My theory is correct!!! Now you can invite a whole bunch of Solomons to a chat room and post the results in a reply to this thread. What will they say??
Hi Solomon
Hi Solomon
Hi Solomon
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Subj: Lalalalala!
From: JamiJR
HI! Yes,I'm goingto enjoy this newsetup!AmI drivingyou crazyyet? Pleasereply!
Jami JoAnne Russell
@}--->------
(^_^)<---Yes, that's still a mask.
(Insert witty and intellegent quote here.)

But non-formatted posts are still just as acceptable. In fact, the rest of the winners this week won not because or not in spite of the new enhancements. 10 tokens to each of the following.
Subj: Re: The Screen Name Contest
From: Ifandorbut
>>From: AshCorvn
Message-ID: (19970419053000.BAA06140@ladder01.news.aol.com)

Hey::sob sob::: how come nobody nominated me??<<

You think you have it bad, there's a campaign against me:

"No Ifandorbuts"

_________________________________
I EXIST therefore I EXIST!!
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To USE ME is to LOVE ME!!
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Subj: More Random Thoughts to Rot the Brain
From: Krazyk242
evil people are good. therefore, good people are evil. but evil people are good. So everyone is evil and everyone's good. depending on what mood i'm in.

Grandpa's teeth have powers more mystical than cheese.

He who eats radioactive goat burgers shall rule the land of porcelain gods.

1 + 1 = 6 ::raises shotgun:: prove it doesn't, punk.

KrazyK242
-----------------------------------
the gods must be Krazy
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Subj: Re: Easter Bunny
From: DJCDACE
if it's brown, it's cola
any other color, it's soda
if it drinks and smokes too much, it's pop

love these funky colors
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Subj: Female genitalia here!
From: TheTick729
Mentos can give you complete immunity fom any crime. Lets say you rob a bank, and, as you are getting chased down by the proper authorities, you quick turn around and flash the with a package of mentos, and they have no choice but to smile and laugh and let you get away. Now, in all of the commercials they use regular mentos, but the true question that has plagued mankind for all eternity is: Will fruity mentos work?

NiCk SoApDiSh
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Subj: pets
From: KCvball
I bought a cat the oter day, pure black . For fun I named him Snowball. For my encore I'm going to buy a dog and name him stay.

ScorpioAsh gets 15 tokens for being poised, yet totally screwed up.
Subj: my favorite words
From: ScorpioAsh
i would like to share something very personal with you. i have strong feelings for words. i have trouble being unbiased with them. i like them or i hate thim. for example:

maniacal
this one is really great. i think it's my most favorite. it has two redeeming qualities: 1. it sounds really neat. ma-ni-a-cal. what a fun thing to say. it rolls. 2. it's meaning: it's root is maniac- having a mania; raving. A person wildly or violently insane; a madman.
beautiful.

dammit
fu to say, can be used in any situation, except maybe those with elders involved. but i love it. dammit, i love it. it rules, dammit. beautiful, dammit. :
"how are you?" "dammit, shut up!"
"i'm doing just fine, dammit!"
"dammit, is that any of your business?"
"dammit, life sucks"
"where's the remote?" "dammit, i left it in the kitchen"
"how am i supposed to know, dammit?"
"you had it last, dammit"
"how much does this cost?" "dammit, i dunno, i just work here"
"it costs 50 bucks, m'aam, dammit"
"the phone is ringing!" "i know, dammit"
"well, dammit, are you going to get it??"
"dammit, i bet it's the electric company bugging me about
last monthes' bill"
"dammit, i'm busy"
"what's up?" "the sky, dammit all to hell"
"dammit, shut up"


ok. quite enough.


too much sharing leaves one empty-handed. or empty-minded. or something


i found some yummy new foods.
strawberry crunch flavored rice cakes
tiramisu flavored ice cream (but a shadow of the real thing)



meow. another of my favorite words. thought it is truly onomontapeoia. it fits anywhere too.

* ~ScorpioAsh~*
poised, yet totally screwed up

The next three posts each get 20 tokens.
Subj: I love my mother's sister's friend-on today's Sally
From: Crakerz123
Sally: So you are interested in your mother's sister's friend?
Hank: No, it's my father's roomate's cousin's friend's sister.
Sally: But what does your uncle's mother's sister's son have to say about all this?
Hank: She says her brother's daughter's grandfather's niece's nephew's teacher's son should stay out of this.
Sally: Do you have a relationship with your brother's friend's girlfriend's dog?
Hank: No, but my cousin's SAT scorer's laundromat worker's doctor's patient does.
Sally: Will this effect Will's tax returner's mother's car's insurance rate?
Hank: Well maybe Will's tax returner's brother's dog's chewtoy insurance.
Sally: Will's mother's father's uncle's gerbil eats paper I hear.
Hank: Yes, Will's dentist's mother's niece's cat does too.
Sally: You think we should bring Will's dad's brother's friend's great aunt's loaner's best friend's nephew's son's bus driver's sub attendant out?
Hank: Ok, but only if Will's sister's optomatrist's banker's scientist's friend's executive's toilet cleaner's maid's butler's son out too.
Sally: Well then will Will's dad's brother's friend's great aunt's loaner's best friend's nephew's son's bus driver's sub attendant and Will's sister's optomatrist's banker's scientist's friend's executive's toilet cleaner's maid's butler's son come out to the stage please?

On the next Sally: I want my sister's son's grandfather's doctor's niece's friend's roomate's teacher's student's boyfriend's friend's best friend's girl friend's chevy owner out of my life for good.
I'm the Crakman
o o
\ /
({- -})
\ - /
C r a k e r z 1 2 3
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Subj: We are all snowflakes
From: Soma Nymph
I go to this school in Minnesota (well, they claim it's a school. I think it's actually a breeding ground. The world will never run out of people as long as my school is around..) and the other week they herded us all downtown in buses to go the this thing called the Peace Rally to fight racism.
First about 1000 kids, about 40% gang-affiliated, walk down the main street of our town. They were having a peace march and feeling pretty great about it, because, you know, walking down the street is going to stop racism.
Then there were the speeches. About 1000 people gathered on the steps of our city hall and waved banners saying, "Racism Sucks,", because you know, some guy who likes to knife Somalian kids in his free time is going to read one of those and say, "Yeah, it does," as he throws his knife in the gutter.
The mayor came and made some very noble analogies. Apparently I am a snowflake, unique in my own way, and together, with all the other snowflakes (like the kid with the t-shirt that said Eat **** who was standing behind me smoking a cigar) I make up a snowball that will stand in the way of racism, which is like fire - our snowball is so big nothing can melt it. Then a former Minnesota Viking came and said, "I care about all of you. Don't be
racist." It was inspiring.
Then a high school band played, to the glee of about 50 green-haired, Doc Martin-ed, band-t-shirted non-conformists standing behind the stage.
Then an art teacher read a poem about green peas.
Then the band played again. I could feel racism melting out of my town.
Then their was the open mike session. About 100 kids lined up to speak. Here are their speeches in full:
"Yo man, racism sucks. Stop the violence!" (cheers)
"Hey whuz up Minnesota? Peace." (cheers and one girl falls off her boyfriend's shoulders. A mosh pit in front of the stage forms)
"My name's Stacey and I am not racist - Tasha!" (cheers)
"Hey, racism is ignorance. Peace out!" (cheers)
"If you read the Bible and stuff, you'll see it says that racism sucks! No, I'm not talking about homosexuals or jews or Moors or witches...i'm talking about not being racist" (cheers and peace signs)
Then they made suggestions as to how yuo can fight racism:
-make a peace quilt - whatever the hell that is. But I'm sure it stops racism
-clean up a patch of highway - No, I don't understand either
-Reelect the Mayor (sorry, that was only insinuated)
-Prepare an ethnic meal or go to an ethnic restraunt - as if chinese restraunts didn't have the most unaffirmative action staffs on the planet.
An inspiring day. I can't wait for the follow-up rally in May. Destroying racism is fun. If only the rumors about the white-sheets coming had been true...then maybe it would have been interesting.
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Subj: Re: Unsolved mystery
From: PaulCrash
Do you like M.C. Escher?

Every time I walk upstairs into the basement, I think of him

Crash
This space available

Can you believe PaulCrash got 20 tokens for that entry? Hmm, I don't know; I think something is fishy. This next post is fishy, because it gives me a feeling of deja vu. But, oh, what the hell. 25 tokens to an entry that would make Robert Benchley proud.
Subj: Track and field mentalities
From: GORP007
The mentalities of the different areas on a high school track and field team are extremely different from the ones of their team mates. After a careful study of the respective groups, I have narrowed them into three categories, The Sprinters, The field events, and the Distance Runners. The difference between these groups can be summed up in a short train situation. The sprinters say, "I can start faster than that train." High
jumpers say, "I can jump over that train." Shot/Discus throwers say, "I can crush that train." And the distance runners know they can't beat the train, but they still want to try and stay with it for a few miles.
FIELD EVENTS
The field events are done actually off of the track, and so they had to change the name of the sport to accomodate this group of whiners. The long jumpers spend most of their time running back and forth on a small runway, laying down tape. They always end up moving their tape a couple of times, so there is no point in putting it down in the first place. They are usually a little bit more social than most field athletes, as some long
jumpers sprint as well.
The High jumpers do the same basic jobs as long jumpers. They run around putting tape on the ground too. The difference is that their area is a small square in stead of a runway. Many times the high jumpers will step on boxes to make themselves jump over higher bars, but we all know that they can't really jump that high. High jumpers keep inside their square and don't socialize much.
Pole vaulters are essentially high jumpers. The only difference is that they have poles. Now the object of their event is to stick the pole into the hole and fling themselves over a bar 10-15 feet off the ground. And this is fun? Pole vaulters also have the general Field event obsession with tape. Pole vaulters are the biggest whiners on the team and do the least amount of work. They talk to people, but nobody listens to them, so they
think they have a social life, but we all know that is wrong.
The rest of the field events are classified under weightmen. I have often argued over whether they are called weightmen because their workout is mainly weight lifting or because of their incredible personal mass. They spend half of their time throwing balls and heavy frisbees, and the other half they pick stuff up and put it back down. That all sounds pretty childish, but they always seem to make it look so difficult. Shot putters are
probably the strongest athletes on the team, and they expect you to treat them so. Do not be surprised if one threatens your life on a regular basis. Discus throwers don't have to be as strong, but usually are. Discusers are some of the nicest guys on the team, and usually have a lot of friends.
Sprinters
Sprinters generally think that they are the most important members on the team. It is often heard that a sprinter says that the track team would not survive without them. Sprinters are some of the most hated people on the team. Sprinters divide into two categories, short distance, and shorter distance. The shorter distance runners run the 100 meter dash and the 200 meter dash. When they run indoors, they even cut it down more to the 55
yard dash. These guys couldn't handle running 5 kilometers if they had to. They are strong runners, I will admit that, but if they have to run more than half of the track, I don't think they could handle it. These short distance runners socialize more than they should for their intelligence level. In fact, they say that for every race you run with the word dash in it, you lose 5 I.Q. points. The reasoning for that might be that most
sprinters try to hold their breath for a whole race at least once.Of course, what they say usually doesn't make much sense, and most people just blow it off.
The short distance runners, sometimes refered to as the middle distance runners are fairly good all around athletes. They run the 400 meter dash. (Sometimes 800 meter dashers are included, but not usually) 400 runners are pretty nice guys and often run with the distance runners during workouts. Middle distance runners have average indurance, and good speed. They pride themselves in the fact that they can turn twice instead of once like
other sprinters. This brings a little bit too much joy to some of these congenial fastguys. Their workout usually consists of running their race over and over until you throw up and or die. They can usually get along well with both distance and sprint runners.
A special group of sprinters are called hurdlers. These guys are pretty good athletes. They can run and jump and keep running. That takes a lot of coordination, or at least they would like you to think so. Their workouts will be some of the strangest you will ever see. If young kids ever based track on hurdling alone, nobody would go out. They would all be way too scared. Hurdlers deserve some respect though. They go out there every
day and try to jump over these sawhorse things and try to do it in stride, and they know very well that they will trip at least twice during every workout. Hurdlers are by far the most intelligent of all the sprinters. Nobody knows why. It might have to do with that breathing thing. Hurdlers find success very easily. Nobody really likes hurdles, it is always the most uncoordinated guys who try them. There is once in a while a phenom
hurdler who does really well, and this guy wins every race he is in. Hurdlers try to talk a lot, but are too busy falling over to be successful.
Distance Runners
Distance runners are some of the most underexhaulted athletes in the whole program. They are the work horses of the whole team. Of course, they are viewed as being just downright crazy by everyone else. Most distance workouts are not done on the track, and most would tell you that they prefer not to run on a track. Distance runners take joy in running outstandingly long distances, and they find some inner joy in doing so. They call it
runner's high. I don't know, kinda sounds like a little flashback to the 70's. These guys are not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but they are probably the overall most intelligent group in the organization. Their biggest problem is that they run too much. The longest distance event is the 2 mile run, and the longest distance workout is a 10 mile run, do the math, but that seems a little bit excessive. Distance runners do not divide into
seperate groups because a runner is expected to run in whatever event they are called upon to do. Distance people play well with others. Their only problem is sprinters. That is why they do not practice at the track. The stronger sprinters and weightmen would beat them up.
Track and field is a wild wild world, but if we all learn eachother's weaknesses and problems, then we can hope to resolve our differences and live in a peacefull world.

~~GORP007~~
It's not just trail mix,it's a way of life.

MitchRK wins big again this week for his post and reply. 25 tokens coming your way.
Subj: Have you ever...
From: MitchRK
Mub.

Have you ever filled your bathtub with chili and sat in it? Me too.

Have you ever shaved your cat and tried to pass it off as a chihuahua? Me too.

Have you ever painted your entire house in ketchup from those little packets from fast food places? Me too.

Have you ever written out a will leaving your entire fortune to your stuffed toy moose Petie, but only if he gets married in a synagogue within six weeks of your untimely demise? Me too.

Have you ever gotten a tattoo put on your chest that says "I'm with Stupid" along with a large arrow pointing to your left for when you go to the beach? Me too.

Have you ever stolen a hearse with a body in the back and driven cross country picking up as many hitchhikers as you could find and calling each one Superman when you talked to them? Me too.

Have you ever had a song that you haven't heard in years suddenly start running through your mind all day long? You have? Whoa! That's just nuts, pal. You know, you really need help. No, no, stay away from me.
___________________
MitchRK
Breathe in. Breathe out. Now stop.
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Subj: Re: Have you ever...
From: MitchRK
Mub.

>>have you ever read a post that was really dumb and pointless? me too>>

The point I was trying to make was that there is political unrest in the world and that we as Americans should do whatever we can to be part of the solution and not part of the problem, or something like that. Anyway, it was really lofty and stuff and might have been a little too subtle for some to figure out, but really great art is, like, you know, really artsy and sometimes it's tough to "get it." I hope we can all work toward a better
tomorrow together, as responsible citizens, 'cause that would be cool.
___________________
MitchRK
Breathe in. Breathe out. Now stop.

Due to length the big winners this week are not contained within in this winners file. If you were paying attention to the Random Board this week you would have seen two snazzy animation posts. 30 tokens to TootLoops (for making the postings) and 30 to Bloodguilt (for unknowingly supplying TootLoops with the content.) If you didn't see them, well, tough luck.