The Dawn of a Dark Age?

Um, if you're out there, sorry Dawn; this age has nothing to do with you.

Let's see, now is the time of holiday tidings, time of good cheer, time to spend with loved ones, time o' plenty...outside of the Random Game. You guys are holding out on me--you have lives outside of the Random Game, don't you? Okay, I can begrudgingly accept that, but you're starting to let it interfere with your RG time. I give and give and give to you all, and this is the thanks I get? I don't know guys, I think you're starting to take advantage of me. Or maybe, I just finally caught on.

I searched this week for winners and these are what I found. First the two winners of 15 tokens.

Subject: Re: Sometimes you feel old school.
From: Repeatr621
The Random Game: Increasing the Entropy of AOL One Post At a Time.
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Subject: Re: Ozma's All Natural Highs
From: Ozma22
I loaned my car to my cousin for the semester... the car I really really love, my Chevy Malibu station wagon, 1983. Well, today she thought it'd be funny to call my up and tell me she crashed it. She won't be laughing so hard when I send her the bill for all the stuff I broke in that fit of anger...
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Subject: Re: Sometimes you feel old school.
From: Repeatr621
I heard if you stare at something long enough, you can make it move. So, if I stare at myself in the mirror long enough, can I actually get off my lazy ass?
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Subject: Re: Ozma's All Natural Highs
From: Ozma22
I have a dead rose on top of my computer monitor. It's there for sentimental reasons... I just don't remember what they are.

And these are the two 20-token winners. Hmm, Brian's winning entries are worded so well that they almost seem taggable.

Subject: Re: Brian's attempt at a thread
From: BrianJ718
Anyone who believes that "The truth will set you free" was obviously never arrested before.
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Subject: Re: Brian's attempt at a thread
From: BrianJ718
I used to subscribe to that school of thought but then they raised the subscription price.
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Subject: Re: Brian's attempt at a thread
From: BrianJ718
I like clicking 'email to author' whenever I reply to one of my own posts so it looks like I get a lot of mail.
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Subject: Re: Inside CrzyGirl's Thread
From: CrzyGirl87
People named Bob are cool. Cool is in the fall. The fall was an age for the Random Game. Doh.
Music is cool. Keyboards make music. Keyboards type. Type Random Game Posts. Doh.
Zebra's have stripes. Stripes are on shirts. Shirts are clothes. Clothes get washed. Washing things makes them clean. Some Jokes aren't clean. The Random Game. Doh.
Suicide....Doh.
Whatever I think of leads back to this game.
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Subject: Re: Inside CrzyGirl's Thread
From: CrzyGirl87
I have a 9 year old cousin. He takes dance classes, art classes and has been in love with the color purple since age 2. He can also do front and side splits better than my friends on the dance and drill team. I think he might be gay when he grows up but none of this led me to believe that. For Christmas he asked for a Hanson CD.

There was one person who could've had something highlighted in the margin each day this week. And there is one winner of 30 tokens this week. Coincidence? Nope, there're one in the same.

Subject: addiction?
From: Miss Aimee
I read this in the newspaper today:

>>. . . Computer addiction can be marked by these symptoms:
- spending at least two hours at the computer for pleasure
-spending 10 hours or more at the computer in work-related activity
- having more than 50 acquaintances online
- looking to the computer for release from tension or as a point of respite from daily pressures
- playing at the computer rather than watching TV or reading a book.
Computer users who answer yes to more than one of these questions may be an addict, according to David Stephen Murphy, president of Damar Group Ltd. . . . <<

At first I was worried, because although I don't answer yes to all of them, more than one apply to me. But then, I continued reading:

>>. . . Doctors usually treat computer dependence with 12-step intervetion programs. Drugs and psychotherapy are also used. . . . <<

And I thought "hey, this isn't as bad as I thought."
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Subject: Dear Professor Cappell,
From: Miss Aimee
I hope the Random Game part of my Sociology final exam is worth a lot of points, because this is the closest I'm going to get to studying. . . .

What do you mean there's no Random Game section on the final exam?
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Subject: Re: MissAimee's Thread O' Holiday Cheer
From: Miss Aimee
A good way to get disowned this holiday season is to give the gift of Kenny G.

And since I'm not awarding any 25-token prizes, that leaves us with the 10-token winners. Last week I wished for some of the old players to return...and some did. But none of them won, unless you count Mr O...whose whereabouts I can't keep track of nowadays.

Subject: Re: Mr Onliner's Cavalcade of Whimsy
From: Mr Onliner
A really good way to piss the ice cream truck driver off is run up to him, knock on his window, and say "ICE CREAM? MORE LIKE LICE CREAM!", then run back to your house and slam the door behind you. Okay, so he never got REALLY mad, but I suspected he was probably a might perturbed.
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Subject: Re: Carc's Colorful Cache of Comedy
From: TyleredOne
Here is my imitation of my mother leaving a message on my machine........she starts off every freaking one the same exact way............

" Aim ?.........Aim,are you there ?........::sigh::....................AMY, pick up the phone...........Aim???......Well,I guess you're not home.............."

(Guess again,Mom........)
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Subject: Re: Back by popular demand.....
From: Despina41
All I want for Christmas is an addiction to the Random Game so I'll be able to complain about it just like everyone else.
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Subject: Re: I Hate Birds
From: SunDewlady
>>My favorite thing to do when I was young and my friends where over, was to get my BB rifle and shoot at pigeons and robins for target practice. We would get 10 minutes each and rack up the score. 50 points for a pigeon, 100 points for a robin. This was finally stopped when one of my paranoid neighbors called the police and said that the BB where hitting his yard. Not that I doubt the eyesight of a 84 year old man, who had eyeglasses as big as mirrors, but my BB rifle can only shoot up to 50 feet and it was 200 feet to his yard. Anyway, my dad made me swear never to shoot it without him again. Cocoflavor<<

I remember when I was 5 years old, I watched my oldest brother shoot the birds in our backyard with his new BB gun. I ran in the house and got the box of bandaids, and as he shot, I put the bandaid on the bird. Well, my dad went outside the next day and saw all the dead birds with bandaids on them, I remember him screaming at my brother, but laughing everytime he made eye contact with me.
I got a nurse kit for xmas that year.
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Subject: Re: Zornog's Thread of Amusing and/or Entertaining Thoughts
From: ANT Zornog
I think the RG is kinda like sending messages via telegraph when there is a telephone sitting right next to you. . .
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Subject: I Hate Birds
From: USAmen
It has always bothered me the lengths that some people will go to squirrel-proof their bird feeders. There is actually an entire industry built around this irrational desire to feed those flying feathered rats while, at the same time, denying the sleek agile squirrel a meager meal. Almost single-handedly, squirrels are responsible for the regeneration of nut-bearing trees throughout the forests of the world. The next time you stand in
awe before a mighty oak, thank a squirrel. And what is the major function of birds? To crap on cars, houses, and if their aim is just right, on people's heads. I have always said that someone should invent a bird-proof squirrel feeder instead of the other way around. Well, finally someone did and I bought it today at K-Mart for $10.99. Get yours while supplies last.
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Subject: Re: LOS TRES AMIGOS
From: PiaAdams
I stayed up all night studying for my Applied Calc final. I learned one thing from all this...I can write songs...wanna hear it?

Ahem...::warms up::

My graphing calculator has a first name
It's S-A-T-A-N
My graphing calculator has a second name
It's B-E-E-A-L-Z-U-B-U-B

Yeah, I know, it doesn't quite flow, but I like it...

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank Pia for implanting that tune into my subconscious, so that I'll burst out into it at the most inappropriate times.

Okay, that's all this week. Still a good number of winners, but you made me work to find them this week. Most of you are probably too young to remember the days when quantity could win over quality. But let me tell you, those days have passed. If that were still the case, we'd have plenty of 30-token winners. But, I have developed the hypothesis that there is an online equivalent to the saying: "Your lips are moving, but you aren't saying anything." So stop that, and just be funny damnit. (I know. I know--and I'm one to talk.)