Great News For Boro Fans!

by

Alister Brownnose

(In association with Derek’s Dogfood – Horses in ten flavours)

Great News For Boro Fans! The search for a striker is on! Bryan Robson has been on the hunt for a top class striker this week, I can exclusively reveal (in association with Claire's Accessories - The perfect accessories, if you're called Claire). Robson has been looking for a player of true premiership class who can score 20 goals a season. Unfortunately, Robson's search, which has taken in the first team, reserve team and youth team, has yet to produce any suitable candidates.

Great news for Boro fans! Bryan Robson has promised more entertaining football from now on. Fans have become bored with Boro's entertainment value in recent months, so this pledge will be a boost to the Boro faithful. Div Allen explains "The fans have demanded more entertaining football and that's what we're giving them in the form of highlights from other premiership matches played on the TVs in the concorse" (in a association with Dave's Discrete Satellite Systems - Bringing hardcore pornography to your living room).

Great News for Boro fans! The club have announced that season ticket prices will be frozen at the current level (in real terms), even if the club are relegated! This means that you and your family can enjoy even more top flight Nationwide matches for the same price (in association with Centurian Radio - Facism without the fuss).

Great news for Boro fans! The club is clamping down on the minority of hooligans who spoil the match for the rest of us. In future, people who persist in standing up during moments of excitement will have their season tickets confiscated. In addition, a "no talking" policy will be introduced to the ground as the chattering from the stands can cause permanent hearing loss. "There's a serious safety issue at stake here" said Big Ron, the club's Chief Safety Officer. Regrettably, Ron's rule stating the "no child can be admitted to the ground unless they are wrapped in cotton wool" has had to be withdrawn because of the fire safety implications.