Coming of the Comet
[Comets have historically been represented as symbols of coming disasters. So, please, when spending the night at golfers' houses, do not descend steps at one in the morning. Now, I'm not overally superstitious, but if something bad does happen, you can say you were warned here first. Wait, something didn't already happen, did it?]
[Unless you've had your head stuck in a hole for the last week, like me, you'd have known that we have a candidate for Congress. With all the troubles associated with campaign donations, I don't feel right donating to Carc's campaign. But here are 10 tokens for these two messages (or 5 for each if you prefer.)]
Subj: Campaign '98
From: Carcazoid
I just decided that I should run for Congress in 1998. In order to get a jump on the competition, and ensure that Hecklers Online is duly represented in our nation's capital, the campaign begins now.
I will run on these principles:
1. Free government cheese for everyone.
2. Free unlimited access to AOL.
3. Door number two.
But first, I must assemble a staff. Interested volunteers apply here.
Thank you for your support.
Carcazoid for Congress
***
Subj: Re: Campaign '98
From: Carcazoid
Memorandum
To: Toots
From: Carc
Subject: Meeting notes
It has come to my attention that there has been some leakage of notes and/or transcripts of private meetings. We must be wary. Remember the Nixon Administration.
**Carcazoid for Congress**
[ScorpioAsh and Cdbpdcb took time out from Random posting to give us words of warnings. Thank you, your words of advice are welcomed. Okay, Cdbpdcd's post isn't really a warning per se, but 8 tokens to each anyway.]
Subj: Re: Vitamin C
From: ScorpioAsh
Vitamin K and E and two others can be toxic if taken in large amounts
~~~~~~~~~~
* ~ScorpioAsh~* #9
~~~~~~~~~
~~~in NEW! rainbow colors!~~~
lend me your ears
***
Subj: Re: pot
From: Cdbpdcb
I have also come across a few of these chemically imbalanced people. I've even met some who said it was an aphrodisiac for them. How can you be horny when all you want to do is fall asleep?
Spam I am
(but Carc has renamed me Pete)
[Now, MonkeyQQ has gone beyond the call of duty and has really come up with some useful safety messages. 10 tokens to MonkeyQQ.]
Subj: Safety Boy Talks
From: MonkeyQQ
My roll in Boy Scouts is Safety Boy. Every meeting, I am to come up with some new things to do and to not do. My assigned topic for this week: fire. Now, I guess I coul tell them some mumbo jumbo about making sure it's out bla bla bla, but I made a better list.
Never dance with your hair on fire.
Never insert a lit zippo into a nostril.
Resort to different methods to dismiss belly-button lint than soaking your stomach in kerosene and yelling, "I'm gonna hit you with a match you cursed cooties that I was forced to read about in 'To Kill A Mocking Bird' in 7th grade!!!"
If the fat kid in your patrol says you can cook your hamburgur on his folding aluminum shovel, DON'T! The heat will travel right up the shovel and into your hand.
It may look like a good idea to light the curse words on fire that you wrote with bugspray on someone's tent until you find out that someone is going to do the same to yours, while you're in it.
A tree 2 or 3 feet away from the fire isn't shelter enough from a fresh D battery.
Neither is a tent.
Neither is a Cub Scout.
until next time......
___
/ o o \ <------ drew that myself last night.
()I I()
I __> I
\____/ MONKEYBOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (monkeyqq)
[All work, no play makes the Random Game a different game. VicFirth00 reminds us that by combining work and play in the follow message worth 6 tokens. Oh, and 6 tokens to Puck3 also.]
Subj: The WORST madlib.
From: VicFirth00
Dear (name),
(Greeting), How (Helping Verb) (pronoun). (Pronoun/possesion) (helping verb) (condition). Did (Pronoun) (One of the 5 senses) that (name) is (condition)? (Noun) (Verb) off a (noun). So how's (a pets name). (Pronoun) (One of the 5 senses) (Verb) (Noun) (Pronoun) (Exclamation) (Silly word). That last sentence didn't make much sense, did it? (Noun) (Verb) (Adjective) (Noun), (Pronoun)!
Allright, (Way to say bye)
(Name)
P.S. (Noun) (Noun)
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
THIS IS MY SIGNITURE:
/\/ / \/\
***
Subj: The Time Warp
From: Puck3
Ok... this post is just an example of how often posts are created having nothing to do with their subject. If you read, please respond in any way shape or form just so I can prove to myself that people are attracted to these falsely subjected posts.....
Grazi
<:<:<:<:<:<:<:<:>:>:>:>:>:>:>:>
The Puck=Official Puck of Randomland
Sacreliciously obnoxiousistic
"Diplomacy: the art of saying 'Nice doggy' until you can find a rock..."
[I'm not sure about the following post. I think it's a new high mark for disturbing posts. Yet, the overall message is a postitive one. It has a nice beat and is easy to dance to. I'll give it 7 tokens.]
Subj: False appendages
From: Mythflora
I like fake body parts. A lot. If I ever had my arms and legs cut off in some sort of "accident" I would plead with the doctor to replace them two-fold. I would get two arms put in each socket and long, long legs. At Christmas time, the family would gather to decorate me with colored lights. We would sip sherry while basking in the warm glow of my thighs. For halloween I would dress as one of those Hinduist goddesses with all the arms. I would
be able to do many things at the same time. I would give sensational hugs. Maybe I would finally be popular.
[Now, for the final winner this week, we have ChewLaRoue. Chew echoes my concern of the coming of something bad, probably due to Comet Hale-Bopp. I stopped short of saying the coming of the end, but I'm not going to stop ChewLaRoue from saying it. 10 tokens coming your way, I hope you aren't underground yet.]
Subj: join me...
From: ChewLaRoue
Did you know that if you rearrange the letters in 'Random Game' you can spell armageddon. Except that it is not spelled exactly right. But that is not the point. (I mean, when it comes to a sign from God, are you really going to quibble over a misspelling?) THE POINT IS: THE END OF THE WORLD IS COMING!!!!! I am starting to dig my bunker now; I am stocking up on Jujy Fruits and Cadbury Creme Eggs and I am going underground!!! If anyone would like
to join me in my pursuit, please contact me. We can safely evade the destruction of mankind together. We will live on and repopulate the world!!!!
[Congrats to this week's winners. That's it for this week. If we are still around next week, I'll see you again then.]