-Last night I played a blank tape at full blast.  The mime next door went nuts.

-I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone.  I said, "The whole time."

-How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been dising them anyhow?

-After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?

-Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

-I just got skylights put in my place.  The people who live above me are furious.

-Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?

-Do married people live longer then single people or does it just SEEM longer?

-Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?


-War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.

-Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

-Since light travels faster then sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

-If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

-Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?

-Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficiant funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

-If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding to?

-If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backwards, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?

-Why is a carrot more orange then an orange?

-When two airplanes almost collide, why do they call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me!

-Do fish get cramps after eating?

-Why are there 5 syllables in the word, "Monosyllabic"?

-Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

-Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

-If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

-When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?

-Why does lemon juice contain mostly artificial ingredients, but dishwashing liquids contain real lemons?

-Why buy a product that takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?

-Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?

-Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

-Why do we put suits in a garment bag, and garments in a suitcase?

-Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

-Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

-What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconsious?

-Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

-If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

-Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?

-Is boneless chicken considered an invertebrate?