I'm back. Sorry. (HECKLER X)

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That's right. I'm back to strike fear in the hearts of the you-know-whos. (HECKLER X)

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What the hell is this, you ask? Well, I'm not going to tell you because I don't know either. Here's the way it works: there are no rules and there are no time limits or schedules for winners, but there are prizes. How do you play? You simply send me something. Anything. Doesn't matter what. There are no categories are subjects. It doesn't even have to be funny. It can even be a picture or image. Then a winner will be chosen out of all the random entries. Winners get from one to three free hours. Short text submissions might win one hour, while an image might win three. Who knows? It's totally random. *IMPORTANT* Thank you for making me a winner in today's contest.
*MORE IMPORTANT* I did NOT use anywhere in this message- I used the SPACEBAR. HAHAHAHA. (Shadowgold)

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Why was I gone so long? Well, I soon discovered, after having sent about 2000 entries, that it costs me $2.00 every time I send e-mail. That really puts a stopper on your fun, don't it? (HECKLER X)

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Well, I've entered this stupid contest forty times, so give me my damn hour please please please pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease pleaseplease please please please please please pleasepleaseplease pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease just give me my hour!!! (JamN100)

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I'd tell you something funny if I knew something funny. (JamN100)

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eight tracks were so cool, what happened to them? (JamN100)

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HOWARD STERN FOR PRESIDENT! (JamN100)

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For those of you out there who are new, I am the elusive Heckler X, one-time king of the Random game. you can see all my old work under the file named "The Age of Reason". From there, look in these files: A Few Words From Marcia Brady; the Madness of Jimbo 9899 and others...; Fieldmice Suck, and A Philips Screwdriver. Yes, you can see all of my great work in these files. And by the way... HOW DARE YOU PUT MY WORK IN A FILE NAMED "THE AGE OF REASON"!!!!! Who od you think you are you buttsmear. Sorry. I didn't mean it. - Not-so-Triumphanly returning, Heckler X (HECKLER X)

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I'm really offended by all the damn swearing in HO. (JaneDoe68)

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Doesn't it look to you like all the commercials for male products are written by and for women? All these ads for shaving systems with men bouncing babies on their knees or engaging in extended foreplay with their grinning wives. And no man can say "painful femine itching" without covering his mouth or laughing his ass off. (WriterBoy9)

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Look! I sent a real entry this time. (WriterBoy9)

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Why is the rule I before E except after C, when 'society' and 'weird' are spelled in exactly the opposite way? (LtleDevil)

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diarreah uhuh. diarreah uh uh. People think it's funny but it's brown and runny. Diarreah, uh uh. Diarreah uh uh. (Bonniebut)

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What's the difference between an orange? A telephone pole because a motorcycle doesn't have doors. (Cybertrble)

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I think a good thing to do with old soda cans is to make hats and airplanes out of them. I saw Bud hat and a Miller airplane once - and I liked them. (Hug Earth)

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Random Random . . . . I'm tryin' to be random but "Blowin' in the Wind" keeps goin' thru my head . . . and that's not really random . . . more topical . . . ya know . . . and stuff . . . (FaeryMaid)

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there is a large amount of people in the world. Most scratch themselves, but only a small amount admit to it. (Laurenne14)

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And then the dead parakeet from Brazil with the mummy breathe spake of chilled iguanas over a bunsen burner and the remains of Barry Manilow's left intestine hanging from the trident of Poseiden. (Hytmel9445)

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Singing songbird in the loo
asked for dice and pickles too
and in joining both she rhymed
the pickled dice will do just fine (Hytmel9445)

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Death is only a state of mind (Harrison41)