WARNING: The following contains heavy political satire and should be recognized as such. Those who dislike political jokes should be more careful in their voting, and refrain from reading this material. -- The Author --
Washington, D.C. (SPA) -- The recent disclosure that Bill Clinton's contributors have gained space in Arlington National Cemetary has shocked many people. Many Republicans have noted that while they disagree with the idea, they note that they would like to see them there "the sooner the better." The investigation into the waiver granting has revealed other plans. The most notable plan discovered was the idea to erect a "Tomb of the Unknown Donor." The idea was born when a body discovered burned beyond recognition was found to have carried a briefcase with 200 money orders all valued at $5,000 made out to the Democratic Party. While the consecutive serial numbers led to the bank where they were purchased, no identification could be made. The president, upon hearing th news was rumored to have wiped a tear from his eye, put his hand over his heart and have a quiver in his lower lip as he saluted "this Unknown Donor" who had died in his quest to battle the Republicans. The belief that such service should be honored led to the idea of the Memorial Tomb. Plans for the tomb include an outer design like a bank vault guarded by real bank security guards, one from each of the 50 states. They will be on 3-4 man shifts, rotating to give each state the honor of recognizing the unknown donor. In front of the bank, a symbolic fountain will contain an eternal stream, signifying the eternal stream of illegal campaign money the Democratic National Committee has received. A memorial plaque honoring the sacrifice of this brave donor/collector will be erected: the left side of the plaque will be in English and the right side in Chinese to honor all those who have made significant contributions to the DNC. The tomb is expected to be erected on the closest available site overlooking Washington D.C. The back of the tomb will include an ATM to allow credit card contributions to the DNC. ++++++ Satirical Press Associates (SPA) is a group of writers or one writer with multiple personalities who have (has) a warped sense of reality. None of their (his) reports should be construed as factual, although they (he) have (has) been known to take factual situations and distort them. You are invited to gain a free trial membership by writing firstname.lastname@example.org. Trial memberships last until they end. Those who wish to support this endeavor may be crazier than the author(s) but are welcome to e-mail the earlier address for information. (c) 1997 by Bob James. All rights reserved. Permission is granted to distribute this article to others without charge as long as it is distributed in its entirety and this notice is attached. This article may not be distributed commercially either individually or as part of any anthology without the express written consent of the author.
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