You always carry holy water, but just to be on the safe side right?

You steal your classmates' computer disks just to make sure that one of them isn't Jenny Calendar's that has the translation to restore Angel's soul.

You don't associate with anyone who's name is Sarah, Alyson, Nicholas, David, and Charisma.

You hang out at the library everyday hoping to catch a glimpse of Buffy or the rest of the crew.

You always prepare for the prom by buying.....stakes!

You spend three days entering a Buffy competion 8,000 times.

You vow never to be intimate with a guy/girl because you are afraid one moment of happiness will turn him/her into a vampire.

You write fan letter to Buffy and co. every hour of the day, every day. They write you back telling you to get a life and not to write them again.

You dress in your most inconspicuous clothes and hide on the Buffy set behind a bush. You bring a camera to take a picture of Angel and tell your friends he invited you personally to the set. When they catch you three days in a row, they tell you personally to stop stalking them or they will have you reported.

You constantly hang out in cemetery.

You legally change your name to Buffy Summers.

You buy your own claudaugh ring and tell everyone that Angel gave it to you.

You refuse to get out of bed unless Angel comes directly to your bedside to wake you up.

You ask for a class to be taught in school called Advanced Slayage.

You write threatening letters to Joss telling him that if the show is EVER canceled, revenge is near.

You have taped every ep of Buffy and own every t-shirt, poster, photo and book ever created.

When you have kids you name them all after the cast of Buffy.

Your kissing fish are named Buffy and Angel, your dog and cat- Cordy and Xander, and your two teddy bears, Oz and Willow.

You tell your friends that you have just gone through a serious breakup with your "angel" and how much he has changed since you split.

You look in your jewelry box and find a different cross necklace for every day of the year.

You realize that you own more tank tops and knee boots than Buffy herself.

The time from 8pm to 9pm on weeknights other than Tuesday seems empty and utterly pointless. You feel agitated and depressed attempting to watch other programs.

You buy Bufforette gum at the drugstore, hoping it will stop the cravings, but it only reminds you of the real thing.

You gain weight.

You begin making excuses for reasons to go into the TV room where your Buffy tapes are (you "forgot something," you "have to make a phone call," etc...). Your friends' faces tell you they no longer believe you.

You say you can quit watching anytime you want to and that you're not addicted. Except you don't want to quit.

You go to Buffaholics Anonymous meetings and annoy people by saying that unlike everyone else at the meeting, you don't have a problem.

You've replaced all of your old friends, who annoyed you by criticizing your endless talk of Buffy, with new Buffy friends who understand completely.

You can't think of anything to talk about with people who've never watched Buffy.

You go to dark, creepy parts of town late at night (after visiting the cash machine), hoping to buy tapes of missed Buffy episodes, rare promos, and bootleg blooper reels.

When the cops bust you during copyright enforcement sweeps, you always try to tell them you are just a "fan." They reply, "Yeah junkie, whatever you say" and take you to your usual cell. Joss's lawyer has a special file folder just for you.

Joss and the cast were once flattered by your attention. Now they are terrified of you and the "offerings" you leave on their porches.

Your possessions are all buried in dust, except for the TV, VCR, and computer.

You ceremoniously erase all of your Buffy tapes to prove to your family that you're "drying out." But secret copies are hidden in the garage, the spice cupboard, and buried in the backyard...

There is nothing quite so eupohric as a new Buffy episode, certainly not sex (which you vaguely remember having before your Buffy fandom). But the thrill only lasts a few hours. Soon the restlessness returns and you find yourself online, trying to persuade strangers to talk Buffy to you.

Shows that come before and after Buffy, as well as commercials during Buffy, cause you to scream that WB is cutting your fix with baby powder to lower its potency and make an extra buck.

Your pets leave you for a more attentive owner.

You begin offering other long-term Buffy list members large sums of cash in exchange for their "keeper" items.

You are able to support your own habit for fresh Buffy tapes and merchandise by selling duplicates of things you already have to new viewers at highly inflated prices.

You seek help from your local priest for your obsession. But he ends up getting hooked on the show too, because of its glorification of crosses and holy water.

Your parents (or spouse) remove the TV and VCR from your home to "do you a favor." But it only drives you to break into your neighbor's homes on Tuesday nights to watch Buffy on their TV's and VCR's.

You begin humming "Macho Man" whenever you see a cheerleader, as if it were a vaguely remembered music box tune you once heard as a small child.

All cruel teen cliquish behavior reminds you oddly of hyena packs.

Every time someone calls your name, you look up, startled, and say, "Buffy?"

Your repertoire of insults has expanded exponentially after dozens of viewings of Cordelia's interactions and "The Pack" on tape.

Bored out of your gourd by the postingboard, you Yahoo the word "Moloch" just to see what turns up.

Time and space become meaningless except when they are rendered in terms of Buffy units.

Every time you see a dummy, you automatically think, "Hi (insert your name) wouldja like to hear some off-color jokes?"

You are inordinately disturbed by "Touched by an Angel" jokes made in reference to David Boreanaz.

You carry around the world's tiniest fence post. You identify clothes at Bloomingdales as "totally Buffy" shirts, skirts, etc. Well I don't go to Bloomingdales, but now I only buy clothes that I would see on Buffy.

You roundhouse kick to press the elevator button in your apartment building.

Your new pets all have names like "Oz," "Dalton," "Sid," "Owen," "Ampata," "Herbert," and "Absalom."

You feel you will never understand computers properly unless Willow helps you.

You lose all respect for your high school's PE archery program because it doesn't include crossbow instruction.

You tape scores of hours of mind-numbing non Buffy programs on the WB in hopes of catching Buffy cast members in any new Buffy promos, Dubba dances, or "stay tuned" announcements.

You keep praying your parent (or spouse) gets transferred to Torrance so you can attend that familiar school where Buffy and her friends hang out.

You begin spending inordinate amounts of time hanging around your school's librarian, hoping he or she will suddenly drop a large "Vampyre" book in front of you and tell you to "start training."

You sob loudly when a minor, but appealing, character in a Buffy fanfic dies. Yet you fail to show any sympathy when your brother's cherished lifelong pet expires.

You audio-tape Buffy episodes for listening to in your car and walkman.

You try to dissuade your parents from attending Parent-Teacher Night as you fear it will only encourage vampires to come crashing through the school windows!

You refuse to open the door for any door-to-door salesman, and you keep a can of liquid adhesive right next to it, just in case they try to slipping under it!

You have trouble believing Buffy is a virgin, but no trouble believing she is stalked by undead monsters, night after night.

You dress-up for the season premiere and you invite all your Buffy friends. There's champagne on hand. You've hired catering.

You feel your boyfriend or girlfriend nibbling lightly on your neck, and you tell them to "quit beating around the bush and just bite!"

You hear that a politician has "charisma" and you suspect him of being a child molester, given that Cordelia is barely sixteen.

You can listen to the theme song with your eyes closed and the images that normally accompany it flow effortlessly through your mind as though you were a living VCR.

You visit the graveyard regularly at night, stakes in hand. But you are always disappointed because there is never "any action."

When walking alone at night, every sound makes you suspect the presence of vampires. Passerby's are startled when you finally scream "Show Yourself!"

The bookmarks section of your web browser is filled to capacity with Buffy sites, plus one or two other old ones that must have been saved by your 'previous personality.'

You resent the non-Buffy commitments made by your previous personality, such as job, relationship, social events, etc...

You've now consumed so much Buffy fanfic as an episode surrogate, you can no longer distinguish between the plots you've read and the ones you've watched.

You whittle every stick you encounter at summer camp into little stakes with your trusty pocketknife. And your fellow campers are beginning to look suspiciously to you like vampires...

You constantly try to convince outsiders that "Buffy" is not a bimbo's name!

You strike up conversations about Buffy with total strangers on the city busses late at night.

You proselytize the word of Buffy to all the friends you have left.

Much of you waking hours are consumed wondering if Master comes back next season and if Angel and Buffy will ever get together.

You study each tiny shot in the promo for the season premiere 35 times in hopes of determining the content of the entire new season from it.

You lie awake at night wondering how Angel got into the mausoleum without getting burned by sunlight.

You worry people by carrying Emily Dickinson around with you, when it's not required reading for any class.

You have all the Buffy soundtrack music that is commercially available and it still doesn't fill the void.

You have a bat sonar tape in your Walkman, just in case there's any trouble with your school's new replacement teacher.

In the heat of passion you mistakenly call your boyfriend or girlfriend "Angel," "Buffy," "Xander".

If you have any funny obsessing ideas, email them to me at angelz_gal@hotmail.com. Thanks.