Age of Chaos Winners
Okay, you don't care what I have to say here--it's token time! So, let's get to it!
In the past week, Industrry entered many wondering posts. You'd know that if you had been paying attention. What follows is just one of the many. 9 tokens to Industrry!
I WONDER: what the hell is random anyway? Is chaos random? Is the plight of mankind and our destiny random? Is one's existance random? are the odds of winning the lottery random? Is random-house dictionary really random? (no, its alphabetical) maybe nothing is random... maybe its all planned out; pre-destined.
----- pretty existential stuff..... (Industrry)
For the sheer length and wondrous randomness qualities, Beergutt and MitchRK receive 5 tokens. (Yes, each.)
On the day I was born.......dunN DUnn DunN dunn dunn.....the winos gathered round........ and gazed in drunk wonder.....dun dund dun Dun duND.... at the gutt they had found........ the head wino spoke up.....said leave this be......he could tell right away.......dunn dunD dUnn duNn Dunn......that i was thirstyyyyyyy. I can make a brewery wince.......dunn dunn dunn dunn dunn.....and put a good kidney through hell.........ill make a sober woman puke .......Dunn dunD DunD dunn dunn....and a small liver swell.......I want to be yours Janet Reno.........yours and yours alone.....and if you dont like beer.....dunn dunn dunn dunnd dunn....we can always get stoned ............... Its easy to find me.....dun Dun duN DUNd dun......... from midnight till noon ......... face down in the gutter ....... dun dund dUNd dund dund..... outside The Saloon. (Beergutt) (Beergutt)
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A nun walks into a bar. She says to the bartender, "At these prices, I'm not surprised." The bartender says, "Sister, you aren't supposed to start off with the punch line. You have to do the setup first, or none of us get paid." The nun says, "I don't want to hear it, okay, pal? I'm Catholic, and we catholics never claimed to be perfect. Sometimes we make mistakes, just like everyone else. Besides, I was supposed to be the second nun, but the first nun got called away to the hospital, and I forgot the phone number to this place so I couldn't phone ahead and tell anyone." The bartender says, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize. Well, what happened at the hospital?" The nun says, "The first nun went into the room of the patient who called her and said 'How are we feeling, child?' The patient said, 'I don't think I can take this pain much longer, sister.' The nun then said, 'Well, at least you won't be here much longer.' The patient said, 'Why not?' Oh, no, I was supposed to deliver the punch line there as well!" The bartender says, "Can't she deliver it herself?" The nun says, "No, she can't. It's against union rules." The bartender says, "What was the punchline supposed to be?" The nun says, "I don't remember. We were supposed to get them on index cards as we went in to the hospital building to remind us. I hope I don't get fired because of all this." The bartender says, "Do you want me to fix you a drink?" The nun stands up and says, "Sure. Gimme a double bourbon, and could you send a beer to that guy at the end of the bar? I've gotta hit the head." The bartender says, "You sure don't sound like most other nuns I've ever heard." The nun says, "No, let's not try to do another one. I'm too bummed to deliver punch lines today." The bartender says, "I'm not really a bartender. I'm a plumber. I've come to fix...oh, never mind. I've given up on trying to save this joke. TAXI!" (MitchRK)
JamiJR and ScorpioAsh entered a lot! And studying the ways of the Old Bold Letter Guy and in my continuing quest to be just like him, I am awarding some tokens for quantity this week--6 each to be exact. A sample:
(Think if I do this enough I'll actually get tokens? Maybe if I annoy the poor host of this game enough I'll get tokens just so I'll go away for a day!) If you ever want some really good insults, read Shakespheare. There's tons of insults in there, along with cursing & sexual references. I want a book I saw once that had nothign but insults from Shakespeare's plays. BTW- Shakespheare was a pervert. (JamiJR)
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The Bubonic Plague is so named because of the swellings the victim grows on their arms, legs, chest, etc, called bubones. The bubones grow and swell and the skin becomes black and purple, and bruised looking, due to the hemmoraging of every bodily organ including the skin. ...what's for dinner tonite? (ScorpioAsh)
Okay, now a post in theme with the Age of Chaos, and possible solution to the chaos. 4 tokens to Tocadisco and Mr Onliner.
the beauty of my entries is that even when they are cut off, they are (Tocadisco)
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Okay, if you erase my message again, I'm gonna grab a shovel and a .44 and come after you, Nancy!
******!ATTENTIONATTENTION!******
(for the 3rd time!)
Lately the Random Game has made me like, sick and stuff. I tried to form a backwoods militia to stop this nonsense, but everybody got lost in the woods and we had to eat this guy that froze and another guy got bit by a rabid squirrel and we had to chain him to a tree to keep him from chewing his leg off and then it was just me and this guy named Butch and I said "Well, Butch, I guess this little militia to take over the Random Game didn't work!" and he was like "Well, I'm gonna kill you, Mr O." and I was like "Oh yeah? Tell that to my gun!" and I shot him and then I had to eat his liver and then a rescue helicopter found me several days later naked and cold.
the horror...
the horror...
What was I talking about? Oh yeah. Anyways, I figured that this game needs leadership. This name needs responsibility. This game needs a chimpanzee whore. Then I thought "Wait a minute! I'm responsible and a leader! And I know a chimpanzee whore! Her name is Kiki and she's really nice if you get to know her!"
What was I talking about again? Oh yeah. So that is why, I am announcing...MY CANDIDACY FOR PRESIDENT OF THE RANDOM GAME! That's right, Steven, I'm running for Random Game Presidency! Vote for me, good random citizens! Vote for me! Vote for me! Vote for me!
Uh, thank you.
(Mr Onliner)
And, finally, 4 tokens to the authors of these standout, I mean randomly-selected posts.
Chip Chap Fat Back Fart Bart Poop Smack! (Berical7)
Why is it that TOS says we can't say the "F" word on AOL, if we're caught saying it in a chat room more than once we get logged off...but when we email Steve Case and say it 20 times, and tell him to shove his online service you-know-where, we get back a polite and almost informative letter..."Thank you for your input...we respect everyone's opinion here at AOL...." Argh! some people!! (EvilClaws)
Why is it that when you have a cute little screen saver that makes cute little noises, the people who share the office with you don't find it anywhere near as cute? Now I haveta buy new speakers. (GoatDough)
I love you, You love me, Barney gave me HIV
He's a big, fat, stupid Purple Dinosaur
Let's kick his fat ass out the door. (AIias AKA)
the cow says mooooooooooooooooooooooooo the chicken says wooooooooooooooooooof
the pig says oooooooooiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnkkkkkk Mr. Clinton says moooooooooooo (Forty9erss)
I eat a head
In the bed
With Jed
And then I . . . Jed, get the hell out of my bed! What is the matter with you?! Are you gay? Hey you look "happy to see me". No, stop it, stop it!!! EEWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Nyello)
There's something really sad about seeing a 34 year old walking around with his t-shirt pulled up on his head saying "I am Cornholio." That's why I stay away from mirrors. (Croaker34)
NERF CROTCH BAT!!!!! (BabyLamms)
cuz crotch + bat = lots of fun (BabyLamms)
Have you ever had that feeling of Deja Vu? (Calvinbert)
Have you ever had that feeling of Deja Vu? (Calvinbert)
Sorry Calvinbert and BabyLamms, that's 4 tokens combined for those two entries, or 2 for each if you prefer. That was utterly confusing, hey chaos! Just to clear up, Calvinbert you get a total of 4 tokens and so does BabyLamms.
That's all this week; congratulations you're not a bit closer to that Monty Python disc.