aka "The Nice Age." I was gonna just list all the winners, tell you the total amount of tokens awarded and let you guys figure out who got what. I was going to call it the Extremely Lazy Age; yet that would've only described me. More likely it would have been the Age of Lawlessness and since we've already done that...you get this age: lots and lots of winners, many who have never won before or who haven't won in a while.

Just to show you how nice I mean, I'm giving Hacksim tokens. Okay, it's only 10, but it goes to show if you are annoying long enough you can make your mark--just like Adam Sandler. Here's some 10 token winners:
Subject: Re: marilyn manson/ Virtual Insanity crossover.
From: Hacksim
You know, I don't get the Manson freaks. I could not do that. The long hair, the weird clothes, and those songs. I mean, MMMBop sucks! That band is going down!
* * * *
Subject: Re: Sticky Ball
From: Puterweeny
>>You have to open the little slot where the ball is, and actually remove the ball from the body. (Ok, nevermind this sounds funny anyway....) then you'll see little ...sides that the ball rolls up against when you move it. They probably have dirt and gunk (snipes... did I spell that right?) against them, and you have to clean them off by scraping the dirt away. This will make it easier for the ball to
move around once you put it back.>>

Well, I'll be darned..........I didn't know you could do that. I took out the ball and gave the hole a good blow. It seems to be working just fine now. Thanks for the help!
* * * *
Subject: Re: duh....
From: Despina41
>>Here in Philly, we look forward to any surgical procedure which results in a prescription for narcotic pain killers.>>

That would include watching a Phillies game?
* * * *
Subject: Re: Happy Birthday Baldie
From: AIias AKA
>>Dawn <----who wants the left, it's a tad bigger, you know>>
What is wrong with you? Are you some kind of pervert or something? Do you want to go out with me?

And just so you see how never-ending I mean: three, what it seems like are, mainstays of the winners files. Carcazoid gets 15 tokens, SGood42 gets 20, and MitchRK gets 25. By the way Goo, I don't think the Random Game would cost you that much--in fact, if you ask right, HO might just give it to you (once they stop laughing in your face...)
Subject: Re: I thought it would be interesting....
From: Carcazoid
>>that would go against the desire of the owners of the game...>>

The owners of the game just informed me that you rent is overdue. You have 24 hours to remit payment or be evicted.
* * * *
Subject: Re: Carc's Colorful Cache of Comedy
From: Carcazoid
Surgeon General's Warning: Cleaning your ears with a steak knife may cause hearing loss.
* * * *
Subject: Re: Carc's Colorful Cache of Comedy
From: MitchRK
>>Surgeon General's Warning: Cleaning your ears with a steak knife may cause hearing loss.>>

Which one is the steak knife?
* * * *
Subject: The riters lyfe for me
From: MitchRK
All of my characters in all my novels are based loosely on people I make up in my head. The names are almost always changed, though, because they usually have names like Fracture and Spitune and Rimshot-Gatorade and Doowop-a-Snake and Umbrella and Ooooooff and Btwizzik and Cecil and 73-Ligg and Trov-Skona-Placebo and Ua and Larve and Vemble and History-Soup and Eddie-Wig-Splash and Mitch. Nearly all of my novels have a happy ending, meaning that you are happy when it ends. Sometimes they have surprise endings, like ending in the middle of a sentence on the first page. All of my novels, however, without exception, have at least one explicit sex scene, one car chase scene (even the period pieces), three explosions, a donut shop, the lyrics to a hit song, six mentions of William Shatner's hairpiece, a strong female lead, a caged bird, at least twenty-five swear words, a scene in a seedy bar, a dog named after a Russian philosopher, a detective with a limp, four references to Gilligan's Island, a nazi (or neo-nazi), a mysterious typewritten suicide note, a fudge recipe (usually on the back of the suicide note), and I tend to get very political in the third quarter of the book, although my politics change wildly with each novel. I also try to avoid run-on sentences. My next novel, Swimming in the Deep End of the Pool of Death, should be out by spring, unless it gets accidentally shredded like the last three.
* * * *
Subject: The Purchase
From: SGood42
Ok...so I've been pondering what to buy with the 200 tokens I now have, I've come to the conclusion that well the Hecklers Online store just doesn't have what I want. What do I want though you ask? In due time my friends.
Well you see the 200 tokens just wasn't enough for what I wanted so after taking my tokens to the happiest place on Earth(thats Las Vegas for the over the age of 21 crowd) and also dabbling a bit in the stock market I have turned those 200 tokens into my new vastly improved fortune of 700 million tokens.(yea suck on that Ross Perot)
So I know your probally going,"But Goo what on Earth would you need 700 million tokens to purchase?" Well the answer to that is simple my friends..................I'm going to buy the Random Game...........................................
Yes friends....that is correct I want to purchase this fine blank tablet for our rants and ideas that many of us call home. Ok now before you call out the lynch mob and start the cries of'QUICK GET HIM HE IS TRYING TO TAKE OVER" just hear me out. I don't want to take over the game......just buy it....purchase it....use it as a foothold on which i can start my soon to be multi-billion dollar mega Corporation...Goo, Goo &Goo.
Ok so we start small...but soon we break out and jump straight into the world of merchandizing...ok close your eyes and imagine with me if you will........your sound asleep in your Random Game posterpedic matress when you are soothingly awaken by the sound of your, Random Game's Mr Onliner Alarm clock..which wakes you up to the sound of the one and only Mr O who tells you" This one hell of an American is telling you its time to wakey wakey"
you leap out of bed but not before putting on your official Random game matching Chriskolak slippers and kilt and wander into the kitchen to have your regular cup o Random Game CurlyAnnTea...the drink of champions...what a way to start a morning. Then off to the bathroom for you where if your a male you can get that face looking smooth and sexy with the Random Game's BaldGhoti Shaving Kit........and who can resist the minty taste of the Random
Game's Lavoris 49 Mouthwash?See these are just a few ideas to start with. I mean just little ideas that I.......HEY YOU CAN OPEN YOUR EYES NOW...where was i?....oh yea...just some little ideas that we can take to a higher level......the Random Game home Wart Remover.... and for the kiddos going back to school..the Random Game Pencil/Pen/Home Pregnancy test kit...and the list grows and grows and grows.
See this is why I want to purchase the Random game....for the love and markability it has. My people are now in contact with Bill Gates( you knew of course he was the one who owned the game) and my offer is on the table......so hey guys its up to you...mind if I purchase the game or not......I'll give you a cookie......an Official Random Game's Peanut Butter BabyLamms cookie of course though........thanks for your time

A few more 10-token winners. I believe at the beginning of the week it was suspected that Coil10 was an alias. So, if it is, tough luck bud, you've got your tokens split under difference accounts now.
Subject: Re: King David
From: Coil10
>>Why don't you just give us the technical definition of the RG?>>>

I think I will:
Random Game-1. see insane asylum; 2. the fruits of boredom.

Wow, I've picked up a lot here haven't I?
* * * *
Subject: Re: cookie
From: LndonSleep
>>cookies are good.>>

Some cookies aren't. Worm cookies aren't. Cookies that have been in the toilet aren't.
* * * *
Subject: Re: Carc's Colorful Cache of Comedy
From: The Kat 4u
>>The true "breakfast of champions": Black coffee,five Winstons and some Tylenol.>>

throw in some crack, and 7 out of 9 dallas cowboys would agree with you.
* * * *
Subject: Re: The Masturbation Generation
From: SoupEater
I have to say that "The Masturbation Generation" would be a good name for either a rock band, or one of the eras of the random game.

So? I didn't make it an era. I'm sure you're all shattered.

Just so this age isn't too nice, here's some injustice. USAmen has three posts listed here and he gets 20 tokens. ShavedYak1 and Tansa only have one but also receive 20 tokens each. (Ouch. I'm tough.)
Subject: Re: Answering Machine messages.
From: Tansa
>>No way I stay away from that crap. My brother put some on his arm when he was like 6 and left it on overnight 12 years later he still doesn't have any hair on his arms.>>

I'm assuming the other arm went into shock when it discovered the others' loss.
* * * *
Subject: Pectoplasty Iguana Rock
From: ShavedYak1
One thing that really pisses me off... someone I know gets on, so I say hi. Then they expect me to keep talking to em. That's the same way it is when I call someone.

Me: Hi!
Person: Hello.

Person: Wha'd you call for?
Me: Just to say hi. What the hell did you expect? Something important? Bah, you should be happy just to be graced with my presence. Do I need a reason to call? Do I ask you for a reason when you call me?
Person: I don't call you. You're a dork.
Me: That's not the point dammit, if you DID call, I wouldn't expect a reason!
Person: Can I hang up yet?
Me: Yes.

* * * *
Subject: King David
From: USAmen
I went to a viewing the other day, and the funeral home had this huge reproduction of Michaelangelo's King David sculpture. I don't know how many of you have seen one of these, but this guy had to have the smallest penis in the world. Now I'm thinking, there is no way that Michaelangelo could have seen the real David's penis given the many centuries separating them, so I'm wondering why he would he make it so small? Did he run out of marble?
Perhaps the chisle slipped and he lopped half off? Maybe instead of "serious" art, it was really the Renaissance equivalent of a caricature -- you know, like the modern day political cartoons that make Clinton's head and chin even larger than they are already. Maybe he was just making a statement about Hebrew penis size. If I were a grad student in art history, I would do my thesis on this. Meanwhile, how the hell are you supposed to pretend
that you are devoutly mourning Aunt Rita with this huge statue with a teeny-weenie flaccid pecker behind the casket? I would have felt a lot worse if I was the only one laughing.
* * * *
Subject: Re: USAmen's Hard Drive
From: USAmen
As I was keeping score for my dart team game last night (because I'm the only one on the team who can subtract), I was thinking, "Mom was right -- that college degree sure does come in handy."
* * * *
Subject: Re: duh....
From: USAmen
>>Here in Philly, we look forward to any surgical procedure which results in a prescription for narcotic pain killers.>>

>>That would include watching a Phillies game?
* * * * *
You need the damn painkillers before you watch a Phillies game. Do they suck or do they suck?

Guess what? We're only half way done! Well, length-wise. Those who already won are invited to get a snack ready, others will still be scrolling through by the time you get back. Penguin831, SunDewlady, and BabyLamms each get 15 tokens.
Subject: Feeling a little boxed in...
From: Penguin831
Ever notice that our society today is based on boxes? Every morning you wake up, and step out of your box shaped bed, and most of us step into a room which is probably also boxed shaped. We walk into the kitchen, and eat box shaped toast, or cereal from, guess what, a box. We spend all day walking around, surrounded by boxes, without even noticing it. But it could be worse... Madonna could be ruling the world... everything would be conic...
think about how going to the bathroom would feel...
* * * *
Subject: Thermonuclear time-share
From: Penguin831
Ever sit in class, staring at the clock, when all the sudden, it stops, and you raise your hand to tell the teacher, and it starts again, as soon as she calls on you. So you say, "Can you repeat number five?" and she tells you the answer is two, and you go back to staring at the clock again, because this is math class, and it's that boring. So then the clock stops again. You wait a while, to make sure it's really stopped, and after what seems
like ten minutes, which is probably really about 30 seconds, math time, and raise your hand to tell your teacher, and gosh darn it, it starts again, so when she calls on you, you say, "What was the answer to number 18?" and she asks if you're paying attention, because we're only on number 10. And you say, "Yes, I'm paying attention, but I don't want to miss the answer to number 18, because I liked that one." So she says that you should wait,
because she wants the whole class to hear number 18. And you stare at the clock again, and when it stops, you raise your hand, and it starts. So she decides to send you to the office because you're not paying attention.
You mean that's never happened to you? You live a sheltered life my dear. Then again, I could be off the point....
Which reminds me, how could you be on the point. Wouldn't that hurt. I don't know if you're sitting on the point, or standing on the point, or what, but if you're standing, if must be hard to balance, and if you sit, your ass has to hurt. But I'm off the subject. Which is... what is the subject? I know, I'll check the subject box. Why is it empty? I think I will put something in there. Something utterly boring. Something I know nothing about.
Something like thermonuclear time-share. Something I couldn't tell you a thing about. So if I can't talk about the subject, how can I be on the subject? And if I'm not on the subject, I'm off the subject. And I'm off the point. So it must not hurt. I feel better now.
* * * *
Subject: My embarrasing moment....
From: SunDewlady
I...meaning me...being the only female in an office of 10 men, of course make the coffee. Well, this morning...I really embarrased myself. While I just poured the water in the coffee maker, all the guys were waiting for the pot to brew. I walked into my office and as soon as I sat down, I heard the clanking of the coffee pot...with that I screamed out "Dont pull it out till it stops dripping!!". Of course the room exploded with
laughter, I, had absolutley no idea what the hell they were laughing at until about a half hour ago. That happened to be the saying of the day here. And I have no desire to go near the coffee machine ever again, at least for today.
* * * *
Subject: Re: YOU PEOPLE (including me) COMPLETLY SUCK POPCICLES......really cold hard popcicles
From: BabyLamms
>>you suck hard ones (popcicles) now write about the best experiance you've had with a hard one(popcicle)>>
I hate when I'm eating a hard one (popsicle) and it starts to melt, then a big chunk breaks off and falls on my shoe.
* * * *
Subject: Re: Assorted Thoughts With Creamy Centers
From: BabyLamms
My cat was drinking milk out of a bowl when she started choking on a hairball. I looked over and milk was coming out of her nose! She spits up the hairball, into the bowl no less, and she continues lapping the milk. I couldn't breathe I was laughing so hard. Later she puked on the kitchen floor. Guess who was laughing then.

Can it be true? The last winners of the week? Yes, rejoice! Lastly, 30 tokens go to TyleredOne and Conade.
Subject: Re: Carc's Colorful Cache of Comedy
From: TyleredOne
My perky young neighbor came out and put some aloe vera plant on my little boys face after he fell down.
Minutes later,my husband caught his penis in a rose bush.
Coincidence?
* * * *
Subject: Re: Newstyle, Freestyle, Random Jamdom!!!
From: TyleredOne
Last week,I saw a carload of guys drinking beer as they were driving along.Their bumper sticker read "One Day At A Time." I thought ,yeah,it was a pretty decent show but,MAN...it certainly doesn't warrent a bumper sticker!
* * * *
Subject: Re: The S-Word
From: TyleredOne
Ok,everyone get out their Merriam Webster's Collegiate Dictionary......turn to page 759........see the word that I see? You know....motherf****r? I couldn't believe it was in there,but it is. (I play waaaay too much Scrabble...)
* * * *
Subject: RomeHO and Juliet
From: Conade
Two households, both have no dignity,
In fair Alabama, where we lay our scene.

ACT 2, SCENE 2

RomeHO
Sleep dwell upon thine eyes, peace in thy breast!
Would I were sleep and peace, so sweet to rest!
Hence will I to my ghostly father's cell,
His help to crave, and my dear hap to tell.

Juliet
Sick.
* * * *
Subject: The Barber of Random-ille
From: Conade
[the scene is a darkly decorated barber shop. Bottles of shampoo, conditioner, and hairspray line the walls. Puterweeny is standing behind the counter. Chriskolak walks in.]
Chris: I want a haircut.
Puter: Which one?
Chris, looking away in disgust: How much is a haircut?
Puter: Fifty eleven dollars.
Chris: Damn. [leaves]

[Carcazoid, USAmen, Mr Onliner, and Nyello are standing in the corner, next to a magazine rack, talking. They turn around one at a time.]
Carc: Ooooooohhhh . . .
US: Ohhhhhhh . . .
Mr O and Nyello, in unison: Goodbye, my Coney Island baby . . .
[BabyLamms, in teeny-weeny policewoman uniform walks into the barber shop and drags the quartet out of the room.]
Baby: We'll have none of that in here! But on the other hand . . . [smacks them all between the legs with her nightstick] Sing, boys! Sing!
[the four, trying to run from the vicious policewoman, bump into each other, and finally make their way out of the mall]
Baby: Hmph.

[back in the barber shop, Ganjaa69 is chugging bottles of hairspray. CortJstr and XXKoSmOxX walk into the shop, pushing and shoving each other.]
Puter: Umm . . . can I help you guys?
Cort, pushing Kos aside: Yeah, I want a buzz!
Puter: Go try the chemist's down the street.
Kos, pushing Cort away: I need my . . . hell, I don't need a haircut. [leaves]
Puter: Alright, sir, come this way. [escorts Cort to a torn up barber's chair]
[Cort sits cautiously on the chair.]
Cort: AHH! [leaps up about four feet, removes rusty spring from butt-cheek]
[Caie Mac walks in, wielding a 4-foot pair of scissors. Cort stares at her breasts.]
Caie: Hi.
[Cort is unresponsive.]
Caie: I'm assuming you want your hair cut. [raises the scissors to his head.]
[Cort's head falls off.]
Caie: Damn. [sweeps the body under a rug]

[MitchRK walks in with his tiger, Dog]
Mitch, after a long pause: I need my hair trimmed.
Puter: Yeah, whatever. [escorts him to the other barber, Lavoris49]

Lav, surrounded by molecules: Hey.
Mitch: Hey.
[the molecules lift Mitch and set him down gently on the barber's chair]
Lav: Alright, go to it, guys, but not like last time . . . you remember what happened last time . . .
[the molecules swarm around Mitch, faster and faster, until they're a blue blur. Lav cheers.]
Lav: Keep going, guys!
[Mitch's head falls off]
Lav: Doh.

[CurlyAnnT walks in, wielding a machete]
Curly: Nobody move or I'll shoot!
[Puterweeny raises an eyebrow]
Puter: You can't shoot with -- [Curly throws the machete at Puter]
Curly: Ha. [walks to cash register, takes money, leaves]

[Dante303 walks in, aflame, sits in corner.]
Dante: Hey, they do have Highlites here!

[Repeatr621, Kellie04, BaldGhoti, and TyleredOne walk into the shop. Kellie goes behind the counter.]
Kellie: May I take your order?
[Repeatr falls asleep. He drops his copy of Time.]
Baldie: Do I look like I need a haircut? Huh? Huh? HUH?
Ty: I like long-haired men. Are there any here?

[Sgood42, KzintiCat, Daiyzie, Hacksim, and Beaner attempt to fit into the barber shop all at once. Hacksim is pressed against a shelf, and drowns in shampoo]
Hacksim, through bubbles: The Great C! El Pepe! *gurgle*
[Goo walks into Lav's area of the shop, sees the bloody mess on the floor, and hops into the chair]
Goo: Cut away, princess.
Lav: Hey! Only Carc can call me that! [Goo's head falls off]
[Kzinti, curious as to what is taking Goo so long, wanders back to Lav's booth]
Kzinti: Where's Goo?
Lav: Do you want a haircut or not?
Kzinti: Where's Goo?!
Lav: Hey, I asked you a question.
Kzinti: So did I.
Lav: Well, are you going to answer it?
Kzinti: I don't know. Am I?
Lav, staring at Kzinti: Nyaah. [Kzinti's head falls off]

[Conade walks into the waiting area, knife protruding from forehead, and sits down with a copy of Newsweek]
Conade: My life sucks. [removes knife from forehead]
Beaner: Gross!
[Conade's head falls off]
Daiyzie, laughing: I'm glad that's never going to happen to us!
[Daiyzie and Beaner's heads fall off]

[A scream is heard from the back of the shop]
Lav, yelling: My scissors!
Caie, loudly: Mine!
Lav: Mine!
Caie: Mine!
Lav: Mine!
Caie: Mine!
Lav: Mine!
Caie: Mine!
Lav: Mine!
Caie: Mine!
Lav: Mine!
Caie: Mine!
Lav: Mine!
Caie: Mine!
Lav: Well, well, well . . . you're a foo foo head!
Caie: Well, well, well . . . you have no head! [Lav's head falls off. Caie laughs. Caie's head falls off.]

That *is* it. Man, that's more than you read in most English classes.