Did you notice that the list of Hecklers Online games is getting ever-shorter? Must put the heat on, doesn't it? Muhahahaha... (LtJG RJ2)
--
WLW Trob really makes me think the apocalypse is upon us. Thanks, WLW Trob! (LtJG RJ2)
--
If you drilled a hole through the center of the earth, and dropped a rock, would the rock floet in the core of the earth, or keep falling from one end of the earth to the other? (AlxNR99)
--
I've lit several hundred living things on fire. (LtJG RJ2)
--
Just because they had fur. (LtJG RJ2)
--
Now is that fair? (LtJG RJ2)
--
Where did pHOne numbers go? How about tHeme sOngs? And where did Celebrity Endorsements, and the rest of the HO House go? Why are you doing this to HO ChiaPet? Why, why why why why? (LtJG RJ2)
--
Izzo, honey, as much as I love ya, kid, I must respectively decline your contest. Because, I don't know if I could correctively identify your tush in a line-up. And, then, I would not have your eternal respect, and that would just be too painful to bear (no pun intended!). (Biochick1)
--
MagicClams (oh excuse, me, I mean Senor Itchy) you're not really a 16-year old guy are you (and if you are, shouldn't you be starting down the road of chemical dependency and denial in a slower vehicle like, say beer, rather than the Porsche of Kentucky Bourbon? Oh, by the way, when you get to the V in the road, and you can take - Smack St. or Weed Way, tell that guy Jimbo there "Jo says hey!") ? And here my friend, Troub (identity stealer though he may try to be) is 17. What is going on here? I'm "hanging out" with high school boys. I haven't hung out with highschool boys since...well..since high school. Please, please tell me I'm not the oldest person here. Or that there's at least someone in their 20s! Ooooh, my arthritis is acting up...and the goiter...the goiter's killing me...and my eyes...I CAN'T SEE SO GOOD (should I bring all my shoes?!). (Biochick1)
--
Hey Tocadisco, I was never good at minature dissection. So your tool is safe (I can hear the collective sigh of girls across this great nation of our's. "AAhhhh, Tocadisco's love poker is safe. Thank God!!"). And if I was a guy, I would NEVER have a lame name (little rhyme for y'all out there) like Herbert. Gosh, that would be like having a name like, umm...I don't know...like...Tocadisco! (Biochick1)
--
I know what's going to happen here, and I'm frightened. Really, really scared. For some inane reason, people have decided that I am "cool" and "funny" and "smart" (I mean, I am, but no more than anyone of you out there! C'mon, we're all special people. We all walk under shining stars. Don't go changing. Did you ever know that you're MY hero? I BELIEVE the children are our future. Ohhh, margarania.) Anyway, the reason this concerns me is because I know human nature (Hey, little digression...did anyone see "In the Line of Fire" at the end when Clint Eastwood said, "I know pidgeons." Yeah, that was funny. Hey, that reminds me of when Chris Farley does his SNL schtick when he "interviews" celebrities and asks them questions like, "Remember, remember when you were attacked by the giant squid and you stabbed it. That was cool. " and then hits his forehead. Okay, I am now about to exit the parathesis, please go back to before they began so you can remember where we were.) and when people build someone up, inevitably, they will be torn down. So, this week I'm in. Next week it'll be, "Hey, y'know that Biochick is kind of annoying. I mean, she thinks she's so cool. God, she uses all those stupid parathesis - ya can hardly even read her posts! And her spelling, geez, my blind monkey can spell better than her." So, let's not go there. Please, I beg of you. My poor little heart just couldn't take it to see you wonderful people turn on me. It would break me. I'd be an emotional cripple. Please, let's stop the madness. I beg of you. Look, I'm down on my knees...(I figured all you highschool boys could go sick on that one! You're welcome.) (Biochick1)
--
I think it may have been WLW who brought up the subject of palindromes awhile back. I always thought the word "palindrome" should be a palindrome. (Biochick1)
--
How annoyed do you think anyone whose name is "Kenneth" gets when some wisenheimer asks him, "What's the frequency Kenneth?" (Biochick1)
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If I was Kenneth, I'd belt him one, good. (Biochick1)
--
But, maybe Kenneth is just a scrawny little guy. Poor Kenneth. (Biochick1)
--
He'd try and change his name to Ken, but then, of course, he'd get the "Barbie and Ken" jokes. Kids can be so cruel. (Biochick1)
--
I was thinking, we all should get together. Then I realized the power we could unleash together and I thought, "The rest of the world, just couldn't handle it, BAYBEE!" (Cause sometimes I like to call myself, BAYBEE.) (Biochick1)
--
When's the last time you hugged a total stranger? Oh, wait, wasn't it right before you got arrested for assault? Never mind. (Biochick1)
--
My brother once did LSD in Central Park and took off all of his clothes and walked around the city naked. He was picked up by the NYPD and they called my Mom. They said, "Your son was walking around NY naked claiming to be Jesus Christ." and my mom said, "But we're Jewish!" I think she may have been in shock. (Biochick1)
--
That's not one of the prouder moments in our family's history. (Biochick1)
--
jucy and succulent (BabyLamms)
--
I got the pizza. (Laurenne14)
--
SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT THE HELL THIS IS PLEAS
(JGill86264)
--
QWERTY WANTS TO KNOW WHAT TIS IS
(JGill86264)
--
Alright, this is weird....I only had 40 items on my list of things I sent in yesterday, yet today, I was printed 47 times.....conspiracy? I think so..... (MagicClams)
--
I need to learn to hold my liquor better. I get a couple of beers in me, and I end up getting on a table and giving cheap thrills to a bunch of guys.... (MagicClams)
--
If six-legged animals like insects are less intelligent than four-legged
animals like dogs, and 4-legged animals are less intelligent than 2-legged
animals like humans, does that mean that God only has one leg? (MagicClams)
--
Yesterday, my girlfriend asked me, "By the way, do you believe in fate?" So I said, "You were fated to ask me that question, but I was fated to say 'No.'" Then we laughed and laughed and laughed. Of course we were both drunk at the time, but..... (MagicClams)
--
I believe in fate only when it is to my advantage to blame a force outside of myself for my actions. (MagicClams)
--
Excuse me sir, but your salamander pancakes are soiling my galoshes. (MagicClams)
--
I like to say "Scout's honor," when people suspect I'm lying. (MagicClams)
--
(No, I'm not a Boy Scout, but I like to swear on their honor.) (MagicClams)
--
Hey WLW Troub, (Insert biting sarcastic joke here)!!!!!!!!! (MagicClams)
--
Last night/morning, I couldn't fall asleep, so I spent the early morning trying to mentally list every different way I had heard of a person killing him or herself. After about 20 or so, I fell asleep. It ain't counting sheep, but it works.... (MagicClams)
--
Hmmm....that last one is a little bit disturbing and sadistic, but I mean that in the
good way..... (MagicClams)
--
I went to the zoo last week. It was a lot of fun. I sawed a whole mess of crazy critters. (MagicClams)
--
(Sorry, I slipped into Jed Clampett mode for that last sentence.) (MagicClams)
--
I like the movies where all the characters are one dimensional stereotypes.
Movies where beautiful women wear tight clothes and scream for help from the
action hero and the men drive fast cars and carry powerful handguns. Movies
where every Mexican person speaks perfect English, except they never remember
the word for "yes" or "Mr.". Movies where the good cop who plays by his own
rules nails the bad guys. Movies with a villain you can hate wholeheartedly
because he is evil simply for the sake of being evil. None of those complex
thoughts for me! Everything should be divided into black and white, night
and day, good and evil, with nothing in between! That's MY kind of flick.... (MagicClams)
--
Boy, yesterday I wasn't feeling so hot, but today.....It's amazing what twelve hours sleep and and 2 and a half kilos of heroin can do for a person. Hey! Why am I covered with spiders? (MagicClams)
--
This morning, I got up, went downstairs, and took a shower, and was about to leave for
work, then I realized I had forgotten the "putting on clothes" step, so I
went back upstairs after I apologized to our neighbors. (MagicClams)
--
Stupid Puritan neighbors! Imposing their Victorian standards of modesty on me! (MagicClams)
--
I like the kinds of dreams I have when I'm sleeping during class....one time, I fell asleep about halfway through class and had a dream that I was a secret agent chasing after a beautiful shape-shifting terrorist named Iva. (MagicClams)
--
(pronounced EE-va) (MagicClams)
--
Just thought I'd clarify, for those of you who like to pronounce things phonetically.... (MagicClams)
--
(pronounced fo-NET-ick-al-lee) (MagicClams)
--
The worst kind of in-school dream is when you have a falling dream when you are sleeping in class, because then you end up looking like an ass in front of a roomfull of
people when you start wigging out and trying not to hit the ground.......Everyone is like, "What the hell are you doing, spastic-boy?" (MagicClams)
--
I'm reaching a point where I have to start thinking about my future. I think I'll probably end up going to someplace like Stanford or Notre Dame and major in Physics and minoring in Nuclear Chemistry or something if I can get the scholarship and loan money. If not, I plan to take one of those correspondence courses in Gun Repair.... (MagicClams)
--
The world's best female conversation stopper: "So what you're saying is I'm fat." (MagicClams)
--
The ultimate male conversation stopper: "Are you saying that you want to fight me?" (MagicClams)
--
Note: the ultimate male conversation stopper may lead to brutal beatings, if used improperly. i.e. on people bigger than you. (MagicClams)
--
I wish I had a pony. (MagicClams)
--
The weird thing about recurring dreams is that everyone seems to have the
same ones. You know what I'm talking about, don't you? For instance,
everybody has had that dream where you are at school and then all of the sudden you realize that you're naked.....and covered in blood. (MagicClams)
--
Actually, I never have the "naked at school" dream. I mean, why dream it, when you can LIVE it? (MagicClams)
--
I was just realizing that I'm wasting my time writing personalized letters, cuz they're all pretty much the same anyway. "Dear Some Jerk, How are you doing? I hate my life, and want to die. See you later. Sincerely, MagicClams" Oooh, big loss. (MagicClams)
--
I love asking who it is on the phone, because then you make the other person feel bad by
not recognizing their voice. It's a sadistic thrill. I sometime ask even when I do recognize the voice, just to make them feel small. Me - "Who is this?"
Caller - "It's your Grandpa!"
Me - "Grandpa who? I know a tons of people named Grandpa." (MagicClams)
--
The closest thing I have to an imaginary friend is my little pal, Skippy, the
Prozac elf. He makes me laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and
laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh
and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh until I stop hearing all the voices
in my head, urging me to kill. (MagicClams)
--
I'm being IMed from all sides, so I think I'll take a break for a while....The problem is that people think I'm fun to talk to, but most people are very boring and long-winded. Damn my charisma! It's the price I pay for being such a sparkling conversationalist..... (MagicClams)
--
A lot of people think of arrogance like it's a bad thing. I like to keep a healthy measure of
arrogance. It keeps me from realizing how truly inadequate I am in every
way. (MagicClams)
--
It's really frustrating for me to watch people do things that I know I can do better. That's why I can't stand to watch pornographic movies. (MagicClams)
--
I hate watching "The Breakfast Club" on TV. It's a great movie, but they always tear it apart to make it TV-worthy. "Hey, (sounds of dubbing)Fluff You, you flipping dorkface!" (MagicClams)
--
Some friends of mine rented Disclosure earlier this summer, and they
just wouldn't stop complaining to me for days that you never get to see Demi
Moore's nipples in that movie. They were always saying, "Dammit, I went to
that movie to see nudity, but did I get to see even ONE NIPPLE?!! NO! I hate
those Hollywood Bastards!" Geez. Go watch Striptease, ya cheap bastards! (MagicClams)
--
Last week, I was in the locker room at my high school, and I had just finished showering after using the weight room. I was relatively dry, and I had assumed that I would be in
all-male company, so I had left my towel on top of my bag rather than wearing
it. Of course, as irony would have it, some girl, about my age, wandered
through. I just stood there, confused for a second, not knowing what to do,
then I said, "To hell with towels, Towel, my Ass!" She laughed, then I said,
"No, I mean that literally. Towel my ass." Then she just started laughing
really hard and walked away. (This joke is based on intonation, so you have
to understand that the first sentence is intended to express contempt for
towels, and the second is a conceptual switcheroo where I am giving the
command, "Towel my ass." In the first sentence, I use towel as a noun; in
the second, I use it as a verb. I'm sure I'm overexplaining this, but if I
don't, I don't think the joke will make sense.) I think I played that
situation off pretty smoothly. I asked around once I had reclothed myself,
and it seems that that girl was the little sister of a senior at my high school, so I should expect to get my ass kicked in the next couple of days...... (MagicClams)
--
Somebody once told me I seemed like the kind of guy who would have loved the movie Pulp Fiction, so I was thinking, does that meant that I seem like the type of guy who enjoys watching hitmen shoot people without remorse? Do I seem like the type of person who enjoys watching pointless carnage and destruction? Am I that transparent? (MagicClams)
--
I had to write a research paper for a summer class I was taking. The only good thing about doing a research paper is making up lots of fictional quotes from fictional people. I remember having to do a history research paper freshman year about German special forces, (Luftwaffe, SS, etc.) so I made up a fake unit of paratroopers that invaded Russian space and assassinated a fictional Russian general named Sergei Rachmaninov (Yes, that is the name of a Russian composer, but my history teacher was not very bright.) in retaliation for a defeat at Stalingrad. I even added a quote from Hitler: "For ordinary soldiers, this attack would have been unthinkable, but these were no ordinary soldiers, these were German Soldiers!" Not only did he miss this falsified research entirely, but he
wrote, "Excellent use of quotes!" next to my "quote". He also missed a reference to "The Eagle Has Landed" I included about an aborted attempt to assassinate Winston Churchill. (MagicClams)
--
I've changed my mind about my name again. I now wish to be called "Iggy Shabubu". (MagicClams)
--
I hate the French. They're all wine-swilling, Nazi-collaborating, Bonapartist, cheese-headed Frogs. (MagicClams)
--
One of my online pals just told me that he made a New Year's Resolution last year that he'd stop drinking, and he's stuck with it.....I guess that's beats my New Year's resolution to eat my weight in blue M & M's..... (MagicClams)
--
No, wait. Forget that Iggy Shabubu thing. I'm Chico Wagner and I'm of direct lineage to the Kaisers of the old empire. (MagicClams)
--
I have to work tonight and tomorrow, but I don't have to work Sunday, so you know what that means: SUNDAY NIGHT DRINKING!!!!!!! I'll just go pop open a bottle of Dos Latigos (Two Whips) Tequila and play some one man drinking games. (MagicClams)
--
Just kidding, of course. (MagicClams)
--
As you all know, I stick to bourbon for my drinking.... (MagicClams)
--
I like playing poker, cuz I cheat like a married hooker. (MagicClams)
--
I don't always start out cheating, but last time I played, I was having the worst luck of my lifetime. It was the kind of night where my luckiest point in the evening was winning 3 out of 4 games of RUSSIAN roulette. (MagicClams)
--
I heard this really great dirty joke, but I can't remember the setup....I think the punchline was, "So the scotsman says, "That ain't a bagpipe, baby, but don't stop playing!"" (MagicClams)
--
I just got out of the shower, and I noticed I had a 20, a 10, and a 5 in the
pocket of my bathrobe. Where the hell did this come from, and why did I put
it in my bathrobe pocket? This money must be from back in my male
prostitution days....or maybe I just saw that American Express ad where
Jerry Seinfeld gets locked out of his apartment in his bathrobe and thought,
"What if that happened to me?" (MagicClams)
--
littering is my own little way of giving Mother Earth a punch in the stomach. If they ever form an "anti-environment club" (other than the Republican Party), that ought to be the slogan, don't you think? (MagicClams)
--
I won't be around for the next few days. In all likelyhood, I'll spend the weekend in a alcohol inflicted coma.
Have fun, folks. I know I will..... (MagicClams)
--
MagicClams, I am prepared to offer you discipleship for when I take over the world. (IZZO)
--
I myself find fisting more amusing than rape or anal sex. (IZZO)
--
What came first: the Biochick or the egg? (IZZO)
--
Thirdly I do have fun playing the Random Game! But still, where is my damn free hour! (IZZO)
--
The Tocadisco Theme Song. Only $19.95 plus $5.00 shipping and handling. Feel free to E-mail me for details. (IZZO)
--
That's all for today, I survived the culling, I now live in Beverly Hills, and I have a swimming pool shaped like a kidney. Thank you and goodnight.
Love,
IZZO (IZZO)
--
i wrote this because my computer is turned off so i guess i didnt really right this i guess? (LIBLO)
--
i ete a scoop of bleach and it actualy mdae all of speeling a lot bidder (LIBLO)
--
Ok. I am usually a nice guy but listen BIOCHUNK, I did not steal your ideas! I don't read other people's posting unless MY NAME is in them, otherwise, everybody's postings are tedious and boring. If we happened to be on the same wavelength for once, well, lucky you for being as funny as me. How's it feel to be licked by a teenager? (Not licked in a sexual way, in a beat your butt way because I wouldn't want to touch your 25 year old hiney with a 25 foot pole. Thank you).
(WLW Troub)
--
Do I use too many parentheses? Who am I? (WLW Troub)
--
By the way...I spelled it right. Why? Because I'm smart. (WLW Troub)
--
HEY, Meaty Clam---------you might want to review the game and it's rules. Not all entries have to be funny, in fact, funny is not a pre-requisite at all. Therefore, if I don't make you laugh, that's just peachy. At your age, I'm sure some of my joke go over your head any way. (Afterthought) Your Grandma must be really funny. Eat it. (WLW Troub)
--
When a tree falls on a person standing in the street and that person does not die, they are classified as a lucky S.O.B. (WLW Troub)
--
Goodnight, all of your foolish entris have made me tired and bores with you all. Don't you have better things to talk about than me? Remember when that slut said "Don't hate me because I am beautiful"? I though she was conceited, but now I know how she felt. "DON'T HATE ME BECAUSE I AM JUST PLAIN FUNNIER AND BETTER THAN YOU ALL. FIND NEW TOPICS TO DISCUSS" (WLW Troub)
--
Just how can I get in the middle of this MagicClams/Biochick1/WLWTroub/Tocadisco fight? (Skidmo1)
--
Biochick, biochick, biochick. I try so hard to please you, but nothing does. Look, I know a word that rhymes with witch, don't make me use it on you. To make further ammends, I decided to send you flowers. But, to my amazement, Biochick wasn't in the phone book. I saw Binelli, Biogli, Bistroval, and even Martin, but no Biochick. So, I sent flowers to all who reside in Bangor, Maine (hoping that you lived their). Anyway, if you do live in Bangor and you do receive my flowers, a little thank you wouldn't hurt. (Tocadisco)
--
Never kick a horse in the ass, trust me on this one. (Tocadisco)
--
Never piss of MagicClams, he's very sensitive. (Tocadisco)
--
Do you people realize that everytime you think of something funny and post it here, it becomes AOL's property? They'll sue you for telling your own jokes! Think about that the next time you got a funny story about necro-pyro-beastiality. (Tocadisco)
--
how do you win (Cassis1)
--
Mmmmmm.....cheese...... (MW934902)
--
dancing with whales (TiggerDCs)
--
Today I ate a pig (PhroZak)
--
Who the H*ll is Roger Schultz and WHY IS HE STALKING US ONLINE??????? (Alandcarol)
--
Stop the bells, I can't stand the bells..... Knock it off Rog! (Alandcarol)
--
And won't someone please kill this fly that's buzzing and buzzing and buzzing around my head? Oh never mind, it's just Rog... (Alandcarol)
--
Did you hear the one about the fat Irishman who had a lot of gas? I haven't either. (Trombone23)
--
Look....unless your blind, of course. (Tocadisco)
--
We all know how addicting this game is, but over 20 posts in one day is overkill. I think we all know who I'm talking about. (Tocadisco)
--
Slow and steady wins the race. Yeah, sure. (Tocadisco)
--
Biochick, please don't be angry at me, I was just trying to help. I thought I noticed some tension, but I guess I was wrong. I am very sorry and humbly repent. And, by the way, I am not a spockgirl, i happen to hate star trek. Please forgive me oh earth friendly one. (LeonardABC)
--
Okay, two men walk into a bar.
No, that's not it. (LtJG RJ2)
--
We've seen Biochick's Helpful Tip. Here's MY helpful tip.
The Send button is OPTIONAL. You do not, repeat, do NOT have to send all that you type. I'm not mentioning any names, but let us say that the prime violators rhyme with Gryochick1, WLW Bob and MagicHams. (LtJG RJ2)
--
And another thing, and Gryochik1, you should be paying attention. Did anyone ever win with a continuing post or story i.e. Guess what? (Gryochik1) Chicken butt. (Gryochik1) I know I'm not going to win with this post, however, in the long run it will be for the betterment of mankind. (LtJG RJ2)
--
Mister Pants wants a turkey filled with
Money, Please send it to him.
Thank You. (The Stain)
--
Perhaps it wasn't the cattle, but then again, maybe it was. One couldn't be sure, because it was snowing, of course. But I swore the animals were eating my brother. Let me put it this way: There was something out there, whether it was of a cow-like nature will be a mystery for the ages. My brother, God bless his ill-fated soul, had been ripped to friggin' tatteers, and then licked. Yes, licked. Something had licked him. And I think he enjoyed it. His last moments on this planet were spent being licked by a cow-like animal. He screamed in glee-like ecstasy, before the cow bit into his tender neck, exposing his gooey esophagus. I could see some of last nights lasagna in there, in his esophagus. I guess it never made it down to his stomach. Albeit, whatever that means, the cow-like beast had left a trail of blood. Thus, I scampered into the jungle after it. I stared around, breathing in the sweet scent of pine needles, which aren't usually found in the rainforest. Hell, I wasn't about to question the pine needles, I mean I ain't God, so let the big man put some pine needles in the rainforest if he wants to. Anyway, I could make out a vague shadow in the distance as the bovine entity raced into the depths of the jungle. I ran after the killer cow in my underwear, because that was what I was wearing at the time. Mind you, I don't normally leave my house in my underwear, especially during zero degree weather in a rain forest. I did this so that I could avenge my brother, who was first licked then eaten by a mad cow. I grabbed my trustee battleaxe before I left. "Get back here you cow, you bad bad cow." I caught up with the spotted animal and jumped on its back. I was about to slaughter it, right there and then, when I thought, "Hey, this is fun. Yeeehaw!" Me and the cow, I mean, the cow and I rode into the sunset of the rainforest near the everglades. A new life was upon me. Actually, none of this ever happened, I don't even have a brother. If I did, though, that's probably what would happen. Don't psychoanalyze me Paco, I ain't no loon. This is my vision. So damn you all to hell if you don't like it, cause I'm moving to France next year where the sun is hot, and the women are cold. Haha, l don't care if you die. Bye. (Tocadisco)