During late elementary school I was a big kid...not necessarily fat but no where near thin or healthy...when I hit puberty my metabolism shot up and the weight just drifted right off...suddenly I was a very thin teenager...it was the first time I was happy with my body...now, mind you, I was a teenager and how many teenage girls out there fully love their bodies? I was glad I was thin but I wanted bigger boobs and to have a firm body (though I would never workout...sweating grossed me out)...in high school many of the boys would harrass me-and being the misguided girl I was I took it all as flattery-even when what the boys did made me uncomfortable...my boyfriends would pay me "compliments" such as: "Your body is perfect except for your breasts"...so even though I was happy not to be fat or look like "so and so" I had my own hang ups about my body---my breasts being on top of the list...now in late high school and all of college my breasts actually grew to my amazement and satisfaction...but so did my body (bye bye metabolism and hello college food)...suddenly I had hips and thighs and roundness...my body was changing from a girl's body to a woman's and it freaked me out...I didn't realize that what was happening was normal-I thought I was just getting fat...so I attempted to diet a few times and workout at the crappy school gym but nothing really happened...my body sort of fluctuated anyways...I would gain weight and feel ackward...then either I got used to it or it fit better onto my body...and looking back to it all-I wasn't even near being fat...I was becoming a woman with hips and thighs, etc...the whole package...and I was slowly learning how to accept my new body and recognize that it wasn't me out of control (and thanks to my feminist summer of 1995 I really began to see myself differently)...I wasn't ever going to look like what I did in high school...and eventually I knew I didn't want to...in high school I was a cute, thin girl...note the word girl...I am now a woman...and that's how I would like to look...and I still don't love my body every single day---I grew up in the American society where women are supposed to look like Jenny McCarthy: bottled blonde, stuffed chest, no hipped playboy bunny...and though I never have the urge to look like her I do have the urge to hate my body because I don't find it acceptable to society...luckily, though, those periods of hate are rare and normally have to do with PMS...overall, I feel I have a healthy view of my body...it took a lot of work and time to get here...and it still takes work...lately I have begun to exercise 5 days a week...I have never stuck with an exercise program before but this one is sticking to my amazement...and I feel that this time it is because I'm not doing it solely for the way I look...I actually want to be healthy...watching my body change is great too (my arms are just now showing definition) but I'm not looking to get skinny...I want to see my muscles develop and become stronger...I want to take advantage of the body I have and make it strong and healthy...so I guess the lesson of this story is that accepting one's body is a long process and exercise is good for you...or something like that :)
Kat
atthis2@aol.com
Sherman Oaks, CA
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