The Flu Season

I'm sick; or, I should say, I'm still sick. Now, you won't see me whining about it. But, I do think I owe it to you all to say that I am heavily medicated and may make very little sense in this winners file. However, since I usually make no sense, you may find this an improvement.

Goo, I'm sorry to say that you've won again this week. On the positive side, you only won 10 tokens -- and hey, so did these other two people.
Subject: Re: Newstyle, Freestyle, Random Jamdom!!!
From: SGood42
How come they don't make any funny Hannukah cards?

"Schlmo the Circumcised Circus Bear is here to wish you a Happy Hannukah and to tell you to remeber that if you play with your Dradle too much you'll go blind"
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Subject: Re: Kira's Litter Box
From: I Porpoise
>I'd better go make it look like I've done some packing this morning or my >roommates will complain. <

I had a boyfriend who was always packing, but then the police took the darn gun...
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Subject: Kira's Litter Box
From: Kira1119
Did you know you could fit more mugs in a box if you break the handles off? Don't try this with your roommate's limited edition Star Trek coffee mug, though. Unless you can afford your own place.

25 tokens go to Kosmo, because I like the irony in it. 25 to TyleredOne, too.
Subject: Re: CowKosmo's Milking Bucket Return
From: CowKosmo
>>Kosmo once again wins no tokens, but hey, a reply to his thread does...>>

Wow, I'm so surprised.
Finally I stop getting so many damn tokens. I mean, enough was enough, I'm glad Myrrh finally realized I was winning more than my share. I didn't want to become one of those stuck up people who picks on people just because they have like 1000 less tokens than them.
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Subject: Re: The Random Game
From: TyleredOne
>>Date: Sat, Nov 15, 1997 15:41 EST
From: IAMAGUY15

The Random Game is the coolest game ever invented<<

Am I the only one here who thinks this guy may be a pedophile judging only by his screen name?
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Subject: Re: Carc's Colorful Cache of Comedy
From: TyleredOne
As Thanksgiving rolls around, I'd like to remind everyone that it's much easier to pluck a turkey if you kill it first.
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Subject: Re: Carc's Colorful Cache of Comedy
From: TyleredOne
When your kid comes in after being pegged in the forehead with a snowball....do you put ice on it ?

20 tokens to Miss Aimee, Mikey30413, and MitchRK. And, yes, I did type "Miss Aimee" with a space, so if it shows up without one, don't blame me.
Subject: Re: Loincloths, Kilts, and Women, what a life
From: Miss Aimee
>>Hey I've got a question. Who started this posting Polish Jokes? I don't really care, heck I'll sometimes tell Polish jokes. But I mean Dear lord people at least post ones that everyones grandmother hasn't heard.<<

My grandmother is nearlly deaf... She hasn't heard a joke in a long time. Still, that's no excuse to post bad jokes.
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Subject: Re: If i was a rapper...
From: Miss Aimee
If I was a rapper I think I'd like to be on a candy bar.
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Subject: Re: Random, Schmandom
From: Mikey30413
What do I think about the Random Game? Its like a huge mansion with a lot of secret rooms and passageways, with dark mysterious residents who never come in contact with one another. And the only communication is by leaving notes attached to the fridge.
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Subject: Re: Random, Schmandom
From: Mikey30413
This Christmas, instead of buying gifts, all my relatives are getting a "certificate" announcing that a donation has been made in their names to their favorite charity.
(To-do list: buy Print Shop Deluxe)
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Subject: Tie one on
From: MitchRK
Do pigs have ties? I have never seen a pig wear a tie before, but my mother seems to think they do. When I was younger she used to come into my room and say to me, "This place looks like a pig's tie."
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Subject: Re: hello
From: MitchRK
>>yugjvm qwertyuiop';lkjhgfdsazxcvbnm,.>>

I think I rode in his cab once.

Here's the rest of the 10 token winners. I'm not sure I understand Astronia's post, but it sounded like it should be funny.
Subject: Re: Astronia's Astro stuff
From: Astronia
Snow is lots of fun. especially when yer going 20 miles an hour and ya knock some lady into a window.ahhh.....too bad it never snows where i am....i can only dream....and use ice instead...
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Subject: Re: Tokens
From: SunDewlady
>>When i read my first abserd IM , i started trying so hard to get tokens. I did every game, ever contest , any and everything . And still no tokens , i might as well give up , but i find my self everday on this thing trying. I guess its kinda pointless , im far from funny ( well not if u count my looks ) and im really stupid. And i dout that anyone will even read this past the 1st or 2nd sent. anyhow. But its worth a try, and i was jsut wondering who
has gotten tokens from this sight and HOW ?? Can someone give a few pointer on Token winning , HEY YOU , and u the guy who gives out Tokens , u can tell me , at lest hint at me , come on PLEASE . Im desperate here all i want is to win something , i dont even care if its 10 or less i jsut wnat the satisfaction of winning something , especially form such a WONDERFUL place ( whipeing brown stuff from nose ) . SOMEONES GOT TO BE ABLE TO HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SADLY YOURS , BOB<<

Well, you might not get tokens for this post, (although the begging is pretty funny) but you will probably get responses,...only cuz your name is BOB ;) and , well......we already have a Bob here. And because the HO here is a she, not a he. (women are touchy about that)..SO..
Rule # 1. HOMyrrh is female
Rule # 2. Read the past postings, learn from them, know who your superiors are and call them Mr. or Ms. before thier screen name.
Rule #3. Do Not, I repeat, DO NOT try to post anything unorigional, or you will be severely punished.
Rule #4. Try not to use the words poop, boogers, dooty, or any other childish vulgarities, for you will be severely bashed for it...or laughed at.
Rule #5. If you're going to match wits with anyone here, be prepared, do alot of studying, get all the ammo you cat, because we got the best.
(unless of course you are a trained assasin.)

All in all.....Hope you enjoy your stay here, check out time is 4 pm. Please leave your key at the front desk, and thanks for making us a part of your life.
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Subject: Re: Myrrh's AWOL Again
From: RUGGEDCEC
>>I haven't seen HO Myrrh around lately. I hope she didn't accidentially impale herself on a huge provolone again.
USAmen
No Myrrh?<<

I'm thinkin'...
Missnomyrrh....

Did I list any 15-token winners? I don't think so, I better do that. Um, here.
Subject: Re: kat's eye
From: The Kat 4u
ever have your parents walk in, while you were having sex with someone? no. ever have your parents walk in while having sex with your self? no. ever have your parents walk in while having sex with you dog? no. ever have your parents walk in while having sex with the thanksgiving turkey? no. well then, i guess i have you all beat!
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Subject: Re: Brian's attempt at a thread
From: BrianJ718
No matter how amusing those old pictures make it look, stuffing as many bodies as you can into a telephone booth is not fun. Especially when they're dead bodies...
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Subject: Re: Curly
From: Odaeyss
>>NOT PEEING MY PANTS in FEAR......>>

So you're just doing it for pleasure, then?

Finally, I saved Snipes for last--not because he's won 30 tokens, which he has--but because there's quite a bit to list. I'd leave out his quiz to save room, but anyone who's been around a while knows how much I love quiz entries.
Subject: Re: Snipesville
From: PTSNIPES
Rosanne nude belly dancing in a tub of Wesson oil. Why can't I have normal nightmares like everyone else?
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Subject: Re: Newstyle, Freestyle, Random Jamdom!!!
From: PTSNIPES
>>I decided to get a puppy for my girlfriendfor the holidays this year. Unfortunalty though she is Jewish and celebrates Hannukah so i have to somehow find 8 boxes to put this damn thing in.<<

That's a pretty easy problem to solve, Goo. For the 7 days leading up, just put various canine excretions in boxes and give them to her.
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Subject: Re: Snipesville
From: PTSNIPES
Here is something I thought would make our little world here better for everyone. As a way to get to know all the new posters, I present:

The Random Newbie Test:

1. How often do you use words commonly associated with bodily functions, i.e. poop, pee, etc.?
a) I wouldn't dare! those words are embarrassing
b)once a year, when tucked safely in the doctor's office
c)only when telling stories about my grandmother
d)every poopin sentence

2. What sex are you?
a)male
b)female
c)does the word Despi mean anything?
d)huhuhuhuh....you said sex

3. Which of these sound like a good beginning to your first post?
a)If you shoot a mime.....
b)How do you win tokens.....
c).....emaG modnaR ehT
d)none of the above

4. Tag is to Hacksim, as tail is to:
a)USAmen
b)donkey
c)kite
d)what's a tag?

5. Which of the following is NOT someone's name to mispell?
a)Chriskolak
b)HO Myrhh
c)Carcazoid
d)HO Myrrh

6. Which of the following is an example of proper punctualization?
a)Mr.Onliner
b)Mr Onliner
c)Mr!Onliner
d)Mr Onliner sux

7. In the Random Game, Bob is:
a)The God whom Chriskolak worships
b)Some gun crazy, anime crazy, rpg crazy guy named Bob
c)What Despi does after every meal
d)a great generic name for a post

8. You plan on winning tokens:
a)with my first post
b)in my first month or so
c)what are tokens?
d)gimme my damn tokens now!!!

9. Sodom and Gomorra are:
a)two evil cities from the Bible
b)two spices which are always on the table
c)two of the spice girls
d)two cities that thought the RG was a vile, disgusting abomination

10. Snipes is:
a)the funniest person in the RG
b)the funniest person in the RG
c)the funniest person in the RG
d)the funniest person in the RG

Thank you for your time.

Okay that's it. You know, I hear that there is a possible diplomatic solution on the table in Geneva to solve this "Iraqi Showdown." I was looking forward to the almost certain sequel to the Gulf War; now with Thanksgiving nearing, I guess I'll have nothing to be thankful for.