Seven Days of Silliness
"The Trailerpark of Love" aside, I think it was a pretty silly week. Of course, that's me, and I was heavily drugged most of the week. . . ."Allergies."
You can't ignore 80 some posts, so let's get the Trailerpark thread winner out of the way. 10 tokens to BuckTheDog.
Subject: Re: The Trailerpark of Love
From: BuckTheDog
IF I may say something here. I am reading a lot of posts about who is offended by predjudiced posts So I will now tell a joke that is completely un-prdjudiced to prove that to be funny you don't have to pick on any minority group.
So This gay guy goes..... wait, not gay
So this guy.... wait, It could be a woman
So this person goes into a bar and says "hey, give me a beer." The bartender responds, "No we don't serve your kind here." ...wait, that doesn't work unless you know what "kind" he is. You might think alchoholic.
What do you call two brunettes on both sides of a blonde?
Support ho's. Wait that's against brunettes and slutty people.
What do you call a black hooker with.... You know what?
I don't know a single unoffensive joke. So, please continue with the gay bashing for my personal enjoyment. Thank you.
10 tokens to Critta and Jami. 10 to Critta under her old screen name, because anyway you slice it, that's funny. 10 to Jami for the first line of her post -- if she just stopped there, she might have gotten more.
Subject: Re: W A X
From: GorPxBuG
>>{{1)Crayola Crayons
2)Candles
3)a certain kind of non-existent paint
4) Wax paper
5) Bees Wax
6)theres probably a lot more just cant think of any more}}
Ear wax?>>
>>You guys forgot about my Girlfriend>>
No, no, no, that's not wax, that's PLASTIC.
* * * *
Subject: Re: Godzilla, Bob Dole, and Viagra!
From: CDeVillon
>>C'mon, Bob is trying to get in touch with his *peeps*. Get low-down on the G-Funk, or something like that.<<
I'm not a "peep" - I'm a 21 year old female - (22 on September 8th, not that far away when you think about it.) I don't get "funky." (I bathe twice a day, sometimes 3 times, not because of smell, I just like bathing - it's a very sensuous thing.) I listen to musicals and opera. I sing stuff from musicals and operas - and am trying to learn old jazz - I just can't seem to find the songs I want. Got Stormy Weather, but I'll be damned if I can find
Speak Low, Serenade In Blue.... I don't speak ebonics. Don't want to learn to speak it. I read - a lot - mostly fiction but nothing too "trendy" like Poppy Z. Brite. Rather I've read things like MacBeth, Mid Summer's Night Dream, Phantom Of The Opera (my favorite!), Le Miserables, Hunchback of Notre Dame, Sherlock Holmes - and for more modern stuff, Stephen King, Anne Rice, Brian Lumley, Fred Saberhagen, P. N. Elrod, and once I even read Clive
Barker. Didn't like it, it was a yawn.
I am not "cool" - I don't "got game" - I'm not "with it" - I am me. I am Jami. o/` I've got to be me--------!"
Therefore, I don't want ebonic-spelled insults. I want the real thing.
I also want insults where brains are used. And if you cannot do that, then go buy the book Shakespeare's Insults. I own a copy myself.
You are no wiser the a daw. Henry VI, Part 1.
I think these next three winners' posts combined are shorter than was Jami's. What a bargain, 15 tokens to each.
Subject: Re: Small Pink Smears on the Highway
From: InsaneInOR
I saw a commercial for Dateline tonight - Men with Breast Cancer. As if it wouldn't be bad enough just being a man with breasts...
* * * *
Subject: Re: Seasons of Wither......
From: TyleredOne
I wonder if people with Tourettes type cuss words unexpectedly every once in awhile in chatrooms.....I wonder if the TOS police would forgive them,considering.....
* * * *
Subject: Re: Sometimes you feel old school.
From: Integral46
I thought today about what life would be like if there were no Mondays. The only thing I could come up with was that the year would be 313 days, 314 in leap year.
* * * *
Subject: Re: Sometimes you feel old school.
From: Integral46
I got 4 points on my poetic license for an illegal rhyme scheme.
Alright, now hopefully I'm hiding the IMs far enough down in the winners file to prevent, well, you know. 20 tokens to Dante and Lndon. And, in what I believe is a first, the big winner this week didn't have a winning post of his own; 25 tokens to Bob.
Subject: Re: The IMs Return! Oh, The Inanity!
From: Dante303
Dante303:Pick a card! Any card!
Odaeyss:::picks the Ace of Spades::
Dante303:::shuffles cards, blasts cards out of a cannon, studies the fragments::
Dante303:You picked...::pokes the fragments:: the Ace of Spades!
Odaeyss:Wahoo! Yep!
Dante303:Tada! ::bows to the audience::
Dante303:Copperfield's got nuthin on me.
* * * *
Subject: Re: (lndonsleep joins the IM bandwagon)
From: LndonSleep
Odaeyss:Lndon! Yay!
LndonSleep:hi there
Odaeyss:heya
LndonSleep:you never play cards with me!
Odaeyss:um.. ::shuffling cards:: Blackjack?
LndonSleep:
Odaeyss:uh, ok, I'll play for you then...
Odaeyss:ok, you've got a king showing, and yer other card's a 7.. and I've got an 8 showing.. hit?
LndonSleep:
Odaeyss:DOH!
Odaeyss:that's not what I meant... bleh, just say "Hit me"
LndonSleep:like i'd say that.
Odaeyss:Doh!
LndonSleep:let's go back to that part where i hit you...
Odaeyss:Nono!!
Odaeyss:Um.. you win! YAY!
LndonSleep:how can i win if you've stilll got all your clothes? this isn't like any card game i've ever played...
* * * *
Subject: Re: (lndonsleep joins the IM bandwagon)
From: LndonSleep
LndonSleep:let's play monopoly.
Odaeyss:Okee
Odaeyss: ::robs the bank::
I win!
LndonSleep:you can't rob the bank, dummy, cause i haven't opened the box yet...
ok, let's see...you can be the thimble, and i'll be the convertible...
Odaeyss:teehee
Odaeyss:ohoh! I want to be the battleship
LndonSleep:battleship? are you on drugs? that's the horse you're holding up.
Odaeyss:::grabs the battleship:: there, I'm the battleship
Odaeyss:::stages a hostile takeover of the bank:: Yay I win!
LndonSleep:
i just ejected you from office! military coup! military coup!
Odaeyss:Ack!
Odaeyss:::runs away:: I'll be baaaaacckkk!
LndonSleep:
mine, mine, all mine!
LndonSleep:
LndonSleep:
Odaeyss:::grabs money:: Wahoo!
LndonSleep:
now you can't get it!
Odaeyss:ohno!
Odaeyss:wait.. ::thinks::
LndonSleep:
i'm rich!
Odaeyss:Hrm...
Odaeyss:::scratches head::
Odaeyss:Ah ha! :::gets ideas::
LndonSleep:
LndonSleep:
Odaeyss:heehee
LndonSleep:
Odaeyss:teehee
LndonSleep:i don't believe you have a plan at all.
Odaeyss:uh.. ::panicks:: Yes I do..!! It's.. it's.... too complecated for you to understand!
LndonSleep:well in the meantime i'll go to the store and buy some jaguars and porcshes...
Odaeyss:ohoh get me some root beer, eh?
LndonSleep:eww root beer.
how bout some rum?
Odaeyss:Yay!
Subject: great idea, LKiller...
From: Miss Aimee
I will never submit another absurd IM ever again...
THUNDERDM9:Do you wash floors?
Miss Aimee:nope.
THUNDERDM9:I like to wash floors
Miss Aimee:nice.
THUNDERDM9:Do you need your floor washed?
Miss Aimee:not really
THUNDERDM9:u sure?
Miss Aimee:pretty much.
THUNDERDM9:I like to bring my tools
THUNDERDM9:But I'll need a door to bring my tools through
Miss Aimee:that's nice. why don't you "shove" your "tools" up "your own ass"
THUNDERDM9:'cause that would hurt
Miss Aimee:oh darn.
THUNDERDM9:Then can I "scrub" your "dishes"?
Miss Aimee:you could "screw" "yourself"
THUNDERDM9:Or bring in my "firewood""?
THUNDERDM9:Why are you being so mean to an "out-of-luck" handyman?
Miss Aimee:Good luck getting those "splinters" out of your "butt"
THUNDERDM9:Or I can also throw your "dirty stuff" in the "washing machine"
Miss Aimee:Or I could get my "boyfriend" to "kick your ass"
Miss Aimee:or maybe the "police" could "arrest" you.
THUNDERDM9:Please I don't want any "trouble"
Miss Aimee:if you don't want "trouble" I suggest you quit being so "annoying"
THUNDERDM9:OK, sorry
Miss Aimee:that's what I thought...
10 tokens to Bloodguilt and ZYX for their words of wisdom -- or whatever you'd call it.
Subject: Re: Bloodguilt's thread
From: Bloodguilt
When I was in first grade, the boy who sat next to me was named Corky. But I guess he decided he didn't want to be a boy anymore. One day in class he tried to give himself a sex change operation while the teacher was out of the room. He clambered up on his desk, unzipped his pants, got out his safety scissors and started hacking away. This has been a public service announcement about the importance of safety scissors.
* * * *
Subject: Re: ZYX's ABCs
From: ZYX
Thrift Stores: A way of life.
Last, I don't know why, but 20 tokens to Khaleth and Chris.
Subject: Re: Why?
From: Khaleth
>>Why does the local zoo have braille nameplates on all the animal exhibits?<<
So the blind people know which cage to go into if they want to be eaten by the lions.
* * * *
Subject: Re: Chris's little thoughts
From: Chriskolak
See disorder and sloth in action, visit your local DMV
* * * *
Subject: Re: Khalethra, dragon of haikus
From: Khaleth
Chriskolak:brb
Chriskolak:miss me?
Khaleth:Of course.
Chriskolak:YAY!
Khaleth:I have bad aim.
I know some have mentioned the worth of IMs and IM winners in TRG. I'm no on-line game historian, but as far as I'm concerned, we might have a claim to their popularity. If the Supreme Court can be just and recognize New Jersey's claim to Ellis Island, maybe we should start taking back what is rightfully ours. Are you with me? I say, are you with me?! Ah, forget it, I want to sleep late.