Subj: History of the Random Game Part I
Date: 30 May 1997 15:40:56 EDT
From: Mr Onliner
It has come to my attention that some of you newbies don't know your random history. BROWSE THE LIBRARY, YOU DAMNED KIDS!
So, in the tradition of that book about God and stuff, I present to you...
HISTORY OF THE RANDOM GAME (PART I)
compiled by Mr (NO DOT!) Onliner (with help from Tocadisco and MagicClams)
It was the best of times, it was mostly the worst of times. It was the winter of discontent, it was our summer of...um...it was the worst of times. It was a different time then: 1996. Clinton was president, AOL sucked, and crazy cults were all the rage. Okay it wasn't different really, but level with me.
It was a different game back then. Instead of message boards, you typed in your entry and sent it through a message box. Then the next day, everybody's post was posted on a single entry page. The weekly winners would win hours, not tokens, for this was before Steve's bright flat rate idea. Few of your favorite hecklers were playing back then. Different names ruled the boards. Take for example our first ever winner from Angst4Dmem:
As a blue-haired granny with a touch of the rheumatiz, I wish to point out to you whippersnappers that those of us over 50, 60 or beyond can be just as creative as you seem to think you are. It's just that the youngun's don't know a thing about our underground activities! We kick up our orthopedically correct heels once in awhile you know. We even evoke chuckles when we want to. I'll have you know, young man, that life after 60 ain't all
covered dish suppers and knitting. We have lives that the kids can only dream about. Heh Heh. Wouldn't you like to know more about the wacky, zany world of the SENIOR CITIZEN. Sure you would. But we ain't tellin'. Oh no, we're sworn to secrecy the minute our first Medicare check comes in. We be BAD, kiddies, BAD! Seniors Rock!
There were few repeat players. The most popular were CivilWar49, KentheLuza, ELYN42, SMAC48, our own Dante209 and 303, and the all time random queen, BioChick1. Back then, we all had numbers at the end of our names so we could remember our locker combinations.
Now for a few months the game was fine and all. New faces were appearing every day. WLW Troub, the creator of some of our best entries ever, started with this simple entry:
I've always wanted to be in a circus family. No wait, that's the Family
Circus. Duh! Isn't Billy cute though? (WLW Troub)
LtJG RJ2, a favorite random whipping boy, started out with this:
I see, says the blind man. (LtJG RJ2)
HECKLER X started off with this entry:
"WHAT ARE YOU LOOKIN' AT? HERE, SMELL THIS! HA!" (HECKLER X)
Jimbo 9899:
This man needs a doctor.**BANG** No he doesn't. (Jimbo 9899)
Even one of the most popular HO games today, 3 Line Novels was started on the Random Game byTDodge 8353! Don't believe me? Read this winners list post:
This one is so original we might even create a whole game around it. We'll call it... the TDodge8353 Game!
Hmmm... come to think of it, that's a bit awkward.
WINNER ONE:
The shortest sci fi story ever written: Time ended. Yesterday. (TDodge8353)
TDodge8353 will be receiving an hour for his novel. Congrats, TDodge8353!
Days later, 3 Lines appeared.
Now the game was fine and all for a few months, but it was missing something. People were tired of just browsing through entries, hoping for a useless little smirk or factoid, they wanted a revolutionary. A leader. And in the post "If you're travelling at the speed of light..." in The Age of Reason, a new breed of random gamer (not Gomer, Nyello!) was born with this entry:
Who's cardboard? (Mr Onliner)
Okay, okay, my first entry sucked. And I didn't play the game again for months. And I wasn't a leader. And that last paragraph was completely self-centered. But that's the spirit of the Random Game!
After that the game was noticeably different. People were experimenting with truly weird and random entries. Jimbo 9899 sent in a picture of some damn baboons for no reason! Zooshere had a whole page devoted to him for his revolutionary posts! Another future leader, IZZO, posted my all-time favorite post and was never rewarded for it:
Give me my damn hour or I'll kill you.
IZZO (IZZO)
PeAcEoUt97 contributed some of our finer works of art:
__ ;';
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| | { \__ ____ ;''';
| | \--|_.-''''''''''''' ;'''''; <
`-'\ / xxxxxx;;''''';;
| | xx;;''''''';;
| |_ ;;;;;;;;;
'----'
(PeAcEoUt97)
LtJG RJ2 started a future Random tradition with his first in the "Bill" series:
THE BILL ARCHIVES
Bill!
Bill's a lawyer, you know.
Bill writes books, you know.
Bill's been on Jeopardy, you know.
Bill plays for Cleveland, you know.
Bill is currently having a dispute with his wife over the morgatge, you know.
Bill can turn into a mountain, you know.
Bill's the prime minister of Qatar, you know.
Bill has stock in the Bubba Gump Shrimp Co., you know.
Bill lives in Axlehead, Wyoming, you know.
Bill won the New York Lotto three years in a row, you know.
Bill is one of the X-Men, you know.
Bill starred in the 1953 musical "Ernst Goes to the Bathroom", you know.
Bill can fly twin-engine planes, you know.
Bill owns a 1977 Pacer, you know.
Bill was a member of the Grateful Dead, you know.
Bill recycles, you know.
Bill invented the bumper sticker, you know.
Bill once ran for president, you know.
Bill's a soap tycoon, you know.
Bill won three Emmys, you know.
Bill likes socks, you know.
Bill's middle name is Bill, you know.
Bill's mother is in Credmore Mental Hospital, you know.
Bill's guest starred on "The Cosby Show", you know.
Bill owns a .55, you know.
Bill has a liscence to sell pigs on the black market, you know.
Bill's that "Hey, Vern!" guy, you know.
Bill's favorite food is broiled yak, you know.
Bill is the real voice of Milli Vanilli, you know.
Bill knows Mr. Peanut, you know.
Bill once punched out the Power Rangers, you know.
Bill reads "Playboy" for the articles, you know.
Bill is an ex- cast member of "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine" you know.
Bill is our friend, you know. (LtJG RJ2)
And Chrsb started a much more annoying tradition:
Hi. (Chrsb)
--
There. (Chrsb)
--
My
(Chrsb)
--
name
(Chrsb)
--
is
(Chrsb)
--
Chris. (Chrsb)
--
Give (Chrsb)
--
me
(Chrsb)
--
a (Chrsb)
--
free
(Chrsb)
--
hour.
(Chrsb)
With the fun times came dangerous times, with the start of the Lawless Period. Some think the start of the first Random Revolt was brought on by Sporq's almost TOSable post, "the F*CK word":
The F*CK word!
Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language is the word "F*ck." It is the one magical word, which, just by it's sound describes pain, pleasure, love, and hate. In language,"F*ck" falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John f*cked Mary)
and intransitive (Mary was f*cked by John).
It can be an active verb
(Mary doesn't really give a f*ck) ;
or an adverb
(Mary is really f*cking interested in John);
and as a noun,
(Mary is a terrific f*ck).
It can be used as an adjective
(Mary is f*cking beautiful).
As you see, there are very few words with the versatility of "F*ck."
Besides It's sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to
describe many situations:
It can be used in an anatomical description - "He's a f*cking asshole."
It can be used to tell time -
"It's five f*cking thirty."
It can be used in business -
"How did I end up with this f*cking job?"
It can be maternal - as in
"Motherf*cker."
Valuable Vocabulary Chart Below:
==================================
Greetings.....................................
"How the f*ck are you?"
Fraud...............................
"I got f*cked by the car dealer."
Dismay.................................................
"Oh, f*ck it."
Trouble...............................
"Hell, I guess I'm f*cked now."
Aggression................................................
"F*ck you."
Disgust....................................................
"F*ck me."
Confusion.........................................
"What the f*ck...?"
Difficulty..........................................
"I don't understand this f*cking business."
Despair..............................................
"F*cked again."
Exasperation.......................................
"For f*ck's sake."
Enjoyment....................................
"This is f*cking great."
Hostility.......................................
"I'm going to knock your f*cking head off."
Incompetence..................................
"He's such a f*ck-up."
Ignorance...........................................
"F*ck if I know."
Displeasure.........................
"What the f*ck is going on here?"
Lost.........................................
"Where the f*ck are we?"
Disbelief......................................
"Unf*ckingbelievable!"
Retaliation....................................
"Up your f*cking @$$."
Surprise..................................................
"F*ckin A!"
Surprise 2......................................
"Well, I'll be f*cked."
Suspicion..............................
"What the f*ck are you doing?"
Contempt.....................
"F*ck you and the horse you rode in on!"
====================================================================
Famous quotes.
General Custer's last words:
"Look at all the f*cking Indians!"
Mayor of Hiroshima:
"Holy F*CK!"
Captain of the Titanic:
"Where is all this fu*cking water coming from?"
The mind boggles at the many creative uses of the word F*CK!
Use it regularly in your daily speech.
--- It will add to your prestige.
-sporq (Sporq)
The BioChick1/ WLW Troub relationship turned obscene:
I think that I would notice if Biochick's breasts were switched. (WLW Troub)
But the real trouble was yet to come...
(look for Part II)
M MRRRR OOOO
MM MM R R O O
M MM MRRR O O
M M M R R O O
M M M R R OOOO
"ONE HELL OF AN AMERICAN!"