Visualize Wirled Peas!
Stop the violins! (Devan82689)
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Philosophy lesson: If you can teach an old dog new tricks can you teach a head of lettuce to jump off a cliff? Think about it. (PhroZak)
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I think MagicClams is the type of person who has to expect getting his ass kicked in the next couple of days all the time. (LtJG RJ2)
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I think this is the stupidest thing in the world. If you pick me as a winner though and give me a free hour I'll tell everyone it's the greatest thing in the world! (KevinSCF)
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now, I know there is tension, don't fight me on this one biochick, I know it's there. (LeonardABC)
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I was the subject of two postings once, but now they have faded. i feel so incredibly used. My name is used for the enjoyment of others, then , its not anymore. dang, this depression is killing me. (LeonardABC)
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a warning to you all: 6 days until the apocalypse, don't doubt me, I'm serious. (LeonardABC)
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Where exactly did the Guess wHO game go? And the If Game? Dang, I was good at those games. (LeonardABC)
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If blind people are called "legally blind," then do people who can see are called "illegally blind"? (Sour Soda)
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WLW - Holy harshness! I never said you stole my ideas (where did you get that one?). I said you tried to steal my IDENTITY as you did post that we were the same person. I think you should get out of the bitter barn and into the sunlight, soldier. (Biochick1)
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Tocadisco - The only way I can bear the thought of not seeing you on a daily (nay, hourly) basis is by convincing myself that we are not meant to be. So, I try to pretend I don't want you, don't need you, don't care. But you have broken me out of my world of lies. You have made me say, "Life is not worth living if I cannnot be honest with myself and others about this raging inferno of passion I have for Tocadisco." Please, please forgive my false protests of your love. Let's be together, Tocadisco. I cannot bear another moment without you, my sweet. (Biochick1)
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Oh Leonard, let's have a tea party. Us gals need to stick together in this raging sea of testoserone. Mmmmm...testosterone. (Biochick1)
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According to my dictionary, Lottery is a tax on a people who are really bad in math, therefore I did my little research and I found that 99% of people in United State are really bad at math, so all people of you who are reading this...STOP ALL THIS STUPID COMPLAINTS ABOUT TAXES AND START STUDY MATH!! (This is my other way of telling you to be sober and stay in school [especially you, MagicClam, no I mean Chico Wagner]) (Sour Soda)
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Summer school sucks (I don't care about it because I never has been to one) (Sour Soda)
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Gimme, uhh...Kat Kit? (Sour Soda)
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Or is it Kit Kat? (Sour Soda)
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My favorite candy bar is Snicker. (Sour Soda)
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LtJG RJ2 -- thanks for your tips, but you see, I don't play this game for winning, I play for the sheer exuberance of pissing people like you off, and for my own amusement. So, I guess we can both sleep a little easier tonight.
(Biochick1)
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Why do we have candy bars that are called, "Milky Way" and "Mars"? (Sour Soda)
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Is it sort of plan to welcome aliens to planet Earth by give them Milky Way and Mars candy bars? (Sour Soda)
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The maragrina song frightens me. I don't know why. (Biochick1)
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"Disco Stu doesn't need to advertise." (Biochick1)
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Y'know what's wrong with America these days? Not enough taffy pulls. (Biochick1)
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Do Eskimos REALLY kiss by rubbing noses? I've always been astounded by that one. Does that mean a brown-noser would have a sh*t-eating grin? (Biochick1)
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Who invented candy bar? (Sour Soda)
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Guess what kind of candy bar I am eating now. (Sour Soda)
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Remember the old commercial, "Wednesday is Sunday at Carvel?" That commercial realigned my entire sense of cosmic order. For if Wednesday was Sunday, Thursday was Monday, Friday was Tuesday, and Saturday was Wednesday (but wasn't that really Sunday?). By the way, that "Wednesday is Sunday" thing didn't fly too well with truant officers. (Biochick1)
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Damn you, Tom Carvel, Damn you! (Biochick1)
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My epidermis is showing. (Biochick1)
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Get a life, Casper! (Biochick1)
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Pass the turkey! (Biochick1)
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Chelsea Clinton is looking at colleges. Can you imagine being her roommate? I bet you'd get a little nervous taking phone messages from her folks. (Biochick1)
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Y'know Alanis' song, "Isn't it ironic?" Well, none of those things are actually ironic (with the exception of the plane crash thing). They all just suck. But I guess "Isn't it sucky?" isn't such a good song title. (Biochick1)
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In my own opinion, I will rate 1 to 10 on several different candy bars, if you disagree, too bad.
Hershey: 7 (too chocolately)
3 Musketeers: 9 (Love ice cream chocolate bar)
Snicker: 10! (Tasty caramel!)
Milky Way: 9 (Similar to Snicker)
Mars: 8 (Ok, but not my first choice of candy bars)
M&M: 7 (Don't listen to the saying, "M&M melts in your mouth, not in your hand," because it DOES melt in your hand.)
Butterfinger: 2 (I don't like anything crunchy)
Milk Dud: 4 (It's okay but I still wouldn't like to eat it)
Twix: 8 (It melts fast)
Reese's: 2 (I don't like peanut butter)
Have any more candy bar that you want me to rate? E-mail me!
(Sour Soda)
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There are so many candy bars in U.S.A., no wonder there are so many fat people. (Sour Soda)
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Who's WLW Troub? And who cares? Biochick and MagicClams are by far the funniest on here (begrudgingly placing myself at third[I know when I'm beat]) so just go away because you just aren't funny. By the way, thank you Biochick (I think I scored some points with her [nudge nudge wink wink]). That is all, I'm saving the best for Friday. Bye. (IZZO)
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Hello out there! Am I really talking to someone, or is this just another government conspiracy? Is this really a computer, or is this some type of alien being that has brainwashed the human race. Saying," If you build them we will come." (Jtgrue)
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UMMMMMMMMMM...... HI? I WAS GONNA SEND U A PICBUT I THINK U CAN GET IN TROUBLE FOR IT SO NEVERMIND (Cavegirl4)
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moo (Laurenne14)
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buck ba buck (Laurenne14)
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I need free time, I'd like to own my house someday. (Laurenne14)
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Every Saturday night live and in concert I hide and seek out new life and new civilizations to boldly go to sleep because of Nyquil will help you get your z's with a little help from my friends I get by with a little help me Rhonda help help me I'm drowning in this big wet dream of Jeanie. (PEEKSEEK)
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I want a pony. Now. You better send my pony. Or else I'm duct tape you to a chair and tack your eyes open so you can never blink during the Full House marathon I am planning for you. So sen dmy pony pronto. Or else. . . (Blade3200)
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Alright, people don't like dozens of small entries, I'll send one BIG entry. :P
Special note for all: When Biochick1 says "Ohhh, margarania," this is her ill-spelled version of, "Ohhh, Macarena!" Just thought I'd make sure that you didn't think she was just badly spelling, "Ohhh, margarine," or even worse, "Ohhh, Margaret." (Despite the fact that, as we all know, Biochick has a secret lesbian crush on that girl from the "Dennis the Menace" movie.)
Since Biochick made the obvious setup in one of her posts, I suggest you only accept one response that says, "Oh, I'll bet I know why Biochick is REALLY on her knees!" Thank you in advance.
No, Biochick isn't our heroin. If she were, we'd have to inject her into our veins. She's our HEROINE. My bad.
If I didn't know better, I might start to think that the people don't like me. But since I do know better, I think they hate me.
Heroin is a pretty cool drug, as long as you aren't bothered by stupid little problems like dying in the gutter at a young age.
If I was a bird, I think I'd have a lot of fun trying to poop on expensive cars. It's not nearly so much fun as a human, cuz you get hassled by the MAN!
Gods are a lot like Judges, except without the nifty gavel and robes.
Hello Kitty is the Beastmaster!
If Fun had a middle name, it would probably start with B.
I wish I had one thumb made out of steel, and one thumb made out of butter.
I want to make bumper stickers that say, "I brake for little boys with bladder infections."
I'm done. Hope I've kept things under control this time. Not THAT many postings. (MagicClams)
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Hey IZZO! Yeah you, you dumb cracker head. The Tocadisco Theme Song is property of "WRITE YOUR OWN MATERIAL" MUSIC INC. It is a felony, FELONY, to sell it for 19.95 when people can get it for free off HO. You capitalistic pig, you make me glad to be a commie. Wait, I didn't mean that, I mean, in theory communism isn't that bad. It's all in the execution, really. I think someone like MagicClams would make a good dictator. I mean look at the guy, he's a friggin' loon, but hell, he has a lot of ideas. Mr. Clams is probably at home right now on his 29th Miller Light reading this, but I could care LESS! LESS!
Tocadisco no want no more no want no more no want no more of this GAAAARBAGE! (Tocadisco)
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Hey, that Tocadisco's a bad MUTHA-
WATCH YOUR MOUTH!
Hey, I was only talking about Tocadisco. (Tocadisco)
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Cada persona en el mundo! No me gusto Vds! No me gusta Vds!
El perro y el gato necesitan agua! El gato es loco! El perro es loco!
Necesito un capillarse! Mis dientes! (Tocadisco)
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FRENCH BREAD: A NOVEL OF SEX, GREED, DRUGS, and SOME CORN FOR GOOD MEASURE
CHAPTER 1: THE MILK MAN AND THE PANDA
Giancarlo Carposy stepped out of the milktruck and breathed in the early morning air. He had decided not to deliver any more milk this morning. He had already been shot three times in his left elbow, thrown inside a cement mixer, and killed an antelope.
"I can no longer, take zis presha that comes with being a milkman," he told an old man sitting on a bench. "I'm off to ze zoo, where I can make zome friends with ze animals."
The old man looked at Giancarlo and paused for a moment. Giancarlo brought his face real close to the old man's face, waiting for a response. The old man licked his nose. "Oh mia, mia. Zis can not do. You old man, you vill DIE!," Giancarlo threatened.
The man fell over at the comment and died from shock. Giancarlo spoke, apologetically, "I vas just kidding. Just kiddin', you dumb fruitcake." He then spat on the old man's already decaying face. "I vill now go a la zoo."
It took Giancarlo 19 hours to walk to the zoo, but when he did he did a dance of joy. "The Frenchman always gets his WAY!" he screeched, then ran off to the panda exhibit. When he got to the cage he grabbed one of the pandas by its neck and pulled it through the cage. "I vill take you vith me, as I travel across the world. We vill see a great many wonders together," Gian said. He then stuffed the panda down his pants and walked triumphantly out of the door.
TO BE CONTINUED IN CHAPTER TWO: PANDA GETS A HAIRCUT
(Tocadisco)
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No pandas and old men were harmed during the writing of this novel. But I did kill a rat (Tocadisco)
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BIOCHICKY, CHICKY. I love you, I send you flowers, I slaughter meese (the plural of moose) in your honor. Yet all you do is insult me and my family. Not to mention my name. Where is this anger and hostility coming from? Who done you wrong, Biochick? Who done you harm? If I were a doctor, which I'm not, I might diagnose you with have a bad case of the mumps. But I know better, you need help little girl. See a shrink. Get a psychic reading. Get more clams in your diet (a comment that relates to a certain FUDGE remark) and ride a plane. See the world from the eyes of a child. Just SHUT UP if you ain't gonna respect the Tocadisco. Chicken tonight. Ha. Bye.
(Tocadisco)
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Do ANY of you have a life of your very own??? If not, send 9.95 plus 2.95 shipping and handling to:
I need life
P.o. box Right Now
Helpmeplease, Ma 90210 (Lonelytear)
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At the request of someone whose name I can't recall right now, I will cease in my multi-part postings from this moment forward. You will notice the change in my next posting, assuming you read it. Thank you for your suggestion. :-) (MagicClams)
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If you weighed like 300 lbs, and people called you "fatty", I really don't think you have any right to argue with them. Unless you're like 7 feet tall, like Shaq or something. Or maybe if the person is even fatter than you are. Because that's pretty hypocritical of them. (MagicClams)
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I'll bet if I sang a whole lot, people would start to call me "Singin' Lad", but that really bothers me. Hey, there's more to me than singing, okay? "If you label me, you negate me." Kierkegaard (MagicClams)
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Memo to WLW Troub: Just because you don't have to be funny according to the rules doesn't mean that being funny isn't the goal of the game. I could say random things all day long that won't be the least bit funny, and I'm sure they'll still print them, since I'm pretty sure they don't even read these. Observe in the next four postings as I describe my day in a long and meandering fashion: (MagicClams)
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I got up this morning at about 3 o'clock in the afternoon. It gets progressively harder to get up as we get closer to the beginning of the schoolyear, doesn't it? (MagicClams)
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At around 6, I called up a friend of mine and asked if she wanted to go get some dinner at McDonalds. She agreed, and we went down there and met some other friends of ours while we were there. It was rather fun. (MagicClams)
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The 5 of us spent the next couple of hours loitering and talking, then we went to my friend Tucker's house and stayed around there until about 9, at which time I returned home, due to the fact my cousin was coming into town at 10 tonight. (MagicClams)
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When my cousin arrived, my brother and sisters and I spent about an hour and a half catching up with her, after which time, she went to sleep, and I came down here to the computer. Not terribly interesting to read these non-funny postings, is it? (MagicClams)