Subject: Re: Loser Makes Good
From: Atani7
Ode to coffee:

Weeeeeeeeeeee! Wahooo!! Yeeeeeeehaaaaawww!!! ::runs around for 15 minutes screaming:: Yeah!!! ::collapses on floor::

In a totally unjustifiable move--30 tokens to SoupEater for his posts this week, which included his online manual on how to kill someone with a spoon. Only the first installment is posted here, as the rest have been seized by the Independent Counsel after a spoon was reportedly found next to James McDougal's body, who of course died earlier this week after refusing to take a Random drug test. It can't be coincidence. . .
Subject: Re: The Jerry Lewis Soup-A-Thon Thread.
From: SoupEater
When planning to kill somebody with a spoon, it is important to purchase the murder weapon at least 8 months in advance, so the authorities will have trouble tracing you.
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Subject: Re: The Jerry Lewis Soup-A-Thon Thread.
From: SoupEater
So I'm looking in this magazine, and there's an tourism ad to try to make people vacation in Lincoln City, Oregon, and their slogan--I am not making this up--is "The wind isn't all that blows around here." And then there's a picture of this whale blowing out of its blowhole. All I can say is I'm going.

After three slips in judgment, these three posts end up with 10 tokens.
Subject: Re: Mr Onliner's Cavalcade of Whimsy
From: Mr Onliner
If Curly Howard was really into the army and stuff, he might change his middle name to ROTC. Then his initials would be CROTCH!


I'm retarded.
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Subject: Park it here
From: MitchRK
What's the frequency, Kenneth?


Kenneth?


Oh, my god! They killed Kenneth! You bastards!
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Subject: Re: Brian's attempt at a thread
From: BrianJ718
My mother is grounding my brother in the hope that he will stop electrocuting himself.

And after two moments of questionable judgment, 10 tokens for these posts.
Subject: Re: 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon
From: IGiveIn
{Oops, I mean "But can I link Mr Onliner to Kevin Bacon?"}

Well, if they both have Web Pages, all it takes is a simple line of HTML code...
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Subject: Re: Mr. Ring in my Pants
From: InsaneInOR
>>::sighs::
::bangs head repeatedly on the wall::
C'mon, give me a concussion please! I can't take this!
::hits self on the head with Louisville Slugger:: (Atani)>>

Ok kids - everybody watch the funny man!

Yay! Do it again! Do it again!

Ok, My turn.

I don't think Krissy intentionally meant to make this post funny. In fact, I might just be looking at RG posts *too* hard. So, in a complete lapse of good judgment, 10 tokens to Krissy Lin.
Subject: Re: Kill Me
From: Krissy Lin
>>Oh, and one of my friends had a French teacher who would stick an unruly pupil's head in the windowsill and bring the window down on their neck, yelling "GUILLOTINE! GUILLOTINE!". Needless to say, that teacher is no longer teaching.>>

We had a Spanish teacher at our school (Mr. Castro) and he was just the most phycotic person ever to have a teachers lisense. He knew that he was gone at the end of the year, so he just went nuts. He threw desks at kids on a regular basis. At the end of the year, not only was he fired, but he was also deported back to wherever it is he came form.

And finally, in my only truly good move of the week--the long post is at the end. Zornog will never learn to stop posting trailers, and I'll never learn that they shouldn't win tokens, especially not 20 tokens. But go figure, 20 tokens to Zornog.
Subject: Re: Zornog's Thread of Amusing and/or Entertaining Thoughts
From: Zornog
Say, what do you get when you cross a streetwise Chicago pimp with a 1950's Italian gangster? Besides a mass of moving goo, hilarity!

Coming soon from the WB, a show with heart, soul, and plenty of bitch slapping . . .

The Odd Couple:
For the 90's!

"The WB network has reached a new low . . . in comedy!"
-The New York Times

"Gene said it sucked. Then I kicked his ass . . . bastard."
-Roger Ebert

"ASPARAGUS!!"
-Sklagg, Lord of Asparagus

Well known pimp "Moby" Dick had it all. A nice mink coat, a sly hat with a purple feather, and his favorite, a boa named "Polly." But that all changed when his whores began to leave him. He was broke, ho-less, and he needed a quick screw and someone to slap around. So he got an apartment!

Tall, cool gangsta "Gangplank" thought he was in the 1950's, killin' off all the fuzz, but a freak time warp transported him into the future! What was Gang to do, with no friends, no guns, and no martinis? He got an apartment!

But ut-oh, Dick's apartment was also Gang's! What kind of humorous antics will come of this? Stay tuned and watch!

"Dear Lord, I can't believe the WB thought of this . . ."
-The Chicago Tribune

"BAHAHA! Yummy yummy . . ."
-Todd Dorsenfi, 9 years old

"STOP MAKING MOVIE AND TV TRAILERS!"
-HO Myrrh

So come, sit, and watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer, then stay for The Odd Couple, for the 90's! But make sure your drunk or preoccupied or something . . . damn studio producers, thinking that an hour sitcom is funny . . .

And coming soon . . .

Dusseldorf: The man from Iran . . .

And remember, if you have sexual thoughts about frogs, then the WB is just for you!


Copyright 1998 Zornog Entertainment. Please use as directed. If burning persists, call a freakin' doctor, or pray to the nearest deity. Tips on how to make an old man have a heart attack: 1. Kill his dog. 2. Remove the insides of the dog. 3. Put jelly, jello, or any other type of liquidy-type substance into the dog. 4. Wait until the old man taked the dog for a walk. 5. Step on the dog as hard as
possible. 6. Watch the fun unfold . . .

I'll also never learn that no one ever makes it this far.
Well, congrats to this week's winners.