If you ever want a good laugh, go out and rent slumber party massacre3. My favorite Character has to be Duncan, or maybe Ken. (JaneDoe68)
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The last time I was in my avorite science class, my teacher was cheering me up by telling me really stupid and dirty jokes. Thank you Mr. Franklin! (Spongewthy)
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I wonder if all the Anna's and Bob's out there feel lucky that their name is a palindrome. (JaneDoe68)
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I bet they do. (JaneDoe68)
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MagicClams- be a man, and tell me why you ditched me in the middle of our conversation last night. Whats wrong with me? Am I too fat? (JaneDoe68)
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You know whats fun? When you see a cop car, start swerving your car like you're drunk. I wouldnt suggest trying this if you have been drinking, though. (JaneDoe68)
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oh yea (Kcc560)
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I've come to the conclusion that I am a very weak-willed individual. (BillyBob55)
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Hey...who do you think would win in a fight between Hillary Clinton and Ivana Trump? On the street, in an alley, with only the light of the full moon to guide them? What about between Donald and Hillary? I think people would pay money to see these fights...and maybe that money could go to help the budget. Hmmm... (Shortsigh)
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Foods that are funny and gross
pimento loaf
head cheese
spam
tofu burgers
fruitcake
meatloaf
brussel sprouts
monkeys brains
calamari
limburger cheese
live crayfish
seaweed
(JaneDoe68)
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Don't get me wrong...it's not that I like fighting. (Shortsigh)
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Maybe just a little... (Shortsigh)
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But not when it's bad... (Shortsigh)
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Sometimes I'm bad, and that's when it gets weird. (Shortsigh)
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Weird...what a strange word...I wonder who invented that word... (Shortsigh)
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But can people really invent words? I mean, can a person just be sitting around with nothing to do and all of a sudden decide that from that point in time and on an object of no particular shape or size will be called whatever that person happens to fancy? (Shortsigh)
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What a great power that must be...to be able to make up words and assign them to objects. (Shortsigh)
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Sometimes power is a bad thing...too much can cause a person to glimpse into the dark recesses of hell and not be able to look away until he or she has willingly given his or her soul to the Dark One himself...and what's even worse is after that you don't really have the desire to bar-b-que anymore... (Shortsigh)
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...and that's really too bad because bar-b-ques are fun. A lot of food can be found at a bar-b-que, and that's good because people tend to get hungry at bar-b-ques. (Shortsigh)
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If there wasn't a lot of food, then people would just be standing around a big grill with coals on fire with nothing to do except wonder why you're freaking out over the flames and mumbling about Ivana Trump and the dark recesses of hell. (Shortsigh)
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Although some people might be able to make a connection between the two, most would probably just stare. (Shortsigh)
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And that would be just plain embarrassing, now wouldn't it? (Shortsigh)
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I think me and MagicClams could rule the world...or at least Kmart. (Shortsigh)
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One thing about Kmart, though, I don't think it carries Spam, or any of it's by-products. (Shortsigh)
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Spam...I wonder who made THAT word up... (Shortsigh)
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There's something wrong with my send button. (Shortsigh)
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Do you think I'm being watched? (Shortsigh)
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Because they're everywhere, you know... (Shortsigh)
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Anyway, just who is AOLMan and why is he attempting to delete my protected object? (Shortsigh)
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I'm pretty sure he's the devil, but I have no eggplant, so I can't be sure... (Shortsigh)
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This is going to be another super-post, so prepare yourself. This is gonna be a long-un! :-P
Friends are just enemies who don't have the guts to kill you.
That's why I'm friends with a lot of people. Not a lot of guts.
Honesty is when you can lie so effectively that no one can challenge you
anymore.
Integrity is when all your past lies force you to tell the truth in the
future.
I can make myself levitate, until someone reminds me about gravity. Then it
gets harder.
Knowledge of gravity makes levitation all the more peaceful, though.
Dolphins are plotting against us, you know....If we don't kill them, they'll
kill us...They've gotten too smart...Now they must be exterminated....
I liked the last Curious George book best. "Curious George and the Electric
Fence."
I like the Buddha. He's got a purdy belly.
If you try to go to Burma, and you'll end up in Myanmar instead.
It's like Istanbul and Constantinople.
Istanbul was Constantinople.
Now it's Istanbul, not Constantinople.
Been a long time gone, Constantinople.
Why did Constantinople get the works?
That's nobody's business but the Turks.....
Undirected effort is the key to enjoyable futility.
I used to want to be the new Bonaparte, but now I want to be the new
Bonaducci.
I used to play a game that was a lot like "Got your nose" with my cousins,
except I called it "Got your soul". It's a lot like "Got your nose," except
that instead of pretending to have their nose, you snap their necks and then
take their eyes....
My parole officer says I can't play that game anymore.
That's okay, though, because I don't have anymore cousins......
I wish I still had a soul, but when I was younger I traded it to this guy in
a trench coat for a chocolate chip bagel. Still have the bagel, though. I
call it my "soul bagel", and I only eat one chip a day.
Evolution is a huge joke, and the punchline is humanity.
I love America. It's the only nation where every man is innocent until
proven equal....where the children are better armed than the police....where
"Fuck" isn't just a curse word; it's a way of life....where the only way to
get a good
education is to go to private school or jail
The stupider people think you are, the more surprised they'll be when you
kill them.
My god is ZORGON! LORD OF PLEASURE! Which one of you will be the sacrifice
to Zorgon?????
LET US BOIL A FROG AND DANCE IN THE MOONLIGHT!
Life isn't fair, and I've made it my life's goal to make it worse.
The end. Watch this not get posted. :P (MagicClams)
--
This is going to be another super-post, so prepare yourself. This is gonna be a long-un! :-P
Friends are just enemies who don't have the guts to kill you.
That's why I'm friends with a lot of people. Not a lot of guts.
Honesty is when you can lie so effectively that no one can challenge you
anymore.
Integrity is when all your past lies force you to tell the truth in the
future.
I can make myself levitate, until someone reminds me about gravity. Then it
gets harder.
Knowledge of gravity makes levitation all the more peaceful, though.
Dolphins are plotting against us, you know....If we don't kill them, they'll
kill us...They've gotten too smart...Now they must be exterminated....
I liked the last Curious George book best. "Curious George and the Electric
Fence."
I like the Buddha. He's got a purdy belly.
If you try to go to Burma, and you'll end up in Myanmar instead.
It's like Istanbul and Constantinople.
Istanbul was Constantinople.
Now it's Istanbul, not Constantinople.
Been a long time gone, Constantinople.
Why did Constantinople get the works?
That's nobody's business but the Turks.....
Undirected effort is the key to enjoyable futility.
I used to want to be the new Bonaparte, but now I want to be the new
Bonaducci.
I used to play a game that was a lot like "Got your nose" with my cousins,
except I called it "Got your soul". It's a lot like "Got your nose," except
that instead of pretending to have their nose, you snap their necks and then
take their eyes....
My parole officer says I can't play that game anymore.
That's okay, though, because I don't have anymore cousins......
I wish I still had a soul, but when I was younger I traded it to this guy in
a trench coat for a chocolate chip bagel. Still have the bagel, though. I
call it my "soul bagel", and I only eat one chip a day.
Evolution is a huge joke, and the punchline is humanity.
I love America. It's the only nation where every man is innocent until
proven equal....where the children are better armed than the police....where
"Fuck" isn't just a curse word; it's a way of life....where the only way to
get a good
education is to go to private school or jail
The stupider people think you are, the more surprised they'll be when you
kill them.
My god is ZORGON! LORD OF PLEASURE! Which one of you will be the sacrifice
to Zorgon?????
LET US BOIL A FROG AND DANCE IN THE MOONLIGHT!
Life isn't fair, and I've made it my life's goal to make it worse.
The end. Watch this not get posted. :P (MagicClams)
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Baywatch? YAY-WATCH!!!!!! (MagicClams)
--
Long time no see (WLW Troub)
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I find that Screenames named after Judy Bluhm books really suck (WLW Troub)
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When wearing see through glasses, don't look at ugly people, you will be the only one to suffer. (WLW Troub)
--
If I had a pet emu, I would name it Frank. Why? Because.....I like the name Frank. (WLW Troub)
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If I had three wishes, I would wish for an ham and cheese omelet because I'm hungry. As for the other two, I would have to see what comes with the omelet (WLW Troub)
--
Robin Williams is just a plain funny guy. (WLW Troub)
--
Gala....gala....galamimus!!!!! (WLW Troub)
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I'm a virgin and proud. Make fun of that one guys....it's an open invitation. (WLW Troub)
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The US Open was in Michigan this year. I live right near where it was. Wow the excitement. I nearly peed my pants every day. (WLW Troub)
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I don't really like golf. I can hardly spell it let alone play it. (WLW Troub)
--
When did "Fifty Cents" turn into "Fiddysent"? (WLW Troub)
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If I evolved from Apes, I was once cute baby monkey. (WLW Troub)
--
Je suis le singe diabolique (WLW Troub)
--
Translation.........."I am the devil monkey" (WLW Troub)
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Ne me met pas de mauvaises humeurs. (WLW Troub)
--
Translation............."Don't make me mad". (WLW Troub)
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Once we were on a bus in Germany (My choir) and it was very hot on the bus. So my friend tried to tell the bus driver that he was hot, but to no avail for the driver only spoke German. I know A LITTLE German so I told him that "I am" was "Ich bin" and warm was pronounced "Varm". So....My friend stood up in the back of the bus and shouted "Ich bin warm". The bus driver started to laugh and we had to pull over. It turns out that although the German was correct, "Ich bin warm" is slang for "I am Gay". Boy did Hans think that was funny. He never did turn down the heat. (WLW Troub)
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Ich bin kaput (WLW Troub)
--
Translation.........I AM TIRED Gut Nacht Good Night Bonne Nuit Buenas Noches Alohoa Syonnarra(how do you spell that?) Anyway.....BYE (WLW Troub)
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love sucks (BratAB)
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It's further to Provo than on a bike. (BriBerg)