If I ever broke my leg...I'd beg the surgeon to amputate so that I could have a wooden leg. Then, I'd buy a parrot, and put him on my shoulder. He wouldn't say anything...he'd just ribbit. (Mythflora)

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Here are some Reality bytes for Dummies...... (Calvinbert)

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Be nice to your kids. They'll be choosing your nursing home. Why is abbreviation such a long word? Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice. Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change! Proofread carefully to see if you any words out. Don't look back, they might be gaining on you. Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply. Do witches run spell checkers? Dain bramaged. What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
My software never has bugs. It just developes random features. Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" =100% compression. Bad command or filename! Go stand in the corner! Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Stay....
Why doesn't DOS ever say Excellent command or filename! ......File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) Does fuzzy logic tickle? Smash foregaed on keyboard to continue....Enter any 11 digit priome number to continue... Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.... Press any key...no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE! Press any key to continue, or any other key to quit.... Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (T)hrowup Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
(A)bort (R)etry (T)ake down entire network (A)bort (R)etry (G)et a beer.
Programmer: A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects. There. If I don't get at least 1 token for that, I'm convinced
nobody ever wins at this stupid game! (Calvinbert)

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what do i do (ReesePces)

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Just where the hell are my entries? You used to be in very good standing with me, but now I'm considering having you beheaded. (Kaziganthi)

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Not only that, never put such a long comment on an entry ever again. (Kaziganthi)

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One day I saw a man pissing in a lake. He said it was recycling (GuitarRbrt)

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And now, here's a scene from STEAKLET. SHAKESPEAR VERSION:
Art though thee master of though grandess buttocks from thee nustred? Not for though country, madre, padre, or hermano, but thee, and thy sheep. Not for thy sheep alone, but for art though chicken, for which could not cluck without a big turtle.
EBONICS VERSION: Be there a steak. Be there a rabbit. We aint be the steak.
(Forty9erss)

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Random game here? (Forty9erss)

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Hi. I'm Krazy. People like to call me Krazy. I'm not a famous movie star or a football player or a Kennedy. I'm just an average joe off the streets. Well, not literally off the streets but in a small row house near the streets. I just thought you'd like to know. (Krazyk242)

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;) Is that the Random Game's mascot? What's his or her name? (Krazyk242)

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OK......i'm playing the Random Game. Now what? (Krazyk242)

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Well now I'm back to play you a little message on my nose flute toot toot kaboot I own a little nose flute. Zing ding kkabing I am the nose flute king. Whip dip sarip I just got snot on my lip (KnobbyNogg)

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I pigs could fly bacon would be much lighter (KnobbyNogg)

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Tell me if I'm wrong but if people see a ufo and they know it's a ufo then it can't be a ufo can it now (KnobbyNogg)

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"The Random Game awards a random total of tokens every Friday! We'll be awarding tokens based on the hilarity and originality of your entries! To see how many tokens you currently have to your credit, or to cash your tokens in for prizes, check out The Prize Cellar.

What the hell is this, you ask? Well, I'm not going to tell you because I don't know either.

Here's the way it works: there are no rules and there are no time
limits or schedules for winners, but there are prizes.

How do you play? You simply send me something. Anything. Doesn't
matter what. There are no categories or subjects. It doesn't even
have to be funny. It can even be a picture or image. Then a
winner will be chosen out of all of the random entries. Winners
are awarded a number of tokens based on the quality of the entry.
Short text submissions might win one token, while an image might
win three, or TEN. Who knows? It's totally random.

*IMPORTANT* If you type something in the box below, DO NOT use
the or key anywhere in it (until I post
something saying the Online Host has his head out of his ass and
our entry reading software will work properly).

*MORE IMPORTANT* If you want to send a file or an image, attach
it to an e-mail and mail it to "HO Theme".

So there you have it, a game that is essentially a blank page.
Now what are you going to put on it?" (Dragonmzt)

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how many times do I have to tell you? Spiders do not cause earth quakes! So stop telling everyone they do (KnobbyNogg)

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This just in, spiders do cause earthquakes. But only if they are really big (KnobbyNogg)

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Hey wait is that a hair leg on my shoulder? (KnobbyNogg)

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EARTHQUAKE!!!!!! (KnobbyNogg)

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I was talking to this guy who just informed my sister that small pebbles can be employed to detur large spiders from causing earthquakes (KnobbyNogg)

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Wait I don't have a sister (KnobbyNogg)

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If you can make an impression on someone how come it doesn't leave any scars? (KnobbyNogg)

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I think the show should be called mission not quite so impossible because hey they always seem to get the job done now don't they. (KnobbyNogg)

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Testing... 123...123...can you read me? (Krazyk242)

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I intend to buy a wicked big stamp so that I can mail Bob Dole to Mars. Do you think I can get any change from anyone out there? (KnobbyNogg)

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Ebeneezer Scrooge...This is Bob Marley here to drag you into the fiery hellish Netherworld and not even Tiny Tim can save your sorry little ass! (Krazyk242)

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Pestered by phone salesmen? Do what I do. Answer your phone with a fog horn Whooooonk! Pretty soon they catch on that you don't have any money because you spent it on the horn. (KnobbyNogg)

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Why don't pencil sharpeners have a warning lable on them that tells people not to use them for sexual gratification? I mean people could get hurt out there (KnobbyNogg)

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Peppermint Patty didn't have a pot to piss in. BY PAUL PARKER. Peppermint patty didn't have a pot to piss in until she spied Peter Piper's pickle pot. Perhaps Peter Piper's pickle pot would make a perfect place for pee and poop she pondered. Peppermint patty pilfered Peter Piper's pickle pot and went potty. When Peter Piper found his pickle pot paddack had been pillaged he
called the police. Pentel Patterson the pope of police responded punctually. " Some person has pilfered my precious pickle pot Pentel, please place them in prison." Peter Piper pleaded. Pacing peacefully about the place, Pentel Patterson pondered the predicament. " Perhaps Perry Pinkly pilfered the pretty pickle pot for his penny collection." Patterson proposed. "No Pinkly
puts his pennys in a poke, I predict we will never find your precious pickle pot. Perhaps you could make a new living peddling pig pelts in Percy Pennsulvania" And they all lived perfectly ever after (KnobbyNogg)

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I called myself on the phone once but the phone was busy. I wonder who I was talking to, (KnobbyNogg)

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Maybe just Maybe Sam doesn't want to play it again did you ever think of that Mr smarty pants? (KnobbyNogg)

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If your mom is catholic and your dad is jewish does that make you catish or jewolic? (KnobbyNogg)

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I am the next Mr Magoo. I have followed the teachings of the great Magoo and am now a Magoo master. WORSHIP ME NOW!!! (KnobbyNogg)

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Can I use my tokens for the bus? (KnobbyNogg)

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Or maybe video games? (KnobbyNogg)

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Ever play bacci Ball with small rodents? Neither have I (KnobbyNogg)

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Would you like to play with my collection of used diaper pails? They make excellent boats (KnobbyNogg)

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When I was your age we had to drive to school in heated busses. None of that jet pack crap for us we had it ruff I tell yah (KnobbyNogg)

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If the members of Crash Test Dummies ruled the world all the world would sing.........badly we wouldn't want that now would we. (KnobbyNogg)

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I just ran out of crazy fun foam anybody have any to spare?
(KnobbyNogg)

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I once met a kingsnake who told me that life is but a game but then he shot craps and changed his mind (KnobbyNogg)

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Hey I think I've stumbled on to something here. I must be burning thousands of calories typing right now. Here's my pitch: HECKLERS FAT BURNING WONDERSIZER sold in stores near you. Nope that would never work (KnobbyNogg)

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An AOL Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the rooms,
No one was chatting, and won't anytime soon.
Steve Case was hung by the hangman with care,
With hopes that no new bills would very soon be there.
The young boys were typing to dirty old men,
who were pretending to be young girls at age ten.
Pornography was flowing, all though the web,
To aol central and men in their bed.
No one could care about giving or getting,
Since all these web freaks were sitting there betting.
The scores come into espn net,
and if they had won, money they would get.
But all of this paled to antagonists inc,
Who ingored Christmas just like it stinks.
They stayed up real late, in this trivia game,
answering questions and going insane.
And in the wee morning all lay in their bed,
thoughly tired and really brain dead.
And so they slept, through Christmas with glee,
And got up at noon for a really quick pee,
But all was not lost, for the slept really light,
And dreamed all the time of the next aol night.

(BU Alamar) (BU Alamar)

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I AM THE GREAT CORNHOLIO! I AM A GRINGO! AAAAAAA! WOULD YOU LIKE
TO SEE MY BUNGHOLIO? I MUST HAVE TP FOR MY BUNGHOLE!
BUNGHOOOOOLLLIOOOOOOO! I HAVE NO BUNGHOLIOOOOOOOOO! ARE YOU THREATENING ME? (BOLT4518)

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Is it just me or does the the fact that Santa and Satan have the same letters scare you just as much as me? (KnobbyNogg)

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Some freak in a red suit just busted into my house and I shot him he's not so merry now is he? (KnobbyNogg)

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If silence is golden where do I cash it in? (KnobbyNogg)

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The Question: What is the difference between an orange? The answers..... 5: Blue Paint 4: Genghis Kahn 3: -2 2: Maybe 1: A Fanbelt (Chebwa)

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I had a dream that all pickles are created equal but you don't see me shouting that all over the land now do you? (KnobbyNogg)

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Your message has been sent (KnobbyNogg)

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Everyone has a B in their bonnet otherwise it would just be onnet now wouldn't it? (KnobbyNogg)

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Don't worry leave everything to me (KnobbyNogg)

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This Christmas send the gift that keeps on giving. Give your special friend a beaver this year. Everyone loves Beaver (KnobbyNogg)

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You can put a square peg in a round hole I swear (KnobbyNogg)

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Get your fat butt out of that chair and go outside you loser. Yeah you. The one with the glasses and pizza stains on your shirt MOVE IT (KnobbyNogg)

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I will not rest until the world bows before me, well I won't hold my breath (KnobbyNogg)

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Do lions cough up gazell balls? I was just wondering (KnobbyNogg)

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And now for your viewing pleasure I will produce A flaming wad of infected yak ears from my hat!.......................TADA Too bad you couldn't see that it was great. (KnobbyNogg)

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Have I typed enough to fill my own room yet? (KnobbyNogg)

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No? (KnobbyNogg)

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Answer me peon (KnobbyNogg)

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May an eighty year old leper vomit on your wheat thins (KnobbyNogg)

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Why did they have to call the leper football game? Because there was a handoff. Laugh.......Laugh you cheep excuses for earthlings (KnobbyNogg)

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I found a pigeon in my yard once. I named him Edgar. I tried to teach it to fly but he just couldn't. Later on the vet told me it was probably because Edgar was dead. (KnobbyNogg)

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Curiosity killed the cat, but he later got off because of questionable DNA evidence (KnobbyNogg)

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People are staring at me...leave me alone...you started this...you...all of you...Heckler's made me this...way...made me...crazy...looney even...haha...ha...oh no...no another shot...please nurse... uaah...that's the stuff... (Crakerz123)

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I poored antifreeze on my mom's sister and she turned into a block of ice (KnobbyNogg)

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I make a living selling used nail polish (KnobbyNogg)

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The heckster (KnobbyNogg)

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heckerrama (KnobbyNogg)

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the heckeneger (KnobbyNogg)

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Dr heckle and Mr hyde (KnobbyNogg)

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The heckmiester (KnobbyNogg)

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Coolwhip's new sponcer? Coolio! Coolio for coolwhip!! (KnobbyNogg)

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I'm done (KnobbyNogg)

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::cough cough:: E-mail Fstpitch14 for a good time (EviaNaive)

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Bob Dole's throwing stuff at me! (EviaNaive)

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Conan O'Brien is cool (EviaNaive)

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Megan kissed James (EviaNaive)

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There are 28 bones in the human hand (EviaNaive)

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Amor vincit omnia! Love conquers all! (EviaNaive)

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Warblade wanted me to make out with Rocky (EviaNaive)

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I live in Minnetonka. So do 48,369 other people. (ok, I live in Mpls, so sue me) (EviaNaive)

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I am very offense to some of all the people who aren't offended by me. (EviaNaive)

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How come every product that has the word cheese in it, has a sick title. EXAMPLE: Cheese logs, Cheese whiz, Cheese sticks and Chee-toes. (KyleHoff)

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[kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss] Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you for posting my stuff!!! I love ya to bits! merry holidays, all! (Lennonita)

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All hail wise and omnipotent bold letter guy! Om......om......ooga wocka ooga ooga ooga wocka ooga wocka ooga wocka ooga ooga ooga wocka ooga wocka... (Lennonita)

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"Vlad the impaler used to give dinner parties where he'd impale everyone on the front lawn."--Julia
>"He was looney."--Megan
"He was a brownie?"
>"NO, I said he was LOONEY"
"Oh! That would be really funny to picture him as a brownie..."
>"yeah...[insert little wobbling movements here]"
"With the little beanie, and the knee socks...[insert blank stare
from Megan here]...what?
>"I thought you meant a REAL brownie. Like the chocolate
kind..." (Lennonita)

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If there's anyone from Vegas reading this who hates the tourists that clog the downtown intersections as much as I do, read RHSean's profile. It's LOL-funny. But don't tell him I sent you. (Lennonita)

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o beautiful, wise bold letter guy...thank you for welcoming me into the elite circle of randomness...my life has been forever changed...yes, I am shamelessly kissing up! Don't look at me that way! You know you do it, too! (Lennonita)

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In the true sprit of Christmas, I'd like to demand my tokens from Santa now. (Lennonita)

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Okay, no, really, in the true spirit of Christmas I'd like to congratulate MrOnliner on his perpetually funny entries. I especially like his Bork bork bork thing. Bork Bork bork bork Bork bork bork Bork bork bork Bork bork bork Bork bork bork.
Thank you and Merry Christmas to all, and enjoy the first fight! (Lennonita)

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"And uptown you cater to a million WHORES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" - Musical Theatre II class. (Lennonita)

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To Jack Kerouac, the world was just five million big "orooneys." (Lennonita)

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the true sign of the apocalypse is when my sound files don't get mangled because then you know the devil has left aol and he's off to conquer the world, hehehehehehehehh (Psykotica)

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There she was just-a -walking down the street. Singing DOO WAH DIDDY DIDDY DUM DIDDY DOO. (Krazyk242)

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I think...I think the Random Game has gone out of control. Yes...I do. At least, somewhat, anyway. Then again, I have a tendency to underestimate grave circumstances. (MooGeneric)

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"Happy Birthday, Jesus...hope you like crap!" -Norm McDonald. He's a hoot. (MooGeneric)

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Does anyone know this song?:

Scotland's burning! Scotland's burning!
Look out! Look out!
Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire!
Pour some water, pour some water!

Anyone? I should note that a specific, dramatic choreography
accompanies this toe-tappin' tune. (MooGeneric)