The Patchwork Assortment

As an added bonus this week, guess who my helpers were and win an extra bonus. Carc, Dante, and Ozma (in that order) are not eligible.
* * * *
I wanted to call this age "The Last Train to Carcsville," but I realized that it wouldn't be fair to my esteemed colleagues, and it sounded too much like I'm leaving the game
(you should be so lucky). Besides, Myrrh wouldn't go for it.

Anyway, I'd like to start off by awarding myself 8000 tokens. I'd like to, but Myrrh wouldn't go for that, either. So, since I never get to have any fun, we
might as well get started.

First up, a newbie. You heard me, a newbie. No, I'm not medicated
(but maybe I should be). For his first time out, he showed just enough
attitude (without mentioning the dreaded "p" word).
Congrats and 10 tokens to BMXbikzz.

Subject: Re: What is the meaning of life?
From: BMXbikzz
The meaning of life is so you can shut the hell up.

Matt would like Celebrity Voices for 10, Alex...
Subject: Re: THE RANDOM GAME
From: MattSC23
>>talk about sex and that is how u play the game>>

We got a live one here!*

*Jack Nicholson impression.

It seems as if we're regularly reminded of the "female curse." So often, in fact, that I'd swear it was at least once a month. If it will make you feel better, Miss Aimee, enjoy this fancy gift-box of 15 tokens (assorted flavors).
Subject: Re: Miss Aimee's brand spanking-new thread
From: Miss Aimee
Note to Self: PMS and raspberry margaritas do NOT mix.

I don't know much about Oregon, but I hope this guy's name is not an indication of the general population. As a tribute to spring, Insane takes us on a 15-token picnic...
Subject: Re: Mi Vida Loca
From: InsaneInOR
While sex on a picnic sounds like a lot of fun it all ends when the ants carry off your partner.
That's what you get for calling them "Sweety"

There's no way I could leave Zorndog out of this. He's just so, you know, and now he's 20 tokens more so.
Subject: Re: Zornog's Thread of Amusing and/or Entertaining Thoughts
From: Zornog
STOTAN!! What'd you do to the Random Game? I'll have your ass yet... wait, that's not what I meant to say ... aww dammit, now I feel foolish...

Now for the big finale: the only 25 token winner I'm gonna pick, because it's just too damn hard...
Subject: Re: Seasons of Wither......
From: TyleredOne
My daughter refuses to walk around the block with me unless I wear shoes....she claims that everyone will see me in my bare feet,and will assume that we are either a) poor...or b) hillbillies....so to please her,I wear shoes.....but every twenty steps,I stop and yell," Coo,coo,coooooo...the month's almost over,and we's still got foodstamps left!"

Well, that about wraps it up for me. You know, I really thought this was gonna be a lot more fun. I wonder if it's too late to unsend that HO application?

* * * *
Howdy howdy howdy. Welcome to my portion of the winners file. For identification purposes, this will be known as:

The CIA

CIA, of course, stands for Center of Interactive Atrocities, of which I am the president. :::riffles through files:::
Oh, here they are:

First off, we have 20 tokens to the Grand Poobah of the Gazpacho Cartel.

Subject: Re: The Jerry Lewis Soup-A-Thon Thread.
From: SoupEater
It protrudes.
* * * *
Subject: Re: The Jerry Lewis Soup-A-Thon Thread.
From: SoupEater
I got rhythm, I got herpes....
* * * *
Subject: Re: The Jerry Lewis Soup-A-Thon Thread.
From: SoupEater
I have this great poster in my room of Julia Child holding a big-ass fish. I ought to get some more posters.

:::opens up her filing cabinet and pokes around:::
And here's 10 tokens to SpceFrog.
Subject: Re: atms
From: SpceFrog22
>>why are there braile dots on drive through atms??>>

The little men in green suits put them there. Sometimes, if you wait by an ATM with no braile dots, you might see them putting them on. Then you can jump out and yell "Surprise!" at them! They'll probably be so pleased they'll eat you.

:::peeks into her file of sensitive information:::
Hmmm...15 tokens to Carc. Looks suspicious.
Subject: Re: Bob's Friday Night
From: Carcazed
>>Hey look everyone! I'm running on 4 hours of sleep! Woohoo! How about we start taking bets on how soon I'm going to fall forward onto the keyboard?>>

So what? I do that nearly every day, and I'm a regular ray of sunshine. Wuss.

:::pokes behind a picture frame and opens a vault:::
15 tokens to the Spanish Inquisitor. Gerbil. Hee hee.
Subject: Re: Ozma's All Natural Highs
From: Khaleth
>> Khaleth, if I knew I wouldn't need Chang. Something having to do with the on/off switch or the wires therein. Anyway, it won't turn off... and only makes these funky beeping noises when plugged in at all. ::sigh::<<

Funky beeping noises...funky beeping noises. Hmm.

Well...my advice?

Throw it out the window.

Either that, or put it in a mystic circle and burn incense while chanting in binary. Oh, and sacrifice a gerbil, too.

:::slides her ID card through a slot and steps behind a bookcase:::
Wow. 10 tokens to Darkfont. Is that legal?
Subject: Re: Khalethra, dragon of haikus
From: HODarkfont
(Hey everyone, look! I'm Darkfont!)

Bwahah. April Fool's!

(Hah. Hah. Hah hah. Funny. ::mutter::)

:::takes a helicopter to the Sahara Desert, digs around for a while, opens up a camel carcass:::
20 tokens to Bob...ew...slimy.
Subject: Re: The College Shuffle
From: Odaeyss
>>Viterbo College <-----If you can't pronounce it, don't go there.>>
>>My dad told me not to go to a college I couldn't pronounce>>
>>Carc is your father?!?!>>
>>I'm Dante's Father?>>

So... I'm Dante's Father?

I think the most frightening revalation is God is Dante's Father.

I'm done now. Go away. Bah.
:::walks away:::
:::looks behind her:::
I THOUGHT I FREAKING TOLD YOU BLOODY BASTARDS TO GO AWAY!
No? Oh. Okay then.
* * * *
Now, I'll tolerate no comments on how the Myrrh-replacements this week would make one helluva threesome. I had a midterm today, and I swear if I read about one more early Christian martyr I'll... ah, never mind. But now that midterms are finally over, I can bring my full concentration where it belongs... the Random Game. At least until finals start in a few weeks. But enough... here are my winners.

First off is Chris... because the image of two laughing Amish guys is enough in iteself... but living machines... ::snicker:: Anyway, 20 tokens...

Subject: Re: Chris' little thoughts
From: Chriskolak
If I where to write a movie where all the electronic machines came alive and started killing people, I'd have the last scene be two Amish guys laughing their butts off.

Fifteen tokens to Kat, because he gave voice to what no one else would ever have thought of:
Subject: Re: Victorias' Secret
From: The Kat 4u
>>Albeit, by posting that damn tombstone nothing happens, cause no one gives a frog's ass.>> vida mia

yep, frogs asses are going for a premium, like anyone will give those away....

Ten tokens to Stow... I mean, with that surprise ending and all... tee hee.
Subject: Re: Hello...testing...1..2..3...is this thing on?
From: Stotan9876
> ::writting:: ..P.o. Box 66669 uhh oh uhhh yea uhh yea who would buy that:::eats note::..uhh gotta go....
Goo>

Goo, I know you're desperate, but eating a NOTE! You perv.

And 10 tokens to Goo... because he mentioned handcuffs. And was funny about it, of course... even if he is the King of Typos.
Subject: Re: Newstyle, Freestyle, Random Jamdom!!!
From: SGood42
Speakign of shoplifting. A pair of handcuffs would probally not be a a wise thing to take.

I don't know who this dude is... but just the corrolation between the subject and the post here is funny enough to earn him/her 10 tokens.
Subject: Re: Overheard in a Lesbian Bar
From: KRinger331
>>OK, makes sense but what was your dad doing there in the first place? (GorPxBug)

Trying to pick up your dad

And twenty tokens to KFoTwenny... for the truth as well as the humor in this statement...
Subject: Re: The life a Glukkon
From: XFoTwenny
Kill it, then sell it. Kill it, then sell it. Kill it, then sell it.<<<<(ANTagonizing me)

the life of an ANT: Find TRG, post crap, bother people. Repeat if necessary. If not necessary, repeat anyway, since you don't have anything better to do

Those are my winners... this Myrrh thing is harder than it looks. And the fact that I control everybody's degree of Wednesday happinness is going to my head. I'm going to go kill some daisies.

* * * *
And there's the winners. Did you (Carc, Dante, and Ozma excluded, in that order) guess the helpers? Well, I lied about "an extra bonus," so it doesn't really matter. Oh, and don't bother asking: This concludes the "playing Myrrh" portion of your Random Game. No one else will be stepping in. . .well, that is until HO figures out how to do away with me.