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2/22/98. I took a walk on this day, a walk to a place I hadn't been for quite some time. It was a walk and place from my past, a place I used to love to go to get away from it all and play all my "childish" games. The walk I took the other day was also a walk into the past.
As I wandered aimlessly through the tall grasses and weeds, the brush and the trees, I came across many things that have been there for many years and will probably be there for many more. Trees I used to climb in, rocks I used to look at for fossils, washouts I used to jump with my motorcycle, worn down fences I used to cross. I also enjoyed the beauty of the nature that was surrounding me. The chirrping of the birds, deer running scarred of me, squirrels having fun in the trees, the wind blowing in my hair, the clouds rolling in.
The walk brought not only many memories to my mind, but many thoughts. Thoughts of innocense, thoughts of love, thoughts of hate.
Why is it a child so innocent has to go through the point and time in their life where their innocense is stripped from them? The purity that is lost when a child becomes and adult, when youth is lost. A child has not a care in the world. They have no worries of what hell the government is going to go through next, they have no worries of what their future holds for them. All a child cares about is playing, frolicking through the meadows, taking in life in all it's glory. A child has a wonderful mind, a mind that is free, but seems to somehow always becomes corrupted.
It was so wonderful to remember that childhood. All the innocense, but when did I lose it all? I have no idea. Do I miss it? At times. Being grown up seems to be such a horrible thing to look forward to, yet we all grow closer and closer to that everyday. It is sad in a way, because most of us become corrupted in a way, forgetting what it is like to be young. Times of childhood elude us and times more frightning overcome us. We forget how to love and learn to hate.
I was watching a movie the other day that brough so much of what I am saying into perspective. It was called POWDER. If you have not seen it, do so. The movie is about a boy that is so different from the rest of humanity and is looked upon as a freak more or less. However, the boy is what I think we would all be like if we had not lost our innocense. Maybe we would not be that smart, but we would be that pure and uncorrupted. If there are any people such as him in this world, they are probably looked at the same way..as a freak. I do not know this, but that seems to be the way human nature works. We are scared of things we do not understand.
In ways I am no different from the rest of humanity, but in ways I am. How many of you actually stop and take a look back on your past and remember how much fun it was to be so innocent? How many of you can actually look at this past and not blow it off as a mere stupidty? I look back on this innocense and miss it. I think of the love I have that I want to share with the right person. I have so much love I want to give out, however it is a love I don't just throw upon anyone. Love is to easily stepped upon and destroyed. I hate to. I have a hate that goes so deep that no matter how hard one pulled you would never get the entire root out.
That jaunt to the past seemed to relax my soul maybe a little bit and remind me of my past. We should all take a step into our past from time to time and remember just what it is like to be human once more. Remember what it is like to live without hate, remember how to love, and the innocense we lost so long ago.