The Age Of Denial

Last week, I said I'd accept no more help...and I meant it, then. But Ozma can't seem to keep away from me. The poor girl seems a mess without her bagels, and whatever else she eats when it's not Passover; I think it might just be bagels. So, she wanted to name this week's "Age." Okay. Sensitive to the Catholics and whatever other denominations are celebrating whatever it is they celebrate this time of year, I told her it
must be universal. The Age of Denial is what she came up with--
I think that's pretty good; it even covers the atheists.

Everyone who wins this weeks wins 25 tokens.
Well, except for Lndon, Carc, and Matt who get 15. . .

Subject: Re: I need a new mother....
From: LndonSleep
>>Parents bite even when you're 21. My mother just . . . .
~Jami~>>

my mother is convinced i smoke in my bedroom. if i open a bottle of perfume in my room, she'll walk in and say, "i smell smoke." if i eat chinese food in my room, she'll walk in and say, "i smell smoke." i smoked in the kitchen the other day, and she came home and said, "mmm, what'd you make for dinner? it smells delicious."
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Subject: Re: Ozma's All Natural Highs
From: LndonSleep
>>Waking up with beer bottles in your bed is not a good thing, especially when you don't know how they got there, and especially when you don't drink.Ozma22>>

waking up with syringed in your bed is not a good thing, especially when you don't know how it got there and youre not diabetic and it's sticking out of your eye.
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Subject: Re: condoms
From: Carcazed
>>CONDOMS DON'T MAKE GOOD SANDWICH BAGS!>>

Buy the XL's and only use them for hot dogs. Be sure to get the non-lubricated kind.
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Subject: Re: Carc's Place
From: Carcazed
Today's Handy Tip: Strong chemical fumes make for a happy workplace. An unconscious workplace, but a happy workplace.
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Subject: Re: Matt's meager montage of monotonous balderdash, revisted. Again?
From: MattSC23
"Is there some kind of emergency today, son?"

"No officer, I just like to drive fast."

Needless to say, I got the ticket.
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Subject: Re: Matt's meager montage of monotonous balderdash, revisted. Again?
From: MattSC23
Nap time tip: If you wish your dreams to be free of useless crap, remember to turn of CNN before you go to sleep.

And, um, except for ZYX, who also gets 15.

Subject: Re: Cheese Filled Doughy Thingies!
From: ZYX
>>Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first? So you can see the expression on its face!<<(soup)

When I read this joke, as told by soup, I was decidedly unhappy with the puchline. I began a quest for a new punchline:

ZYX:Why do you put a baby in a blender face first?
Fnk n gruv:to get the juices flowing, as to not upset the local ordinence of putting feet in a blender without a face first

ZYX:Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?
GirlEmpire:ummm...i dunno

ZYX:Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?
LILITH18:hmm...lets see her...i have no idea

So, my friends aren't really bright. I tried....

Uh-oh, another error. Tylered and Atani win 10.

Subject: Re: Wicked Saucy Attitudes
From: TyleredOne
>> i can see you bob.<<(sleep)

I had a really witty response to this...but I'll let you all make up your own.......
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Subject: Re: These stupid message boards...
From: Atani7
>Window's '95 sucks.
Thank you.>ethel

Do you realize by stating this you have subsequently invoked the creation of an FBI file on yourself because I think we all know that Bill Gates could buy the FBI, and if you could buy the FBI, wouldn't you? So you better be carefull what you say or Bill Gates might send over a group of G-men to knock your knees out and replace your PC with an '84 b&w Macintosh (which incidentally still runs more reliable than any Win95 system, not that that's anything to brag about. After all, my nose runs more reliable than a Win95 system... which reminds me, I need to pick up some Kleenex) In conclusion, it doesn't really matter what you say anyway, there's gonna be a file on you. Hell, the government probably is wondering what I use all this kleenex for. Well I assure you it has nothing to do with Robert Kennedy or gerbils.

Hmm, and on second glance, 20 tokens seems better for these two.
10 is even better, but I'll stick with 20.

Subject: Re: Astronia's Astro stuff
From: Astronia
>>And make people dance till they die>>

That's happened ta me!
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Subject: Re: Olestra
From: Dante404
>>[]D[][]\/[][]D>>

This is Russian for: "I am he who slept with your goats and had carnal knowledge of your potatoes. Twice."

20 is better for these two, too. ...Yeah.

Subject: Re: Brian's attempt at a thread
From: BrianJ718
My track coach told us that we should do twenty push-ups everytime we change the channel. You know, the Discovery channel has been looking pretty good lately.
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Subject: Re: Brian's attempt at a thread
From: BrianJ718
A friend told me yesterday that I talk behind people's backs too much. Oh well, he's a real loser and no one really likes him anyway.
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Subject: Re: Sometimes you feel old school.
From: Integral46
I've always wanted to go to a baseball game, catch a foul ball, run onto the field, go up to the umpire and say, "I believe you lost something." and hand him the ball.
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Subject: Re: Sometimes you feel old school.
From: Integral46
So this guy comes up to me and says, "I haven't had a bite all day." And I tell him, "You're fishing up the wrong tree, buddy!"

Oh, and these three posts only won tokens because I was gonna let Stotan's win something, but then I realized Randomer-mentioned winning posts always come in threes--or is that celebrity deaths? Well, 10 to each.

Subject: Re: I need help...
From: Puterweeny
>>::::sticking lithium thru the 'puter to Bumppis::::>>

AHEM.........!!!
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Subject: Dementia praecox and you.
From: Conade
Hmmm... I found my TI-30 calculator this morning. I was looking at the buttons, and I noticed there was STO and there was TAN. Stotan. Hmph. This is almost as exciting as the time I threw up in the backseat of someone's car in Wisconsin because of a bottle of Mello Nyello. Who knew?
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Subject: Re: Stotan's New Thread
From: Stotan9876
...and in the biggest scandal this reporter has ever seen, SoupEater was caught eating a bowl of chili.

That leaves us with the last two winners of the week--Khaleth and Dawn. They do each win 25 tokens, for illustrating that sometimes things can't be left unsaid.

Subject: Re: Once there was a HUGE baby...........
From: Dawnie Q
>>WHACK!<<
I am really getting sick and tired of all the whacking off in here.
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Subject: Re: Cereal Rapist??
From: Dawnie Q
>>No way!! Its Fruit Loops or nothing!!<<
Call me evil and twisted, but there is one thing I still do that I started doing years and years ago. I buy a box of Lucky Charms and eat all the marshmallows out of the box. Then I put the box back on the shelf until it gets stale. Hell, if I knew of any of those starving people in Ethiopia, I'd send them the box, because they won't miss the damn marshmallows, anyway.
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Subject: Re: the flow must go on
From: Khaleth
>>Subject: the flow must go on
Date: Fri, Apr 10, 1998 07:51 EDT
From: XFoTwenny<<

Is it that time of the month, XFo?

That's it. But, I really must apologize if I led any of you on, believe me it wasn't intentional. I think this week of giving up of nothing, has finally got to me.