Title: Buffy Trek II: The Wrath of Buffy
Author: by Siobhan Gormley (siobhan@nbnet.nb.ca)
Summary: Kirk returns to Sunnydale and Buffy takes out a bit of frustration
on him...
Disclaimer: I own nothing, Paramount and Joss Whedon own everything else,
as well as anyone who put(s) money in to these shows.


Cordelia was holding court in the Bronze, as always.

"And so here I was, *minding* my own business..." 

"Hey there baby. I was noticing that..."  Cordelia turned to see who had
*dared* to cut her off. She looked disgustedly at the badly dressed older
man who stood beside her.

"That's nice. Now go notice somewhere else," she replied sarcastically,
turning back to her friends.

"Hey, no problem! I'll just, ya know, wander along and catch up with you
later!" Kirk answered, winking knowingly at Cordy and her friends. Once he
had moved along, Cordelia rolled her eyes in an exaggerated way.

"And I thought I had already seen the most extreme toupee, but his
definitely is high up there."

****

'Captain's Personal Log: I've returned to the planet, originally in search
of the rest of the team, but I soon had come across this bar called 'The
Bronze'. I decided it would be best to check it out. And also I figured it
would be the most likely place to find my newest conquest, that gorgeously
curvaceous blonde. She was playing coy with me, but I think she was ready
to get past that stage when Scotty and Bones had cut in. I've met up with
many other lovely ladies, but despite their eagerness, they'll just have to
wait their turn.'

Kirk looked around at the throbbing mass of people, a smarmy grin on his
face. Yeah, this was definitely his kind of place.

As he worked his way through the crowd, Kirk finally caught sight of his
prey. His grin got even smarmier, if that were possible.

"I'm *so* glad we lost the old guy. I was worried he..."

"Might not return to light up your life?" Kirk finished, cutting Buffy's
sentence off. Buffy, Xander, and Willow all turned their heads at the same
time, dread evident on their face. Kirk leaned on Buffy's chair, one hand
rubbing her shoulder.

"So, how's 'bout we pick up where we left off?"  By the look on Buffy's
face, it seemed that at that moment she had finally snapped.

"That's it! Outside, *now*!" Buffy yelled, jumping off her seat and
dragging Kirk along behind her at top speed out of the club.

Once outside, she tossed him to the ground. He pulled himself up to his knees.

"Hey, you know, I'm not normally in to the rougher stuff, but if that's
your thing, I can make an exception..." Kirk was cut off when Buffy grabbed
his arm and shoved it behind his back, kicking him in the general region of
the stomach. The older man's shirt seemed to rip just as he leaned forward
in pain, allowing Buffy a view of the very-much-there girdle. Despite the
girdle though, she could still see the flabbiness.

"Ew,  that's just *so gross*! You are in *major* need of a Nautilus
workout," she commented, disgusted.

"You could give me all the workout I need, little lady," Kirk gasped,
pulling himself up a bit. Buffy kicked him in the ass, causing him to fall
forward. He began laughing, confusing Buffy.

"What's so funny?"

"Well, I figure that you must be wearing down by now as far as the foreplay
goes since you're not being as rough now. So, you ready for a ni...." Kirk
was cut off by a yell from Buffy as she went to give him a major
ass-whuppin', but before she had the chance, he disappeared in to thin air.
The blonde looked around in puzzlement, unsure as to what had just happened.

Seconds later she heard a sound and she whipped around, ready for a fight.
Fortunately it was only Willow and Xander.

"Buffy, what happened to that guy? Was he a vampire? Did you stake him?"
Willow interrogated.

"I'm not sure what he was, but I was just about to do some major damage
when he just disappeared."

"Whoa, maybe he's like in that Invisible Man movie..." Xander began.

"You mean the Chevy Chase version?" Willow cut in. Xander rolled his eyes.

"Don't even get me started on *that*."

"But if he were like some sort of Invisible Guy, wouldn't he, well, still
be around, watching us? I mean, he could go anywhere and do anything and no
one would be able to..." Buffy shuddered violently at the thought. "I think
we need to find something else to talk about guys. I'm getting *majorly*
wigged thinking about the possibilities."

"Sure, let's go dance, that always makes me forget the bad stuff," Xander
suggested.

"Xander, most *everything* makes you forget 'the bad stuff'," Willow remarked.

"That was an insult, wasn't it?" he asked as the three friends headed back
in to the club.

****

"What the hell were you thinking!? I had her right where I...OW! Geez
Bones, could you press that compress any harder?" Kirk demanded, sharing
his glaring time between Scotty and Bones.

"Well maybe if you didn't squirm so much, you big baby," Bones whispered
snarkily. Kirk heard the whispered response, but was not able to say
anything since Scotty decided to pipe up.

"Cap'n, I did as you asked. I monitored where everyone was on the planet,
and I saw that you were in dire straits..."

"It was all a ploy!" Kirk paused, giving an overly dramatic sigh. "I
suppose for someone who is relatively unaware it may have seemed like I was
getting beat up, but really, she was just a little slip of a thing. I was
just playing with her."

"Yeah, that's why you've got enough injuries that a Klingon Targ could have
caused," came Bones' snide whisper. Kirk glared at him.

"Despite all your obvious disbelief here, I will prove to you that she
wants me. If it's the last thing I do," Kirk prophesied.

THE END

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