The Age of (Your Name Here)
(Your Name Here) asked me nicely to name this week's "age" after (her/him). (Other name) also hinted at the idea on the (board/game). Unfortunately, so did (other name), (other name), and (other name). I, being the take charge, decisive, energetic person that I am, set out to use my problem solving abilities to choose the (best/least annoying) (person/animal) for the honor. Then, I remembered, I'm really someone who just enjoys sitting on the fence, and so this is the "age" you're stuck with.
First, to give your down arrow a workout, 25 tokens to SoupEater.
Subject: Re: The Ambivalent Ambivalence of Ambivalence
From: SoupEater
Damn. The keys are locked in the car.
No problem, all I need to do is open the door with the key, so I can reach in and get the key. Damn, that won't work.
The keys are locked in the car.
No problem, I'll just call the police.
They'll help me.
Damn, my phone is in the car.
No problem, all I need to do is open the door with the key, so I can reach in and get the key. Then I can unlock the door so I can reach in and get the phone.
Damn, that won't work.
The keys are locked in the car.
No problem.
I'll just use the phone in my house.
Damn, my house key is on the same ring as my car key.
No problem, all I need to do is open the door with the key, so I can reach in and get the key. Then I'll use the key to open the door so I can reach in and get the key.
Damn, that won't work.
The keys are locked in the car.
No problem.
I'll just drive to the police station, and tell them in person.
Damn.
The keys are locked in the car.
No problem, all I need to do is open the door with the key, so I can reach in and get the key. Then I'll use the key to open the door so I can reach in and get the key.
Damn, my keys are locked in the car.
No problem, I'll just walk.
Damn, I lack the strength to walk because of my hereditary muscular disease, and my wheelchair is in the car.
No problem, all I need to do is open the door with the key, so I can reach in and get the key. Then I'll use the key to open the door so I can reach in and get the key. Problem solved!
* * * *
Subject: Re: The Ambivalent Ambivalence of Ambivalence
From: SoupEater
Bob help me. I ran a phonograph needle through my thumbprint, and I got songs from "The Sound of Music." I haven't tried any of my other digits, but I'm hoping one of them has them lost Nixon recordings.
My thumbs are aliiiive with "The Sound of Music
Take a snapshot of this (or just revisit the file sometime), notice anything odd about Kat's winning posts? Well, they're missing underlining! That's it, right? 20 tokens to Kat.
Subject: Re: CHRONIC FUR BALL
From: The Kat 4u
good idea:
remote control
better idea:
remote controled women
great idea:
zip lock baggies...
* * * *
Subject: Re: PREMEDITATED FURBALL
From: The Kat 4u
kat's question:
does pepper spray come in different flavors?
It looks like Mr O's post isn't finished, I think "Beach" is missing from that second column. Beach or Bitch. No, no, my mistake -- that's Cinemax's territory. 15 tokens to Mr O, Mitch, and Bumppis.
Subject: Re: Mr Onliner's Cavalcade of Whimsy
From: Mr Onliner
New from Mr O Enterprizes:
The Automatic Late-Night Cheesy HBO Second-Rate Wannabe Porn Movie Namer!
Just pick a word from the first column, add to word from second column, and viola!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
IntimateBehavior
HostileObsession
IndecentHeat
Cyber
Bikini
Ultimate
Obsessive
Lethal
Secret
Body
* * * *
Subject: Re: Something to ponder
From: MitchRK
>>Why is it that anytime someone shoots at Superman, the bullets bounce and doesn't hurt him...but when that same person throws an empty gun at Superman, he ducks and runs for cover? This has been bothering me for only God knows how long.....>>
Becuz guns is bigger than bullets. He prolly din't even see them bullets coming.
* * * *
Subject: Re: Hey
From: MitchRK
>>I found a Cthulhu desktop theme. huh.>>
>>Would somebody mind telling me how the hell one is supposed to pronounce this? My tongue hurts.>>
If your tongue hurts, that means you got it right.
* * * *
Subject: Re: My CHILD-ish thread...
From: Bumppis
I don't know what everyone thinks is so great about WILDWOOD NJ. I mean, Wild Wood. It sounds like...um, Wild...Wood...I have to go pack!
* * * *
Subject: Re: My CHILD-ish thread...
From: Bumppis
Today I inadvertently stumbled upon a great way to amuse myself while ensuring my 2yr old son will need 30yrs of therapy...It seems he's afraid of the attic fan at my sister's house so every time he walked under it, I lifted him up towards it and screamed "It's sucking you in!"
That'll teach him not to disturb MY sleep in the middle of the night!
And 15 tokens to ZYX, too. His first post sounds like the type of post which is funny because it's taken out of context. . .except it's not. Not taken out of context, that is. I'll defer to Zornog's for his opinion of its humor value. Oh, and it's official, a winning Viagra post.
Subject: Re: A&E's Biography presents: Zornog
From: ZYX
Ahhhhh....Zornog......
I love him in the most sexual way a man can love a teenaged boy......
* * * *
Subject: Re: ZYX's ABCs
From: ZYX
2 AM:
XFileLove:what's keeping you up so late?
ZYX:Viagra.
More Zornog? Yep, more Zornog. Zornog wondered aloud:
"Man, I sure do hope Myrrh'll give me that big ol' 30 token prize this week, 'cause then I'll have enough to get a drink hugger... and boy, do my drinks need some hugs..."
Well, sure, okay. 30 tokens to Zornog. But I have to pretend to have a reason, so here's some "token-worthy" posts.
Subject: Re: Sal Sponsors: 24 Hours of Hell
From: Zornog
>>why cant you wait until carc sees that? you are silly>>
>>SWEET BLOODY JESUS!! COPY AND PASTE!>>
Hey that reminds me...
HOW TO MAKE A SWEET BLOODY JESUS:
Ingredients:
1 pint of Vodka
1 pint of Rum
2 tablespoons of vanilla
1 large melon, peferrable ripe
1 drop of Jesus Christ, our lord and saviour's, blood
1 pint of fecal matter from a hyena
1 filmstrip of a goat being milked
and
1 cherry
How to Prepare:
Mix ingredients together. Put concoction inside the bronchial tubes of your favorite housepet. Wait until the housepet "removes" the concoction. Put in oven for 400 minutes on .3 degrees. When the fecal matter turns a nice golden green, remove, cut into sizeable pieces.
How to serve:
This meal is best served to 3 year old boys who enjoy eating whatever they see. If their mother asks what the food is, quickly incapacitate the evil woman. Cut yourself a piece, hold your nose, and enjoy!
* * * *
Subject: Re: Zornog's Thread of Amusing and/or Entertaining Thoughts
From: Zornog
Shhh! You're not supposed to call them "Eskimos." You call them "frozen native-americans." Yeesh.
* * * *
Subject: Re: Zornog's Thread of Amusing and/or Entertaining Thoughts
From: Zornog
I saw Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat last night. Boy that Ted Turner can do wonders!
I'm not going to pretend to have a reason for this one -- 10 tokens to Hacksim.
Subject: Re: The Not So Spiffy Thread Of Whimsy
From: Hacksim2
And now, In order to put some more revolutionary posts, I am going to do the first post of me giving myself a tattoo! I am going to start now on voice.
Ok. I talk, it types.
Let's get the stuff for it.
Okay, let's put it on, Ow! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! This is psycho! NO! THAT HURTS! AHHH! The PAIN! SOMEONE CHOP MY ARM OFF! THIS HURTS! Ah. Ah. Now for the color. OW! OW! OW! JUST KILL ME! OW!
Phew. Those temporary tattoos really Smart!
I'm not sure if this post translates correctly to Windows 3.1 or Macs, my guess is that it does. 10 tokens to Chacro and about a dozen others:
Subject: Re: virus
From: Chacro
>>one time i was using windows and bill gates walked across the screen and smashed my desktop with a mallet and i was ieft at a dos prompt and i typed win and nothing happend is this a virus???>>
Close,
This is windows 95.
* * * *
Subject: Random Holidays
From: Conade
Great, now I feel bad for not having a Random Game Bastille Day post.. ::checks calendar for upcoming holidays:: Labor Day, here I come.
* * * *
Subject: Re: That was a HOOT
From: Smasher69
Smasher's hint towards the secret of life:
1: Mikey is only paid to eat it.
* * * *
Subject: Re: Ozma's All Natural Highs
From: Ozma22
I have this kind of thing when sometimes I'm sort of vague, yanno?
* * * *
Subject: Re: Random Arrows
From: ArrowsDeja
If Nyquil tasted like chocolate, strawberry or iced tea, instead of pine needles. why, I'd never be conscious...
* * * *
Subject: Re: Pia's Little Escapade
From: PiaAdams
While passing by a funeral parlor today, I noticed a sign that said "24 Hrs. Service."
That could mean one of 2 things...
A) Now, I can get shot in a drive by at any hour of the day!
or
B) I can now torture my loved ones into staying in a room with a dead person for a whole day!
* * * *
Subject: Re: One flew over the Fishy's nest...
From: PsykoFish
There are no undread articles in The Random Game Returns.
Would you like to list them all so you can skim read through around 800 threads that you've already read or didn't want to and pressed "mark read" because you are so incredibly pathetic that you have nothing better to do, you no life loser?
* * * *
Subject: Re: hmm
From: IGiveIn
{my mom does either of them and the chicken still sucks eggs bad.}
Why that's just PERVERTED! Chickens aren't supposed to SUCK eggs, they're supposed to LAY them!
* * * *
Subject: Re: PREMECITATED FURBALL
From: RavenWord7
{little green men force me to spend much money on beer and cheep women...}
>>Could be worse. Little cheap men could force you to spend much money on green beer and green women...>>
>>or ever worse yet, cheep beer causes me to run over little green men, while looking for cheep women....>>
>>Better than having cheap women cause you to run over cheap beer, while looking for little green men..>>
Or, still worse...
You could stub your toe!
That's it this week. This was a pretty long file, so I think I can reveal something here and no one will ever know. I've been asked before who my favorite Randomer is. It's true, I do have a favorite, it's (Your Name Here/Anyone Other Than You/Myself)