LIFE'S LITTLE ANNOYANCES
If you don't like the answer, you shouldn't have asked the question.
When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.
Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely.
The theory is supported as long as the funds are.
When all else fails, follow instructions.
Justice always prevails . . . three times out of seven.
When working on a project, if you put away a tool that you're certain you're finished with, you will need it instantly.
Any tool, when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner of the workshop.
If it can be borrowed and it can be broken, you will borrow it and you will break it.
It is much harder to find a job than to keep one.
There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't.
Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment.
You can observe a lot just by watching.
Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.
If you think education is expensive -- try ignorance.
If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
You always find something the last place you look.
If everything seems to be coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane.
The leak in the roof is never in the same location as the drip.
You have to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid little plastic thing in the middle of them.
The person behind you in the supermarket runs his cart into the back of your ankle.
The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on.
There's always a car riding your tail when you're slowing down to find an address.
You open a can of soup and the lid falls in.
You can never put anything back in a box the way it came.
Three hours and three meetings after lunch you look in the mirror and discover a piece of parsley stuck to your front tooth.
You drink from a soda can into which someone has extinguished a cigarette.
You slice your tongue licking an envelope.
There are always one or two ice cubes that won't pop out of the tray.
The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian finish crossing.
A piece of foil candy wrapper makes electrical contact with your filling.
You set the alarm on your digital clock for 7pm instead of 7am.
The radio station doesn't tell you who sang that song.
You rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get out.
People behind you on a supermarket line dash ahead of you to a counter just opening up.
Your glasses slide off your ears when you perspire.
You can't look up the correct spelling of a word in the dictionary because you don't know how to spell it.
You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just browsing.
You had that pen in your hand only a second ago and now you can't find it.
You reach under the table to pick something off the floor and smash your head on the way up.
Everything breaks the day after the warranty has expired.
You bend down and tie your left shoelace, only to get up and trip over the right one which magicallly came undone.
Every product you feel is the best is always discontinued by the manufacturer.
You buy an answering machine so you won't miss any calls, and then everyone hangs up when the machine answers.
You drive somewhere, wondering why the car is so sluggish, then you realise you had the handbrake on the whole time.
Trying to open a child proof bottle and end up having to give it to a child to open.
When you lose the beginning of your Scotch tape and it sticks to the rest of the tape and you can never find it again.
Getting the same "funny" e-mail from 6 friends, none of whom noticed you received it the 1st time they did.
Calling the phone company to report that your phone isn't working and they ask if you're calling from that number.
You finally get comfortable to watch your favorite show only to realize the remote is sitting on top of the t.v.
When someone calls a radio station to request a song and they don't know the name of the song, so they try to sing it.
When you raise your hand for half the class period, and when you finally get called on, you forget what you had to say.
Everyone on your ICQ list keeps sending back the same URLs you sent them!
When you just finished painting your nails and every part of your body suddenly ITCHES so bad you HAVE to scratch.
© NIMESH SHAH 1999
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