Hillary Attacks the VRWC!

Washington, D.C. February 11, 1998 (SPA) -- Inside sources
report that Hillary Clinton is ready to attack the Vast Right Wing
Conspiracy with some devastating charges.  While leading a
private White House tour for Chinese tourists (curiously dressed
in military style uniforms) someone mentioned Monica Lewinsky.
"That's hitting below the belt!  Why can't people leave Monica
and Bill alone?" she snarled.  "She has been invaluable in advising
Bill on Iraq!"

When asked to elaborate on this, Mrs. Clinton was willing and able.
"We have tried to keep Monica's part on this issue low key, but she is
in fact a genius in foreign policy.  She advised Bill to blow up the Iraqi
wells and suck the economy dry."  Mrs. Clinton also mentioned that
she thought Ms. Lewinsky would do great on the USO tour....improving
the morale of the troops and sending intelligence on the upcoming war to

"If only the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy would get their minds out of
the gutters and let us do our work, we could make a real difference!" was
her last comment on the situation; until she passed by a TV showing
Olympic sporting events.

"Now there is where the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy is REALLY hitting
hard," she moaned.  She explained, in response to questioning, "One
example relates to the snow out of early events.  This allowed the news
stations to continue to focus on Bill's problems.  As you know, the Vast
Right Wing Conspiracy is run mostly by Right Wing Fundamentalist
Christians.  They should have had enough pull to stop the snow, yet they

"And let's not forget the snowboarding events.  Who won, originally?  A
Canadian.  What do Canadians represent to the Vast Right Wing
Conpiracy?  Dodging the draft.  They keep bringing up that issue even
though the American people have said that it is unimportant.  And then
what happened to him?  He was disqualified because he tested positive
for marijuana.  We know what people are thinking.  'We disqualify a
man who won a gold medal in the Olympics for smoking marijuana; yet
we elect a man president who has done the same thing?  What is wrong
here?'  They keep bringing the issue up!"

When pressed for other examples, Hillary noted that the American skier
who won the gold in the Women's  Super G was named Picabo.  "Most
people pronounce the name to sound like 'Peek-a-Boo' and we all know
that the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy thinks that Bill is playing peek-a-boo
with the interns.  It sickens me to see the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy
taint even the Olympics!"

Mrs. Clinton calmed down enough to lead the Chinese visitors to the
coffee room.  "Just teaching the Chinese how they can make their country
prosperous under a democracy," she noted before closing and locking
the door.


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