Bloodflame
“Bloodflame” by Scratching Post
Take a minute to
Find out
What's going on
What's going down
Take a minute to understand
What's going on inside me
Stalking through the woods, I can feel it rising. Feel it taking control...
And I want it to, I realize with a sneer completely out of character of the Rurouni disguise I’ve developed for myself.
Battousai...
My hand clutches uncontrollably on the sakabatou in my fist, and a voice at the back of my head growls, turn it over... turn the blade, slash, murder, save, protect, kill! I brush it away, but it makes a frightening shuddering howl, ready to tear me apart in any second.
And, if it comes to it, I will let it.
She’ll never look at me the same way, though. She’ll never accept me again.
She’ll love the power, that same voice rolled languorously, my stomach twisting as hot images flash through my head.
Feh. Battousai was always the erotic one...
But she’ll never understand.
And I'll take a minute to
Breakdown
And tell myself that it's all wrong
When it's real
Yah-yea-yea
She doesn’t have to. It’s not the woman’s place.
My knuckles are white, I’m holding the sword so tightly.
This isn’t like me at all. Me, Sessha. This isn’t right. She’s not a... a woman, as the other voice in the back of my mind likes to call her. To me, she is Kaoru-dono. Perfection, innocence embodied in a kenjutsu instructor so different from any other woman I’ve ever met in my travels that it’s hard to connect the hard-working, slightly muscled and well-toned hakama wearing Kaoru-sensei to the kimono-dressed, (sometimes) well mannered Kaoru-dono of only seventeen years that couldn’t cook a good meal to save her life.
Not that I’ll ever say that to her face, of course.
And, there are... feelings... but I’d rather just ignore them. Too many years between us, too many issues to face - sessha is too stained for her. It would be wrong. I’d be wrong to taint her.
Taint her, a voice rumbles in the back of my head as images of cream skin and midnight hair twirl in front of my eyes.
Hentai, I tell myself.
She’s like a little sister. And I will protect that. I will protect her innocence.
Imouto-koishii, the voice in the back of my head chuckles, and I sigh.
Yeah. Right. You know, the only reason I’m like this is because-
He touched her.
I almost feel my eyes melt into gold.
One step forward two steps back
And I'm up on my feet again
One step forward two steps back
And I'm down on my knees again
Settle, I try to command myself. But it won’t work. And, I don’t really want it to.
He deserves this. He deserves the Hitokiri. He touched her.
But... she’ll never accept me again. To protect her, to save her, I am willing to revert to my old self, the one without judgement and yet with the power to deal out death on a whim. But, after, she will never look at me with those bright, clear eyes. When she looks at me like that, I feel like every one of my sins are nothing, the light in her is so great. She doesn’t deserve my burden.
He touched her, the voice growls, and reason is overcome by the wall of anger and hatred burning inside my chest. He touched her, yes. And he will pay.
... but she’ll never look at me the same way again.
“... because the fun starts now.”
“Kenshin!”
“... isn’t that right, Battousai?”
I look up, avoiding her hopeful gaze.
And she sees the Hitokiri. And she recoils.
... she’ll never look at me the same again.
“Look at those eyes, so full of anger.”
The bastard... “yeah. Anger at you for taking Kaoru-dono... and anger at me, for letting it happen.”
She starts.
... I’ll never see that light again...
And I'll throw some things around again
Not for the fun but for some pain
To make a point to make you see
What's going on inside me
And the fighting starts.
He’s strong, but he’s nothing. His party-favours will not work on me, I remind myself when he tries the Shin no Ippou again.
Hm. It’s simple, really. The Rurouni is... satisfactory when it comes to issues like this, but the Hitokiri is best. I get so used to the calm, smiling face, and I forget. But now, when the sword is in my hand, and I’m dancing circles around my opponent, and there is only one goal - to protect (to kill) - now is when it all combines into a deadly game of cat and mouse. And mice are stupid, stupid creatures of habit.
First, the one-handed thrust. The one-form horizontal slash. Now... the ten-form vertical strike... and this is where I break it!
But... I’ve underestimated him, I realize as his blade pierces my shoulder.
“Ke... KENSHIN!”
Be still, Kaoru-dono... be quiet, Kaoru!
“You read every single one of my attacks... except that last backpass.”
“Ken-Kenshin...!”
Be quiet!
“... you’re still a cry from the Battousai of old. I could kill you before I finished my third cigarette.”
“KENSHIN!”
SHUT UP!
I guess this means... we’ll have to make you even angrier.”
... all I can hear are her struggling gasps and the wind rustling the leaves.
... shut up... Kaoru-dono!
“This is a stronger version of the Shin no Ippou. So strong, in fact, that the lungs get paralysed.” He’s examining his sword casually. “I’d give her about two minutes to live. And I hardly doubt she’ll break out of it.”
... no... I’ll lose her... Kaoru...
“Could you imagine choking to death? Your bowels spilling their waste on the ground, your mouth salivating to the last?”
“... Jin-ei,” I growl, a warning, a threat, ringing in my ears like a knell.
“Talk is cheap, Battousai. If you’re planning on talking, do so with your sword!”
... it’s your funeral, bastard.
And I'll take a minute to cut you up
And tell you that you are all wrong
When it's me
And, in a blur, I’ve dislocated his nose. The blood he’s coughing up is rewarding, the shock through my arms a welcomed distraction. But he keeps talking - what a hypocrite.
“I don’t have time to talk. Get over here, so I can kill you!”
He rushes, and I just stare him down - until he tries to stop, eyes wide in shock. Unable to slow himself quickly enough, he dodges to the side, afraid to meet me head on. “What?”
“... to think that so much killing Ki lies hidden beneath such a calm exterior,” he mumbles.
The idiot. If he wasn’t ready, why did he challenge me? Well, no matter, now...
“If you value your life, free Kaoru-dono right now.”
“I can’t do that,” he sneers. “This is a different form of the Shin no Ippou. Either she frees herself, or I die. And she won’t free herself - that’s impossible.”
Indeed. Well, no matter... now, “you’ll have to die.”
... I took up the sakabatou because... because... I don’t want to kill...
Then why does it have a sharp side to it?
“Come. I’ll show you why they call me Battousai.”
One step forward two steps back
And I'm up on my feet again
One step forward two steps back
And I'm down on my knees again
Party-favours, again.
“I don’t care what kind of techniques you use. But...” I resheath my sword, and lower myself into the position of the Battou-jutsu. “... once I say that I’ll kill you... all you can do is die.”
He’s hesitating, and off to the side, Kaoru is choking to death.
I’ll kill you
... but she’ll never look at me the same again..
And he lunges.
Take a minute to
Find out
What's going on
What's going down
Take a minute to understand
What's going on around me
His arm is broken. My left arm stings from the powerful blow I inflicted - but he’s almost dead. Lying on the ground at my feet.
Defenseless.
“Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu, Battou-jutsu... Sou Ryu Sen.”
Powerless.
“I know that the Battou-jutsu leaves the attacker open after using it... and I know that my sakabatou wasn’t designed for it.”
Helpless.
“But I mastered all of my Battou-jutsu. That is why I am called the Battousai.”
Almost...
“I severed your elbow and the tendons there. Your life as a swordsman is over.”
She’s almost...
“And, in a moment...”
... she’s almost dead!
“... so will your life as a human.”
And I'll take a minute to
Shut my eyes
Try to cover up what I can't hide
and it's me
Yah-ya-ya
And she’ll never look at me the same way again. I know this, and I am ready. She will hate me, she will be disgusted by me, she will fear me... but she will be alive. And I know this. And I am willing to sacrifice the calm and the peace I feel when I’m at her side. Maybe, in time, she’ll forgive me. Maybe she will forget. Maybe she will understand, that I did all this for her - that it was all for her, and it will always be for her, from now on.
Maybe, I can return to being a Rurouni.
But...
The blade flips. I raise it above my head, ready to slide the prostrate man at my feet.
But...
“Die.”
But... I don’t know...
“... you’re hesitating, Battousai.”
... I... don’t know if I can...
“... if you don’t kill me, the girl will die. If you want to free her, you must kill me. Could I make it any simpler for you? There’s no time left!”
... no time left...
“Do it now! I want the legendary Hitokiri... to send me to the Underworld.”
... no time left...
One step forward two steps back
And I'm up on my feet again
One step forward two steps back
And I'm down on my knees again
“The last thing I want to do is give you any sort of pleasure. But...”
... but...
“... to save Kaoru-dono... I will become the Hitokiri once more.”
She’ll never look at me the same way again.
“Die.”
And you say that I'm psychotic but that's you
I think maybe just neurotic and that's me
... I will become Hitokiri once more.
“Kenshin!! NO!!!!!!”
... Kaoru... dono...
“... you... don’t have to become a Hitokiri... you don’t have to kill anybody... so... don’t...”
KAORU!
Jin-ei is as good as dead already.
“KAORU-DONO!!!!!”
Dropping my sword, I run forward as she falls, faint and limp into my arms. “Kaoru-dono!! Are you alright de gozaru yo!? Kaoru...”
She smiles at me. She looks at me that way.
So much light. So much love...
“I’m all right... de... gozaru...”
... so much light... and I can’t help but smile weakly.
“... I never thought a little girl would break out of my Shin no Ippou... I must be growing weak...”
Stop it.
“Please, Jin-ei... with only a wakazashi and your left hand, you cannot succeed...”
“There’s still one thing I can do...”
Stop it!
“... I have to clean up...”
STOP!!!
And she gasps and tries to hide her face against my shoulder.
“... a Htokiri will always be... a Htokiri... until death. That can never change. I’ll watch you from the depths of hell...”
Bloodflame
And that's me
Bloodflame
Once a Hitokiri... always a Hitokiri...
Until death...