I swear this is a real note that my mother left for me this morning:
Elyn,
The weird people next door are using power tools in the rain again - If you see fire - Don't go over there or get involved - Just call 982-2114 and tell the fire dept. that the Collins's have another fire.
Also, wash the dishes in the sink and take the towels out of the dryer.
Love Mom (ELYN42)
Did you know if you drink enough mountain dew you can actually -see- the pink and purple monkeys country line dancing in your living room, rather than just hearing them? (CarrotGrl)
--
Oh, that monkey thing? My friend has just informed me that's not normal. No monkeys? You don't see my monkeys? I feel bad for you, they're great squeeze toys... (CarrotGrl)
--
This is sad. It's early in the morning, and I'm awake. But that's not even the sad part, we haven't gotten there yet. The sad part is that in my hyper boredom I'm sitting here writing crazy things to the random game, which everyone knows no one really wins anyway. It's like the publisher's clearing house contests, you know those aren't real people who win? Nope, it's people they hire and pay:
a) to pretend they're actually surprised when Ed MacMahon shows up at their door with millions of dollars.
b) to then return the millions of dollars to him for some pitiful paycheck (Yes, these are those people who can't get a job at McDonald's).
It's all a big scam to make you think you can actually win so you'll spend hours and hours in Heckler's Online wasting all your money in hopes that you will have the great honor of winning :::drumroll please:::
The Random Game!!!!
But when I think about it, it could be worse. You could be like Publisher's Clearing House, and then I'd be sitting here licking stamp after stamp after stamp, and I imagine that would taste bad after awhile. (CarrotGrl)
--
Did you know there's an Amish town in Pennslyvania named Intercourse? If I were an Amish, I'd want to live in a town called Intercourse, just to see how many people found it amusing. BUt then again, they might just be laughing at my hair. (CarrotGrl)
--
Ok, I have a question for you. When people go out in the rain, do they grow, or do they shrink? Because when plants get wet, they grow. But when clothes get wet, they shrink (or at least as far as I can tell from the fact that my favorite sweatshirt would now maybe fit a 2 year old). So, do people shrink, or grow? I hope they grow, because I think it would be fun the be really tall, and walk around and be able to look down and see the tops of peoples' heads, cause then I could say "Hey you, you've got pigeon crap on your head." and they'd get all frantic trying to wipe it off and maybe even scream a little and that would just be really funny. (CarrotGrl)
--
I have another question.
I forgot it though, so never mind. Not like you'd listen to me anyway, you're all out to get me, all of you! But one day I'll get my revenge, and when a big old chicken comes running at you with a Bazooka, you just remember this day, and you'll know who it is. HahahahHahHhAhAhHa!!!!! (CarrotGrl)
--
What the heck are you talking about? (MDAVID86)
--
I lost my virginity on July 4th. I guess it was my own personal independence day. (Biochick1)
--
They've made Capitol Hill out of a mountain of crap. (LtJG RJ2)
--
So, all I have to do is be bored enough to write something, anything and I might win a free hour? Sounds like a plan... (RMata89645)
--
Fourth of jluy. A wonderful time to spend time with friends and family. That is of course unless you are dead. Then you just sit there. (WLW Troub)
--
Pop hurts much more coming out of the nose than milk. (WLW Troub)
--
Why is it that Gremlins couldn't eat after midnight? It was always after midnight SOMEWHERE!!! They should have specified...Eastern or Central Time. (WLW Troub)
--
Where did all the kids from Goonies go? (WLW Troub)
--
Why do we add S's to everything? KrogerS, MeijerS, Farmer JackS, Its weird ya know. (WLW Troub)
--
3.0 is just 2.5 with modern art. It's like visiting the louvre then going to see a picasso. (WLW Troub)
--
Je parle Francais tres bien. Et Vous? Je croix ce non!!!! (WLW Troub)
--
My friend tried to cut his own hair and he accidentally cut the tip of his ear off. It was because your hand moves in the opposite direction in the mirror. It bled for a long time. (WLW Troub)
--
His name is Kenny. I think I mentioned him before. He's back from camp. (WLW Troub)
--
Andrea still doesn't like me. (WLW Troub)
--
I remember when we used to say H-E- double hockey sticks. We sucked. (WLW Troub)
--
I wish that I had an six pack. And not of beer either, I don't drink. (WLW Troub)
--
OK so I lied. I drank once in Germany but that was only because my homestay family gave it to me and it was legal. (WLW Troub)
--
Smoking is bad (WLW Troub)
--
Once , my friends were all smoking cigars to look cool and I resisted. I said no to peer pressure. I have never smoked anything. When I got home, my mom grounded me because I smelled so much like smoke I MUST have been smoking. (WLW Troub)
--
Once I dyed my hair black. My mom didn't like it so I had to dye it back to brown again. So I bleached it blonde and was going to dye it again. Well the blonde stuff turned my hair three different colors and the brown turned it a neat bright red color. I liked it better than the black. My mom said that I can never dye my hair again. (WLW Troub)
--
The obvious is not always the right answer, sometimes it's just obvious. (WLW Troub)
--
I got a 28 on my ACT. YEAH!!! (WLW Troub)
--
What does OK stand for? And why is it universal? Every person in the world knows OK!!! That's just sad. (WLW Troub)
--
Formanek is German for "Man who is a big jerk" Actuallly he was my math teacher whom I hated!!! (WLW Troub)
--
"JERK" is pronounced "YERK" in German. How funny is that? (WLW Troub)
--
Instead of Adding apples and oranges, I ate them. I was a dumb kid. (WLW Troub)
--
I worked 4 hours this week. I make $7 an hour. Cool. (WLW Troub)
--
Good night all, try the fish, don't forget to tip your waitress!!!! (WLW Troub)
--