The Universal Age

You know those days when you lose track of time? Your mind wanders and before you know it, you wonder where the day went and what you accomplished? (I'm assuming you can relate, you play the Random Game after all.) Well anyway, I'm having one of those weeks. So, don't mind me--I'm just going to use the cookie cutter winners list this week.

First, 10 tokens to three posts you won't believe won anything at all.
And that, you see, is why they get 10.

Subject: Re: a musical tribute to Tokens
From: Conade
>>Here's the story, of a lovely Token, who was bringing up three very lovely tokens. All of them had hair of gold, like there mother, the youngest one in curls.
Here's the story of a man named Token, who was busy with three tokens of his own. They were four tokens living all together, but they were all alone.
Then the one day when the Token met the Token, and they knew that it was much more than a hunch, that this group must somehow buy a jolt cola strap, that's the way they all became the Token Bunch.
The Token Bunch, the Token Bunch, that's the way they became the Token Bunch.>>

Incest!
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Subject: Re: THIS IS REALLY RANDOM!
From: Chriskolak
>>Ok, there were 3 guys 1 of them walked into a bar the other two said ouch for him.
WHAT I JUST WROTE MAKES NO SENCE, WELL THAT"S WHAT YOUR SUPPOSED TO DO? YUP! OK THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME!>>

>>Number 1: You completely botched up a perfectly good joke.
Number 2: Random and No Sence are not synonyms, (At least as far as I know...) so I highly doubt that THAT"S WHAT YOUR SUPPOSED TO DO.
Number 3: If you are not intelligent enough to learn to spell or use grammar correctly, please make use of a dictionary. There's even one on AOL, see? Try Keyword: DICTIONARY. <<

Wasn't this a chapter in How To Make Friends and Influence People?
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Subject: Re: Don't fart on my chicken.
From: Stotan9876
>>A guy once put my chicken up his butt for sexual reasons.<<

As opposed to. . .

And, 15 tokens to two posts that make you think...but not too hard.
Subject: Re: In space...
From: MitchRK
>>"IN SPACE NOONE CAN HEAR YOU SCREAM!!!!!!!"
"What?"
"I said, IN SPACE NOONE CAN HEAR YOU SCREAM!!!!!!"
"What? I can't hear you because up here in space noone can hear you scream">>

"I am 'Enery The Eighth, I Am, 'Enery The --- "Ere, now! What the 'ell was that? You 'Ermits didn't 'ear that? It must 'ave come from space, then."
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Subject: Re: Poopy in my toes.
From: Atani7
>I like the way it squishes. It's like mud. Only warmer. And stinkier.>Mr Toe

See the sign outside your house that says "Slow Children at Play"? They're talking about you.

10 tokens to a post that thinks it should make you think.
Subject: Re: Matt's meager montage of monotonous balderdash, revisted. Again?
From: MattSC23
Overheard on campus:

"Are you prejudiced?"
"Why?"
"I don't like people who are prejudiced."

And 10 tokens to three posts don't make you think.
Subject: Re: Magialex1's Magic Tricks
From: LKiller007
>>Oh so you want a challenge eh? try to decode this: 5163 243114 812 1125 813895<<

Hey! How did you get my credit card number?!?
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Subject: Re: Ozma's All Natural Highs
From: Ozma22
Don't you hate it when you write something on a post-it note and then, when you go to post it, you realize you wrote it upside down and so it looks really, really silly? I just did that twice.
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Subject: Re: Pia's Little Escapade
From: The Kat 4u
>>I need to get AOL 4.0 and a spell checker.>> insa

real men don't use spell checkers, they just hit the send button, and scream DOH!!! the next day when they read it....

And then there's 10 tokens to SoupEater. . .uh, yeah.
Subject: Re: CrzyGirl's Pie Shop
From: SoupEater
>>Por que nadie no leen o escriben mi thread?<<

Because we don't know how to read German.

And 25 to Carc, whose winning doesn't really fit into any RG winner cookie cutter category, so I'll use this opportunity to bring up current events. I was so inspired by that moment in the Oscars when they placed each living best/supporting actor on stage, and then read each of their names aloud. I was so inspired that I would like to name each screenname that Carc has ever used. I'd like to, but I stopped counting.
Subject: Re: Carc's House of Wax Lips
From: Carcazed
More often than not, the unexpected happens. You'd think people would know that by now.
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Subject: Re: Carc's House of Wax Lips
From: Carcazed
Today's Handy Tip: Never say "slap me some skin" in the burn unit.
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Subject: Re: Zornog's Thread of Amusing and/or Entertaining Thoughts
From: Carcazed
>>You know that your life bites when you catch a glimpse of a license plate out of the corner of your eye and you think, just for a split second, that it said "ZORNOG.">>

>>Hey, cool. What'd it really say?<<

MORON.

Gotcha! Bahahahahahahahaha!

Next, here's the weekly handout of 15 tokens to a post which I'm unsure if it was meant to be funny at all.
Subject: Re: The Clinton Poll
From: PinkKiwi
OK, I'm just going to make a formal apology: I'm extremely sorry that I have been of annoyance to you -- I had no idea that being a pestilence could possibly cause physical pain to another person. Until this point I never really cared what people thought of me, or whether they were annoyed with me or not. Now I have come to the harsh realization that I (when annoying others) am actually capable of causing another TRGer physical pain.
Napalm311 has made me to realize this, and I hope that I have never been or ever will be as annoying to anyone as he has been to me.

>>That was funny the first time I heard it about a month ago...<<(napalm311)

Napalm, I'm going to kill you...

20 tokens to Miss Aimee in the "I have the strange feeling I've awarded you tokens for these posts before, but what the hell" winner.
Subject: Re: and the winner is....
From: Miss Aimee
::eery "i'm seeing into the future" music::
The winner of the Republican nomination for president is....
Some wrinkley old rich guy.
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Subject: Wanted: social life. will pay top dollar
From: Miss Aimee
Today my parakeet successfully imitated the sound of my modem calling aol. But I don't spend too much time online. really...

And 30 tokens to Puterweeny in the cousin cookie cutter: the "I have the strange feeling I've awarded you 30 tokens the last four weeks in a row, but that's probably just my imagination" winner.
Subject: Re: Cheese Filled Doughy Thingies!
From: Puterweeny
When reporting for jury duty this week.....I slipped and fell on the icy steps of the courthouse. I ended up bruising my knee and driving rock salt into my palms. The case being tried?......a "personal injury" civil suit.
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Subject: Re: Cheese Filled Doughy Thingies!
From: Puterweeny
Have you ever tried to explain the concept of the Random Game to anyone? .........ever see the expression on someone's face when you approach them with a grenade in your hand and the pin in your mouth?......same look.
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Subject: Re: How you know it's a bad day.
From: Puterweeny
>>If you wake up and your wife calls you George, but you're Bob.>>(Windyjammies)

Yeah, if you don't wake up......that could be a bad day.

And the left-over winner, 15 tokens to ChiaDork.
Subject: Blue Angels
From: ChiaDork
The Blue Angels did an air show today in Tucson. Some of us at work were outside watching them. They were sort of hard to see because they were so far away. Then we saw one of them doing all these amazing flips and dips and we were all very impressed. Then we realized it was just a bird. But we were still pretty impressed.

This is where I have nothing left to say, but manage to come up with something stupid to say anyway. Feeling that the rest of this file has that angle pretty much covered, I'll just leave with "congrats to the winners."