I sort of floated into her room...it was where I spent most of my time now. It was near daybreak, and she was sleeping. It wasn’t a peaceful sleep, even the most oblivious person could tell that. I stood by her bed for sometime, just watching over her. Wishing I could hold her and tell her it would all be ok. I drifted near her dresser. A funny thing, this drifting. I don’t remember how I learned it, or how I broke away from the clouds. I just did. My need to see her was so great, I guess nothing could keep me up there in ‘heaven’. Of course, it wasn’t really much of a heaven without her.

I looked at all the jewelry on her dresser. The cross I gave her, the rings she wore the first time we kissed. The rings she wore every other time we kissed...the ring that I gave her wasn’t there. I looked back over the bed, and saw it on her finger. Even in my ethereal state, I was confused. I was so happy that she still cared about me, but I wished that she wouldn’t. I wished that she would be angry at me, and that she would kill me. That way, I couldn’t cause her any more pain.

The sun was rising. Instinctively, I flinched. Then I remembered. It seemed that the only good thing that came of this state of mind was the sun. The fact that I could see it crown Buffy in all her glory. Feel the warmth, although it actually did me no good.

Buffy started tossing and turning, moaning. She reached out, and called my name. I was there in a flash. I gathered her in my arms...or tried to. I rocked her gently from side to side...or tried to. I caressed the side of her face, and told her everything would be alright...or tried to. I told her that I loved her, and that I would never let go of that love...but it was to no avail. She didn’t hear me. I tried to project my thoughts...I hoped that maybe her psyche could hear mine. I hoped that maybe in her nightmare I would come save her, that we could share one final kiss. Such was the link we had. I think it might have worked...I like to believe so.

But before I go I look at you one last time I can hear a heartbeat Is it yours or is it mine?

She was waking up. That sleep she was in was drawing to a close, as her alarm clock made me watch the minutes tick by. I knew then it was time to leave. Time to go watch Spike and Drusilla...time to once again try to gain access to my body. Time to once again try to make Angelus care. I didn’t need to watch her during the day...Giles, Willow, and Xander would do that. I couldn’t bear to watch her during the evening, when the demon in my body caused her more pain than she could endure. This was my time...in the dead of the night when she slept. It was our time together.

As I drifted near the window, near the horizon, I turned around. She was stirring. I paused once again, for one more moment. I remembered our night together. I saw her body move, and recognized each move with familiarity. Each heartbeat was precious, and familiar. That heartbeat, that lust, that remembrance of passion, I knew not whose it was. I longed to hold her, to lay with her, to kiss her, to just touch her. To listen to her day as she related to it, to watch her care about me. I needed that. I needed her care, I needed her to tell me I was human enough to love.

I look at your lips I know how soft they can be Did they know what they wanted The times they kissed me? And your hands That I held in mine Now they're reposing on the pillow Will they ever miss me sometime?

I reminisced. I looked at her face, it was so much farther away than I was used to seeing it. Her eyes were so much older, so much more worn. And her lips, that more times than I remember were on mine. Those lips, that I warmed with my own, and used to warm mine. Those lips that gave me so many dreams. Now they lay cold on an empty face. Lonely, they seemed to cry out to me. But I could not kiss the loneliness away...much as I wanted to; I couldn’t.

Do not believe that as a spirit I can not dream, for I do. I dream of the first time we met, the tension. The first true humanity I’d felt for a while. I dream of the first time we kissed. I dream of the first time we kissed, with her knowing what I was. I dream of the safety she felt as she fled to my apartment. I dream of the worry that she felt after her dream. I dream of the passion, the longing. I dream of our time together.

She raises her hand, the one with the ring on it; and looks at it. As I see a tear slide down her eye, I rush over to try and wipe it away. Those hands, that had helped me through so much. Those hands, that had often accompanied my own. Those hands, that saved my life. Those hands, that belonged to my love. Now they moved to remove the ring, that I had given her. The ring that symbolized our love. But they could not. They carressed the pillow, seeming to replace the carressing of my back. She smoothed the comforter, and looked at her hands. I knew what she was thinking. That those lonely hands belonged in mine.

I'll remember you You will be there in my heart I'll remember you And that is all that I can do But I'll remember

I will remember you, Buffy. I always will. When the time comes that you harden your heart, when the time comes that you end my ‘life’ I’ll remember you. Through death, through pain, through passion, through love. I’ll do all that I can do. I’ll remember. And should we both meet again, always know that I’m saving your seat. But right now, I do what I can. For all eternity, that one night, freeze frame...I’ll remember.

Your eyes That always make me shiver Now they are closed They just sometimes twitch a little

Oh Angel. G-d, do you have any idea how much I miss you? No, you probably don’t. It’s the worst feeling in the world. When you were here, when you were alive. No, not when I saw you, when you were HERE, with me, always; the waiting wasn’t so bad. It just made the next time I saw you even more precious. But now....it’s hard to re-learn all that you know. It’s hard to try and re-teach my body, and my mind. Re-learn how to react when you’re around. It’s hard, learning that that jump, that excitement, that passion, that...that LOVE doesn’t belong to you.

I remember our night together....not a night goes by it doesn’t haunt my dreams. I remember the end....when you said you loved me. How sad, how terrible that I’ve only heard it come from your lips twice. I remember holding you, and being held by you. I remember watching you sleep, watching you rest. Our passion not exhausted, no, never that...just pushed to all our bodies could take. All our MORTAL bodies could take...for just when you woke up did you truly become a vampire.

But I remember your eyes most of all. I remember gazing into them....wishing to just drown in them, for all eternity. The last glimpse I had of YOUR eyes, were closed. The last time I saw the love there, the love that was mirrored in my own, was when they were closed. When I was just lying in your arms, feeling the safety that nothing could ever take away...or so I thought.

And your body I could hold for an hour It sent me to Heaven With its heat and power

My sweet...I could have spent all eternity in your arms...and in some ways, I will. For that night....those moments, they’ll live forever in my heart. Which is part of the problem. How can you teach your body, to go against love?

I remember lying there, just running my hands over your chest....over your body...holding your hand. I looked at your ring, the one that mirrored my own. I can hear your voice haunt my dreams...

“The hands symbolize friendship, the crown represents devotion, and the heart...well, you know. Wear the ring with the heart facing towards you...like this...it means that you belong to somebody”

I still do, Angel. I belong to you. I will for the end of time. Maybe one day, I will go on...maybe one day, I’ll stop shedding tears. But I’ll never stop crying, Angel...and most importantly, I’ll never stop loving you.

But your body......it did to mine what I never thought could be possible....it made me feel safe. It made me feel loved, and protected. It’s been a long time since I trusted anyone that much...since I made myself so vulnerable, so dependent. It was nice, while it lasted. It was the first time I’d ever been so vulnerable....which is why it hurt so much being betrayed.

Yet that night...freeze-frame. Your body did to me what will last for all eternity. Kind of fitting, for an Angel to send me on my first trip to heaven. Who would have thought it would be the last?

I'll remember you You will be there in my heart I'll remember you And that is all that I can do But I'll remember

For all eternity, never to forget. I don’t think I’m capable of forgetting, and I wouldn’t even if I could. All the pain that’s following, all the hurt, all the tears...it really was worth it for a night spent in your arms.

I still want you back, and I never will stop wanting, but I’m glad that for one moment in time, I made you happy. I’m glad that you loved me so much, that you let yourself forget guilt in my arms. I’m glad that our love was, no IS, so strong it will be talked about through the ages.

All I have left now are memories. The ring, the necklace...they would mean nothing without the memories. Remembering is all that I can do, and I will. I’ll be waiting, Angel. I’ll be waiting for YOU to come in thru my window, and awake me with a kiss like you do every night in my dreams. I just pray that wherever YOU are, you don’t forget me.

Part One

It was a beautiful night. The stars were shining, the moon was near full in the sky. There was just enough wind to make a girl shiver, and have her date offer her his coat for warmth. As Angelus looked up at the sky and at the couple just outside the Bronze, he was disgusted.

Not as disgusted with the couple, and he was with himself. To think, that one time not so long ago, he had done the same thing. He had made the first step toward his ‘humanity’. He had shown emotion, and shown Buffy that he cared. Buffy, he thought with a sneer. I wonder what she’s doing now. I haven’t tormented her for a while...why not begin anew tonight? I’ll kill a few, maim a few, and make a few more new vamps....and all on a gorgeous night...perfect.

As Angelus left the Bronze, his feet led him to a park overlooking a small stream. He looked at the couple leaning against the tree, looking up at the stars. “Well, tonight surely seems to be the night for loving couples....lucky me! Buffy’s sure in for a surprise tomorrow”

Walking so stealthily that not even the wind whispered of his coming, Angelus snuck up on the couple. Carefully stalking them, he moved around them in circles, slowly closing in. And with each step, he thought of how brutally he could kill them and how much pain he could cause Buffy.

“Elizabeth, I-” began the male, leaning towards his girlfriend, obviously named Elizabeth.

“What is it John? Is something wrong? What do you have to tell me?” question Elizabeth, now slightly worried.

As Angelus drew near the couple he heard those words and knew what was going to be said. He knew what was going to be said, and had to stop it. Angel had loved Buffy, and Angelus wasn’t going to let anyone else utter those words as long as he could help it.

“I-” and with a quick snap of the neck, John spoke no more. As his eyes turned glassy, and stared blankly in the eyes of Elizabeth. As realization finally sunk into the mind of the poor girl, she opened her mouth to scream.

“Tut tut” Angelus said condescendingly as he grabbed the girl, forcing her head at an angle “They’ll be plenty of time for that later.” With that, he sunk his teeth into her milky white skin and began to drain her of her life’s blood. And with a moan, she surrendered. Giving up her futile beatings, and just embracing the numbness of death.

“Aaaahh........now that’s a meal. Who next? Anymore ‘school girls’? They always have the sweetest blood....like vintage wine.” Angelus mused, as he took off back in the direction of the Bronze.

As he approached the Bronze, he saw a girl come out. She appeared to be in high school, probably 16 or 17 years old. She came out alone, and shivered slightly at the cold. She cautiously looked around her, her eyes peering into every corner and every shadow. Finally, they came across him. The girl gave a little shake of her head, telling herself that there was nothing there, and began to walk home.

“Perfect” thought Angelus “the sweetness of innocence...what better belated birthday gift than the taking of that sweetness, and innocence? Buffy will love it” Angelus took off after the girl, waiting for her to make the mistake of going somewhere alone, and private.

Oddly enough, the girl seemed to know what he wanted. She led him to a deserted playground. She seemed to sense someone nearby, and quickened her pace a little bit. As she cut across the baseball field, she glanced behind her. When her eyes came across his form as he was pursuing her, she broke into a mad run.

Her fear only heightened the excitement of the chase. As he closed in on his prey, she suddenly stopped running. She had lead him to the edge of a ditch, and there was no way out. She immediately dropped into a more defensive stance.

“What do you want?” she cried out timidly “Stay - stay - stay where you are!” she stuttered “Don’t come any closer!”

Ignoring the warning, Angelus sauntered closer. As he came nearer, his ‘spider sense’ began to tingle. But as always, the confident and arrogant Angelus payed no attention.

“What, are you afraid of me? What on earth would I ever do to you?” Angelus mockingly asked, as he reached out to grab the girl. But to his surprise, instead of his hand grasping solid flesh, it was twined with rope.

“What?” Angelus wondered, right before a gag was placed in his mouth, and his hands were tied behind his back.

“I warned you. You can’t say I didn’t. But I knew you wouldn’t listen. No. The ‘big bad Angelus’ would never take advice from a 17 year old girl. Even if he knew she held his fate in the palm of her hand. Even if he knew that she was to become the seer of her tribe, the Calderash people. And especially if he knew that she was hear to help Janna, one of her own.” The girl said mockingly, her job having been fulfilled.

And Angelus’ struggles were futile, as she led him off into the night.

Part 2

Groaning under the weight and resistance of her heavy burden, a girl who looked no older than 17 lead the unwilling Angelus to the Sunnydale High School library.

“I’m here, Aunt!” she called out. “Come help me! I have him, but he’s not exactly docile! HURRY” she finished, a little bit worried that her ‘prize’ would escape before his time.

“I’m coming Kara!” yelled out Jenny as she ran out the door, followed by 5 other people. One of them was middle aged, he had grayish hair and wore glasses. The others looked totally foreign compared to him. They all had jet black hair and slightly slanted asian eyes. They had milky white skin and looked very impassive; they demanded respect as soon as they met your glance. The first man was Rupert Giles, the librarian. The others were part of the Calderash tribe, two male and two female.

“Oh good!” exclaimed Jenny, as she reached her neice Kara “I’m glad you found him. Was it hard? Did he put up much of a fight?”

“You were right! He was really drawn to the ‘helpless victim’ act....they’re all alike. Now, help me tie him down before he escapes. And hurry! We need to get him set up...now! It’s only an hour until sunrise!” Said Kara, and it was true, because in all of the excitement Angelus had failed to notice the sky grow lighter and lighter as day approached.

“I’ll show you a ‘fight,” Angelus said. “Just untie my hands, and we’ll have a fair one. Think you could win one, Kara? Kara Kara Kara Kara Kara...not really an agressive name. Do you think you could stand against me with fair odds? Do you?” even though he was tied down, Angelus tried to lunge at Kara, growling and bearing his fangs.

“Shut up Angelus,” and with that Kara kicked him hard. He fell to the ground, his hands straining to rub the already blue bruise on his calf.

As the time passed, Jenny, Kara, Giles, and the rest of the members of the Calderash tribe prepared for the ritual. It was a long and hard one, one that was known by very few. It required the concentration of the entire tribe, the channeling of 50 people’s energy. And, it required a strong will, for the demon inside Angelus was not likely to give up easily.

So the preperations were made. White chalk was used to draw a circle on a strip of pure black silk. 50 white candles were lit, and placed as a ring around the circle. 50 black candles were lit, and placed as a ring outside the white ring. 4 red candles were lit, and placed on the four sides of the circle. Orbs filled with holy water were given to each of the tribe members. A brush was taken to paint a cross with holy water in the center of the circle. An actual cross was hung from the ceiling, and one was placed in the hand of Kara. As the sun began to rise, realization sank in....it was time.

As planned, Buffy did not appear until the preperations were made, and for good reason. Had Angelus seen her, he would have tried with doubled efforts to escape; and he had nearly broken free once already. Buffy came out of the hallway and gathered her needed materials.

The members of the tribe formed a large ring outside the strip of cloth. Right behind each of the red candles Kara, Giles, Jenny, and Buffy stood with a cross and a scroll.

As the members of the tribe began to move in a counter-clockwise circle, they chanted softly in a foreign language. Jenny straightened her back, held an empty orb in front of her, and said “I summon you to appear, soul of he who was Angelus. I command you, to come to this place. Wait until in this orb until it is your time.” Suddenly, the orb in front of her began to glow.

“He who once was Angelus, your soul has been destroyed, summoned, and destroyed again. Now, for the final time your position will change. It is the next command that you will keep. Never are you to leave your next inhabitance, for it is your true place” said Giles, pointing a cross in the direction of Angelus. “I show you your to be home. I show you, where you are to go.”

Simultaneously, Giles, Kara, Jenny, and Buffy kneeled. The orb was silently passed to Kara, who would have the hardest part in the ordeal. She swiftly rose, and walked towards Buffy. She took a small container of holy water, and poured it over the orb containing Angel’s soul. She took a pure silver needle, and pricked Buffy’s finger. She held the orb out, so that the blood slowly dripped onto the orb, making it glow brighter and turn red. She walked to the center of the circle, where Angelus was tied down. Taking the same needle, she pricked his finger and let the single drop of blood fall on the orb.

Leaning over, she placed it against Angelus’ chest. “I command you, enter. I command you to come forth and inhabit this body. Leave, demon; it is no longer your time. I command the essence of he who was once Angel to rise again, for here is where you shall stay.” The Calderash people all raised their orbs of holy water above their head and slammed them down to the ground. All the candles blew out, and it was dark.

The orb flashed once, and then remained dark. Suddenly, Angelus began to glow and convulse. His body jerked, almost breaking free of the chair he was tied to. Suddenly, he blacked out.

Coming over to Angel, Buffy held out her bloodied finger and pressed it to his own. Shaking slightly, she said “You who I loved, you who I love. Once were we so close, then distanced forever. I bring you back to this earth, and a creature of earth. Remain here with me, until the day you die. I summon you, Angel. Come to me.” and silently adding under her breath, before she burst into tears, Buffy whispered “I need you.” Leaning over, she let her tears fall on Angel’s face. Bestowing a soft kiss on his head, she rose to leave.

Suddenly, his eyes opened. His hand moved to grasp her arm and bring her down to his level. She warily complied, not knowing whether or not the spell had worked. A few seconds before he spoke, Buffy watched bewilderment come and go in his eyes. Suddenly, it was as if a veil had been lifted. The first thing he said before he bent over to cry was “I’m so sorry Buffy...I’m so very sorry.” And with those final words, he broke. He mourned all those he had killed, all those he had hurt. He cried for what the demon had done. But mostly, he cried for Buffy. He cried for the hurt he had caused her, and cried for what he’d done. He wept like a child, curled up in a ball.

Unable to see her love weep, Buffy embraced him. She held him in her arms, and cradled his head in her lap. She wept with him, and the people left them there to cry.

Finally, when Angel finally stopped crying, he looked up at Buffy’s face. Not giving him the chance to speak, she shushed him and wiped the stray tears away from his eyes. Brushing the hair away from his forehead, she whispered ‘I Love You’.

Looking up at her in disbelief, Angel shook his head. “But, after what- how could- I don’t-” Finally giving up, in wonderment he said “I love you too” And with that, he reached up to tenderly caress her cheek and finally kiss his love.

For Buffy, it was as if it was the first kiss. Fireworks seemed to burst in the sky, and her heart seemed to yell it’s joy so loudly, she was sure that the whole world could hear it. Only one thought crossed Buffy’s mind before she gave into the feeling of love and completion.

“Finally...at long last. He’s here, just like I wished it. Oh thank you, thank you. It feels so good to finally have my love again”

I know that that’s a good ending, but this is a ‘to be continued’ story.....’cause as Angel so eloquently put it, this isn’t a fairy tale. Angelus did some pretty bad things......can Buffy ever forgive them?

To Be Continued

I can't remember why we fell apart From something that was so meant to be Forever was the promise in our hearts Now more and more I wonder where you are

As the time grows by, the details grow no foggier in my mind. Although it feels like ages since those events happened, it also feels just like yesterday. In all honesty, it’s a lot closer to yesterday, than it is today. And lot closer to the day before, than it is to tomorrow. But the time since it happened has been short.

Maybe, a few months is considered a short time to a normal human. G-d only knows how little time it is to a vampire. But when you’re a Slayer with a very short life expectancy, experiencing the worst heart break of all time, the actual days are of no relevance.

Everyone knows how some days go by quickly, blending together with other memories in your mind. Everyone knows how some days go by slowly, minutes seeming like hours...and those days you don’t remember either. There is one other kind of day, and those are the ones you remember. It may not be happy memory, but it lives forever in your mind.

It seems like so long, since I last felt his touch. So long, since I saw the love in his eyes. An eternity, since I found myself lying content in his bed, my head resting on his chest. In all honesty, it has been only a short time.

Day and night, I lie in my bed asking what I could have done to deserve this. Asking what’s so terrible about falling in love. In my life, I find I can no longer really believe in G-d. I still pray for a miracle, I still ‘talk’ to him...but I find my faith growing less and less a part of me. It has nothing to do with my role in life as the Slayer. It has nothing to do with the guilt and responsibility laid on my shoulder day after day, night after night. It has everything to do with him. My Angel.

That night was the best night of my life. It was the one moment in my pitiful existence that I actually knew what I wanted...and got it. When I was a kid, I did wish for my parents to get back together. I have wished to get an ‘A’ on my exam, but there was always a little doubt. A little doubt asking “Maybe it would be cool to get more attention”. Or a little thing nagging “You don’t really deserve the ‘A’...you didn’t even open your book.” But that night, I knew that I wanted him to be mine forever. There was no doubt, no worry. Just him, me, and our love.

I still haven’t taken off the ring. It’s not my ring, just as it was never his...it will always be our ring. It was...no, it IS a symbol of our love. A symbol that no matter what, we would last for all eternity. A symbol that his heart belongs to me, and mine to him. A symbol that he’d stay forever by my side...but he didn’t.

He isn’t there, to watch over me. He isn’t there, to tell me everything’s ok. It’s getting harder and harder to wake up in the morning, knowing it brings yet another day without him. If there truly are Guardian Angels, then my Angel has become one. And although it kills me to say this, because I don’t want to cause him any pain...he’s not doing a very good job. Maybe if he came down from the heavens, just for a little while...it would ease the pain. Who am I kidding? It would be worse torture once he left....but the days he was here would be glorious.

Do I ever cross your mind - anytime? Do you ever wake up reaching out for me? Do I ever cross your mind - anytime? I miss you

I always wonder where he REALLY is. Where Angel’s soul took his vacation to. And it is a vacation...because he will come back. I have to believe that. I couldn’t live not thinking so.

Wherever he is, I hope he’s thinking of me. I hope that he thinks of me, and that I make him happy. Only I can make him happy...in all the centuries, I’m the only one who’s been able to. No one else can take care of him like I can. No one else can make his face light up like it does when he see’s me. I know I’m probably wrong...that he’s trying to forget me. That he doesn’t want to remember me, because I’ve caused him too much pain...but he said he loved me!

The doubts play across in my head like actors do in the theatre. First, the leading man comes out singing that Angel is never coming back...then the leading lady comes out defiantly declaring that our love will find the way. Quickly following is the supporting actor, claiming that Angel will never want to see me again. Making sure that I can’t have closure and be sure of what I think; the supporting actress comes out prancing like an angel, singing of his love for me.

The questions that float through my head will never cease. Does he love me still? Does he think of me? Will he ever come back? Will I ever see him again? Does he regret that one night? Am I really to blame? Did I fail in my duty? Nagging me constantly, those questions and more of the same contribute to state of sleep deprivation that I’m in.

If I could tell Angel one message, it would be one of the two that I think of constantly. I would either try to ease his pain, by telling him three simple words “I love you”. If it isn’t that, I would try to prod him to come back by uttering an even simpler phrase...”I miss you”.

Still have your picture in the frame Hear your footsteps down the hall I swear I hear your voice driving me insane How I wish that you would call to say

Do I ever cross your mind - anytime? Do you ever wake up reaching out for me? Do I ever cross your mind - anytime? I miss you, I miss you

I try to do what would make you happy. I try to move on, and end yours and my suffering. One quick jab of the hand, one little piece of wood, and it would be over. I know you’d want me to be happy. Different scenarios where I kill you play over and over in my head...but I can’t.

Maybe you’re disappointed in me, maybe you’re happy that I love you so much...I’m not quite sure. At this point, I’m selfishly thinking only of myself. But I have the right to, every once and a while. Killing you means there’s no hope. Killing you means that you’ll never come back to me, never again will I feel your lips on mine. Never again will I be able to let my problems melt away, in the protective circle of your arms. And that’s just too depressing for me to bear.

Every night it’s the same. Either a dream of impending doom, a dream where you kill me, or a dream where YOU come to me. A dream where none of the bad things ever happened, where it’s just you and me...like the old times. Sometimes, if I’m lucky... it’s nothing but good dreams of you all night. Dreams that I don’t have a memory of in the morning to leave me depressed, but one’s that ensure a good night’s sleep. Sometimes when my night is filled with good dreams, I imagine you standing at the entrance of my head. I can just see you, battling off the evil for me; giving me rest for one night. I pray that it’s true.

Once in a while I awake from a dream so realistic I could swear it’s true. Often, I awake calling out your name, reaching out for you. But you’re never there. Sometimes when I awake, I see my mom standing in the doorway. Embarrassed, I try to fall back asleep. She tries to help me...they all do. Giles, Willow, Xander, even Cordelia tries to ease my pain; but they can’t. There’s a hole in my heart, and it won’t go away until you fill it with your love.

The dreams aren’t that bad, at least I have you then. School isn’t so terrible, at least it distracts me. It’s that instant between the dream and reality that kills me. That instant when my first reaction is to call out for you, to reach out for a hug. That instant where I’m denied, rejected, and betrayed. That instant when I realize with a shock...you’re not there.

On becoming the Slayer, I had to give up my dreams of becoming old, and dying with the man I love. I had to give up my dreams of having children, and a successful career. I had to give up my dreams of every truly living, without being in fear of my life. Upon meeting you, that all changed. If I couldn’t grow old and die with my love, at least I could love. At least I could die defending my love. And I did love, and I did die defending our love. For although I may function, I’m dead inside. I still feel, but it’s all shadows of the emotions I used to feel. When you were with me, all my senses were heightened. Everything around you was alive, and so was I. When will you bring me back from death???

No more loneliness and heartache No more crying myself to sleep No more wondering about tomorrow

I keep telling myself “Tomorrow, you’ll move on”. Then I look at the cross you gave me the first time we met. I think of you just a little and change the goal slightly. “Tomorrow, you’ll begin to move on”. I think of the night you kissed me, and the magic I felt. The goal gets changed to “Tomorrow, you won’t cry, you won’t think of him, and you’ll flirt”. Then I think of how protected I felt in your arms, all the love. “Tomorrow, you won’t cry yourself to sleep. Tomorrow, you’ll live without wondering what the night will bring”. At this point, all I have to do is look at the ring you gave me, look at my ice skates, think about that night spent in your arms...and the message gets changed for the last time to “You are so pathetically, and hopelessly in love. You are so pathetic. Maybe tomorrow, I’ll try to think about getting over him”. But even that’s a useless goal.

Won't you come back to me? Come back to me Oh, ho, oh

You know, my question still isn’t answered. Why can’t you come back to me? I’m not trying to lay any more guilt on you, I’m not trying to pressure you into trying to do something impossible...but won’t you come back? Please? Fight the demon, master it...you’ve done it before. Because the truth of the matter is, I need you.

What Angelus said to my mother that night is true...I’ll die without you, and I already am. Although he may have been thinking about ‘die’ in the physical sense, what's happening to me is much worse. Do you have any idea how long it’s been since I was happy, and content? It was that fateful night....when you made love to me. That’s how long it’s been.

It may be true that only I can make you happy, but you hold that privilege as well. No matter how happy I may seem with my friends, it’s a mere shadow of the ecstasy I feel when you’re around.

Do I ever cross your mind - anytime? Do you ever wake up reaching out for me? Do I ever cross your mind - anytime? I miss you

It’s sad to think that Angelus will win. No matter how defiantly I may stare him in the eye, no matter how confidently I tell my friends and myself that I am strong, he’s already won. He’s already infected me with this disease, and you are the cure. I’m broken inside....the amount of time I spend crying can tell you that. My only wish before I die is that I can see you one last time.

Maybe he won’t win. Maybe the light will defeat the dark, the vampires will lose, and the ‘good guys’ will win. Maybe. Hopefully...but it’s all up to me. No one seems to understand that, how much pressure is laid upon me day after day. You did. You knew what it was like, and you used to comfort me. What I wouldn’t give for another one of your reassuring hugs, your loving kisses. You wonderful back massages, that eased the tension from not only my muscles, but my mind. What I wouldn’t give for you!

Do I ever cross your mind - anytime? Do you ever wake up reaching out for me? Do I ever cross your mind - anytime? I miss you

Gehenna by Gary Kinney (isn't this great guys??!!)

Chapter 1:
The Ritual

Buffy turned around, just in time to see her watcher fall hard to the library floor. It had been another grueling lesson in hand to hand combat, that Giles never seemed to come away from with out getting all bruised. Buffy felt bad for hurting him like she did, but if it got the practice over faster, she was glad for it. She would have to patrol the streets in about two hours, and she wasn’t looking forward to that at all. It was getting late, but Giles had a faculty meeting, and couldn’t start her training on time today. It was over an hour ago that she had said goodbye to her bestest of friends, Willow and Xander. She still wasn’t the same since she had to send Angel to Hell, in order to save the world. The one person who she truly loved, she had to sacrifice. But, as Giles had once told her, slaying requires certain sacrifices. And then there was Whistler, who asked her, “What are you willing to lose.” “Ok, I think that’s enough hand to hand for one day,” Giles said looking at his watch. “Its been 10 minutes, and that’s 10 minutes too many for me,” Giles said with a laugh, that was forced through a groan of pain. “Awww. Quitting on me already? How about if I go easy on you this time,” Buffy teased, smiling. “No, no, that’s enough, really, you run along now. You have patrol in an hour.” Giles said, motioning towards the door. “Ok, night.” Buffy said, shrugging, and walking toward the double doors of the library. As Buffy walked past Giles, she saw in the corner of her eye, his fist coming right at her, as he threw a well aimed punch, for the side of her jaw. She was on to him though, and she side stepped the punch. Giles was off balance, and she took advantage of it. Grabbing his arm, she hurled him over her shoulder, and onto the table where he does all of his research. “Nice try. Any more tricks you want to try, or can I go home now?” Buffy asked, with more sarcasm than before. “Right you are, just wanted to test your reflexes. No need to put your watcher in a hospital.” Giles said, straining to sit up. “Goodnight,” Buffy said, walking out of the library. “Goodnight, and don’t forget your patrol,” Giles shouted after her. Buffy heard his last statement, but she chose to ignore it for now. She had one hour left, and she was going to use it to find the little bit of a life she could manage. Sometimes, he forgot that she was only 17, and in High School, even if now she was a Senior. She walked home, and said hi to her mother as she step through the door. Her mother didn’t take it well when she first told her that she was the Slayer. It was actually an accident, brought on by having to slay a vampire in front of her mother. After that, there was no hiding the fact. After being thrown out of her house, for doing her sacred duty, she spent the summer with her dad in LA. Now that she came home to Sunnydale, and her mother gave it time to think about it all, it made things easier for her. She no longer needed to sneak out of the house to do her job. She didn’tahve to hide it as much, so having her mother know wasn’t all that bad. “Another late day with Giles honey?” Mrs. Summers asked. “Yeah, He really pushed me hard today,” Buffy joked back, trying to hide the sarcasm. “So, you’re going out again tonight?” Her mother asked. “I have to patrol again tonight, yes. You know the drill, sacred duty, killing vampires, making the world alittle safer.” Buffy replied. “Well, just be careful is all.” Her mother answered her. “I will,” Buff said, heading for her room. Her mother knew she could fight, and take care of herself. She had proved that more than once, but it was still a motherly instinct to be over protective. Buffy sat on her bed, and pulled out a twisted stake. She had received it from the last slayer, the one that would have totally taken her place, if she hadn’t been saved by Xander. But Kendra was dead now, and all that remained to remind her of Kendra was the stake, Mr. Pointy. She put Mr. Pointy into her slayer bag, and prepared the holy water, and crosses she would need tonight. After she was already, she had a half an hour to go. She picked up the phone and dialed Willow. After that, Willow could call Xander, and they could talk on three way for the half hour she had left, before the vampires roamed the night. * * * The wind howled down the street outside of the old mansion that once belong to a rich retired couple. No one had set foot in the place since the couple were murdered, and the place was looted, until now. Three men, and two women, each dressed in black robes that were lined with red silk, stood on a pentagram that had been etched into the floor. They each were standing on a different point of the symbol. All as one, they raised the small staffs they had hidden under there robs until that moment. Each staff had a different jewel at the top of it. There was an Emerald, Sapphire, Ruby, Diamond, and Gypsum. They pointed all the staffs toward the center of the pentagram. A man, who seemed to be their leader held a book in his hand. As he began to chant, the others picked it up. “All hail, the Angel of Death shall walk once again, and he shall kill as he once did. His rage shall over run all of mankind. Come forth, oh great Angel, deliver us to this most unholy paradise,” They chanted. A wind blew through the window as the last words were spoken, and it blew out the candles that lined the floor. The five people looked at each other. “Did it work Todd?” One of the females asked her, throwing her hood off, and letting her blonde hair fall down. “I’m not sure, Nicole, but that thing with the candles was freaky,” The lead male, Todd replied. “Look!” The other female, Jessica whispered, pointing to the floor. “Unreal! Look at how the boards are buckling up like that.” Joe, the smallest male said. “Look out!” Bill shouted, as a board shot up towards the ceiling. “Lets get out of here,” Todd yelled. More boards flew up from their places, some nearly hitting the group. Just as they got outside of the house, the earth began to tremble violently. They turned around, and the house was dropped under, as the earth opened up around it. The ground began to shake more strongly than before, and the five turned to run away, incase the whole area went under. They kept running, and even picked up the pace when they heard a loud screeching sound behind them. * * * It was dark and lonely in his earth prison, but the beasts rage is what sustained it. Someday, it would be free, and when it was, they earth would pay. It took a god to bury him here, and no mere mortal would stand in his way, once freed. He made a fist, and pounded the wall of his prison. He was trapped deep within the earth, with no hope of excaping. He was once the most powerful demon ever loosed apon the Earth. The creature spoke its name. Gehenna. His name alone would bring fear to the mortals hearts, as it meant the apocalypse that he would cause. However for over 3000 years, he has been stuck in the ground. No room to move, let alone cause Armageddon. Despite the long wait, he knew he would be freed, and then he would cause the end of the world. It was prophesied in the beginning. “All the gods did was delay the inevitable,” Gehenna thought to himself. He sat, slumped in the little space he had to move, and listened. He heard a faint sound, like the earth was shaking above. It often did, but it never reached far enough for him to excape. Then the shaking grew so strong that he could feel his prison shake. Gehenna stood, and began to pound the top of the prison. As earth began to fall away, his face twisted into a smile. Gehenna squatted, then using all his leg muscles, he lunged upward. The earth just broke out of his way, as he sliced his way through it like a hot knife though butter. As he got his first sniff of the air, he realized that he had made a huge hole, and a huge object was falling toward him. Gehenna spread his wings, and flew right toward the object, with his fists in front of him. There was a loud bang on the impact, but Gehenna went through the house, just as easily as he did the earth. As he broke the surface, and saw the moon, Gehenna let out a loud screech. It was blood curdling, and meant to announce his presence. He flew up into the sky, and could see the five running away. The five who let him out. They had no idea what they unleashed onto their world. “But the will soon enough,” Gehenna laughed, grinning. * * * Buffy smiled widely, as a vampire charged her. As he came near, she did a handstand, catching the vampires twisted face in her legs. She twisted, and rolled, bringing his face into the ground. She stood quickly, and drew a stake from her bag. The vampire got up, and charged again, only this time, he was clumsier, due to his head being slammed into the ground. Buffy stepped out of the way of his charge, and tripped him with her feet. She dropped an elbow into his back before he could get back up, before driving the stake into the back of his chest. Buffy stood, brushing the dust off her clothes, when she saw another shadowy figure looming in the distance. This time it was Buffys turn to be the aggressor, and she ran at the figure. He ran towards her, and they met in half the time it would have taken. Buffy quickly caught the vampire off guard, with the smooth kick to the face, followed by a sweeping roundhouse to the back of the skull, knocking him down. Buffy got ontop of the vampire, and she drew Mr. Pointy this time. She lifted it high above her head, when a familiar voice strained to say, “Buffy, no.” “Angel,” She said, looking down. “Buffy, I was so glad to see you again. I didn’t mean to startle you,” Angel replied, looking up at her. “Well, not startled really, just alittle jumpy is all,” She said. “Ah, just alittle,” Angel said, pointing at the stake she still held above her head. “You know the drill, hard day at the office, Teaching Giles some new tricks. Anyway, enough about slaying; how are you?” “I’m ok. Still have some issues to work out. I mean, I killed that teacher, and many others in those few weeks that I had no soul. And I remember wanting you dead. Also, theres that whole I just got ripped out of hell, and haven’t totally adjusted yet. It’s a terrible place Buffy, you never want to go there,” Angel explained. Buffy bent down to kiss Angel, when she saw a look of pure terror in his eyes. He looked startled, and he began to sit up. Buffy stood, and helped him up. And that’s when she realized that the ground was shaking lightly. After Angel made it to his feet, the ground shook more violently. “We have to get out of here. I can sense a great evil rising with the quake,” Angel said, grabbing her arm, and starting to run. As they made a dash to get away from the spot where they had been laying, they heard a loud ear piercing screech. It was terrifying, and made Buffy run even faster. “Whatever that was, I’m not waiting around to find out. Lets get to the Library. Giles said he'd be up late researching vampire stuff, and this seems like something he should research right away,” Buffy shouted. “Sounds like you’ve got everything all figured out,” Angel said smiling to her. “I still haven’t figured you out,” She joked back as they ran as fast as they could. * * * Giles sat at the table that he had nearly been thrown through earlier. One of these days, shed be careless, and he’d catch her off guard he though. He sighed, closing the big dusty book he had in front of him. He was tired, after three hours of researching, for the sake of researching. There had been those little tremors before, but nothing else big happened. And tremors were common here anyway, so they didn’t even count as big news. He sipped his tea, and stood, stretching his back, and legs. As he eased back into his chair, the library doors flew open, admitting Buffy, who was flanked by a tall figure that he recognized. “Buffy, what going on,” Giles asked, before he added a, “Oh Angel. This is quite a surprise.” “No time to get all chummy. There was an earthquake tonight, didn’t you feel it?” Buffy asked. “I felt tremors, yes, but they are hardly worth noting as important,” Giles replied. “They are when you hear a loud, ear piercing, blood curdling screech during it. And this is after Angel said he sensed a great evil rising with the quake,” Buffy explained. “Its all true, I heard the screech too,” Angel added hastily. “Very good. Well, looks like its time to end pointless research, for some, ah, as you would put it Buffy, pointy research,” Giles joked. Sometimes hanging around Xander rubbed off on him. He thought about that for a second, and shivered. Now that was a scary thought. “Angel, do you think that you can help me. I have no idea where to begin, but you say you sensed an evil. Maybe if you could tell me what it was like, I will have a starting point,” Giles asked. “It was the presence of a great demon. I’m not sure which, but going on the details we have here, with the earthquake, and all, Id say one that was trapped in the earth under Sunnydale. I felt him excape with the earthquake.” Angel explained. “Well, that certainly does help. And it also makes a lot of sense. So, I just have to see what great demons, could be buried here. It seems you came back just in time,” Giles smiled, with mixed feelings toward Angel. He had killed Jenny after all, and made sure it would hurt him, with the way he did it. But, that wasn’t the same Angel then, so, maybe there was room for forgiveness. “Hold on. Just how did you get back?” Buffy asked. “Huh. Oh, I’m not sure. On minute I was stuck in hell, in total torment, and then, I am standing in Sunnydale. I did hear chatting, when I came back, so, my guess is someone performed some ritual.” Angel Replied. “You know, it might have actually been an accident, you being freed. Maybe whoever did that chant, messed it up, so that you, and this demon were set free,” Giles added. Buffy looked at her watch. “Ah, its getting late. Or is it early. I can never figure it out. Anyway, it will be sunrise soon, so you should probably get…where ever you are getting for the day, and I have to get some sleep. I did my patrol for the night, and I do have school tomorrow,” Buffy put in at the end. They all said goodnight, and Giles walked over to the book shelf, to begin his research. He had to find out what was ahead for Buffy to face, and unmask it before it had a chance to attack from the shadows. Unlike Buffy, Giles wasn’t going to get any sleep tonight. * * * As soon as they had gotten out of the library, Buffy took Angels hand into hers. They were almost to her house now, and she still hadn’t let go. It had been too long since she was able to treat Angel like the boy friend he once was, and she wanted to savor every moment they had left this night. “Well, you’re the quite one tonight,” Buffy said, breaking their silence. “Huh, oh, I was just…you know, thinking. A lot of time has passed, and all, and um, you know. I killed Giles girlfriend and all, and he didn’t say anything, but I could tell that he is still mad at me. Which I don’t…,” Angel started. “Ok Angel, I see what you mean. I wasn’t exactly thrilled when I thought I killed Ted, until I found out that he was a psychotic robot. But you cant beat yourself up for that for another 90 years. You weren’t the same person. You weren’t my Angel,” Buffy said, touching his face. Angel shrugged away. “I don’t know Buffy. You didn’t kill a person. I did. Many. It is such a weight on my conscience, I don’t know how I am going to bear it,” Angel said looking down at her with the saddest eyes Buffy had ever seen him have. “Anyway, you should get some sleep. Ill finish walking you to your house.” “Ok, thank you,” She said, grabbing his hand again. * * * Angel opened the door to his apartment. It was only an hour away from sunrise, and he had to seek shelter. He walked in to find that everything was still in order, just like when he left it. He threw his jacket on a chair, and stretched. He sat on his bed, and thought for a little. Buffy could realize what he felt, or why. The good news, he knew is that he had been able to stuff the old guilt far enough back. And, he was almost done dealing with this new guilt. Not that he would ever get over it totally, but if he pushed it back far enough, he could manage to be the same old Angel Buffy wanted him to be. Angel also realized that he would have to be careful around Buffy. If he fell too much in love again, he would be put back where he was, and this time, she might kill him, or worse, he might kill her. But that’s how he always was, thinking about Buffy before himself. She was the one thing that he truly cared about. Ever since he first saw her in LA. Angel laid down on his bed, and closed his eyes. It had been a long three months in Hell, and he was glad to be on a soft bed, on Earth for a change. He quickly fell asleep, and he had mixed dreams. Mostly about the three months that he didn’t have his soul. All those memories were still fresh in his memory, and they played over an over again.