The Age of Sloth

First off this week, we have a request:

Subject: Re: MephistoM: a fit in three spasms.
From: Dante303
>>Arrrgh! No tokens for Mephisto! Me want tokens! TOKENS! I never get any damn tokens! ARRGH! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!>>

MYRRH! Give this girl some tokens and fast! I gotta live with her like this, remember? One more week without tokens and she's gonna start getting homicidal with the drinking straws!
And for this post, Dante gets. . .no no no, she gets nothing. Alright, I kept my eyes on the look out, and I found a winner. MephistoM gets 10 tokens. (And no, they are not pity tokens, so don't ask.)
Subject: Re: Voice
From: MephistoM
>>Wouldn't it suck to have a voice like a dial tone? I mean you couldn't ever call anyone!>>

I am in awe of the sheer genius radiating from this post. ::snicker::

As for the rest of the winners this week, I'm letting you figure it out this time. If you have no posts listed here, you get 0 tokens; if you have one, you get 10 tokens; if you have two listed, you win 20 tokens, and if you have three, you get 30. (No one gets 30.)
Subject: Re: Dr. Kovorkian
From: Puterweeny
>>When I looked through my mail yesterday I noticed that I recieved a gift Certificate good for one free visit with Dr. Kovokian.>>(hardrock)

.....and use it wisely, you only get one shot.
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Subject: Re: Happy birthday to.....me.... :::sniff:::
From: Puterweeny
>>the one thing that i've observed about birthdays is: the older you get, the less happier they become...>>(Kat)

au contraire, mon ami.......the older you get, the more happy you are that you're still having birthdays.
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Subject: Re: Astoroid
From: Leiger
Well, for starters, "asteroid" is spelled wrong. But that's not all. I figure, if the damn thing's not going to hit us for another 30 years, the scienticians should be able to find SOME way to push the thing out of the way, right? If not, then... we can just pray and throw paper cups at the thing!
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Subject: Re: Phish's Schtick
From: PaulCrash
>>Note: Lasagna DOES NOT make good wallpaper.>>

Since when? (Carc)>>

I have my den wallpapered with fruit roll-ups. Gives it a distinct aroma and when I feel like a snack while I'm watching TV, I just tear off a hunk. I got the idea from Martha Stewart.
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Subject: Re: Earthquakes! YIKES
From: PaulCrash
Earthquakes save you the trouble of stirring your drink.
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Subject: Re: Caie has an announcement.
From: Stotan9876
>>It's a . . .
Snow day!!>>

>>ARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH, dammit! Just torment us Floridians, why don't you!
<< The Frog

Hey, quit complaining. You guys get hurricane days, which are at least three times as deadly.

Just interjecting with some purple italics, so that it doesn't *look* like I'm being lazy.
Subject: Re: Is online bad for you?
From: InsaneInOR
>>I know I sit here for hours on end sometimes and I was wondering... can you get brain tumors or anything from it? It's adictive power has millions of us held against our will at times online... is there any cure for this??(nothing)>>

Try this:

Stick both hands in a blender set on puree. While you still may be able to get online you won't be able to type in the above sort of drivel.

To have a brain tumor one must first have a brain...
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Subject: Mi Vida Loca
From: InsaneInOR
No rest for the wicked??

I think I just figured out the reason for my insomnia.
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Subject: Re: Boring, Oregon
From: KRinger331
>>Oregon is not boring. Really...I mean it.>>

Maybe not for you. You're InsaneinOr but I live in Portland and I'm only retarded...It's Boooring!
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Subject: Re: Behold. For i will unveil to you my balls
From: Odaeyss
Dear lord...

Can we trade this thread in for a few about poop? Those are at least amusing in their mediocrity... this thread is just frightening...
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Subject: Re: subject
From: Odaeyss
>>entry>>

>Insert humorous post about various topics on the word "entry here.>

>Insert humorous remark about my previous uses of "Insert" here.>
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Subject: Re: Bambo
From: SunDewlady
>>Hi im the Bambonater and Im gonna blow you in to pork chops>>(clueless)
Hi im the Bonerman and Im gonna blow you........

sorry, I just found it funnier to read it that way.

This is fun, right? It's kinda like a scratch-off instant lotto...except you look for your screenname instead of looking for 3 matching symbols, and you waste your time hoping for tokens, instead of something useful like cash. Okay, it's nothing alike. But there are some winners left:
Subject: Re: Dreams of falling..
From: The Kat 4u
>>I was in the car with my grandma the other day, and there was a car with a bumpersticker that said "I'm going nuckin' futs!" My grandma said that it was an inappropriate bumpersticker.>>

i was in my grandmother's car, when we saw a bumper sticker that said said S**T HAPPENS. she drove up next to them, and said: hey jerk off... ya you, you f**king peice of s**t, don't you know my grand kis are in the f**king car, and can read that f**king bumper sticker, you s**t head? well, did ya? no? you stupid son of a b**ch...
then the light turned green....
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Subject: Re: PATTY'S DAY POST TO YEE
From: The Kat 4u
on st. patrick's day, everyone's irish. on cinco de mayo, it's hard to pretend you're mexican...
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Subject: Re: St. Patricks day
From: CDeVillon
>>From: JPAKAPQ
Message-id: (1998031801551301.UAA22308@ladder01.news.aol.com)

dfghfdhfdghdfhgfdhfhfdh<<

Oh - I see someone has superglued their fingers to the keyboard again.
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Subject: Re: Go away, Slut, a non-tribute to SeaWave
From: CloeAbear
You just don't get it, do you? The game has been infiltrated...compromised, if you will, by people from another game using different screen names. It's painfully obvious, if you read between the lines.>>(Carc)

Sorry, reading between the lines hurts my eyes.
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Subject: Re: Have you heard?
From: Carcazed
Now Carc can be regular again and maybe stop being so groucy.>>

I beg your pardon, but I have never been 'groucy' a day in my life. I've been grumpy, cantankerous, bitchy, obnoxious, crabby, cranky, a malcontent, a sorehead, a faultfinder, a sourpuss, a jerk, and an ass, but never 'groucy'.
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Subject: O'Zoid's Pub & Auto Salvage
From: Carcazed
I just realized that not only is it St. Patty's Day, but it's also a local election day. That means the bars and liquor stores in the city are closed until 7pm. How do the city fathers expect us to make an intelligent choice for mayor if we're completely sober? That's our tax dollars at work...

That's the last of them. Oh, and Happy St. Patrick's Day! Yeah, I know it was yesterday, but I figure a few of you may just be starting to sober up now.