It
goes
on
and
on
and
on
and
on...
Bwa ha ha ha ha!
Subject: Re: S*P*A*H*M
From: Sonofspahm
If I didn't get an F on my Geometry final and a D in the class I could
have thrown in some more puns..
Sonofspahm: (Marital Status: IN LOVE WITH A ANGLE)
You're in love with an ANGLE? Is it acutie?
Wutshisnut: but of corse
Sonofspahm: is she fat? or would you say she's
just a bit obtuse?
Wutshisnut: she is skiny
Sonofspahm: oh..so she is acute
Wutshisnut: and whu do you want to know
Wutshisnut: yes
Wutshisnut: just wondering
Sonofspahm: yeah..
Wutshisnut: ok
Sonofspahm: you arent German are you?
Wutshisnut: i am part germany why
Wutshisnut: are you m/f
Wutshisnut: age
Sonofspahm: ok.. you're only PART German.. that
would explain the misspelling..
Sonofspahm: it's Engel, bud..
Sonofspahm: spell it right
Wutshisnut: ok my bad
Wutshisnut: what ever
Wutshisnut: angle
Sonofspahm: I'm right
Sonofspahm: can I ask what your GPA is?
Wutshisnut: it dont know got kicked out of school
Sonofspahm: Oh.. I see.. Kicked out huh.. HARSH,
man..
Sonofspahm: how old are you?
Wutshisnut: 16
Wutshisnut: why
Wutshisnut: my angle says hi
Sonofspahm: just wondering, when did they kick you out
Sonofspahm: oh, tell her I said something complimentary
Wutshisnut: ok i did
Sonofspahm: why did they kick you out of school?
Wutshisnut: fighting
Sonofspahm: wow.. did you kill someone?
Wutshisnut: no just got i a lot of fights
Sonofspahm: Yeah.. those damn rays and lines think
they're hot shit
Sonofspahm: I'd like to bisect them once.. just out of nowhere, they'd
never see it coming
Sonofspahm: but they've always got homies running parallel and
stuff.. so it's hard to get away with it
Wutshisnut: no shit
Subject: Re: Lemon Pepper Squinkyfried Fish
From: PsykoFish
The first IM I get upon returning?
Farheim: I'd really like to have a long meaningful
conversation with you, because I value the time between us
Farheim: But instead, I'm signing off
I LOVE THIS PLACE.
Subject: Re: Lemon Pepper Squinkyfried Fish
From: PsykoFish
So, I was, like, at the mall and there was this, like, total hottie at the
makeup counter and when I, like, asked for sky blue eyeshadow,
he, like, gave me BABY blue eyeshadow and I was just all like,
y'know, "That is so totally uncool...why don't you just gag me with a
spoon or some junk."
Then he said, "There is no spoon." So I jumped him.
Subject: Re: Seasons of Wither......
From: TyleredOne
Either someone is trying to tell me something,or I am seriously losing
my mind.....
The other day I was expecting my friend Bobby to stop by and borrow
something...I'm getting outta the shower,and I hear a woman's voice
say "Hello!".It sounded like it was right behind me,but as an open window
was right there,I figured whoever it was was actually at the front door.
I figure that Bob has brought over his flavor of the week to meet us.....
I get dressed and walk out to the front room,Bob's not there.I ask my
husband who Bob brought over,thinking that he was in a hurry and
already left...nope,Bob hadn't been here yet....
Last night,I'm sitting in the front room,and I hear a woman scream
"Get out of there!"...twice. I mute the tv,ask everyone else if they
heard it,but no,I was the only one...........
This afternoon,my cat puked in the hall.I didn't witness it or hear it
though. I take a baby wipe,scoop it up,and place it back on the floor
while I go over the spot with Resolve.I admit,I didn't look at it too long,
but it was puke..kinda looked like a big brown runny pile of birdcrap..
(sorry)..the wipe moves a little,but I assume that it's just moving the
way that a wadded up piece of newspaper might...then,as I watch...
the puke filled baby wipe moves itself to the other side of the hallway!
Naturally,I jump up and yell for Amanda,who,after watching it a good
two hours,tells me I'm insane.
It's sitting in the hallway still. I'm going to make my husband unwrap it
and examine it when he gets home,lol. He's gonna love that.
In other news...I'm currently trying out that "LSD diet",and I'm happy
to report that so far,I've lost 7 pounds.
Subject: Re: Rav's Spiffy Thread
From: Dante303
LdyBug8281: oodnight cristina
Dante303: Well howdy thar liddle lady
LdyBug8281: yes...howdy and goodnight:)
Dante303: ::waves::
LdyBug8281: gnight
Dante303: Don't let the click beetles find you in your
sleep and murder you.
Subject: Re: Deer in the Headlights....
From: Smbartoli
(From: Chriskolak)
Would this be the same Chriskolak that left the Random Game?
No, no. Silly me, because of course Chris left. Right?
*Ally*
Serving Suggestion: Defrost>>
Hmmm... zhis tells me zomezhink... jes, you suffered unt orrible illness
as unt child? Vhat vas that? Unt goat raped you? Ack, ze poor goat.
Subject: Re: Lemon Pepper Squinkyfried Fish
From: PsykoFish
Give me your tired, your poor...your huddling masses, yearning to be
free!
WE'S MAKIN' NEEDY-PEOPLE-CASSEROLE.
Subject: Re: Psychosis Central ::moo::
From: Zornog
(I'm in love with my musical director. His eyes are black. Not brown,
black. And it's not like he ain't a pale-assed white boy, either)
::flaunts his pale-assed white boyness::
SEE, I WON'T GET THE SKIN CANCER, UNLIKE THE REST OF
YOU PEOPLE, WHO ... MIGHT! AQHAHAAHHAHAHAHAQ.
Subject: Re: Rav's Spiffy Thread
From: PsykoFish
(I HAVE NO PRINTER PAPER.)
MY PRINTER ONLY PRINTS WEIRD SYMBOLS BECAUSE AFTER
WE GOT IT FIXED, IT BECAME POSSESED SO STICK IT UP YOUR
...crumpet.
Yes, your crumpet. Would you like some tea?
Subject: Re: KAT'S THREAD OF SUBJECTIVE OBSERVATIONS
From: Zornog
(kat's observation:
no cool news of destruction as of late....)
Mark Barton killing 13 people including himself? Two train cars crashing
into themselves in India? TWO-HUNDRED PLUS PEOPLE DEAD
BECAUSE OF THE HEAT?
You need to get out more, Kat. DESTRUCTION REIGNS EVERYWHERE!
CHAOS AND ANARCHY RULE! MWAAHHAHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHACK AH CRAP I JUST SWALLOWED
A FLY! HELL, I DON'T KNOW WHY I SWALLOWED A FLY, DAMMIT!
PERHAPS I'LL DIE!
Subject: Re: This is the part where I hate the world
From: VERTIlGO
(cant forget romper room)
(::was on Romper Room in 1984::)
(::voted for Ronald Reagan in 1984...again::
Carcazoid)
CARCAZOID : Part of the Problem Since the Nixon Administration.
Subject: Re: Lemon Pepper Squinkyfried Fish
From: PsykoFish
Today's question...Have people been brainwashed by modern media?
Here's what Zornog has to say on the subject.
Zornog: I think [people]'ve been brainwashed by modern media
Well, Zornog. Let us just see.
PsykoFish: Gimme a break.
Zornog: ::break::
PsykoFish: GIMME A BREAK.
Zornog: ::BREAK::
PsykoFish: Damnit.
PsykoFish: Gimme a break.
dUCK Fetus: Hmm?
dUCK Fetus: dUCK Fetus?
dUCK Fetus: It bothers you?
PsykoFish: Gimme a break.
dUCK Fetus: It's a subliminal message.
PsykoFish: Damnit.
PsykoFish: Gimme a break.
PsykoFish: Gimme a break.
Buttmint: ::::gives her a bit of his kit-kat bar:::::
PsykoFish: Close enough.
PsykoFish: Gimme a break.
DeadYak1:
PsykoFish: Gimme a break.
DeadYak1:
PsykoFish: Damnit.
PsykoFish: Gimme a break.
ZixTheYeti: of my Kit Kat bar?
PsykoFish: Damnit. Too early.
ZixTheYeti: it's never too early for candy
PsykoFish: Gimme a break.
ReLect0: I have discovered in my travels that
you know absolutely nothing about film.
PsykoFish: Gimme a break.
ReLect0: No, I will not dress up like Nell Carter for you!
When was the last time you did things for me?
PsykoFish: Freakball.
ReLect0: We didn't do that.
PsykoFish: Gimme a break.
BACTERB: You can't have my Kit-Kat.
PsykoFish: Damn.
PsykoFish: Gimme a break.
Odaeyss: que?
PsykoFish: Gimme a break.
Odaeyss: BREAK ME OFF A PIECE OF THAT KIT
KAT BAAR!
PsykoFish: I love you.
Odaeyss: You're still not getting my bud light, Psyko
PsykoFish: Gimme a break.
Grover737: What?
PsykoFish: Gimme a break.
Grover737: Break me off a piece of that Kit-Kat bar.
PsykoFish: Yay! You got it!
PsykoFish: Gimme a break.
Khaleth: Gimme a break, break me off a piece of that kit
kat bar...
PsykoFish: Whee!
PsykoFish: Gimme a break.
MephistoM: ::snaps Psyko's leg like driftwood::
PsykoFish: Gimme a break.
MephistoM: Um...okee...::breaks Psyko's arm in half like a
piece of uncooked spaghetti::
PsykoFish: Forget the Kit-Kat bar...You win!
MephistoM: Yay!
MephistoM: What did I win?
PsykoFish: A Kit-Kat bar.
MephistoM: ALRIGHT! YEAH! ::pumps fists
in air::
So what have we learned today?
Some people are brainwashed by modern media. So Zorn was right.
Some people are so out of touch, it's almost frightening. Some, like
Zix, rush through things, leaving the person on the other end unsatisfied
and without a feeling of closure, because he's a big fat jerk who left
for some sweet thing with long legs and a blonde...err...anyway...
We've learned that Psyko says "Damn" too much. And most importantly,
we have learned from Meph that it's not necessary to be brainwashed
by modern media, as long as you have the good old art of inflicting
pain on other by your side.
Thank you, and goodnight.
Subject: Re: Buttmint's first post of July
From: SithNferno
Another thing. I've got names on my buddy list that I have no remembrance
of. Did I really put them there? Are gnomes sneaking onto my account
and putting names on my buddy list when I'm not here? These people
may be the biggest losers in the world, yet there they are on my buddy
list. It's very disconcerting. I once thought of these people as worth
being my "buddies," worth being on my "buddy list." Where are
they now? They sure as hell aren't my buddies. I never talk to them,
I don't even remember who most of them are. And yet, I can't bring
myself to weed them out. What if I put them on there for some grand
scheme that hasn't played out yet? I could be disrupting the entire
scope of the world just because I can't remember putting some dip
on my buddy list. I better keep them there, just to be safe.
Subject: Re: S*P*A*H*M
From: Sonofspahm
JOOOOOOSHHHHHHHH!
JOOOOo-OOOOOOOOOOSH!!!
-clunk-
JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!
(panting)
(panting)
-clunk-
-thump-
-fip-fip-fip-fip-fip-fip-fip.
fin
Subject: Re: Rav's Spiffy THREAD, DAMNIT
From: RavenWord9
The Random Game: Throbbing paper cut on the index finger of society.
Subject: Re: Rav's Spiffy THREAD, DAMNIT
From: RavenWord9
You know when you cut yourself shaving and you don't even notice
that you've cut yourself until you see the big chunk of skin go floating
by in the bathwater like some kind of macabre little raft? I kinda like
that.
Subject: Re: Rav's Spiffy THREAD, DAMNIT
From: ZixTheYeti
(I was just thinking about the videos we watched in 7th grade Life
Science. Especially the ones during the Sex Ed unit, where they'd
have the little camera traveling up some guy's urethra, and the narrator
saying, "Now we are approaching the seminal vesicles. Hee hee...
inside Frank's pee-pee! PEE-PEE!"
I think that operating the pee-pee camera would be one of the world's
most unique jobs. And it'd look great on my resume.)
In my Health class back in the 9th grade, we got to watch a film strip
titled "Did Jenny Have to Die?" I found the title absolutely hilarious
and the film had me laughing for a while. Suicide...is there anything it
can't do?
Subject: Re: Seasons of Wither......
From: TyleredOne
When someone hands you their camera,and asks you to take a
picture of their family,it's fun to look confused,say "Thank you " in
broken English,and walk away.
Subject: Re: Revolutionary (And Shockingly Stupid) Comments.
From: Katauri Bree
Have you seen those shirts, with the little tiny pockets up on the
sleeves? My friend, Sarah and I were talking about them at lunch...
and she had a revolutionary idea about their usage.
Me: "Those are so damn stupid. What are they going to keep in there?
Quarters? Emergency lipstick samples? "Oh my god, my shirt clashes
with my lipstick.. quick, backup systems!" "
Sarah: "I dunno.. hmm.. wait, y'know what would fit in those? Condoms.
Those are perfect sized condom pockets! So, it's more like "Agh!
You're raping me! But.. here's a Trojan, increased sensuality and pleasure,
without my getting your nasty diaseses. Tehehe!"
Subject: Re: Hi.
From: Zornog
(That is true ... but still, Mr O is older than 14 now too ... and he's ...
not ... here ....)
( YOU ATE HIM!!)
YES, HE WAS DELICIOUS, LIKE A SWEET SWEET CHESTNUT!
Subject: PitchRK
From: MitchRK
What if I were to write a treatment for a post before I actually post the
full message? Maybe a brief synopsis before fleshing out the entire
thing? Or perhaps I could just sum it up in a couple of sentences before
beginning to write the long version. Maybe I just need to come up
with a high concept post idea and get a professional postwriter to type
out the complete post. Maybe I could download some kind of
postwriting shareware in which I could just fill in some blanks with the
basic points of the post and have it do the work. Naturally there would
be a certain amount of rewriting, trying to get the bugs out, seeing what
works with some test postreaders, more rewriting, setting a budget,
putting in some pyrotechnic special effects, stunts, nudity (tastefully
done, of course), glorification of alcohol and cigarettes, a hip hop soundtrack
of songs that have nothing to do with anything, a political agenda
(left or right-leaning, depending on what the polls say), and so forth.
Or I could just type Woowoowoowoo a bunch of times. Then I would
just have everyone improvise their parts and move the camera around
a lot like some kind of pseudo-documentary. I could call it "The Blair
Mitch Project."
I'd better get my nose hairs trimmed.
Subject: Re: Scratch and Sniff
From: VERTIlGO
Frank : so, how was your day?
Me: ::::bursts into tears:::
Frank: so you lost your pen again, huh?
Subject: Re: Scratch and Sniff
From: VERTIlGO
hehe .. an old lady the other day told me that I have "a very pleasant
personality"
this was before I stabbed her in the eye with my pen.
Subject: Re: Some such nonsense
From: ZixTheYeti
(josh what happened to doug?)
(He fell down the well.)
(Thank you, Lassie.)
How dare you call me a bitch.
Subject: Re: FURBALL CON CARNE
From: FelixELkat
SithNferno: Luv you, kat.
SithNferno: :D
FelixELkat: ok, like love luv, or luv
SithNferno: More like I'd love a cute little kitten who shreds my
socks.
FelixELkat: oh, that kinda love. that's not good. i was hoping for the
"i can't wait for my next rock of crack, cuz i love that stuff" kinda
love...
Subject: Re: Scratch and Sniff
From: ZixTheYeti
(CHEWY RUNTS?!)
(Last week, my friend and I were poking around in the candy aisles at
my Target and my friend found this box of Milk Duds that was rock solid
on one side of the box and completely empty on the other side.)
(...........and?
Did he then proceed to do something wildly funny and silly with it?
Was there a comic caper of epic proportions? Did he at least make a
fart joke, ferchrissakes?)
He did run around swinging it like a club. I hit a few shelves with it to
try and break it apart. Nothing spectacular though.
Subject: Re: And Now for Something Completely Ugly....
From: ZixTheYeti
Professor: Some of you have asked "When have I studied enough?"
Well, what do you think?
Class: ::assorted chattering::
Prof: When you're tired? No...
Class: ::talking::
Prof: Going into convulsions? No...
Class: ::talking::
Prof: Attempting suicide? No. You've studied enough when you hate
the very ground I walk on!
Student: Hey, I'm done studying!
Subject: Re: Trix says....
From: SithNferno
(What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?)
Prolly AAAAAAGHHH HOLY SHIT I'M FALLING OUT OF A PLANE!
Seeing as how they didn't invent the parachute until well after his death.
Or planes, for that matter. Hrm.
In that case, it would be AAAAAAAGHHH HOLY SHIT WHAT THE
HELL IS THIS I'M FALLING OUT OF?!
By the way, stop it. These aren't funny and they aren't even random,
fer chrissakes.
Subject: Re: Brian's attempt at a thread
From: BrianJ718
God's into fast food if I remember that advertising slogan correctly:
"Yahweh, right away. At Burger King now."
Subject: The Psychologist in the elevator
From: Zornog
(Man stands at elevator. He pushes a button, then waits for the elevator
doors to open. When they do, he sees a large desk in the elevator,
and a chair. The psychologist sits behind the desk. The Man reluctantly
enters the elevator.)
PSYCHOLOGIST: Hello!
MAN: Hiya there ...(There is a pause, as the Man is extremely confused,
but, to be polite, he turns his back to the desk. An awkward silence
ensues, until finally the Man has to ask.)
MAN: (turning to see the Psychologist) Hey ...
PSYCHOLOGIST: (excitedly) Yes?!
MAN: (a little startled) Oh, never mind ... (he turns his back to the desk
again. Another awkward silence, then he turns around again.) What
are you doing with a desk in an elevator?
PSYCHOLOGIST: Excuse me?
MAN: I've seen a few weird things in my life, but nothing compares to
a desk in an elevator. Are you the bellboy or something?
PSYCHOLOGIST: Are you insulting me?
MAN: Why would I insult you? I don't even know you! I'll ask again:
Why do you have a desk in an elevator?
PSYCHOLOGIST: (irritated) IT DOES NOT MATTER! (Gestures to
the chair) Sit!
MAN: Sit? But I'm only going to the third floor!
PSYCHOLOGIST: SIT, and tell me about your father!
MAN: What? My father? Are you a Psychologist?
PSYCHOLOGIST: IT DOESN'T MATTER! SIT!
MAN: IT DOES TOO MATTER! Are you a Psychologist? Where's
your psychology license?
PSYCHOLOGIST: Um ... in my other pants. NOW SIT!
MAN: (sighs) Well ... I guess I could sit for a while ... Until I get to my
floor.
PSYCHOLOGIST: Good (gets out a notepad) ... Now tell me about
your father.
MAN: Tell you about my father? Why?
PSYCHOLOGIST: Are you daft, boy? I am the Psychologist, not you!
Now tell me about your father!
MAN: I don't even know if you're really a Psychologist or not! What if
I don't want to tell you about my father?
PSYCHOLOGIST: Then we shall never get to the root of your problems.
MAN: MY PROBLEMS?! WHAT PROBLEMS?!
PSYCHOLOGIST: SEE? THERE YOU GO AGAIN!
MAN: ALL RIGHT! FINE! YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT MY FATHER.
Whaddya wanna know?
PSYCHOLOGIST: Did he ever .... touch you?
MAN: (thinking) I guess ... he patted me on the back a few times ...
PSYCHOLOGIST: Did he ever touch you ... inappropriately? (Waggles
eyebrows)
MAN: Unless you count an indian burn as inappropriate --
PSYCHOLOGIST: INDIAN BURN! (Writes in his notepad) How did
that indian burn make you feel, son?
MAN: I don't know! I didn't really give it much thought!
PSYCHOLOGIST: Well here, I have an idea. Let's do a bit of role
playing.
MAN: Role playing? (Looking at elevator) I've been in here for five
minutes! Why haven't we gotten to the third floor yet?
PSYCHOLOGIST: Well, what do you expect? This elevator has a
desk in it!
MAN: So? The maximum weight capacity for this elevator is 2500
pounds!
PSYCHOLOGIST: Yes, well ... the desk makes the elevator move
slower. SO THERE.
MAN: Sheesh.
PSYCHOLOGIST: So, anyway, let's role play.
MAN: Fine, fine, sure, let's role play.
PSYCHOLOGIST: This'll explain the indian burn.
MAN: Yes, I know.
PSYCHOLOGIST: I'll be your father, and you be yourself. All right?
MAN: Sure.
PSYCHOLOGIST: Good. You start.
MAN: (hesitantly) So ... hi ... dad ...
PSYCHOLOGIST: SHUT UP SON! (grabs Man and gives him an
indian burn)
MAN: OW! WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THAT?!
PSYCHOLOGIST: (writing) You'll see ...
MAN: THAT REALLY HURT!
PSYCHOLOGIST: EXACTLY. (Gets up on the desk) Now! You're
Bilbo Baggins, and I'm Gandalf the wizard! (The Man instantly snaps
into character and hops on the desk) We're traveling to the distant
elven town of Rivendale, upon a canoe made of treebark. (Points
out to audience) Look, Bilbo! The elves are saying hello! Say hello
to the elves, Bilbo!
MAN: (waving) Hello elves!
PSYCHOLOGIST: UT OH! HERE COME A MOTLEY BAND OF ORCS!
GRAB YOUR DAGGER AND YOUR SLING!
MAN: YOU WILL DIE, ORCS! (Man jumps off of desk, and runs through
the audience, pantomiming whirling a sling.)
PSYCHOLOGIST: (hopping off of the desk, writing things in notepad)
Very interesting ...
MAN: (returning to elevator) I killed the orcs, Gandalf! I killed them
good!
PSYCHOLOGIST: All right, sir, the role playing is over now.
MAN: (holding an orc head) LOOK, I BROUGHT BACK THE HEAD
OF THEIR LEADER!
PSYCHOLOGIST: Sir, please.
MAN: (snapping out of it) Huh?
PSYCHOLOGIST: The role play is over.
MAN: It is?
PSYCHOLOGIST: Yes.
MAN: Oh. (Sitting down) I was having fun, too.
PSYCHOLOGIST: Now, I will ask you a few questions. Answer them
truthfully, please.
MAN: Will this be as fun as role playing?
PSYCHOLOGIST: No.
MAN: Aw.
PSYCHOLOGIST: Here are the questions. (demandingly) Do you like
looking at phallic pieces of furniture? Do elephants strike your fancy?
Do you watch pole vaulting for "other" reasons?
MAN: What?
PSYCHOLOGIST: I see ... (turns to audience, makes "crazy" sign)
Let's try something else ..
MAN: Now what?
PSYCHOLOGIST: (pulls out a picture of a dog) Here, what do you
see in this ink blot?
MAN: What ink blot?
PSYCHOLOGIST: (points to the picture) This ink blot!
MAN: (a little confused) That's not an ink blot. That's a picture of a
dog.
PSYCHOLOGIST: A DOG, EH? (Writing in notepad)
MAN: You are a fundamental idiot.
PSYCHOLOGIST: Thank you. Now, let's do one more thing.
MAN: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
PSYCHOLOGIST: Perhaps. (wheels chair away from desk, and starts
to take off shoes. He then takes his socks off, and hands one to the
Man.) Here you go. (Then he gets out a plastic bag, puts it over his
hand, and then puts the sock over the plastic)
MAN: What the hell is this?
PSYCHOLOGIST: Please! Such language ... This is what Psychologists
call "sock puppet therapy."
MAN: Sock puppet therapy?
PSYCHOLOGIST: Must I repeat myself? Put your sock puppet on.
MAN: But this just came off of your foot!
PSYCHOLOGIST: Well ... duh.
MAN: I'm not putting that on my hand!
PSYCHOLOGIST: (angry) Listen, son. Who's the Psychologist here? Huh? You or me?
MAN: Well --
PSYCHOLOGIST: YOU OR ME?
MAN: I'm guessing NEITHER OF US.
PSYCHOLOGIST: Exactly. Now PUT THE SOCK ON.
MAN: WILL IT GET ME OFF OF THIS ELEVATOR?
PSYCHOLOGIST: Sure, yeah, why not.
MAN: Alright. Fine. (Puts sock on)
PSYCHOLOGIST: Ok. The sock you are wearing represents what
you want in life. The puppet I have represents Fate.
MAN: What are we supposed to do with these?
PSYCHOLOGIST: Tell Fate what you want in life, and Fate will answer
truthfully.
MAN: Fate?
PSYCHOLOGIST: (pointing at the puppet) The sock puppet.
MAN: Ohhhh. And then I get off the elevator, right?
PSYCHOLOGIST: Yes, if that's what you want.
MAN: Good! Finally.
PSYCHOLOGIST: (talking out of puppet) So, what do you want in life?
MAN: Well ... I suppose I'd like to have a successful career ...
PSYCHOLOGIST: No no, use the puppet.
MAN: What?
PSYCHOLOGIST: Talk through the puppet.
MAN: The puppet smells funny.
PSYCHOLOGIST: Life smells funny, my friend.
MAN: Shut up. (Talks through puppet) I'd like to have a successful
career.
PSYCHOLOGIST: (a pause, then, as puppet) NOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
MAN: What was that?
PSYCHOLOGIST: Don't worry. Keep going.
MAN: Um ... I'd like to have a family ...
PSYCHOLOGIST: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
MAN: I'd like to go to college ...
PSYCHOLOGIST: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
MAN: I'd like to play the stock market ...
PSYCHOLOGIST: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
MAN: (aggravated) I'd like you to say yes ...
PSYCHOLOGIST: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
MAN: All right, I'd like you to say no.
PSYCHOLOGIST: (stops abruptly, thinks, then tears the sock puppet
off his hand) THIS EXERCISE IS OVER!
MAN: (taking off sock) Good! What am I even doing here? All I wanted
to do get on the elevator, go to the third floor, and then get off! THAT'S
ALL I WANTED!
PSYCHOLOGIST: Wow. (Writing in notepad)
MAN: Wow? What wow? What's wow mean?
PSYCHOLOGIST: What you just said was so profound.
MAN: No it wasn't.
PSYCHOLOGIST: I think you know what's wrong with you.
MAN: NO I DON'T!
PSYCHOLOGIST: Don't be so hard on yourself. Go on. Tell me about
the root of your problems.
MAN: WHAT?
PSYCHOLOGIST: Come on. After what you just said, I think you should
know the root of your problems.
MAN: But I don't even know what you're talking about!
PSYCHOLOGIST: Come onnnnn, you can tell me ... I'm your Psychologist,
not some stranger you just met.
MAN: BUT ... YOU ... ARE!
PSYCHOLOGIST: I are what?
MAN: ARRRRRRG.
PSYCHOLOGIST: It's good to get rid of your anger like that.
MAN: IT'S MY FATHER, RIGHT?
PSYCHOLOGIST: Your father?
MAN: He's the root of my problems, right?
PSYCHOLOGIST: (smacks Man over the head with his clipboard) NO!
MAN: OW! WHY IN THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT?
PSYCHOLOGIST: Tsk tsk. Such vulgarity. Try again!
MAN: TRY AGAIN?
PSYCHOLOGIST: The root of your problems. Tell me.
MAN: If it's not my father, then it must be my mother ... right?
PSYCHOLOGIST: NO! (Smacks Man with clipboard again)
MAN: OWWW! STOP THAT!
PSYCHOLOGIST: One more chance!
MAN: Only if you promise not to hurt me!
PSYCHOLOGIST: (as if he'd just heard a breakthrough) Say that again.
MAN: I said, only if you promise not to hurt me!
PSYCHOLOGIST: THAT'S IT!
MAN: Huh?
PSYCHOLOGIST: That's the root of your problems!
MAN: It is?
PSYCHOLOGIST: Yes! Yes!
MAN: ARE YOU A MORON?
PSYCHOLOGIST: Please, I'm not the one answering questions here.
MAN: Ok, then explain why THAT is the root of my problems!
PSYCHOLOGIST: (a moment of uncertainty crosses his face. He doesn't
know why, really) Um .... well ... okay! Of course I'll explain. That's
my job, right? (Nervous laugh)
MAN: Apparently...
PSYCHOLOGIST: Yes, well ... The root of your problem centers around
your childhood. Back when you were little ... (suddenly, the Psychologist
grabs the Man's shoulder) SLEEP! (The Man falls to the floor, unconscious.)
Finally! (Quickly, the Psychologist gets up and begins looting the Man's
body. Soon, however, the Man wakes up)
MAN: (waking) Wha? What the -- (sees Psychologist holding his wallet.)
What are you doing?!
PSYCHOLOGIST: (startled) Huh?!
MAN: Why are you holding my wallet?
PSYCHOLOGIST: Um ... (he holds his hand out at the Man) SLEEP!
MAN: (unfazed) What? Are you trying to hypnotize me? What's going
on?!
PSYCHOLOGIST: Uh ... (glancing up at the floor numbers) OH! LOOK!
It's my floor! See ya!
MAN: WAIT A MINUTE!
PSYCHOLOGIST: My floor! (He quickly exits the elevator)
Subject: Re: Some such nonsense
From: ZixTheYeti
(C.) I like C.)
Because it's for Cookie.
Subject: Re: And now, a gerbil masturbates a pineapple.
From: Zornog
Is PsykoFish a lesbian?
PsykoFish: It's good pie.
Yes. Yes she is.
Subject: Re: And now, a gerbil masturbates a pineapple.
From: Zornog
Bilbo Baggins, leader of the free world.
Hey, it's got a bit of a ring to it.
Subject: Re: And now, a gerbil masturbates a pineapple.
From: Zornog
RETRO IM (completely made up) # 145.6:
DrSalina: I wuv ou.
Zornog: That's nice.
DrSalina: NO, WAIT, NO, I HATE YOU NOW! AHEEHEHEHEEEHEHE
HATE!
Zornog: That's nice.
DrSalina: No, I'm sorry, really, I love you.
Zornog: I SAID, THAT'S NICE.
DrSalina: FUCK YOU!
Zornog: YOU'RE VERY CONFUSING.
Moral: DrSalina (in whatever form she's in) is damn confusing.
Subject: Re: And now, a gerbil masturbates a pineapple.
From: Zornog
RETRO BUDDY CHAT LOG #33:
PiaAdams:
Caie Mac: BUTT! BUTT BUTT! MY BUTT!
Ozma22: I'm Jewish.
Zornog: BROTHEL!
SGood42:
Stotan9876: Perchance you have a nickel to give to an old ape like
myself?
DrSalina: STAR TREK! AND FREAKY SORCERER THINGS!
Mr Onliner: FORCES SELF ON CAIE. (<--- real line, I swear)
Caie Mac: BUTT!
CrzyGirl87: ME NO UNNERSTAND ENGLASH!
Zornog: This is going nowhere.
Carcazoid: ME = OLD!
USAmen: Does my name mean USA men, as in men who live in the
USA, or US Amen, as in the US is FUCKIN' AMAZING!
Miss Aimee: I REALLY CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT MY PURPOSE
IN TRG IS!
Astronia: I AM A MANIMAL!
CortJstr: ::sleeps with Pia, frequently::
Dante303: MAMAMAMAMOOOOO.
CowKosmo: You can't write a line for me, Zornog, for I have no
distinguishable qualities.
Zornog: Except that your name is CowKosmo.
CowKosmo: Right.
Khaleth: ME NO HODARKFONT, RIGHT HODARKFONT?
HODarkfont: No. You are me, remember? We cleared that whole
thing up a while back.
Bloodguilt: SHHH! WAIT, I MEAN
Khaleth: SHHHH!
MattSC23: I like to not be in TRG. HEE FOR ME!
Nyello: EVERYONE, THINK I'M 21, QUICKLY!
Everyone: OKAY!
Nyello: Suckers ...
Odaeyss: I SHOOT PEOPLE IN THE HEAD! HEE!
PTSnipes: I LOOK LIKE THE GUY IN FULL METAL JACKET!
Everyone: ::silence:
PTSnipes: AACH.
RUGGEDCEC: Heh ...
.... we already knew that, SNIPES ...
.... of course ....
.... um ....
.... where am I going with this ....
Krissy Lin: My purpose in this game is not known.
Hacksim: I ATE BOY MAN WITH CHEE ZE BECAUSE HE WAS
DOWNTOWN.
Zornog: Right.
That's all the people I can remember at the moment. YAY FOR ME!
I wonder if peanuts are brains 
of dinosaurs.