The Effects of Child Sexual Abuse
On An Adult Survivor
Any sexual contact between a child and a trusted individual that damaged the child, covert or overt, whether flirtation or sexual inter- course, needs to be dealt with assertively. It scars virtually all facets of the victim s life sinceshe or he is left with little or no self-esteem. At least one out of five boys and one out of four girls will be abused before they reach the age of eighteen. The child's emotional growth will be stifled
at the age of the first attack, and the victim will probably not begin to recover until adulthood, if ever.
Boys, as well as girls, can be victims of sexual abuse. Anyone can be an abuser, especially if he is perceived by the child to be in authority, including brother, uncle, friend of the family, aunt, teacher -- the list is endless. However, for the sake of clarity, we will refer to the victim as a girl and the abuser as her father.
Some of the social maladjustments arising from incest are alcoholism, drug addiction, prostitution and promiscuity. Eating or sleeping disorders, migraines, back or stomach pains are just a few of the physical consequences that a victim may suffer. Food, sex, alcohol and/or drugs deaden painful memories of the abuse and expel reality temporarily. If a victim perceives obesity to be unattractive, and if she believes she was abused because she was pretty, a victim may overeat in a misguided attempt to defend herself from further sexual assault. "I felt like throwing up" is a common response among victims, and bulimia is a way of acting out that feeling. Anorexia is another form of self- punishment, eventually leading to the ultimate self-victimization, suicide.
There are many emotional problems emerging from the abuse, including inability to trust, perfectionism, phobias, avoidance of both intimacy and emotional bonding. The denial system that insured her survival as a child now prevents the survivor from enjoying an unencumbered adulthood.
She doesn t trust her own perceptions; she was forced to become an expert in disbelieving her own senses. She tries to convince herself that she over-reacted that nothing really terrible happened: "My daddy would never REALLY hurt me." When reality is too painful for a child s mind, she learns to fictionalize. it is extremely painful to give up the fantasy family since children see themselves either in reflected glory or disgraced shadows. Therefore, the victim makes excuses for the abuser: "He was drunk
at the time. He had it rough as a child." She takes responsibility for the assaults: "I was too pretty, too sexy." Her father probably reinforced her own nagging guilt and questions she had concerning her own innocence.
Essentially, the victim defends her father by minimizing, rationalizing, and taking the blame on herself. If she continues to use these coping mechanisms as an adult, she is set up to be abused in her current relation-ships. In Survivors of Incest Anonymous, she can learn to accept the fact that she was abused rather than loved by her father. She can then learn to seek out only healthy, loving relationships. She has been accustomed to accepting only crumbs, believing that she does not deserve anything better. The victim may have parenting problems, always second-guessing her decisions, which is another result of distrusting her own perceptions. A victim may: avoid parenting altogether, try to be a perfect parent, or repeat the abuse. The worst possible consequence is when a victim perpetuates the abuse onto the next generation.
Another repercussion of incest is that victims often regard authority figures with anxiety. Passivity is comfortable because it is familiar, and she may accept familiar misery rather than risk unfamiliar change. An experiment was conducted in which dogs were forced to endure painful electric shocks without any means of escape. A second group of dogs were compelled to endure shocks and quickly escaped when it was possible. When the first group was shocked again, with escape now possible, they did not leave. They had been conditioned to endure pain. This experiment suggests why so many victims were sexually abused as adults by therapists, counselors, doctors or bosses. Victims are accustomed to losing battles and feeling powerless. Victims do not believe they can win. Assertion is a difficult concept for an incest victim.
The victim s inability to trust affects the victim s feelings about members of the
opposite sex. Women who have been abused by men will often say, "I don't trust any men, they only want sex." Often, boys abused by more than one male feel compelled to believe they MUST BE homosexual. The assaults have been emotionally or physically pleasurable to the victim and this fact reinforces the suspicion that he himself must be made a homosexual: "Both my uncle and a male teacher were attracted to me, and since it felt good to me, I liked it, so I must be gay." In defense of the abuser, he may say, "I am the one that is gay and my abuser sensed it, that's all."
Another result of the conflicting messages of incest is that many victims confuse sex with affection and love. Many women will say, "The only time my father ever gave me any attention was in bed. I was special to him then. I felt loved." Since she desperately needs validation, this woman is likely to become promiscuous. She needs to know that a promiscuous child is often the result, but never the cause of incest. She believes if someone has sex with her, then he automatically loves her. She has made an unfortunate mistake by confusing sex and love.
When the abuse is physically violent, maybe even painful, she may confuse sex with control and power. A typical comment might be, "When I have sex with someone, I feel like he is controlling my body. I feel that as I respond to him, he is manipulating me, and I am a puppet all over again." This woman may shut off all sexual feelings and retreat from all sexual contact: she fears that no one would validate her.
Changing self-destructive patterns is a slow process, but in SIA she can learn that it is possible. It takes tremendous strength for a victim to put herself in a position to feel this pain. The victim needs incredible courage and reliable professional help. Survivors of Incest Anonymous, a 12-step recovery program, is an available resource for the adult survivor. A statement read at the end of each SIA meeting reminds us: "The pain is temporary, denial and its consequences are forever." When the victim tires of the consequences, and becomes willing to work diligently on the incest issue, she is then on the way to living her life as a survivor rather than a victim.
Copyright 1988 Survivors of
Incest Anonymous, Inc.
All rights reserved